Friday, October 24, 2008

Ted C Blind Item

Chalk another one up for the hets! When Stud-Bucket LeBeouf (no relation to the errant driving one) gets a woody for somebody other than his wife, he gets it in writing—always. But let's back up; wouldn't want to shoot our Blind Vice wad too soon, ya know!

Oh, and also: Look, for those of you out there who so (naively) think these jokers in H'town don't hook up with their attorneys looking over their erections at the same time, hey, you got another think comin', babes.

So, back to Stud:

Guess not everyone in H'wood is gay, but many in this town are pretty damn slimy. Mr. LeBeouf, for example. He's a megastar, by all standards, no doubt about that. S-B is mediocre-talented at his nonthespian career, but there's nothing mediocre about his looks—I mean, if I weren't married, I'd drool over him with the rest of the starry-eyed lot, fer sure; the dude's totally doable. He's got the bod, the hair, the style and the equipment down below, to boot (something I swear every one of my chick friends tells me they care more about than do gay men, and sisters, that is so saying a lot).

S-B.L.'s equally famous wife is just the topping to his sweet-ass life. He's pretty much the dude every guy wants to be and every gal wants to nail. Howev, lucky enough for the femmes, this is damn feasible. S2 has no problem stepping out on his honey and fam. He's just careful as hell when he does it: "He makes you sign one gnarly confidentiality contract beforehand," dished a recent and fresh Stud screw. "He uses them as customary procedure whenever he cheats," oozed the female, and this is quite often, trust.

Want details? Which kind? The inky ones first: Yes, we're literally talking a typed-up and ready-to-go piece of paper Stud-Bucket carries around with him, ya know, just in case. Like a condom! What, is this the newer safer sex? And there are no exceptions. Ever. Every lady Mr. L. has is required to sign on the dotted line before she's allowed between the sheets, which brings us directly to the second set of details. "Nothing kinky," blabbed our first-genital source, "but very nice ride"; most excellent tools, she added. Jeez, we're pretty surprised S-B.L. hasn't gotten caught by his wife-unit more often; we hear she's dumb in more ways than one.

41 comments:

Dee said...

David Beckham

Mexi said...

Becks is more than mediocre talented no? Everything else fits though....so maybe i'm just dazzled by his looks and don't pay much attention to his soccer skills

Kristen S. said...

Ashton?

lyz said...

Becks has been a disaster over here and is being "loaned" to Milan, which they wouldn't do if he was a star player.

califblondy said...

S-B is mediocre-talented at his nonthespian career..

Non-thesp, so no actors.

Mediocre talented? Would that fit Beckham?

Mexi said...

I think the "loaned" to Milan is to make him happy. He played for an awful team here. I'm more than sure he wasn't playing his best. And he wasn't completely focused on soccer either. He's been doing more endorsements now that he's here.

Mooshki said...

I've heard plenty of soccer fans say that Beckham isn't that great a player. He's good, but not extraordinary. And everything else about this screams Becks.

mngddess said...

Beckam is supposed to be a soccer star - I certainly wouldn't refer to him as mediocre. But then again - I hate soccer. Except when my son plays. But he ususlly a back-up goalie, so he's a bench warmer, poor boy. If it wasn't for the mediocre reference, this could totally be Beckham and Posh (who I think is adorable, by the way).

dreadpiratecuervo said...

Kate Beckinsale's director husband is hot.

Mooshki said...

BTW, I've heard Justin Timberlake does the same thing - carries around confidentiality agreements with his condoms. :)

ms_wonderland said...

Lyz - you need to read the comments on the last Beckham post to see why he's going to Milan. He's not getting football of a high enough standard at Galaxy to get him picked for the England team, so he's going to a top European club in the US close season to raise his game. AC Milan are hardly a charity for mediocre footballers.

Victoria can't be called dumb either. I think we're looking for a music man with a dim and silent wife.

Mexi said...

Good still isn't mediocre...I don't know why I feel such a need to defend him! Maybe cuz I think he's hot, and I adore Posh and all her style. I wouldn't think she's "dumb" either. She has lots going on herself as well.

Mexi said...

Good still isn't mediocre...I don't know why I feel such a need to defend him! Maybe cuz I think he's hot, and I adore Posh and all her style. I wouldn't think she's "dumb" either. She has lots going on herself as well.

Mexi said...

Good still isn't mediocre...I don't know why I feel such a need to defend him! Maybe cuz I think he's hot, and I adore Posh and all her style. I wouldn't think she's "dumb" either. She has lots going on herself as well.

Mexi said...

ooops sorry!!!!

KS said...

david beckham is past his prime but hardly mediocre. Plus, Posh has already caught him years ago. with his former assistant. Beckham doesnt really have the faithful husband image anyways.

Robyn said...

Gavin Rossdale is kinda hot.. but I'm not sure if I see Gwen as dumb...

But than again dumb might just be his way of saying choosing not to realize it.

sauvage said...

I'm sorry, maybe I'm reading this completely wrong, but the first couple to pop into my head were Ryan Reynolds and Scar Jo.

juicy said...

Sauvage: non-thespian = non-actor

I vote becks/posh

LRS said...

And It Ain't: Kobe Bryant, Gavin Rossdale, Seal

juicy said...

Kobe=athlete
Gavin=british
Seal=married to a model, posh *has* modeled

Janet Planet said...

beckham is playing with milan because he has to play with a major league (sorry, l.a. galaxy is not) so he can still play with englands national team. it's all about rules.

i have followed football for quite some time and there is nothing mediocre about david beckhams game. weather you like him or not, wheather you understand why he won't play injured or not, the man is a legend.

maybe ted doesn't have a clue about beckham. many americans don't. so it might be him.

but i'm betting this guy is a musician...

