Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Man Tries To Have Sex With ATM

A man, who is probably from Florida, but was arrested in Tennessee tried to have sex with an ATM. Police in Murfreesboro were called to a bar late Friday night when Lonnie Hutton walked into a bar and took off his pants and started trying to have sex with the ATM in the bar. I'm guessing he thought this was a way to enter his PIN without using his fingers. Staff at the bar called police who told Hutton to sit at a picnic table. The wood or checkerboard pattern must have looked especially erotic to Hutton because he then mounted the table and tried to have sex with it. Police suspected Hutton was drunk. Nooooo. What gave it away? He was charged with public intoxication.

51 comments:

Sugar said...

Well, that ATM shouldn't look so damn bangable. There's an early withdrawal joke here somewhere.

OneEyeCharlie said...

"...You and the ATM machine you rode in on"

derek harvey said...

I thought we already covered the daily Tori and Dean story...

Bacon Ranch said...

DECLINED

T. E. Cuz said...

i mean, i like money too, but...

Sugar said...

Hey O!

OneEyeCharlie said...

No Sugar. He was looking to make a deposit.

Sugar said...

Hey O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ATMs are such teases.

aemish said...

Does crap like this happen in other countries? I mean come on.

aemish said...

lol @sugar and chuckie :p

derek harvey said...

well Sandy Boo has been awfully quiet these days---Nice Mug shot Sandy*jokesjokes*

StewMcG said...

I guess he wanted to "cum into money".

I'm here all week. Try the veal. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Sugar said...

Hey O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Froggy England said...

What's with these guys? There was one awhile ago that tried to have sex with the pavement. (Sidewalk). Said he had a thing for Tarmac. Not kidding.

Seven of Eleven said...

LOL: "His bail was set at $250, meaning the next sweet nothing whispered by his lover may be, ‘insufficient funds’."

Brea Lowe said...

My milk came out my nose.

OneEyeCharlie said...

The guy is a sucker for subliminal messaging. Never should have set 3825 as his PIN number.

derek harvey said...

on TLC there was a guy who was in love with his car and banged it...

Sugar said...

Ever see that show My Strange Sexual Addiction (I think it's called that). Some dude was fully making out with his 1998 Chevy Monte Carlo named Chase. Some chick also was in love with the Golden Gate Bridge.

Sugar said...

Jinx derek! He's all like, "mainly it’s just a lot of rubbing up against it. It involves masturbating as well.”

Tongue N. Cheek said...

As if I wasn't germaphobic enough already....

crila16 said...

I hope the ATM at least threw him $20 for his efforts.

Tongue N. Cheek said...

Nope. Insult to injury- he still had to pay the Service Charge.

derek harvey said...

@Sugar---haha. Well not everyone can afford a Oscar winning yacht girl! and women can be a real handfull sometimes...

skippy said...

No Cyril'a the ATM stiffed him.

Kno Won Uno said...

The minute insurance companies stop paying for boner pills, drunk old guys humping everything will stop.
So, never.

Countess Eden said...

Gotta have sex for dem bills sometime.

skippy said...

@crila16, bloody spellcheck .

sandybrook said...

Shaddup Derek!!!!!! There was a guy down here in the county next to mine who wanted a marriage license to marry his PC last week because he loved the porn on it. He was taken to the hospital for evaluation instead.

Shelly Shell said...

Well if that ATM didn't dress so slutty & lead him on.

Sincerely,Your Friend said...

Talk about a needled*ck.

Harry Knuckles said...

Guy in Sweden was caught on CCTV banging a bicycle. I can sort of see it. This is my bike and you can see for yourself she's a beauty and some times, well ....

Sincerely,Your Friend said...

For a while he'll be accepting deposits instead if making them.

Sincerely,Your Friend said...

That ATM must have been hard up! Look at him. Unless he put some money in first.

Renoblondee said...

You guys are too funny! LOL

airhead said...

I gotta say I really feel for the ATM, one minute its all about the ATM & then next thing you know dude turns around & is all over the table like really what a Skank!

airhead said...

The table must have been showing more leg.

Tina Mallette said...

Save a cowboy ride an ATM?

OneEyeCharlie said...

Tres bien, Tina.

D Brown said...

Heard of a guy in high school who tried doing it with a vacuum cleaner. So I guess an ATM would represnt a technological update.

Wendy Davis said...

No.

Seven of Eleven said...

Dumb, Wendy.

I tried to use single syllable words so you'd get it. But then I said syllable. Double dumb! How was church?

TalksTooMuch said...

Heeey, didn't SingleManInLoveWithLove say on the Swank BI that all men see vaginas as how much they are worth? Reader Photo Day!! Woot!

Sherry said...

I have absolutely nothing to add to this string of posts. All you guys are too bloody funny. Take a bow.

labman said...

wasn't this in Bad Grandpa and the fake dong was stuck?

Trilby said...

Deposit or withdrawal?

MadLyb said...

Maybe he thought it was a sperm bank?

Countess Eden said...

True Q: where is there a slot to fit any penii? Maybe he was just a dancing machine.

sugarbread maker said...

Name of bar please?
Cum.on.in.
Open all night
Sluttybuddy.
@count where r u

sugarbread maker said...

I love the victim shaming that continues after every assault case.
Like the atm. Was being overly suggestive. Or just asking for pin# not penis. Some people always have to slut.shame.the.victim.
#shameonyou.

Jerry said...

"I thought it said enter your PEEN number."