Wednesday, March 26, 2014

"Conscious Uncoupling" - Gwyneth Paltrow And Chris Martin Split

Even in a time of what is probably sadness for her, Gwyneth Paltrow still wants you to know that she thinks she is better than you. She also thinks that using big words makes her look educated. It just makes her look stuck up and makes it hard to even feel sorry for the pair. Just tell the world you are splitting. I love how she announced it on her website to make sure she got the page views and while you are here, why not pick up the new $499 cleanse she developed using the anal sweat glands of a fish only found in Nepal.

It isn't like none of us saw this coming. If you read the site you are going to know that this day has been coming. She is so unemotional about it all. Two days ago she posted that photo from the Glee set and said she was having the best day ever and then yesterday says she is splitting with her husband of ten years. Last week she gave that "interview" to Kneepads and compared herself to a little girl and talked about the face scrubs she uses. No mention of impending doom.

The couple never acted like a couple. They tried so hard to pretend they were not a couple or do things together that eventually I think they grew to like not being a couple. They thought they were too cool and wanted to keep their coupledom out of the tabloids. They were in tabloids individually though and with their kids so I'm not sure why they never wanted to appear as a couple in them or in photos. Again, probably because she or they looked down on people who show love.

The cheating on both sides had to take its toll. I think the whole piece Vanity Fair was going to do was going to bring up some names that had not previously been made public. Gwyneth liked to keep hers deep undercover. Chris was discreet to a point but his were much more out in the open because of the number of people around him on a daily basis.

I wish them well. Chris is probably doing a Guy Ritchie jig right now somewhere while Gwyneth debates eating that second piece of air.

71 comments:

Renoblondee said...

They looked absolutely miserable at the Oscars together. Well, I wish them both well. People always bag on her and say how wonderful Chris is, but he married her so obviously he saw something in her that was great. Or,could be he's just a tool also.

sandybrook said...

I am totally devastated by this news! :( If GOOP who is nothing short of a beautiful, flawless woman who is totally devoted to her husband and children, can have a successful marriage how can a pathetic motherfucker like me ever expect to? LIfe isn't worth living anymore because now I know I can never find my true love and live happily ever after. Imma heading over to the causeway and jumping off into the Indian River Lagoon soon. Goodbye cruel and evil world!! :((





OR NOT! :))))

auntliddy said...

Saw this coming when she moved back to ca. I dont get this chick, she's like an elevator that can't find the floor. Doesnt know who she wants to be. All that gobeleydegook wording is just part of her defense mechanism. Against what, i dont know, and i bet neither does she.

Sunshine said...

Fishsticks is a douchebag.

MISCH said...

Hold it she just pulled into Taco Bell and ordered 6 bean burrito's ….

FSP said...

I see another House Party movie in the making!

TalksTooMuch said...

I didn't want to say anything last night, cause it was kind of a party,but I still think it's sad when a marriage goes south, even if it's Goopy. Divorce is tough, y'all. Sometimes that's for the best, though, right?

Beep: buzz killing over, as you were

Tina Mallette said...

I mean even in divorce Paltrow has to be pretentious and New Agey. I'd want to escape from that.

I know for a fact that a lot of people are very good at hiding their flaws or being what the other person wants until they get that wedding licence.

I mean really these two were a rockstar and a working actress when thy married how much quality time do you really think they spent together.

And as often happens the very qualities that enchanted you, are the very ones that drive you crazy and apart later.

Henriette said...

Well London got rid of another one! First it was Vadge and now Goop.

Leekalicious said...

@renoblondee LOL!!!

Noxious recoupling!

Mari (from her other mail acct.) said...

@auntliddy, you put that really well. Nobody who tries so very, very hard to appear a specific way is happy and self actualized. She wants to look effortlessly patrician, and comes off as desperately snooty. People can tell the difference.

Violet said...

I want to feel sorry for her but I just can't. Poor kids though.
In fairness they're probably both over the initial 'trauma' anyway - sounds like they'd made their decision long ago.
I have a friend who was at uni with Chris (truth - although don't we all have 'friends' who 'know' someone famous?) and apparently he was a miserable bastard. If that's the case it's amazing they weren't better suited.

Henriette said...

I got a feeling Goop posted this because Martin got serious about someone and wants to go public with her.

audrey said...

I imagine living with someone who is always on a cleanse and banishing anything that looks like an Oreo from the house is not an easy task. Now we will be subjected to Goopy's struggles as a single mom...and how we other single mom's have been doing it wrong and failing until she came along to show us the way. I look forward to root canals and cleaning my oven more than her well meaning advice.

aemish said...

What @Mari said

aemish said...

LOL @audrey

fancyscreenname said...

I wish them the best.

Relationships are tough. VERY few of us get it completely right.

Leekalicious said...

