Tuesday, July 22, 2014

The Sex Spreadsheet

Yesterday a couple made headlines after a husband e-mailed his wife a nasty little note about why he wouldn't miss her while she was gone for ten days on a trip. In that note he attached a spreadsheet detailing her excuses why she didn't want to have sex with him over a seven week period. In that seven week period he asked his wife 27 times and she declined 24 times. When the wife received the spreadsheet she posted it to Reddit where it has since become viral. I'm wondering if the guy thinks to himself that perhaps she is saying no because he is the kind of guy who would do something like this. They do tend to drink a lot, but it also looks like she works out almost everyday. There are 49 days in seven weeks and he asked 27 times. Did she ask the other 22 days? What if she felt like having sex those days, but he was too drunk or gross?

100 comments:

CoBe said...

Team Hubs.

Frufra said...

Jackass.

Renoblondee said...

Hmmmm. So who's the asshole here? Evens?

Ray Nicolet said...

doesn't matter, had sex.

Frufra said...

Wait - I'll amend - passive aggressive jackass. Good luck with all that.

LottaColada said...

I believe she's the one who posted this on reddit, no? She wants the sympathy.

Frufra said...

They're both nuts, clearly. He's the passive aggressive jackass, and she's the weirdo who put the whole thing on display on reddit.

Frufra said...

And everyone knows that the way to a woman's heart is a mean spreadsheet, right, ladies?

MeanieRhysie said...

Gee, they're both winners, aren't they?

Tillie said...

Doesn't matter? Three times in 7 weeks?????

Tillie said...

Not choosing sides either but there is something clearly wrong if they're only having sex 3 times in 7 weeks

Steampunk Jazz said...

Rhysie, You could say they deserve each other but No one deserves this kind of behavior ( from each of them)

audrey said...

I don't see either of them having sex with one another for a very long time---if ever again. Unless of course someone like Ellen puts them on her show and gives them a car and $10,000 then they will have sex to celebrate their celebrity status.

HeatherAM said...

Guess what guys? Being married doesn't entitle you to sex. They are individuals and they should only have sex when they BOTH want to.

Telling his wife that he won't miss her because of the lack of sex is emotional abuse. She doesn't owe him sex but he does owe her respect and understanding.

Team wife

Breezer said...

Am I the only one who thinks it's weird she didn't shower until the next morning after working out? Eww.

Frufra said...

Heather, ^5! Very well said.

Dena said...

My husband knows better than to expect sex if I'm watching a good show and I leave him alone during his sports. Plus I shower at the gym before I leave. Pretty simple.

JenX said...

I would guess from the fact that he sent her this, he may be emotionally abusive in more ways than one. The "still tender" makes me wonder if he's really rough with her and not in a good way. It's also possible that he sucks so bad in bed that she doesn't even get turned on anymore.

Ray Nicolet said...

Doesn't matter, was referring to a song

KMS from down under said...

Yes 3 times in seven weeks seems extremely low

Topper Madison said...

Team @HeatherAM!

Henriette said...

I'm impressed he could work an excel spreadsheet 'cause excel baffles me.

I never say "no" to the hubs (not that he asks that much) 'cause sex is liking banking. Put some into savings so you can take it out later.

Henriette said...

There is no point in being married without sex unless you are committing immigration fraud. As for being emotionally abusive to the wife, well it's emotionally abusive to keep rejecting someone too and that is what this woman was doing. I don't think the guy's method was great and he showed he was immature, but the wife obviously has some issue she is not disclosing to her husband.

AKM said...

@Ray - HA! "She kept looking at her watch...and I cried the whole time..."

Jordan T said...

Total relationship envy here

Ray Nicolet said...

Doesn't matter, had sex!!

Haha thank you AKM, i was hoping someone would understand.

Trilby said...

Not to judge either of their sex drives (although when I was 26, once daily was a minimum requirement!); but if they put this pair on a "reality couples show", it would be the first I'd ever watch. Promise.

Trilby said...

FUNNY!! :)

smn1985 said...

I imagine I wouldn't want to have sex with the kind of guy who keeps a spreadsheet either. Or the kind of guy that asks to have sex. Or is that just how marriage works?

__-__=__ said...

Why are they married?!?! At least they're both off the market!

8====D KermitGossnellKnobjob said...

She should go on escorts (or whatever the name for male hookers is) searching for a rooster (cock) that makes her happy.
Dudes do it when their wife doesn't give them pussy, she should do the same instead of whining for compassion.

CoBe said...

Anyhoo, my guess for this couple is Emma Roberts and Evan Peters.

Sarah said...

