Friday, May 24, 2013

Random Photos Part Three - Cannes

Kylie Minogue

Rosie Huntington-Whitely
Sharon Stone & Jessica Chastain
Janet Jackson
Heidi Klum
Goldie Hawn
Milla Jovovich
Stacy Keibler
Rosario Dawson
Audrey Tautou from the greatest movie ever, Amelie.
Nicole Kidman
Laura & Bruce Dern


Zee Noxgoddess said...

One of my all time favorite movies, Amelie. I cry like a baby.

skimpymist said...

Was this the fame whore lineup?

Jessi said...

Oh Goldie. No No No!!!

Nicole Kidman has been killing it with her fashion this week! Work it girl!

And what is in the water that Sharon is drinking? I need some. That woman is beautiful!

And Milla, one of Top girl crushes! Love her! She too is killing it this week with her dresses!

greenmountaingal said...

I love Audrey Tautou.

WTF is Goldie Hawn wearing?! Her face is starting to scare me.

Major fail, Heidi.

Sharon Stone looks like she's scaring the bejesus out of Jessica Chastain.

Mimi said...

Amelie Poulain the greatest movie ever???
Enty is such a girl

auntliddy said...

Reminds me i want audrey's hair. Goldie!!!!! Not your best look!!!! Very norma desmond!

libby said...

Love Amelie! I am a girl too!

VeeBee said...

@greenmountaingal: ITA with everything you said. Psychic twins!

Gayeld said...

@greenmountaingal. I suspect, without the whole "veil" thing around it, Heidi's dress have actually been cool. Too bad.

Love Sharon Stone's dress. Very old Hollywood.

TotallyDistracted said...

My 2 cents:
Sharon Stone=Fabulous
Jessica Chastain=Never pose next to SS again. You look like a red dwarf.
Heidi=Wearing grandma's kitchen curtains for a skirt.
Goldie=50 yards of bright fabric to hide behind still doesn't work.
Milla, Stacy, Rosario, Audrey=Well done and having fun.
Nicole=Grandma's going to the ball.
Laura and Dad=Looking fab.

Single Man in Love with Love said...

Guy here...and big fan of Amelie. I use to put it on when the ladies would come over to "watch a movie" and it worked every time.

Betsy said...

I am unsure why Heidi would go out wearing a gilded vagina for a dress.

YoMismo-RememberKermitGosnell said...

Sharon Stone is just 5'8 (1.70 metres). Is Jessica Chastain Snooki's height?

In what multiverse is Amelie "the greatest movie ever"? You must be trolling hard.

Frufra said...

I think Chastain looks the best I've ever seen her here. That is definitely the hairstyle she should stick with. And Betsy, you are spot on there in your assessment of Heidi's dress. Y'all leave Goldie alone! She wears whatever she feels like and is fabulous and lovin' life. And I totally don't say that because I wear whatever I feel like, even when people make faces :-).

ureallyannoyme said...

Laura Dern is my least favorite graduate from the School of Breathing Hard and Fast = Acting.

And sorry, but I think Nicole looks awful. That color washes her out, and the style doesn't do anything to enhance her figure. Granny has doughy arms, too.

What's up with Rosario's white shoes?

Let_Love_Rule said...

It looks like it was one of Diddy's "white partys" only some people didn't get the memo and wore dresses that weren't white. I wonder if that was a cool kids thing?

Count Jerkula said...




califblondy said...

Bruce Dern wow, I loved him in Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte when I was little.

Goldie, from one blonde to another, yellow is not our color.

Sharon Stone looks gorgeous.

Why isn't Keith groping Nicole? Or the more important question is why isn't he groping me?

f281561 said...

That made me laugh. Thanks for the comment it brightened up my crappy day!

f281561 said...

Sharon is one of my hubbie's oldie but goodbye tickets. She looks good. I wonder if its because while she has had work she has stayed away from the fillers. I don't think faces recover well from fillers.

Turkish Taffy said...

My daughter LOVES that movie "Amelie".

f281561 said...

It's a good one!

Amy said...

The photo of Sharon Stone gave me the strangest vibe -- like I just flashed on how she's been dieting and tanning and dieting and preening and just LIVING for months and months with the single focus of making appearances at Cannes.