At least there's finally some honesty coming out of that house.

Kristin (Wiglet) said...

I'm with you Henriette, something is up.

Kiebler & Kerr, hang on to your daddies! GOOP is going to be on the billionaire prowl!

Coparenting with hearts full of sadness is hard, peasants!

Dena said...

I don't think anyone really mentions marital problems in interviews, so I don't fault her for not bringing it up in recent articles. I'm surprised she said they've been separated in the last year because I don't think anyone would have really noticed, but maybe that's because one of them is going to go public with a new squeeze.

Karen said...

Regardless of their personalities, this is sad. They have two young kids who already had multiple homes and now are going to see their parents less often than they already do. I get that GP is fun to hate, but it kind of sucks to take delight out of someone else's misfortune. I'd hate to be going through a bad time and find out that people are celebrating about it.

nora nader said...

Not surprised and honestly do not care. Anything and everything that comes out of G Paltrow's mouth is pretentious and fake. Just shut up already.

Vera L- said...

Feel sorry for their kids, first those names, then those pretentious twits as parents, now this.

Don't be fooled, Martin is as useless as Goopy. Trust me on this one.

Susan said...

She kinda has brought up her marital problems in the past year in interviews. The writing's kinda been on the wall just based on her thoughts on infidelity and all that.

Totally believe it that Chris Martin is a miserable prick. And sidenote: I think Coldplay sucks. I'm having a flashback of their matching military jackets for one of their past tours. Shudders!

At the end of the day, these two are both pretentious new-agey twats, soul mates, if you will. But, they say in marriage you need to give 150 percent, and neither could probably get over themselves to do so. It's so clear that they've been running around on each other. I don't know how couples get over that when it's been going on for so long. The resentment and distrust of one other would be GINORMOUS.

Do you think the Vanity Fair piece will be released now?

I'm still bitter that CDAN hyped the shit out of that and it never even saw the light of day.

Marian said...

Agreed - I actually shelled out for a sub to Vanity Fair! They better publish that shit or I want a refund

CocoaBeachBunny said...

If you're undecided, try driving your car into the lagoon and maybe you'll be rescued at the last minute. All the drama without the death! ;-)

sandybrook said...

No because then I have to go to the psychiatric hospital and be evaluated and thats no fun.

CantHaveMyPurse said...

Is Apple sucking her thumb in that photo?!?!?

Renoblondee said...

Glad to see people calling Chris out as well.

AKM said...

Blech...Coldplay sucks and Goopy sucks. Although I'll come clean...I get GOOP's emails, and I have -- GASP! -- enjoyed some of her recipes and such.

At any rate, it's sad for the kids. That's alls I gots.

"I dont get this chick, she's like an elevator that can't find the floor."

I've never heard this phrase. I LIKE it. Hee hee!

crila16 said...

Doesn't Gwynnie understand? She's no longer perfect. This is definitely a sad sad day in Hollywood.

s.breezy29 said...

They looked like they hated each other at the Golden Globes, and they haven't looked happy in awhile...How much do u bet he'll be remarried in 2 years and she'll still be pretentious and single??

fancyscreenname said...

Dear Goop,

Thanks for introducing the term "conscious uncoupling" into my life. I promise to use it sparingly and with great dignity.

Sincerely,
Fancy

Anna Belle said...

This 2 are both pretenious vegan yoga famous "artist". That's what brought them together. Matin did not grow up rich though, and is not stuck up. He is a nice guy He tours alot & his type are the 20 something very thin actress/singer, which his wife no longer is. Goopy has always had a large stick shoved very far up her butt. She is rich & entitled as hell. For her to be letting Martin go, she's got her claws in someone else, most likely a producer or billionaire. Matin has wanted out for a long time, & she would not agree.

At least Goopy didn't do what Jenny McCartney does when she wants to sound smart & quote Byron Katie.

Christina said...

Chris survived 11 years, he should apply for sainthood.

it took forever said...

Feeling sorry for GOOP, she wants what all women want just a happy marriage. Too bad it didnt happen

rajahcat said...

what Henriette said.......and there may be a child involved too?

Alice Tate said...

I must not hate GP nearly as much as I thought I did, because I genuinely feel bad for her right now.

rajahcat said...

and I also really hate Coldplay.........never got the appeal

Beth said...

Does it seem calculated she moved back to LA, and made it to the 10 year anniversary mark so she can get half? I was surprised she left her beloved London, now it might make more sense. There have been blinds about a star refusing divorce and wanting to control the timing.

Divorce is rough on all kids, at least they have the resources to provide for their children...and maybe the kids will get a treat containing a carb or two from Dad when they're with him.

rajahcat said...

hahahahahah the carb treat

Topper Madison said...