Sounds like they have some issues feeding into the dry spell.
Sex within committed relationship relies on your feelings of connectedness.
It's definite not as simple as the kind of sex you're having when you meet someone and just find each other attractive .

Kat has left the building said...

Lol @breezer yeah that's freakin gross!

auntliddy said...

Tacky. Him for writing it, her for posting it.

Ari said...

props to him for not cheating

rajahcat said...

well I wonder how he's asking?

Clearly they have different needs.

I really can't have a team here-this is no way to solve anything.

Marriage has ebbs and flows-its a mystery. And its really between them.

Count Jerkula said...

After a month of no sex, I told my ex that I was done getting shot done, was going back to jerking off to porn, and if she wanted sex she could ask me. We didn't have sex for another month, when I told her, "We haven't had sex in 2 months, I have to go to Atlantic City this weekend. If you want to come, you need to start fucking me. If not, I'm going to fuck anything that moves this weekend." She came to AC.

She moved out 2 months later, but atleast I got to fuck her a couple more times.

Moral of the story: If a chick starts withholding sex, don't cheat behind their back, that is probably what they want, so they can play the victim wile walking out the door. Be upfront about it, give them choices, and you blow their hole game. 99% chance the relationship is over anyway, so who cares about hurt feelings.

girl77007 said...

I think he's making his move at the wrong time of day!

#teammorningsex

Eric said...

Funny how a lot of the women responding to this think that it's totally ok for a wife to only have sex with her husband 3 times over 49 days. Guess what men need sex. If you aren't providing sex to your husband someone else will. Don't cry if your man cheats on you or leaves you for someone who is willing to give him some attention. It seems that once women get married their husband becomes last on this list. Meanwhile divorce rates are 50%+

rajahcat said...

gotta give the Count some credit here

at least he was honest and up front-she made her decision knowing

s.breezy29 said...

Either he expects sex way to much, or she's uptight, either way, bad deal! Maybe her "business trip" is with her boyfriend, and taht's why she won't give it up?!

Seven of Eleven said...

It's a passive aggressive move keeping a spreadsheet, for sure, but her posting it on Reddit was pretty stupid. What did she think, some Reddit knight in shining armor would come and rescue her from this life of debauchery? What if she had been the one not getting sex and he posted the spreadsheet?

CanadianMiss said...

Boy, he sounds like a gem. Maybe he's putting too much work into making spreadsheets, and not putting enough effort into getting his wife into it.
Sorry, guys. "hey, let's screw" just doesn't cut it.

sugarbread maker said...

I smell fraud and a reality show in the works. . People see how much attention tori and Dean got and they want a quick paycheck. Cue interviews all over TV in next few weeks then accidental reality show to fix their broken union

Don't fall for this or support the fakery and tricky crap. We don't need more tori and deano.

Rubey Noire said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rubey Noire said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rubey Noire said...

I bet if they read more erotica like Fifty Greys in the Shade: http://www.amazon.com/Fifty-Greys-Shade-Red-Lounge-ebook/dp/B00KYDK2QA/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406043897&sr=1-4, then their sex lives would be much more fulfilling! I wish them both happy sex for a very long time! :-)

Shockwave said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shockwave said...

Remember when the internet was the greatest repository of knowledge in human history? Yeah, that is over. The lowest form of humanity have once again ruined what was once great in a desperate attempt for 15 minutes of fame (Which will work, they will be on talk shows and get a book deal out of it, then be forgotten the next time a 13 year old sings a bad song on Youtube)

Kat has left the building said...

I'd like to see what her version of the spreadsheet would look like. These two drama queens sound made for each other.

Sherry said...

SugarTits is probably correct about their motives.

Honestly if I didn't get sex in a week I might be making a spreadsheet too. JK!

It could be in the way he was asking..Feeling sexy at 11PM when I'm starting to fall asleep isn't welcome but neither do you have to make it a dedicated date night either. Plenty of times I've said yes with the promise of a little more notice the next time and a little more foreplay than, "wake up sweetie, look what I have for you".

LAME excuse that you're watching something on TV. There's reruns and the show will be over in an hour. Compromise! Need a shower? Viola! Excellent time to shower together. Who can't have fun with that?

And sex 3 x in 49 days is NOT a positive indicator of a good relationship.

Brenda L said...

He went all Excel on her ass!

M. Brown said...

I think the official defenition of sex deprived is less than 12 times in a calendar year. 1x per month and you're good :)

Count Jerkula said...

@M.Brown: LOL! Maybe if yer 70.

rajahcat said...

well there were a lot of issues with feeling gross and showering or lack of on this spreadsheet...that's pretty obvi an excuse

these two don't sound like they have any kids.....what happens if they ever do?

of course they might have to up their activity average to ever achieve that though no?

