Friday, April 04, 2008

Ted C Blind Item

Fey Oiled-Tush is a very rich man. He’s also a very desperate man, as so many celebrated Hollywood players ultimately are. After all, doesn’t success just beget the desire for more success—rather than satisfaction? Always. Just ask Michael Eisner, Mike Ovitz, Meg Ryan and assorted other colossal check cashers who once thought the green would never stop coming, only to see the influx dwindle considerably. But this Vice ain’t about power, it’s about fag-hag ass kissing, sorry.

Margarita Screwed-'Em-All is a reigning queen of Tinseltown. And even though she doesn’t go out much, she sure as hell did at one time—always with one of her myriad lovers/husbands/pets. (Paris was so not the first to make a pooch a photo-op accoutrement, Margarita beat her on that score ages ago.) Instead, M-babe stays home at her art-filled mansion (which is a little on the tacky side, I must say, unless you prefer brass deer next to your masterpieces and that sort of overpriced mishmash style). However, she loves to receive. Particularly the gays.

True, she’s doing it less nowadays, but still, a flaming fagola—along with fewer and fewer members of Screwed-Em’-All’s own fam—still makes it up past M.S.’s fancy gates. And Fey, utterly distraught by the current downturn of his previously magical movie touch and sorely needing a pick-me-up, was dying to be one of them recently. Don’t think FOT mentioned anything about bringing the wife-unit when he—and not one of his minions—rang up Margarita’s secretary to request an audience. “Get him to buy me those jewels I liked,” Ms. S barked, via her assistant, back to Fey, message being no rocks, no tush pecking.

So Mr. Oiled-Tush, armed with the location of the baubles that tickled Margarita so, actually went and picked out a piece from the overpriced jeweler. Had it delivered pronto to Margarita, who, after tearing open the box which contained a sweet little piece, screamed: “One! He only got me one?”

Indeed, Fey had made the lethal error of purchasing not an assortment of expensive sparklers for Margarita to choose from—but only one already-selected lonely little lovely. Not good. Result being, there was no audience.

And the gift was not returned, bitch you very much. Poor Fey. What will he do for his mood-altering now, I wonder? Start up with the boys again?

51 comments:

smooches said...

Margarita is Liz Taylor...I think Fey is Tom Cruise.

Ed said...

I agree Margarita is Elizabeth Taylor Fey I thought would be John Travolta

jax said...

wow i totally was rocking the Liz vibe too.

Fey could be Michael Jackson if not for the wifey biz. second choice would be totally be the gay Midget.

Twisted Sister said...

Count me in on the Liz Taylor guess, but I can't even find a guy who attended her bday bash that fits the description.

surfer said...

I was thinking Ron Burkle/Elizabeth Taylor.

Jesse D said...

I read this and think about why other cultures hate we Americans so badly. I understand. I really do.

jax said...

this is key:

"his previously magical movie touch"

tommy.

captivagrl said...

smooches - love your guesses!

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

That's not even blindly Elizabeth Taylor, it's OPENLY her.

Who were the "and it ain'ts?"

Kate said...

How do you figure that Liz Taylor is a "reigning queen"? Didn't her reign end decades ago?

Twisted Sister said...

Yeah, it seems Tom Cruise does make sense.

Kate, she's still considered Hollywood royalty.

wildflower said...

And it ain't: Will Smith, Chris Rock and Brendan Fraiser.
I like Tom Cruise and Liz Taylor. The "wife-unit" made me think of KatE.

Twisted Sister said...

Had it delivered pronto to Margarita, who, after tearing open the box which contained a sweet little piece, screamed: “One! He only got me one?”


Am I the only one who can hear her saying this????

unicorn jones said...

I totally agree with Liz Taylor, but I just can't get on the Tom Cruise bandwagon. He's a scientologist -- he doesn't consider himself gay. there is no "gay" in scientology, so I can't really see him being a fag hag.

I'm going w/ john travolta on this. his career is on the down (wild hogz wtf???) and I can deff see him wanting an audience w/ the queen fag hag herself.


-uj
http://www.unicornjones.blogspot.com

Twisted Sister said...

Unicorn, I do think TC knows he's gay, but I did find that Travolta has these credits:

The American Film Institute Salute to Elizabeth Taylor, ABC, 1993

Happy Birthday Elizabeth: A Celebration of Life, ABC, 1997

and I found nothing like this for T.C., so you're probably right.

CarolMR said...

And maybe the mention of Paris also points to Taylor because Taylor's first husband was Nicky Hilton.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

Thanks, Wildflower.

Marisa said...

what in the fuck was that?? i don't speak swahili

Grace said...

From 2007:

"An American court ruled on Friday that Elizabeth Taylor can keep her van Gogh, Reuters reported. Ms. Taylor, 75, bought the 1889 painting 'View of the Asylum and Chapel at Saint-Rémy' at a London auction in 1963 for [about $257,000]. South African and Canadian descendants of Margarete Mauthner, a Jewish woman who fled Germany in 1939, sued her in 2004, saying the work had been confiscated by the Nazis and should be returned to them under the Holocaust Victims Redress Act. A three-judge panel of the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals backed a lower court, ruling that the family had waited too long in claiming the painting ..."