T. E. Cuz said...

rosie and rosario are wearing the same shoes. rosie actually looks slightly attractive here.

Jessie said...

Milla looks beautiful!

I love Amelie too. But I love her hair in Hord de Prix moreso than when it's short

Jessie said...

Hors even...

bunny honey said...

I think all the ladies look great! Keep it up ladies!

AnneBolyen said...

Has Nicole had a boob job?

Ja'mie King said...

I too love Bruce Dern, I've only seen Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte once and didn't realize he was in it. I do so enjoy him in The Burbs tho!

TuesdayAdams said...

Janet is so gorg it's unfair.

SnowCherries said...

Amelie is one of my top three favorites. Such a beautiful movie.

SnowCherries said...

Amelie is one of my top three favorites. Such a beautiful movie.

PugsterMom said...

Can't stand Heidi. In Hebrew the word Klum means NOTHING. And that's what I think of her.

NaughtyNurse said...

Jessica Chastain looks positively horrified to have Sharon Stone in the same vicinity.

Erik said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Massive G said...

Bet Bruce Dern is banging his ugly daughter

Snootches said...

Chastain is bah-whoring as fuck! And I second the Heidi's dress looks like a vagina comment, although instead of guilded I would've said "vanilla vagina". Oh, and how could I forget Goldie Hawn and that god awful drape she dusted off from 1970. ...the fuckity fuck

Massive G said...

t's all about splooge and shit, folks. Splooge and shit make the world go around. Everything in these pages can be explained by splooge and shit. Personally, I dislike shit but I love to shoot my splooge into the orifices of willing and attractive women. Others of you may enjoy having your shit packed, and that's OK with me but I'm not into that man on man thing. I love Obama, hate pus, flatus, and crusty cunts. I need to know how to clean ass blood off persian carpets, because I fucked a bimbo up the ass the other night (and it was sweet meat) and she bled ass blood all over my rugs on her way out because I split her asshole in two with my massive phallus. It's hard being hung so large. My dick is hard to hide, even in the best tailoring. Small children follow me making horse sounds. It's a curse. I never know whether a woman is fucking me because she likes me or because she likes my big dick. I blow about a quart of splooge a shot. One girlfriend used to jerk me off once a week and capture my splooge in a jar. She used it for shampoo - after all, splooge is pure protein - and her hair was lustrous even if it did smell like splooge. When she slept, my cats would smell her hair and tread the blanket slowly. As an adolescent, I liked to jerk off in jars of vaseline and watch my spermies swim. I used to do it in drug stores and recap the jar so that some innocent woman would buy the jar, use the vaseline on her cunt, and get pregnant with my spermies. There is no telling how many bastard children I have. I don't use rubbers when I fuck, so all of my lovers get a direct injection of splooge deep, deep down in their pussy near their eggs. I love to knock women up. I want to create my own army of my own children. I can't tell you the number of times I've fucked sisters, or mother and daughter. I get off on sick shit like that. I have enough cock to go around. I pick up women in abortion clinics because I know they're sluts. I've found that once the anaestesia wears off, you're in like Flynn. These sluts realize that the best way to recover from their scrape is to jump right back onto the horse cock and ride it like a cowgirl. I don't pay for abortions; I want all of my children. My weekend beats your year.

Massive G said...

This Sunday evening at 10pm, I'll be sitting at the counter of Waffle House on Tunnel Road. I'll be wearing clothing but underneath I'll be naked. You'll know it's me because I'll be eating Bert's BEST bowl of Chili. Please note that Bert's BEST is a large bowl of chili, smothered, covered, chunked and peppered. This clarification is important, just in case there is someone else at the counter eating a bowl of Bert's Chili, which is just chili and not as good as Bert's BEST.

After you identify me by my chili and also perhaps by my concealed nakedness, you'll take the stool beside me. At first I won't be sure it's you and the anticipation will be a real thrill for me. When the waitress greets you... I'm not sexist it's just statistically probable that your server will be a female because male Waffle House servers are very rare. Anyway, when your waitress greets you, you won't need to review a menu because I'm about to tell you what to order and you'll have it memorized. It may be a good idea to write this down on a small piece of paper and memorize while you're driving to the Tunnel Road Waffle House. Ready? Good.

