Monday, February 03, 2014

Off Topic

The problem with an appetite like mine is that when you get knocked out by food poisoning you have no idea what food caused it. Heck of a Super Bowl Sunday that I had.

47 comments:

Kristin said...

I think Enty's the one who gave me the mutaba virus yesterday :(

Kim Kardashian said...

You should have eaten at Kourt's, she always cooks organic

aemish said...

Think of each food you ate individually yesterday, the one that makes you most nauseas just thinking about might be the likely culprit.. That's what I discovered during pregnancy anyway

Rob Kardashian said...

Sir, you should try to eat healthier. I also gained a lot of weight since my split from Rita and am a #fatboy like you. You should eat grapefruit accompanied by a tomato omelette, all before going on a five mile run. I did that this morning. Cardio is fun!

hackgnar said...

off topic as well...i hope the cops find the drug dealer who sold Philip Seymour Hoffman his heroin and actually try to prosecute them. What's it gonna take? How many more dead celebrities is it gonna take for Hollywood to stop looking at the revenue stream for a minute and try to help addicts...that dude from glee as well. Friends and family of these addict celebrities should be shamed in public for not doing something.

Kym Is A Messy Canopener said...

Yes.

Derek Harvey said...

@hackgnar--what was PSH wife suppose to do at that point? C'mon kids get in the minivan we are gonna go get daddys drug dealer?

Kym Is A Messy Canopener said...

You brought me out of retirement, Count. What can I do to you? xoxo

aemish said...

Hopefully the ATM footage will provide something to the police about the mystery men with courier bags.. In an around the city they have blown up photos on billboards of wanted criminals

Bruce Jenner said...

First of all, I try to be a positive role model. Eating well, vitamins, plenty of rest and exercise is the best way to live. Rob went through a tough time, but I'm proud of him.

Lord Disick said...

I eat tons of snacks every night in bed.

fontlover said...

I never got food poisoning from Wendy's

Rob Kardashian said...

After I lose 50 pounds, I may get another tattoo to commemorate it. I need to focus on me and my tattoos. That’s all I wanna be about right now.

hackgnar said...

After they've been clean for many years...you KNOW when someone's fucked up. people are pussies and afraid to rock the boat and cut off the money stream. it's just sick....obviously it's all in hindsight now and this IS a free country after all so i guess what i'm trying to convey is never gonna happen in reality.

Count Jerkula said...

@Kym: Any thing you want babe. 2-3day bruises at most though.

I'm friggin hungover from yesterday's festivities. Temples pounding, bright light from the reflection off all this gaddam snow hurting my eyes. I'm just having a coffee and Advil breakfast now. This maybe a doobie, fap & nap day.

@Hacknar: Much like pro athletes, condoms and automobiles, actors are disposable commodities. Hollywood has no responsibility for their well being.

If you want to target someone, target the acting unions. They could make drug testing part of membership requirements.

Bruce Jenner said...

Rob, I think another tattoo is a great idea. I'm proud of you for having a goal.

aemish said...

Did he relapse before or after his separation from Mimi? I'm wondering if that may be a factor. The use continuing solely due to the physically painful withdrawals maybe.. :(

sandybrook said...

@Count learn this and live it--drink heavily, take 2 aspirins any type just before bed, no hangover when you wake up but you will still be kinda offkey.

Lord Disick said...

Yo Bob. Did you get Adrienne's name removed yet?

Derek Harvey said...

I am so glad I do not watch football and do not have a hangover! I DESPISE hangovers cause I do them to myself and I also feel like really depressed the next day from heavy drinking---even if I didnt do anything foolish etc. I am now a 4 beer guy--never anything more or less than 4 beer

Brody Jenner said...

I still have Jade's name tattooed inside my bottom lip. That shit hurts too much to remove!

Bruce Jenner said...

Oh Brody, you should have just stuck to earrings like me. Can you imagine if I had Kris tattooed on my junk like she suggested years ago?

Kym Is A Messy Canopener said...

Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick. This place is like the lobby at a motherfucking Nickolodeon convention. I wanna fuck you like an animal. Me on top though, so I can see my autographed pic of Enty when you bring me to that earth shattering climax that only you can. Hungover? Suck it up. I'm ready to ride.

sandybrook said...

Derek I was supposed to only drink 5 but the game sucked so I emptied the apartment of all my beers before the game ended. :(

Lord Disick said...

Kourtney better not get any ideas.

Sugar said...

Instead she just took your balls, Brucie!

Derek Harvey said...

haha I DO feel your pain. When I decided to be 4 beer Drock I had to beg my friends to not allow me to drink after the 4 ---I can be quite scrappy when I am buzzed! lol but so far it has been working-out

Sugar said...

Alka Seltzer, boys. Works miracles.

sandybrook said...