Leave it to Liz to keep it and not give it back, knowing full well it's a stolen painting!

This blind is her...

And Travolta is known for his big-ticket items: Jet, home with runway for said jet; home in Maine decorated by Sister Parish, etc..

Grace said...

AND Liz used to be besties with Michael Jackson...

Carla said...

fey is defined as "otherworldly, supernatural, magical or fairylike, strange" and can also be used to imply "irrational: behaving or talking in very unusual, uninhibited ways that suggest possible psychiatric disorder "

gmd?

Twisted Sister said...

Carla, who is gmd?

jax said...

Gay Midget Dictator i beleive through Laineygossip.

correct me if im wrong on the D.

either way its code for Tom Cruise.

Twisted Sister said...

Oh. Thanks once again, Jax!

That's why I don't read Laimey.

lyz said...

gmd - gay midget dictator? Cruise?

jax said...

no problem TS i like to use my powers for good on fridays.

Marisa said...

jax, twisted-
seriously, will one of you two CDAN geniuses please translate this blind into human speak for me?

wildflower said...

No problem little miss. I have to admit I don't get why kissing Liz Taylor's butt would be such a big thing. I know she's LIZ but I don't understand the connection to it helping his carrer.
Also I like Tom Cruise or John Travolta for this - although initially I thought of Tom Cruise, either scientologist would seem to fit.

Twisted Sister said...

Jax - lololol!! So do you use your powers for eveeee-ill the rest of the week?

Marisa, I'm not the genius, Jax is, but I'll give it a go.

Some old bag who used to screw everyone during her heyday doesn't get out much anymore, but still gets visit from a gay male who was once bigger in film than he is now. She's been very distressed by this fact, too. He wanted to visit her and she said yes, but only if he brought her the jewels that she likes. He went to her favorite jeweler and bought her only one jewel, which she opened, and said, "Only one???" And because she was offended by this, she didn't let him come to visit.

So someone is a demanding bitch and someone else is gay and wants pity on the fact that his career isn't what it once was.

p m said...

I'm gonna disagree and go with Mariah... this reeks of her, and she is still all over the media - "reigning queen of Tinseltown"

He calls her "M-Babe"
and Margarita is hispanic, just as Mariah is (partially.)

surfer said...

Ladies - GMD = gay midget dwarf (Lainey has it somewhere on her site). Hope this helps.

Irishstayc said...

Jax - the D is for Dwarf hee -GMD - Gay Midget Dwarf = Tom Cruise.

and is it me or was this one even harder to understand then the usual?

Happy Friday ALL!!

captivagrl said...

perez just posted a pic of Liz, taken last night! go take a peak! she's wearing every piece of crap she owns!

Marisa said...

Cheers Twisted

Twisted Sister said...

Cheers, Marisa. Hope that helped.

Chadboulet said...

Did anyone notice the phonetics of the name?

Fey Oiled Tush
Trav Olt Tuh

jax said...

thanks irish and surfer- i knew i had the D wrong but blanked.
Dictator sorta works too. lol.

CarolMR said...

So - please be patient - there's no hanky-panky going on? Just a visit?

Rebecca said...

Oiled Tush reminds me of that blind about the guy who likes to get massages from other guys and then hits on them... I believe the answer was Travolta.

DBF said...

This is fairly straightforward for Ted. This sounds more like Travolta's style than TC's. John isn't even trying to hide the gay these days and he has always sucked up to the fag hags and Miss Taylor is the ultimate fag hag. Wife unit refers to Kelly Preston who was assigned to him by CoS and has a boyfriend.

Twisted Sister said...

Carol, I don't pick up any hint of hanky panky. It seems like he just wants her to fawn over him all perplexed that he's not as big in film as he should be. But he didn't buy her enough to get her attention. What a dysfunctional pair.

Rebecca, I kept thinking of that, too. I'm glad you posted it.

CarolMR said...

Thanks, twisted sister!

mngddess said...

Reference to "reigning queen" may refer to Cleopatra....

And the reason to exclaim "only one???" may be because she thinks either Tommy or Johnny has plenty of cash to cough up..

I think it's John Travolta. Tom's too busy reprogramming Suri.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

AHA but ol' Johnny isn't really having problems in the movie dept. People went to see that motorcycle flick he did and liked it.

Now our boy Tom on the other hand.....

sauvage said...

Chadboulet, you're brillant. Anagrams, huh?

sheetrock said...

Could the Fey Oiled Tush have anything to do with Travolta being in "Grease?"

jax said...

bingo! sheetrock for the win.

Twisted Sister said...

Sheetrock - nice catch!

Brenda, I think being in Wild Hogs and Hairspray is certainly a big step down from the serious actor he once aspired to be.

Judi said...

Good job, Sheetrock! Gotta be Liz & JT.

sheetrock said...

I'm on a roll here, Kelly Preston played the role of Tish in the movie Spacecamp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bippy said...

ok, def. liz, but i'm torn between travolta and cruise.

for tom:

-- "wife-unit" is the robotic katie holmes

-- "mood-altering drugs" bit is a reference to tom's hatred for psychotropic drugs and his deep love for "vitamins"

i think everyone's guesses for travolta are right on, but he's just so boring that i want it to be cruise.