You'll tell the waitress you'll have Hashbrowns, covered, diced, peppered and topped. Curiously enough, topped means topped with Burt's Chili. The other code words stand for melted cheese, grilled tomatoes, and spicy jalapeno peppers, respectively. I mention this because often times people don't care for spicy foods, in which case you can substitute capped for peppered. Capped is the code word for grilled button mushrooms. Either way, I'll still know it's you.

Yet just to be sure, in addition to the Hashbrowns, order a city ham biscuit from the DOLLAR$ MENU. Of course it's possible that you may not like City Ham. The name itself can conjur unpleasant connotations if you think too long about it. This isn't important though because you don't have to eat it. It's just something off the DOLLAR$ MENU that you'll order it so I can be sure you're you and not just someone else that happens to be ordering Hashbrowns, covered, diced, peppered and topped.

After you order and only after the waitress has walked away, I'll ask you if you'd like a spoonful of my Bert's BEST Bowl of Chili. Don't respond verbally, just looked me in the eyes, squint slightly in a seductive manner and then open your mouth, stick out your tongue and get ready for a spoonful of Bert's BEST. Taste the chili, the sautéed onions, melted cheese, grilled hickory smoked ham and spicy jalepeno peppers. It doesn't matter if you like the spicy peppers or not. You're going to eat them and they're going to be HOT! So hot your salivation may carry a little piece of grilled hickory smoked ham from the corner of your mouth down the precipice of your chin. Don't wipe it off, let it drip.
When my body stops covulsing and my emotions return from sheer ecstacy, I'll put a $20 bill on the counter. Then I'll get up slowly and walk out the door. Never to see you again.

If this sounds like the kind of thing you're looking for, email me to set up a time to meet. I know I said I'd be there tonight at 10 pm but if more then one woman showed up it would cause confusion. Also I'd like to make sure you're not a weirdo before we meet.

Massive G said...

I hate you all. I hate every last living, breathing, snot and feces producing, promiscuously copulating, celebrity obsessed, opinionated one of you. From right here in LA right around the planet and back, coast to coast, nationwide and internationally. Every. Single. Last. One. Of. You.

Fuck you chick on your cellphone. Fuck you attitude packed minimum-wager that makes my coffee. Fuck you cops that spend all their time handing out speeding tickets. Fuck you douche bag doing ten over the limit in the passing lane on the highway. Fuck you lady using exact change at the counter at the grocery store. Fuck you kids having a conversation in the doorway. And fuck you also for not getting the fuck out of your designated handicapped seat when a pregnant or elderly person gets on the fucking bus.

Fuck taxes. Fuck welfare. Fuck the whole selfish, over politicized and party driven government system. I'm sick and fucking tired of policies and new laws with seven hundred bylaws that nobody but you and your cabinet reads. Fuck you councilors and your stupid 'district improvement' plans. Fuck you unions, for asking for so much and giving nothing more that what you already give. Fuck the whole process that allows people who are supposed to be working for us work for interests that only benefit the next campaign. Fuck your short-sightedness, your rush to the bandwagons, and your incessant arguing over fuck all. Fuck the parties, fuck the conventions, and fuck your campaigns. Do some real fucking work for a change.

Fuck you bottles of water. You're water. You're not worth two fucking dollars.

Fuck you trendsetters, fuck you fashionistas. Fuck your little dogs and and your idiotic outfits. Fuck your high heels in the snow. Fuck your five dollar coffees and your fifteen dollar veggie burgers. Fuck your health kick, your diet or your fucking new interest in kickboxing or sushi.

Fuck your culture. Fuck your race. Fuck your sense of entitlement. Fuck your sense of uniqueness. Fuck you all for the belief that you have something unique and interesting to contribute. Fuck you for filling the internet with your useless garbage. Fuck your blogs, your wikis, your forums. Fuck your name calling. And most of all, fuck whatever you believe. It's all wrong. Fuck it.

Fuck your complaints. Fuck your addictions. Fuck your dependencies. Fuck your pain. Fuck your tears. Fuck selling whatever it is you sell. Fuck your manipulation of others. Fuck movies. Fuck fucking. Fuck everything you own. Fuck your allergies. Fuck your stupid commons sense. Fuck your spelling and fuck your lack of education, or your ignorance, whatever is applicable.

