Friday, December 09, 2011

Ted C Blind Item

Brucey Huskers is a gorgeous star. Brucey's hot. Brucey has a super-bitchin', manly body. Brucey hangs with other equally luscious-lookin' Tinseltown (and Blind Vice star) celebrities, who he's gotten mucho intimate with.

So, why is Brucey having trouble getting some lovin' lately?

Oh, wait. That rumor that he's not getting any since his big Hollywood split turns out to be...

Just that, a rumor!

"Don't you realize that this explains everything a little bit more clearly?" said one of the dudes who hangs thisclose alongside the humpy celebrity, who's gone back to getting it on with guys (something he did before his latest sexy starlet romance), since his latest publicized romance went sour.

"Ever stop to think why these 'relationships' of his don't last," asked Brucey's equally handsome bud, rhetorically. "Only a guy who's into guys would go out with the women this guy's gone out with," bitched the Huskers hanger-on.

Now, if you're able to follow the logic here, it pretty much makes sense: Brucey hooks up with Hollywood gals who are gorgeous but who he knows he has zilcho in common with. Everyone's shocked when it doesn't work out, as both parties are almost always super hot! Leaving the public breathless and waiting for the next hetero hook-up.

So, what gives?

Just that Brucey wants to keep getting in on with the guys even though he tells even himself it's the chickers he's really wanting.

Uh, so not the case.

But, Brucey will be the last to know this.

AND IT AIN'T: Ashton Kutcher, Sean Penn, Charlie Sheen

36 comments:

Bitterella said...

bradley cooper.

Jessica said...

Who knows and who cares. Over Ted and his ridiculousness

Rita said...

With a bit of concentration, I usually understand, or get the gist, of "Ted speak"... But this... I gave up after "only a guy"

Sherry said...

Ted's blinds are completely incomprehensible. Which hot actor hangs with all these hot dudes? George Clooney? He has the succession of women. Otherwise I got nuttin'

SaintsFan said...

I would guess George Clooney or Leo D.

London411 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MISCH said...

The choices are ? Well I can think of 3...

pomme said...

i'm tired of Ted C's gay obsession and it's barely comprehensible as usual

LisbethSalander said...

Ted's blinds are nine times out of ten convoluted messes.

crila16 said...

I think most of Ted's BV's are about homosexuals, because that's 90% of Hollywood.

EmEyeKay said...

I used to like them, I did, now I just get frustrated by my confusion.

I have no idea and I'm rarely surprised to find out someone's gay.

Can I also say that the names Ted gives gross me out sometimes? Blech.

Bubulle said...

Sounds like Clooney.

LisbethSalander said...

I use to always read the awful truth, but after it became the Twilight fan page, I had to call it quits.

M said...

I'm with Bitterella, it sounds like Bradley. He dated JLo briefly, recently, which seemed like an odd hookup.

Clooney is still with whatshername, so I don't think he counts in this case. Plus, Bradley just got People's sexiest award and got in great shape for a recent movie.

Poppymann said...

I really just don't care who is secretly gay. It's none of my business. Now, I am interested in who is doing cocaine off of alien strippers and secretly fucking bigfoot.

Rita said...

LOL Poppymann!

lollydarling said...

Clooney doesn't hook up with 'Hollywood gals', so that makes it Cooper.

Char said...

Clooney has a gf at the moment. This does sound like Bradley Cooper but I'd be pretty shocked if he didn't already have a BV about him. Has this name been in the vices before?

ShowBiz Junkie said...

If I interpret correctly: handsome movie star dates other pretty/hot women he has nothing in common with; so the relationships never last. He secretly doesn't want them to last. He wants sex with men but denies/doesn't realize he is really probably gay. Bradley Cooper. The women Jennifer Anniston, Renée Zellweger, JLo and Melanie Laurent.

pomme said...

Bradley Cooper and Clooney yet have a gay blind vice

pomme said...

and Cooper isn't dating with Melanie Laurent(he wants she directs him in her next movie)

@poppyman: yeah! who fucks BiggFooot??? LOL

Privacy said...

Jake Gyllenhaal

figgy said...

@Lisbeth Salander, I did the exact same thing--used to love Ted C until it became about NOTHING but Twilight. Remember when his column used to come out on Thursdays? I used to actually look forward to them.

And yet, I'm sorry, but I'm more fascinated by all the secretly-gay blinds than drug ones.

Borg Queen said...

@ ShowbizJunkie:

Dont forget he was married with Jennifer Esposito who filed for divorce after 2-3 months of marriage. Supposedly, she caught him in bed with another guy.

figgy said...

And oh yeah, this is Bradley Cooper, 75% sure...

Missy said...

Bradley is Topher Hairy Tuchas.

Katie said...

Pretty sure Ted disclosed awhile ago that Cooper had a moniker. I like the George guess, but like someone else said, he doesn't go for "Hollywood" girls.

SKT said...

I'm going to say it is one of the three:

1. Bradley Cooper
2. George Clooney
3. Leonardo DiCaprio

SKT said...

I'm going to say it is one of the three:

1. Bradley Cooper
2. George Clooney
3. Leonardo DiCaprio

Mooshki said...

Not only does B.Coop already have a TedName, "That rumor that he's not getting any since his big Hollywood split..." doesn't fit, because he's seen with a new gal every couple of days.

Prairie Prima Donna said...

This Is the first Ted blind I actually deciphered without rereading 10 times. I vote George Clooney.

Rose said...

Bradley Cooper doesn't hang out with other handsome celebrity men.

RJ said...

I love George Clooney, but he does not have a smoking hot body. Nor has he split from his most recent girlfriend. I don't think this one is him.

Bnl1016 said...

as per Ted:

Bradley -
Dear Ted:
I apologize if this has been asked before, but can you tell me if that cutie Bradley Cooper has ever been the subject of one of your blind items? Thanks!
—Katie

Dear Super Snoop:
Sure thing, baby!

George -
Dear Ted:
I'm still waiting to find out if George Clooney has ever been a subject of your Blind Vices. I'm serious. Yay or Nay. So many seem to fit him.
—Myy Place

Dear Come and Play:
With those dimples? Absolutely!

Leo -
Dear Ted:
So I've been intrigued by Leonardo DiCaprio since I was in fourth grade. Something about him is so interesting. Can you tell me some of the inside scoop on him? Like if he's been a recent B.V. or if he has any skeletons in the closet. Pretty please with a cherry on top.
—Mobey

Dear Sink or Swim:
Recent? No. Leo is pretty out there with his lady-lovin' self!


Neither Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling have been confirmed to have vice names, but Ted once said Gosling was def "vice worthy" and has been for years. But neither make complete sense with this at all.

Jeri said...

Like Privacy, I immediately thought of Jake Gyllenhaal.

His romances never work out and they're all with good looking celebs (sorta, depending on your taste).

Deezy said...

I would say Ryan Reynolds...his "big Hollywood split" being with ScarJo and his "latest sexy starlet romance" being Blake Lively