Cheryl said...

Many people think David Beckham is overrated and has not lived up to the hype, therefore mediocre. The blind says that he is unquestionably a megastar.

Daveb said...

I think you're misreading the item. The person is a "megastar" but mediocre in their "non-thespian" efforts. Beckham is a megastar in his "non-thespian" efforts (LA team not withstanding). I interpreted it to mean one of those acting megastars who dabbles in music with a band.

not a famous adrian said...

I thought Beckham immediately, & see that most of you did also.

melissa said...

This is Beckham, hands down. He's a moderately talented athlete with a dumb wife who has caught him cheating before, but obviously not as much as she would if he wasn't giving out these agreements. He's hot as all hell, according to most (not me!) and this just fits in every other way.

Mary said...

hmmm
Johnny Depp? (leBouef for living in France?)
Antonio Banderas?

Rake101 said...

After reading this BI, David Beckham IMMEDIATELY came to my mind. So, i will have to go with him.

ally said...

The listed Not men's women in their lives:
Kobe-Basketball and married a possible gold digger

Gavin Rosdale-Mega popular and coveted by the ladies in the 90's, is now married to a 90's and still current singer and designer (ENTY has mentioned him swinging both ways I believe) Has children

Seal-Again 90's was the height of his career, has children and is married to a model.

The ties that bind those three are: athlete, they are married to either a singer/model/designer
Based on that my decision is Becks, sad face. I can understand cheating with your nanny bc they are always around, you see them take care of your kiddos maybe in a way you wish your wife did, and they fulfill a need in you. Random strangers and a pre-determined contract that you can do whom you want when you want is unfair and cruel. Those little boys have huge potential to be messed up adults. Dad can do what he wants, mom ignores and starves herself-what kind of people are they going to fall in love with if they dare?

kanonymous said...

Posh did NOT catch Beckham cheating! Some woman who claimed she slept with him came out with her story to some tabloids, and that is how Posh found out. However, Beckham denied the story and Posh stood by him. Whether she really believed him or not, we don't know, but at least to the public she said she believed him.

Judi said...

Not Johnny; I don't think he has the 'equipment down below' Ted's referring to -- as if that would make any diff to us.
DaveB, you may be on to something. Could be a successful actor with other endeavors he isn't so good at. But has the sex appeal and pull of someone like Becks and Depp.
It'd make sense that it's Becks though, that after getting caught twice, he'd carry around a contract like that. And we know that ALL pro athletes cheat.

Judi said...

Ah, okay. Kanonymous, thanks for the clarification.

kathryn said...

I took it to mean he was a mega star actor but had another career (probably music) that he was just mediocre in, here are the actor/musicians I can think of:

-Kevin Bacon
-High Laurie
-James Denton
-Bruce Willis
-Keanue Reeves
-Jared Leto
-Eddie Murphy
-Billy Bob Thorton
-Jack Black
-Bill Paxton
-Jason Schwartzman
-Russell Crowe
-Steven Seagal
-Don Johnson
-Stallone
-Jaime Foxx
-Dennis Quaid

I didn't look to see if any of the other clues fit, but my guess is Kevin Bacon.

Daveb said...

Kevin Bacon is an interesting suggestion inasmuch as the post says that the stud has an equally famous wife (Kyra Sedgwick?)and family (2 kids?). I don't know if the apparently irrelevant preamble regarding LeBeouf, french for beef, could be interpreted as a clue to wards another meat product (bacon)?

Judi said...

But then at the end, Ted says she's dumb as a post and Kyra is far from that -- unless T means dumb as in nonverbal. "In more ways than one..." I don't know. It's possible, too, that this is Becks and Ted isn't really aware of just how good a footballer Becks is.

Mooshki said...

Remember too, the question isn't whether Becks is actually mediocre, but whether Ted would call him mediocre. We all know it just takes one little slight to get on Ted's shit list. :)

stiffkittens said...

I dont believe anything Ted writes anymore after that obvious fake 'blind' about Angelina on heroin, written because Pitt banned Ted from a premiere or something.

I think the ones that are obvious and actually coherent are fakes - Ted probably heard the Tommygirl/Beckham rumours, came on to Becks, but was turned down. Thus the blind...

Jasmine said...

stiffkittens, i think angie has admitted she has dabbled in hard core drugs. i agree with ted c. writing in revenge and exaggerating stuff but lies usually have some truth mixed in there.
i dont think this is becks/posh.
music sounds like the right track

Idiot Watcher said...

In Becks's prime he was probably more than mediocre, but at this point in his career, he seems to skate by more on name and reputation than actual ability to perform. Thus, it's probably accurate to state that he's currently mediocre in his non-thespian footballing career. Everything else in the blind fits him so well, I can't really see it being anybody else.

gillian said...

Beckham is a good pick. After the Rebecca Loos reveal, there were plenty of rumours from newspaper writers indicating more flings out there but not having the support of the girls involved to substantiate the stories. As for the 'mediocre talent' quote- it's an opinion! Ted's an american, and hardly an EPL buff. If you're looking at Becks performance since coming to the LAG then, YES he does seem mediocre. Anyone familiar with Becks at Man U or Real Madrid know he's not. He does one thing better than anyone else in the world, and that's no mediocre thing. The guy was the best crosser of the ball in the game for the most part, and today still has excellent fitness, experience and leadership skills. Those are the reasons Capello still has him play a part with the National team, when he could pick any other young blood out there.
Just wait til he gets to Italy though- that'll make for interesting gossip with the opportunistic girls throwing themselves in his path!

VerityFine said...

Ok - so this may be really irrelevant, small detail, but: "he's got the bod, the HAIR...." Becks has no hair! Why would you put this as a clue for Becks?