I don't give a fuck. Shut the fuck up and just get on with it.

Massive G said...

Dear ENT:

You vulgar little maggot.

You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a slug than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beast who sired you and then killed himself in recognition of what he had done. Your daddy was a bastard, your mamma was a whore, and you wouldn't be here if the rubber hadn't tore. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you.

You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool.

You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of a used condom. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have toe jam. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away forever.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.

Massive G said...


Massive G said...

Massive G
The man you live to hate
Looks at Amber Heard's photograph
And masturbates

Massive G
Has an awesome bod
You should tithe to Massive G
You think about him more than God

Massive G
Has an enormOus dick
What he does with it
Can be considered sick

Massive G
The man you live to hate
But after he fucks your crusty cunt
Your period will be late

KPeony said...

Someone needs a snickers

Massive G said...

I need a Blowjob

Anna Namis said...

wow.. that's all I can say is wow..... laughing too.... some people are so Don't forget Enty, "you're a fiend and a coward and you have toe jam".. rolling on the funny. But isn't having toe jam the worst of those crimes?

Ruby Soho said...

I hate toe jam

Count Jerkula said...

@Massive: You high on blow or meth? If meth, what kinda prices they got in LA?

All about Eve said...

Best rant ever!!! I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard!!!!

SophiaB said...

Oh yeah. Absolutely. I don't think there's anything left on her that hasn't been plasticized. Yuck.

And I think Milla looks HORRIBLE. Wrong color, bad hairdo & make-up, awful dress. Yuuuuuuuuck.

And yes, Chastain must never stand near Stone. She almost got the fashion win from me but this photo killed her chances. Done. Just done.

I kind of love Rosario. She has hung in there through thin times, showing up at the opening of an envelope, and is now working regularly again. And through it all she has kept the happy face and the light still shines through. The fact that she is so beautiful and is really talented helps. That dress, sadly, does her no favors. She should wear the kind of colors that Freida Pinto rocks.

I am at least somewhat admiring some of the dresses. But Heidi Klum needs to take a really long sabbatical because her face is next to the word overexposed in the dictionary and I am ready to coordinate a public stoning for that clueless, ignorant slut.

SophiaB said...

The smile on Sharon's face would scare me shitless. Jessica is so small she looks like a yummy snack to Sharon.

Count Jerkula said...

"Massive G
The man you live to hate
But after he fucks your crusty cunt
Your period will be late"

This was a good verse, but I'm thinking the last line would be better w/o the "will" so just "Your period be late." That's how I'm reading it anyway.

Carry on.

SophiaB said...

I think I saw it three times in the theatre when it first came out. Everyone fell in love with Audrey that year.. sad her career did not fly any higher though she is hardly a one hit wonder.

SnowCherry I love your name. Makes me think beaitiful thoughts. White and cherry red are a favorite color combo. Thanks for thinking of it for me :)

SophiaB said...

I am thinking a massive med fail.

SophiaB said...

Why is Stacy there and what happened to her face??!! The dress is way overkill though she is pulling it off. She has come a long way from Oscar Barbie I must admit. But she has no taste and will likely fade almost as quickly as Elizabetta. She & George are clearly on the skids. As it is written.

SophiaB said...

I like Audrey's hair short like this. That dress is so cute but the upper part is just not flattering to her. The skirt part is fabulous. Aaaaand I would choose a gem color, maybe garnet, to really flatter her skin color. Sooo close!

SophiaB said...

Count, you are tough enuf to read that stuff, are you Superman? Maaaaaarrrrrrryyyyy meeeeeee! I am learning to leao over MG's malignant meanderings and here you are giving pointers. I love you so!

bink said...

Sharon Stone has weird boobs.

Count Jerkula said...

@SophiaB: Height and location, please.

There is a chance I am e-married, but I can try to negotiate an open relationship. Anyone know if polygamy is legal on the interwebs?

Mari said...

Soldier's way; Saves the day!
That's one of my top ten fave movies ever!

TeacherNan said...

Count, all's fair on the web. I must admit I had to chuckle and agree with a few remarks from "G", but won't say which ones...

Anothergrayhare said...

Well is certainly appears that Massive G is one of the more literate among (amongst?) us. Twisted, strange and scary, but either very intelligent or very good at cutting and pasting.