Friday, August 03, 2012

Your Turn

Have you ever Facebook creeped your ex? Used some other social media to keep track of them? Are you a social media stalker? Have you ever creeped your current love interest's ex?

71 comments:

smashbash said...

Only my exes and usually around my period. I will have to give it up eventually.

Miranda said...

It's part of the reason I stopped using Facebook, actually. I was tired of feeling like a rage-filled creeper!

selenakyle said...

No. I hated Facebook and cancelled that shit after only two weeks messing with it.

IMO it's creepy as hell having people know your business.

EmEyeKay said...

I've been on Facebook for about five minutes, so, no, but I did look up people I went to HS with. There was one ex in that mix but I don't think that counts. Have never looked up my ex-husband.

lolaluvs2snack said...

Its not creeping its being curious:-)
Its not just exes but persons of interest...lmao

*karen* said...

I'm still FB friends with my exes, so does it count as stalking if I go to their pages? If so, I don't do it until many months after a breakup.

As for my fiance's ex-gf? I've never looked her page up, but I did go into his past photos to see what she looked like.

jadedlove said...

Guilty.

Comma Chaser said...

One of the first things I did when I joined facebook about three years ago was track down my ex and immediately blocked her and a couple of her friends. So I guess that would qualify, but I was mainly concerned about keeping the psychopathic ex away from harassing me or my fiancee at any time in the future.

katsm0711 said...

No but I got stalked!!!!!

I stayed FB friends with my ex after he moved back to Costa Rica (I'm American). During our relationship I noticed a girl kept writing him and I asked him about her. He said she was just a classmate but I always had my suspicions. Then after he had been home for a year, one of his female friends wrote me in Spanish. I told her I don't speak Spanish so she translated really badly. Broken, backwards english probably from Google translate. She was asking how I knew Teo, were we dating? BECAUSE SHE WAS HIS WIFE! He was married to her the whole time he was in America and dating me. I felt so stupid. And they had a kid. She said she gave him permission to cheat so I don't get why she had to confront me when he was out of my country for over a year and he's unable to get a visa again. So yeah staying in touch with him was a mistake and I'm not sure I'd do it again.

Topper Madison said...

Of course. Isn't that what it's for?

BlisterPlease said...

I remember when I started dating a new guy in college my roomates all bounded into my room with their laptops open to different pages about his ex-girlfriend. They were like a crack detective team!

So through them, yes.

Ms Cool said...

I got in touch with my former fiancee via Facebook. We haven't talked in almost 20 years. I contacted him to tell him I was sorry for how I behaved when we broke up. I've always felt bad about it. He apologized, too. I told him I am very happily married and hope he is happy, too. It really was a pleasant exchange and I feel so much better about that time of my life.

Also, my husband knew all about the emails so I wasn't doing any sneaking.

smashbash said...

After reading all your comments I feel like a creep! Now I have to explain. I don't have a Facebook and my twitter is only for work. I only read his blog every few months when I am hormonal and dumb.

Lauren said...

@Blister, that is hilarious. Your friends sound like my friends.

Yes, I have stalked and ALWAYS regret it. If I feel the need for a good cry, I know where to look!

L'auteur said...

One of my girlfriends found out that her fairly new boyfriend was married via Facebook--the wife found her name somehow, looked her up on FB and friended her. It was quite sad as she has been single for a long time and finally felt ready to get involved. She's devastated.

That said, yes, and yes. But I have my FB privacy settings at the highest, so I don't think my exes or my hubby's exes can find me. :)

DianaofThemyscira said...

I don't have Facebook and don't give a shit about my exes. They're exes for a reason.

MISCH said...

No way....

Jesse D said...

Um, yes. And I am constantly reminded how terrible my taste in men has always been.
Ex: One of my exes just had his fb acct taken away because he's in prison for murder. He had a cellphone snuck into him that he used to update his page.
I think of it more as "personal security" than "stalking".

figgy said...

Geez, who can resist?!

I do check on the FB page and blog of one ex in particular. When I do so I inevitably think "thankthebabyjesus he rejected me" because it was the greatest blessing in disguise ever, as he grows more pathetic by the day. Yeah, it's terrible, but I can't help but gloat and compare him to my fabulous now-husband. ;-)

As @smashbash said, this is usually when I'm on my period and cramping, haha

AKM said...

I've looked up a few old exes for nice reasons, i.e. to see if they're doing well and/or if they'd like to be FB Friends. Most did not want to be Friends or I didn't even ask, but we "caught up" briefly and that's enough.

I will not look up my last ex; merely seeing his picture would not be a good thing for me, let alone seeing what else he might be up to currently.

Veech said...

Only my ex, and only Facebook.

luckylass said...