Dena said...

Where's all the period excuses?

Greengrl said...

Props to you count for not cheating & beating her at her own games.

Ladies are always complaining about the lack of communication in relationships but make up excuses instead of stating the issue. Stop playing games! If you're not feeling it then let him know & either work it out or part ways.

__-__=__ said...

Very nice Count! I agree with get out, it's time to move on. Things like this don't get better. And you can never replace time.

Tina Mallette said...

Hmm if wife is working out every day maybe she is having sex with someone at the gym. Seen that happen a lot.

They always say one possible sign of an affair is if your significant other suddenly starts spending a lot of time at the gym, losing weight, spending more time on their appearance yet seem to be avoiding you.

We had married neighbours, married to other people, having an affair.

You'd think the husband and wife would wonder who works out for 3 hours or more at a time. Of course someone we know worked out at the same gym and saw them arrive, stay 30 minutes and then leave. But then come home several hours later.

Wen said...

Too drunk???? DRUNK sex is the BEST sex!!!

Tina Mallette said...

Yeah just re read that spreadsheet, she's either having sex with someone after the gym or instead of the gym.

Tina Mallette said...

Or husband needs to buy wife a PVR.

Elisha said...

I agree men need sex, so do women. The reason I dint find it odd that they only had sex 3 times in 7 weeks is because clearly there is something wrong in the relationship or his way of asking and neither are addressing it. If the guy would stop worrying about what the relationship can do for his junk and more about what he could do for the relarionship, he might get more.

And notice I said relationship, not what he can do for her. A relationship benefits both people.

She also needs to be honest though and if she is just as passive aggressive she will never tell him what is wrong any way.

I would have just left his ass and gotten some non score keeping peen else where.

Elisha said...

In the 50 ' s where they belong.

Evil Kumquat said...

Bullshit.

Part of the marriage pact is sex.

If a wife won't provide, the husband is justified getting it elsewhere.

I've lived through a sexless marriage once so he absolutely has my sympathy.

I never cheated myself, but thinking back to my first marriage, I wish I had.

Tenisha said...

Well shit...if all he is saying to her is "SEX?" then I don't blame her for not wanting any. LOL... but honestly, he should have detailed what exactly he did or said to try to entice her...it probably wasn't much of anything. MEN!!! haha

Diana Maras said...

I guess she won the asshole contest. Hope she enjoys her trophy of shit.

Jordan said...

Women are whores. He should make her sleep outside sometimes.

Seven of Eleven said...

Oh sugar, no one wants to get into your van.

Sincerely,Your Friend said...

Can't she let him crawl on top of her while she watches her show? If you lay the right way it works.

Sincerely,Your Friend said...

She skips the shower hoping that will deter him.

And, sex in the shower is good clean fun. But, not if you're showering with a numnuts who actually "asks" for sex. Don't ask, take it!

Yeah, she's got a side piece. And she'll have another one after that. The Excel nerd is NEVAH gonna get it.

AppleThief4Elliot said...

It seems pretty crass to write it but I am guessing the drought wasn't just the seven weeks he tracked. Probably, he started ~2 months ago, in part to reality check himself, as well as be able to present evidence in a discussion.
That said, that discussion should have been handled in a mature way, at an appropriate time, and maybe by two completely different people.
Her posting it... well, frankly I guess her point is, look how crass my husband is, but she doesn't come off well, imho, either for denying him sex, or for whining about his crassness in handling that.

crila16 said...

Those excuses are because she's just not that attracted to him, and she gets grossed out when he touches her. She only will sleep with him once in a blue moon, out of guilt and she feels obligated.

NATHANIEL MANELLA said...

Ah so new Entry is definitely a woman

NATHANIEL MANELLA said...

Enty

M. Brown said...

I knew you'd like that Count! I've been trying to find where I read that and I swear it was a legit source. Not that I'm advocating for that low a #.

Susannah Leigh Murray said...

Urrrrrggghh this reminds me of my ex! He'd make spreadsheets detailing when we should be intimate and how often - he even offered to pay my share of the rent if I promised to stick to his timetable. This being the same guy who'd invoice me for his time, like if I asked him to help me write my resume or move some furniture. He was a total whack job. Consequently it made him so unattractive to me I just shut off completely and moved into a different bedroom (and eventually out of the house).

Michael said...

This marriage is clearly not working. She does not want to have sex with him and appears that she does not want to tell him why. He clearly is an ass hat who is not handling this like a man. Time to sit down and have a talk or go to therapy or just leave the marriage

juicy said...