I personally don't know what she ever saw in him. He's not attractive at all, his music is pretty lame, and he doesn't seem to be the sharpest tool in the shed. Considering she dated Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck, I always thought she was settling with this guy.

FlirtyChick74 said...

+1 @ Renoblondee & Fancy

Gayeld said...

Maybe she'll be rescued by her one true love, who will carry her off into the sunset. They'll live happily ever after in a four bedroom split level in the valley.

caroline david said...

I'm surprised their marriage lasted so long time because they seemed so mismatched but it' true they did efforts ( 3years ago,Martin offered her for Xmas a week with a famous french chef and they( with their kids) came to Paris) and they sold their british home to come in LA ( they also bought a huge house in Malibu close to RDJ's home recently)
I just hope the divorce will be friendly( for their kids)

Countess Eden said...

Chris reminds me of the funny roommate in Nottinghill (movie) with Hugh Grant. I'm not a fan of either really, but I like Gwennies singing voice...

Divorce is like a death and her kids will be shuttled around the globe unfortunately. I hope she gets primary custody and will just stop and settle for the kids sake. They need stability and a routine during this time. Marriage is so hard.

I'm with @henriette. I think there's a new gal. If new gal is pregnant, sympathy card for Gwennie.

GatorGirl said...

Uncoupling....Mas Puto

trudi said...

"conscious uncoupling" is listed in the c section of the Pretentious Dictionary.

auntliddy said...

Thanks akm. I actually read it in Debbie Reynolds bio of many many years ago. She used it to describe Eddie Fisher, and thought, wow, thats a perfect description of some people. And shes one of them.

BeautifulStranger said...

Maybe now those children will be able to eat some decent food when their with the father. Wouldn't it be like her to have something in the divorce/custody agreement that her children have to eat the diet she has prescribed for them?

Sherry said...

Stranger, I'm thinking if you grow up with that kind of healthful food you'll always want it to a certain degree. Nothing wrong with limited all that crap out there.

Interesting dirt Anna Belle.

It should get interesting to see how much she wants from Chris $$ wise. I hope he takes HER empire to the bank instead.

Humor Me said...

I too, want to read the original Vanity Fair piece.
Graydon Carter - your readers await your journalistic undercover work. Enty has been doing it for you.

Seven of Eleven said...

Erudition is pretentious, y'all!

CharRicho said...

Agree with both of you guys!

califblondy said...

I've unconsciously coupled, but never consciously uncoupled.

LottaColada said...

+1

nurysp said...

I hope one day one of us finds it all. Think thats what we all want, loving sweet husband, great dad, great friend and a good provider.
Every day somewhere i read about someone being horrible and you start to believe that simple loving life just isnt obtainable
having a jaded at love moment at work right now

Tom said...

It's low calorie air though, right?

texas rose said...

Once again I am shocked that a celeb couple has decided to call it quits. I was sure they would make it for the long haul. Their love was so special.

feraltart said...

Yesterday I thought what the? over the term. Today I feel sad for all involved, but think that conscious uncoupling is a healthier way to end a relationship than to have it fall in a heap & the children to experience the fall-out from that. If they divorce like Bruce & Demi did then good for them. I think they have put their children's needs first by bringing them back to America where Gwyneth has a larger support base. She can still work & maintain a regular schedule. Chris touring is not conducive to keeping the children in a regular routine, so everything makes sense.

Jazzy said...

Maybe she is an ice queen, maybe he sucks in bed. They both seem like a holes. Hopefully the kids are doing alright, since they've been separated for a while.

Emily Yeah said...

I think he is also a tool. A tool in naff tracksuit bottoms and nikes

ms snarky said...

Gwynnie is a f-tard. Perhaps she and Julia Roberts can bond over how amazing and wonderful they are.

Can you imagine fun drinks with either of them? Me either.

Tina Mallette said...

LOL Countess Eden you mean Rhys Ifan

Sunshine said...

Apparently she is not good at oral sex. Her words, not mine.

Malibu Borebee said...

Drinking with Rhys Ifans is a ride on the gossip bullet train.

Cee Kay said...

Is Apple sucking her thumb? That's one stressed little girl right there.

Principessa Marina said...

I *think* this is entirely a spoof but even if it is, it's hilarious. Well, especially if it is:

Terry Gross Interviews Gwyneth Paltrow about Conscious Uncoupling"

Alita said...

@Beth
Does the community (shouldn't that be 'communal?') property law kick in if you are married in California, or if you file for divorce there? Both?

You'd think Chris Martin would have been wise to that - even party to the decision. And if they've been separated a year does it even count? Tsk, my tv education hadn't brought me the finer details on CA divorce :)

Though if we take gossip as true, and she is that miserly, then she would go for gold with getting more in a divorce.

Alita said...

:, (

di butler said...

Goopster is an asshole. But still, poor Apple and Banana. No one likes divorced parents.