Nope. My cheater ex friend-ed me. Within 24 hours his current girlfriend contacted me to see if we were a thing. I pretty much told her his history and told her to run. in 48 hours we were no longer "friends".

Geez, I was the only one of his "friends" without the obligatory face-boob shot.

rejectedcarebear said...

Nope. I had to delete my facebook account cause my ex would creep on my page. I feel better now without facebook.

lizjaxe said...

Never had a boyfriend, so no stalking.

donner said...

I looked once, way back in the day when everyone's profiles were open, but I haven't tried again don't really care. No one has bothered me either, so its all good...

FashionMama said...

duhh. wasn't Facebook invented for that reason? to stalk your exes??
i am married and still check my exe's profile. fun to do.

nova said...

One time a particularly unlikable ex tried to add me to facebook. I enjoyed myself for a few minutes cackling at the photos of his hideous new foot-tattoos (????) and then clicked the block button with a smile.

Char said...

3 of my exes friended me on Facebook so I'm pretty sure that gives me free rein to look at their pages. But I'm married now, so it's more curiosity than anything. One of them just got engaged, one just had a baby with his girlfriend, and one got married 2 weeks after I did, and I'm happy for all of them.

Em Cue Em said...

I have checked out quite a few exes on facebook, though they were only high school exes and almost every single one was a disappointment, like "Christ I don't know what I was thinking". The lone exception is the guy I was most serious about before my husband, but I love the fact that we're both happily married. We've chatted once or twice on facebook and both of us just sit there bragging about our families. It's funny and completely platonic.

smashbash said...

Glad to see I'm not the only one. :)

SusanB said...

I checked out my ex husband and his family once on Facebook. Found out that even though it's been 20 years, they're still all assholes.

hothotheat said...

Yes, no, no and Yes. Disappointed with both the ex the current's ex.

Seachica said...

Who can resist, whether it's ex-friends or ex-BFs? Facebook is like one big high school reunion, but without the expensive dinner tickets and pasted-on smiles.

I am FB friends with 2 or 3 exes, and there are two other exes that I occasionally Google to see what they are up to. It's fun to learn what has become of them. One of the exes with whom I'm not friends - he looked me up last year and emailed me, because he was about to visit Seattle. I never replied - I don't need the drama of seeing an ex in real life. Digital distance is just fine, TYVM.

Syko said...

I've never stalked my ex-husband on Facebook because he has me blocked! Other people kept telling me he was on it, and I kept pooh-poohing it because I'd do a search and his name never came up, and even though the other people said he was friends with my children, I couldn't find him on their friends list. I finally realized that the man-size turd has me blocked, and it outrages me! We were divorced in 1979 and he's been married to the "other woman" for longer than he was married to me (which was way too long, frankly) so why would he get an account and then deliberately block me for no reason? Dirtbag.

I have, when excessively bored, searched for ex-boyfriends, but have never found any of them. Guess none of them like computers like I do, so it's probably fortuitous that they are exes.

WUWT? said...

I am not on Facebook, and I haven't had exes to stalk, but I "research" people all the time. Found out why an applicant left a previous job by finding newspaper articles. Found out a boss had two DUIs and a no contact order, which he'd violated. Discovered the bizarre/creepy criminal history of our class president (and one of the few guys who was nice to me in HS) (20 years before his odd arrest).


Most recently I found out the extensive criminal history of the guy that nearly killed my husband while driving without insurance, leaving us and our insurance stuck. In two states, he has 22 previous court cases, and $4420.80 in unpaid fines (he always gets fines instead of jail time, and never pays them). Even after I talked to the prosecutor, he didn't even bring up the accident in court (the judge asked the defendant, "So you didn't have insurance when you were stopped?" and the prosecutor did not correct him that it was NOT a traffic stop, but a nearly fatal accident that caused significant injuries), and the judge ordered another fine of $250 for his THIRD offense of no insurance. I will continue to research his life; I don't believe in karma but I'd like to be proven wrong.

I've also found my dad's HS friend's widow, a second cousin of my dad's who fell out of contact, and a couple of my college roommates, whom I'd let slide away.

I found my niece on the front page of her town's paper, and my sister quoted extensively in a newspaper article as well (that she was unaware of).

I don't know what all I could "research" if I got on Facebook. I don't want to be out there for others to find! Haha.

Seachica said...

WUWT...you reminded me of my stalker ex story! I had an ex contact me and tell me that he needed to talk to me about something. I Googled him, and found a press release from the federal court system. He had just been convicted of a crime and was contacting me to share that he was going to prison for 4 years.

Sherry said...

No. I am friends on FB with my most significant ex and email his present girlfriend since she's not on FB. Or I don't think she is. Like someone mentioned earlier they're exes for a reason but I'm friends with most of mine. And most aren't on FB. (Sneaks off to go see if that's still the case...)