I thought the same thing @crila

Tongue N. Cheek said...

Technically, shouldn't this be called a "Refuse to Spreadsheet"?

Trilby said...

+1

Trilby said...

Jordan, shouldn't you be shopping for a TrapperKeeper or getting your Senior pictures taken?

Trilby said...

The part that cracked me up was the night she came home from the gym and trapped herself into going to bed yicky after giving him the showering excuse. If he didn't see the handwriting on the wall after reading his: "... didn't shower until morning" entry, he's deluded. What a pair these two are.

PJ said...

I think whoever this dude is is a genius. I have seen and known far too many women who act like rabid oversexed p*rn stars during the courtship/dating/engagement period only to close up shop the minute rings are exchanged. It's a dishonest representation of one's self and a total manipulation of your partner in order to reach a desired goal. Which for said women, appears to be a wedding for show and cold affectionless marriage.

Then, to top it all off, if their partner's eventually stray in a desperate attempt to get some semblance of physical affection and attention elsewhere after an extended period of trying, trying to talk out, and maybe even begging (which, why should you ever have to beg for sex from the person who is supposedly in love with and commited to you?) the wives cry foul and make themselves into unwitting victims! (I'm not at all condoning cheating but what do people expect? Somewhere along the way you've decided that "I ate to much" or "I'm watching a show" are acceptable excuses to deny your partner affection for weeks, months, maybe even years and what? They're just supposed to put all of their own physical and emotional needs and desires on hold for the rest of their lives because you're no longer into it??) She should be grateful her husband is only making spreadsheets at this point :P

That said, I wouldn't ever cheat or put up with my partner shutting me down all the time. At some point, sooner rather than later it would just be "PJ out!" without a second thought.

ecua said...

Oh, for fuck's sake!! I'm SO sick of hearing men whine about the fact that "men NEED sex!"
Guess what? Women need GOOD sex. So if someone's saying no, thanks to you, you're probably just a bad lay. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, fellas!

Cee Kay said...

I'm with you, PJ. And I'm a woman. Yes, if you're turning your man down all the time perhaps there's a problem. But why would you just continue to sit there, decline to be intimate with your PARTNER FOR LIFE, and do absolutely nothing about it?

Count Jerkula said...

@PJ: never underestimate a person's inability to be oblivious to the potential consequences to their actions.

@ecua: LOL! If what you say is true, then the women withholding sex must be stupid for marrying guys who arent good lays.

Count Jerkula said...

*ability

NaughtyNurse said...

Asshole is lucky she said Yes three times.

HeatherAM said...

+1
Try making it good for her so she will want it.

Henriette said...

I'm with the guys on this one. Withholding sex is a form of abuse, whether it's the man or woman. I had an asexual ex and I was devastated, so I can totally relate to how bad rejection is.

Erik said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Erik said...

No one NEEDS sex, nor are you entitled to it whenever you want.

Count Jerkula said...

Bullshit, Erik. Go 2 weeks w/o sex or jacking off and tell me how your temper, blood pressure and prostate are doin.

Erik said...

I agree that guys need to get laid or at least clean the pipes on occasion, I'm just saying you don't need sex to survive (but it's obviously an important part of relationships)

di butler said...

They are both immature 25 yr old assholes. He's not the only passive aggressive petty twat. And 3x in 7 weeks means get a divorce before you saddle kids with your horseshit.

FlirtyChick74 said...

I think it's controlling to constantly reject sex. I also think it's controlling to not tell the other person why. Maybe it's his hygiene or his character. Either way she needs to be up front and clear. I find it hard to believe that she can't find the time in her day to have sex with him.

I agree with Count's approach.

Trashaddict said...

What's to say if she told him what her issues were, he wouldn't call her a whiny, hypercritical bitch. Maybe she feels guilty that this guy doesn't turn her on any more. You can still care for somebody and completely lose the spark. Maybe when the mood starts to hit, he comes in the room, farts, belches, makes a crude comment thinking it's a turn-on. Either he's not a real sweetie beyond counting the hashmarks on the bedpost, or they just don't really know each other any more. Or they could both be totally thoughtless assholes, maybe that's what attracted them to each other in the first place. Doubt there'll be kids, that marriage ain't long for this world. Unless they want to go through some probably painful counseling.

LeeLee D. said...

So basically they need to talk and communicate instead of making excuses and spreadsheets. When my mom was raising young kids and not in the mood often, my dad started getting it elsewhere. She couldn't understand why he never talked to her about it. Had she had known he needed it more often, she would have been on board. Just a simple talk was all that was needed and it would have spared all of us a shit ton on pain.