4 or 5 is kinda low once you get on a roll.

Kristin said...

Derek, you are very serious about your liquid intake.

Derek Harvey said...

@Kristin---haha yup. I almost quit entirely but I am a fun drunk that has learned my limits---gotta stay classy ; )

Kym Is A Messy Canopener said...

Seems like youve gone kinda mainstream while I've been away--all soft and cuddly and mushy. Im hopingI can convince you to take a walk down memory lane with me. Oh, the hours of mutual masturbation we shared with this horrified and outraged 'community'. Good times. Makes me all misty eyed and shit.

Kym Is A Messy Canopener said...

Maybe i can get Rob and Bruce to violate me while I post Kardashian recaps.

Bruce Jenner said...

My balls are not in anyone's purse! Gah, where do you all come up with this stuff? *eye roll*

Kimba said...

With you Count, feeling fuzzy and eyes hurt. Our party bowl turned into a dance party, my legs hurt & I have a kink in my neck. It was a good whoop up. My mutts won't rest till I walk them & in my state, I'll break a leg on the icy trail. Feeling sorry for self.
Find that Selena vid I was telling you about, it will make you feel better. Promise.

Sass71 said...

@sandybrook I tried the aspirin this weekend. No headache, but did feel weak. I'll take it.

Melpomene25 said...

Afternoon all!! Surprisingly, I survived Super Bowl! @ Sandy, aspirin and a short workout this morning has me feeling brand new! @Count, had I not relegated myself into the confines of my home, I would probably be feeling the same way today. Lol.

Count Jerkula said...

I think I got so tore up because the only food I had was a Cajun Tuna Bites appetizer. Could have used some starch.

The bar I went to was dead and with the horrible game, it cleared out quickly. I was kinda sad to be home and drinking in the garge so early last night. The last time the Giants won the Super Bowl, I didn't get home until noon the next day. Few more years til the statute of limitations is up so I can tell that tale.

@Mess Kym: You can be on top, Snookums. Couple things though:

1) I get a riding crop, to keep you motivated

2) You gotta give some time in reverse cowgirl, so I can get a good view of your ass and play with your brown eye

3) You can't just ride my dick, you need to ride my face and give me some flavor. You can just tell me to stick my tongue out, then you can put whatever you want licked on it.

If that is all OK, then I'll let you do me.

Melpomene25 said...

That's so sad to hear that even bars were dead last night. I imagine the streets of Las Vegas were riddled with the corpses of bookies last night so I'm pretty happy about my decision to stay in.

Kym Is A Messy Canopener said...

xoxo Count:


Resuming his examination, he admires the red streaks left by his belt on her lily white butt.  "Bend forward and spread your cheeks."  She reaches behind her and pulls her butt cheeks as wide apart as she can and bends at the waist.



He shoves one finger up her ass, pondering if his entire hand will fit.  He pulls his finger out.  "Hands at your side." 



"Yes Sir." she moans.



Walking around to her front, grasping her crouch in his fist, "You must always be clean shaven for me."



She sniffles silently.  His belt slams into the back of her thighs just below her butt cheeks.



She buckles and screams out "Yes Sir." this time avoiding the belt.  

 

Master pushes her roughly to the floor onto her hands and knees, pressing her forehead into the carpet, kicking her legs to spread wider, his fingers cupped into her anal hole lifting her ass higher.  Squeezing her butt cheeks, he slaps each globe before rearing his arm back and delivering a direct hit of burning leather.  Her body lurches forward, her face scraping against the carpet.

 

"You were only getting 10 but since you moved, it is now 15.  Do not move even an inch.  Stay in position or I will add five more to the total." 



He strikes from her right several times, then moves to her left.  He leaves the belt where it landed to allow the burn to sink into her flesh.

Count Jerkula said...

Good one Mess Kym. Broad needs to know the importance of a properly maintained snatch.

Kym Is A Messy Canopener said...

Posted a couple more in the randoms for you. I'm gonna get in big trouble.

Count Jerkula said...

@Kym: I wish you would send me some pics of your ass. I want to imagine red outlines of my hand imprinted on it, and my tongue delicately caressing your lovely pucker.

Key to properly utilizing a woman's ass it so be rough on the cheeks, butt gentle on what they contain.

violet said...

Is this the post for book club? ;)

Kimba said...

"50 Shades and Ways with the Count"

LowKey said...

@aemish: I've been on this site too long when my first thought was, "Ass To Mouth footage?!?"

Nina Roux said...

Totally appreciate the passion for these poor people! Speaking as an addict with 3 years recovery, there 8s nothing anyone could have done for me. Sobriety is something you have to want and to work for every day. It is that tedious, hence the phrase "one day at a time." With a powerful drug like heroine, one bad day can lead to relapse and death even after years of sobriety.