Sue in MO said...

I don't try to "friend" or look for my exes, but I did get a friend request from someone once who I didn't recognize. I looked at his profile (it was public) and could not for the life of me figure out who he was, so I ignored it. A few weeks later I was curious so looked at his profile a little more closely and noticed his work history - THEN I remembered - he was an attorney who I dated for about a month, almost 25 years ago.... who was very charming and got me to really like him, then said he'd call me one night after I finally slept with him and then of course he never did. He's since married & had kids... I honestly had not thought of him since about two months after he dumped me (I moved several states away right after that and met someone else) and could not figure out WHY on earth he tried to friend ME? After all those years? So I refused the friend request, then I set my privacy settings to super private - you have to be friends with me to even see me on there - and about three months later I got ANOTHER Friend request from him. Which means he had to out of his way to really look me up, because we have NO mutual friends for him to find me. I got creeped out at that point and blocked him. One of my friends was laughing and told me "Well, he SAID he would call.. it just took him 25 years!" Too weird....lol....

seaward said...

When I was a teenager, I was a *fantastic* internet stalker. I mean seriously, I was fucking amazing, I could find anyone. This was before myspace/facebook/twitter, though, so I mainly found people on livejournal and whatever other sites were around at that time.
I stalked the shit out of my asshole ex's ex because I thought she was gorgeous and I was jealous. I read her journal back to when she was with my ex to see what their relationship was like. There was one entry where she said he'd wanted to steal a car just to see her (they lived 30+ minutes apart), then I made the mistake of saying something like that to my bf, thinking he wouldn't rememebr saying that to her, but he did.
Then I left some anonymous comments in her journal, but then on one of them forgot to log out of my account. She told my bf about it.

It was pathetic, it was desperate. After that I stopped stalking. Now I just don't give a shit about anybody, stalking would take too much energy and time.

Oh, but I did bump into the girl a few months after this all happened. She was short, borderline obese, and fugly. Girl just knew how to work the angles.

Della said...

I helped a friend stalk her husband online. Google earth took a pic of him standing by his truck in the driveway of the expected mistress' house. SO BUSTED! He is her exhusband now.

auntliddy said...

A young woman i know was creeped by her ex on facebook. He started leaving all sorts of rude comments on how she was cheapo, sexually inadequate, yadda yadda. How f*cking immature do u hv to be to do that?!! This is grown man in 30's!! If he had something to say, why didnt he talk to her instead of childish posts. He was mad she broke up with him. He forgot to mention why: he never told her he was divorced, paid alimony, and, oh yeah, was convicted drug dealer. When she found out she cut him loose. Asshole! So that kind of creeping, i vote no. Just seeing how someone is doing is pretty harmless.

auntliddy said...

Oh, and to make it worse, she didnt find out these things from him, but from his friends. They didnt know these things were secrets. Again, asshole.

Mango said...

I honestly don't get the Facebook obsession. I had a friend who begged me to join so I could see all of her photos (she has 5 kids and they do a ton of activities) so I finally caved and joined with a fake name and photo. Glad I did; I deleted the account after a month or two. I just didn't have the time, interest or energy to bother with it. And while I was on, the only person I bothered to search for was an old friend (female) from junior high.

jane3113 said...

I blocked my ex and the other woman so that I am not tempted to look. It would have been too difficult.

Della said...

If the information is available to the public is it really stalking? Hell, you can look up all kinds of info online. I say don't use Facebook/twitter/MySpace if u don't want certain people knowing your business. I cancelled my accounts because I got tired of hearing about everythime someone had sick kids, had a blister, had a cold, or photos with boobs pushed to their chin etc. I don't care to know every detail of someone's life. Some people put TOO much out there. I'll stick with the old fashioned phone call asking,"hey, how are you?"

Maja. With a J. said...

I look up people on Facebook all the time just to see what kind of information/ pictures they have out there. I don't really consider it stalking or creeping, just looking *L*

Coriander Shea said...

I'll have you know Sir Entward III, that I only use social media for career creeper purposes......that makes it perfectly alright b/c I'll just say I'm driven. Yeah, that's my excuse. ;)

Coriander Shea said...

@katsm0711 (did I get all those numbers right?)

What a douche. Didn't even bother telling you he was married, did he?

Mhdz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mhdz said...

Yes, I have FB stalked exes before. Not for a while though, I'm in love and no one else matters.

katsm0711 said...

wow you're good @coriander, I always cut and paste ;) omg of course he didn't tell me! He was a jerk and his wife was a naive 23 year old with a 6 year old who thought she was Ms Smart Detective all of a sudden. And for what? This kind of goes with the Your Turn the other day about if you'd tell a spouse you cheated. Some of you said why would you, it would only hurt the other person. I disagreed with those posters but now I see how it applies to me in real life and I now agree with the not telling unless something will come out of it!

