Friday, February 24, 2012

Angelina Jolie Writes Foreword For Billy Bob Thornton's Book - Here Is An Excerpt


Billy Bob Thornton wrote a book. Well he talked and Kinky Friedman did the writing. Pretty good ghost writer. Anyway, Angelina Jolie wrote the foreword and I have a copy.


"I have known Billy Bob Thornton for many years. From the first days on our set of filming, I knew I would end up taking Laura Dern from him and that as many times as John Cusack hit on me, I would keep ignoring him. Too vanilla. I like spicy. Nothing says spicy to me than a guy who is 5'5" and weighs 95 pounds. A man who hates Canada and chain smokes while we have sex. A man who calls Brad, Bradley and teases him about his hair. A man who is not afraid to be rough with me and call his ex-girlfriends while we have sex and invite them over.

I remember the day when we got some razor blades and were going to chop up some coke when the blade slipped and cut my wrist. Suddenly there was blood and I told him we should put some in vials and wear them around our necks. So, we dumped out the coke and put the blood in there and then smeared it all over our bodies and had sex while we watched "Friends" and I plotted getting my next man.

No, not Brad. But Max. This was the end of my relationship with Billy Bob. He was jealous over my son and we also knew that if we were to continue, one of us would die because the sex was too intense; neither of us ate for weeks on end in a competition to see who could look more anorexic; and his hair coloring was out of control. A box a day is just too much Billy Bob. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the book as much as I enjoy my time with Billy."

41 comments:

Candice said...

LOL hilarious Enty. I hope none of that is true!

JJ said...

Ha!! I'm going to pretend this is 100% real.

RenoBlondee said...

Ha! Too funny Enty!

Alicia said...

I almost spit out my coffee when I read the first line!

Mango said...

The vials of blood aren't nearly as fascinating as:

The fact that he's been married 5 times and not one marriage lasted longer than 4 years.

He claims to have a phobia of... antique furniture??

He eschews email (sorry, but WTF??)

And, oddest of all, the soul patch. There's no earthly explanation for it.

__-__=__ said...

I read her intro. I doubt the whole story is here. No good can come from this. And I totally believe he and AJ still hook up!

Cathy said...

@mango - i'm a germaphobe, so antique furniture weirds me out a little too. It's okay to have in museums or historical homes, but I wouldn't want to touch it.

canadachick said...

hahaha....on Enty you're on FIRE today

selenakyle said...

I'm assuming this is a joke!

I actually know someone afraid of antiques, too. I've always thought it was about ghosts.

kltx said...

I don't like Kinky Friedman, that is all.

bnl1016 said...

AJ could never claim she doesn't like vanilla. BP is the epitome of vanilla and pretty boring.

The Flower Girl said...

what jj said...

crila16 said...

That was hysterical.

BTW...my friend worked on a set of City Hall with John Cusack. John Cusack goes through all the extras who were cast and hits on them. He goes from extra to extra. He hit on my friend and she rejected him. He was so persistent. When she again refused, he had her kicked off the set. He apparently is a HUGE player on all his films and goes through women like water. Well...at least we know he's straight, which is rare in Hollywood.

Cheryl said...

Hey Mango,
Didn't he also get plastic surgery to look more like John Ritter after he died? What a strange tribute. I think he also has a crazy daughter who has been in trouble with the law.

EmEyeKay said...

Enty, you had me going for a minute.

I think I'll pretend it's real, too.

BigMama said...

I was buying until the ....well, probably the end. LOL

Seachica said...

It's a sad commentary that I took this seriously until the end. For BBT and Angelina Jolie, it's believable. I wonder how many of the things Enty mentions are actually true?

SaintsFan said...

Ever since I heard that she wrote the foreward, I would bet anything that she wrote it in exchange for keeping some of their antics private. A favor for a favor. Doesn't anyone else find it odd for her to write the foreward for his book when she is way past him?

Opie said...

While we watched "Friends"! Ha, made me laugh.

Krystal said...

Enty, you made my Friday! LOL

Mango said...

@ Cheryl - I'd never heard that! Another one for the list...

L'auteur said...

OMG Enty, what are you on this morning? And can you keep taking it? HIGH-larious!

Mamaroni said...

Whoa Enty is feeling snarky today. Loving it.

Mamaroni said...

Whoa Enty is feeling snarky today. Loving it.

joymama said...

What if this is real and Enty didn't write it??

Happy day, everyone.

Patti said...

Love it!!

Worstcompanytoworkfor said...

LOL HAHA TOO FUNNY!

Susan said...

OMG. Best post of the week. No, month. No, in forever.

Ha ha. Thanks, Enty!!

Lori said...

man! i gotta become an extra on a John Cusack movie...

annabella said...

my friend used to work in hollywood and she did a bit of work w/billy bob. everytime he called he'd ask her if she was wearing underwear.

allthesun said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jason B E said...

But Billy Bob and Angie would have been watching "King Of The hill." Apparently they both loved that show.

Billy Bob was best friends with the Amazing Warren Zevon. I might have to read this book.

RJ said...

I have a feeling Enty's foreward is far more accurate than anything Angelina wrote!!!

MadLyb said...

I know all the weird stuff about Billy Bob and how he is an ass, but I'd do him in a heartbeat. There's something really sexy about him. Kill me.

Ima read his book, too.

redronnie said...

hmmmm...well I would have agreed about doing him, but after he called Canadians boring as mashed potatoes without the gravy, as a hot blooded Canadian woman, I'm afraid I'd drown that skinny white boy in a vat of gravy sans the mashed potatoes. I love the foreword..I wish it was Jolie, it would answer a lot of speculation.

WUWT? said...

To anyone confused, the proof this is not real is a mistake Enty has made before. Her son is Maddox, not Max. Another son is named Pax, and Enty gets their names confused and combined and remembers it as "Max." Obviusly, a mother would not make that mistake.

lutefisk said...

Seems like one giant blind reveal to me.
This made my morning!

mygeorgie said...

Am waiting for Gian to review this 'last ditch' book as 'boring as mashed potatoes w/ no gravy'

Total douche.

mygeorgie said...

ha, redronnie! Cheers!

Sarah said...

I'm really disappointed that there was no mention of the Velcro wall they installed in their bedroom of horrors. Really slipping, Enty! ;)

Lelaina Pierce said...

Giggling at those that thought this was real. "C'mon!" (said in GOB voice).

Brilliant post, Enty!