Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Battle Of The Unrealistic


It has been awhile since the tabloids just went bonkers with some fake news, but this week, OK! devoted an entire cover to crap while Star Magazine just made some fake news a blurb on its cover.

I really thought OK! would be the first to have Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux married and her pregnant, but apparently Star wanted to take the lead on this one. According to Star, the couple has already set a wedding date. Uh huh. Yeah, because Jenifer jumping into marriage is what she does. It will probably be a shotgun wedding too. The cover photo of Michael Douglas smoking is kind of tragic though so that would be a cancer scare.


The big fakery of the week occurs with OK!. According to them, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez have been talking and people are plotting to get the couple back together. Are these the same people that are trying to kill Randy Quaid? Considering that I am not even sure Ben's career has recovered in the seven years they have been apart, I doubt they will get back together. Oh sure, I can see them getting together for one night of fun, until Ben realizes that a night with Jen is not fun and goes home to his wife and kids.

27 comments:

Rose said...

The original merging of the celebrity name, Bennifer will never, ever get back together. For the blind about getting back together it's more likely Gwyneth will be on the market.

Ida Blankenship said...

ARRRRGH. That picture of Michael is invasive, horrid, and just fucking wrong on about twelve hundred different levels. I have no idea how the people who "write" for that rag are able to comfortably sleep at night.

And I know that's he's a big boy, and it's up to him to relinquish his own vices, but I think it's BEYOND shitty of his wife to keep up the habit, too. Spouses who quit together stand a WAY better chance of not falling off the wagon and lighting up again. I just think it's remarkably unsupportive of her.

Then again, most smokers are fueled by denial. I know a woman who's been a nicotine addict for over forty years, and she's seeing every specialist in town right now because she's worried about a supposed gluten allergy. Ummmm, maybe she should worry about her lungs, and THEN concentrate on her gut?

Ida Blankenship said...

Oh, and I find the notion of Ben and Gwyneth getting back together beyond laughable. Love or hate her, she is WAY too classy for him, and she knows it. One of the BEST things she's ever said is how his ideal woman is a "stripper at Scores." BUUUUURN.

weezy said...

Looking at the Douglas pic I'd thought he was smoking weed, maybe to help with discomfort from chemo? and I'd read (for what it's worth) that CZJ is using one of those e-cigarette things.

RocketQueen said...

Honestly, I could write this drivel. I definitely would have put "Jennifer (Lopez') New Love and Wedding Plans!" on the cover. Everyone knows how she do.

pusssykatt said...

I'll bet that both Michael and CZJ are smoking those electronic cigarettes. I can't imagine he's back to smoking real cigs.

MacVixen said...

I'm an original Bennifer lover, so I wouldn't mind seeing them together again just for the fun of it, BUT.... it was totally not cool of OK! to do that cover. Ben is a married man with children and it is extremely disrepectful of the mag to imply that he would leave his wife or kids for J-Lo, or that she would be scheming to get him away from his family. I know it's a tabloid and that's how they roll... still, not cool.

Lori said...

@Ida...I haaate that! Celiac Disease is so incredibly rare and yet, now it's friggin' trendy to be "allergic" to gluten. I hate the self diagnosers...

msgirl said...

Yeah gluten is now the Big Thang. I think Michael may be smoking some weed, many cancer patients do.

linnea said...

ITA with the gluten thing. Really, it is such a rare disease and I hate people who just "realize" on their own that they shouldnt be eating it anymore. Then they stop, keep going on and on about how amazing it is and how great they feel, and then all of a sudden they realize they can't eat all that fun stuff that they love any more and sneak back to eating normally again and then when you ask them they get kind of "ah, oh, yeah, but see now I am on this NEW kind of diet". (sorry about the rant. Just bugs me)

bluebonnetmom said...

There was a Gawker Blind or DListed yesterday that I would swear was Ben, Jen and JLo. Ben was heading out the door because he did not like being a Hubby and Dad. Jen is Mom and wife of the year happily and is preggo again. A past love is back on the market and he wants another chance. He cannot leave his preggo wife and is stuck. If all of this turns out to be true, tall dark and handsome will be dead to me at the movies.

Patty said...

I like to live under the delusion that Ben and Jen G are happily married and Ben is 110% committed to his family. I really hope this is true for Jen and the kids' sake, but a part of me knows there's this possibility...

pomme said...