Jason Blue Eyes said...

Nope. I'm not on Facebook. The Less I know about my ex the better. what I don't know will never hurt me.

Badbarfly said...

Creeping my job I quit 6 weeks ago after 14 years. I just wonder when they are going out of business.

Henriette said...

I had an ex-best friend try to friend my on Facebook. She wrote me this sugary e-mail about how we "should have kept in touch." Why would I keep in touch with someone who basically was a total ahole to me? She had a kid at 21 and thought she was the Virgin Mary. Anyhoo, I just blocked her. None of my exes are on FB.

I like looking up people to make myself feel better. I can say: "Thank God I never married him!"

Brenda L said...

I hate FB pages where the person is totally 100% focused on their kids or their spouse. It's like...do you have any kind of mind of your own about any other topics?

Creeping: it's only creeping when you feel funny about doing it. If you're having that feeling try to find something else to do instead.

astrogirl said...

I love Facebook to catch up with friends who have moved overseas. I have blocked a couple of people who kept posting inane stuff, no stalkers or anything scary but I only add people who I know personally, no friends of friends or anything and keep my profile private. I am friends with most of my exes, no hate there, it's nice to see them do well too.

Babydoll said...

I swear I am a normal human being but I have gone into my boyfriend's email account and reading his chats. NOT because I was suspicious just cause I was bored.

Popcorn Sutton said...

I have looked up a few people, but I wouldn't say that I have stalked anyone.

Facebook irritates me. I thought it was fun when I first joined (about four years ago), but it seems like a lot of people put a lot of time and effort into showing everyone what they are doing instead of just living and enjoying life. Also, the pictures of food need to stop and foursquare makes me want to punch things. "So and so is the mayor of Chili's!!" Congrats on the diarrhea!

Turkish Taffy said...

I stalk like crazy, but have found that Facebook is not the most efficient tool.

By Google stalking, I learned that my ex died in a fire with the person he dumped me for. I also learned from various "tributes" that they had been in rehab and had been having horrible fights before the fire "of unknown origins" occurred. I love the internet.

Turkish Taffy said...

Twitter, on the other hand, is a great stalking tool. My frenemy from high school has a wealthy frat boy son in college with no boundaries. I have learned all sorts of deliciousness from his tweets.

PugsterMom said...

No but my ex boyfriend spied on ME! He used a mutual friend's password. Idiot.

Miguela said...

I used to back when I was in 8th grade and MySpace was the thing, but as soon as I graduated high school I got home and began deleting/blocking/hiding a bunch of people I never liked or bugged me. My friend list went from about 700 to 65.

winnyfranfran said...

Yes, I do it all the time. Even with people I don't know very well. Like that cute barista at Starbucks.

Picasso One said...

LOL, I have 3 Ex Girlfriends as "Friends" on Facebook, 2 of them were from 20+ years ago. They both married and had kids with the boyfriend after me, 1 is divorced the other more recent ex is still married, the 3rd already had 2 kids with her "ex" before me and then she went back to him to have 2 more kids and leave him again. My wife is totally aware of all these ex's on my facebook, and I really only get responses from 2 of them the one who is still married rarely acknowledges that I exist beyond being on her friends list on facebook, which is fine by me, I'm only doing this too piss off her hubby after all she cheated on me and left me for him. He's still lucky to be living because I didn't want to go to jail!

WUWT? said...

winnyfranfran, that reminded me... My husband is a little clueless on social cues and boundaries, and we were out with a friend of his at a bar/restaurant who thought the waitress looked cute and a little familiar. In the time between the drinks and the food, he found her on Facebook on his smart phone, as a friend of a friend of a friend, and when she came back my husband said to her, "Hey he found you on Facebook! He has your picture on his phone!" literally having no idea that he would creep out the waitress and humiliate his friend. He still tries to defend it: "You both know what's his name. Why wouldn't you tell her that?" "You just showed me her picture on your phone. How was I supposed to know not to tell her that?"


Sue in MO, is it good to know that while you forgot him, he's still wondering what might have been with you? Sounds like you were the one he couldn't get over. Or maybe just someone he thinks he can get with again. Who knows...

Chris Jurgensen said...

No, but only because I'm too self-centered.

Agent**It said...

Use Lexis Nexus if you have access. Great research tool.

Henriette said...

@Agent It
I have access due to being in academia. It's alright, but no one I know has done anything that interesting.

Agent**It said...

Henriette I used it to connect money laundering linkages. Those are interesting folks. I enjoyed the global aspect and the access to records.miss it.

Lelaina Pierce said...

Guilty! I don't really consider it stalking when people make themselves so readily accessible on the interwebs. ;)

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