Bennifer was so entertaining:the Brangelina of 2000's(without kid)
Douglas 'story is pathetic

brendalove@gmail.com said...

If Michael found out his cancer was back and its just a matter of time...I don't have a problem with him smoking.

JasonBlueEyes said...

Ben would never get back with J Lopez. His career is starting to gain some momentum again after many years. He wants another Oscar someday (for writing or directing) and he knows if he goes back to that vapid witch he'll never get it.

JasonBlueEyes said...

And if Ben did entertain thoughts of going back to Lopez I'm sure Matt and Kevin smith will try to talk him out of it. He knows everybody around town will be making "Gigli Part 2" jokes.

Rose said...

I wouldn't be surprised if Ben wanted to leave Jen G. and the kids but it will never be for J. Lo, Jenny from the Block, Jennifer Lopez, or Gigli. Makes me kinda sad though, I really like Jen G.

Cecilia00 said...

Ben's ego would never let himself go back to J.Lo

When they got together she was a hot commodity. A decade has gone by - notsomuch anymore.

That's what would really stop him.

Texshan said...

MacVixen, JHo "schemed" to get hubby #3 away from his wife and kids, so why is it "disrespectful" to imply that she might try it again? I don't think she's interested in Ben, but she's already proven that she's a whore with no respect for the married state (of course, so has Marc Anthony).
Michael D and CZJ are not smoking the e-cigarettes. I've seen photos -- they are the regular ciggies. Assholes.

Jamie's Girl said...

People forget that Jen Garner was a true Man User too. She dumped Michael Vartan while she was married to him for Ben.

Another thing, Violet is Victor Garber's kid, and is even named after him with the VI. Serafina is supposed to be some surfer dude's kid. Who is the daddy of #3? And will it be a boy?

Ida Blankenship said...

@Jamie's Girl, I know how in love you are with your concoted Garber/Barfleck theoretical love triangle, but for the millionth time:

The female version of the name Victor is V-I-C-T-O-R-I-A, not VIOLET. WHY would Jen choose the name "Violet" if it's supposed to be an homage to Victor? Not-so-coicidentally, Violet was ALSO the name of Jennifer's Grandmother -- hence the reason why they gave their first born daughter that name. It's a NO-BRAINER. LOTS of families follow those same traditions.

Plus, Ben's seemed to have both feet dangling out the door of that marriage for years -- wouldn't his wife bearing another man's child be the PERFECT catalyst to get the hell out? If your theory were anything close to accurate, I would think that DNA tests would have been done long ago. Too bad both Violet AND Serafina look EXACTLY LIKE a cross between Jen and BEN.

And just because "Serafina" kinda sounds like "surfer" doesn't mean that Jen slept with a waverider to concieve her. I have NEVER heard that theory, in all my years of smut perusal. You *completely* made that one up.

Jennifer and Michael Vartan were also NEVER MARRIED. So the overlapping between him and Ben might be a little suspicious, but she there were never divorce papers involved.

And Garber is GAAAAAAY. GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY. If he fathered a child with Jennifer (who, by many accounts, is like a daughter to him, so EWWWWW at the thought), it was definitely a one-time deal.

I mean, you're welcome to walk around with as many erroneous beliefs as you want, I guess, but it's pretty irritating how you keep spouting out the same conspiracy theories every month or so as if they're totally factual. You're wrong. It's irritating. That's all.

Cathy said...

@Ida -THANK YOU!!! I was about to write the same thing, but you already did - and much more eloquently, I might add. Jennifer Garner might be a total bitch in real life and she might have treated Michael Vartan like yesterday's trash, but the theories of Jamie's Girl are totally bizarre and downright laughable.

RocketQueen said...

Lol! I also came to comment that she and Vartan were not married, among other things, but Ida's thorough accounting was much better :)

Anotheramy said...

I think Ben and JLo will get together at Brad and JAs house because I heard they're back together too.

califblondy said...

We just debated whether J.Lo should get back together with Ben or P.Diddy. Ya, my family needs better things to talk about.

Another opinion was the "Mexican Brad Pitt" who starred in her video (and recently dumped his wife) is her new love.

She never goes it alone for long...so ladies, hang on to your fellas.

Gin Royal said...

Ida, thank you!

Gin Royal said...

Texshan, you're spot on about JHo.