Wonder What Shaq Did This Time

TMZ is reporting that Shaquille O'Neal's wife filed legal separation papers today here in LA. She has been a resident of our state for the past two days and is already taking advantage of our wonderful legal system. She lists the date of separation as November 9th. Shaunie has a had a busy past few days hasn't she? She pulled her kids out of school, moved from Florida to California, separated from her husband, found a lawyer and filed paperwork all in 72 hours.

When TMZ called Shaq'a people for a response they said Shaunie flew to LA and filed here because she thinks she can get more money here. They didn't address why she was filing for separation. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that perhaps Shaq was not the most faithful of husbands? Hmmm? Either that or she really didn't like his reality program or Cleveland's slow start, or she has a thing for Dwayne Wade. So many possibilities. So little interest.

Shaunie is asking for full legal and physical custody of the kids and spousal and child support as well.

Guess I Won't Be Living In Japan

Have you heard about this Japanese law which sets a maximum waist size for each person in the country? If you are over it then you are breaking the law and will also probably get fired from your job. Companies are required to reduce the number of overweight people in their companies by 10 percent in 2012 and 25% in 2015. If you don't measure up, then you will be fired because the company doesn't want to pay huge government fines.

It isn't exactly like Japan was swimming in fat people anyway. With the exception of sumo wrestlers Japan is already the slimmest industrialized nation and home to Ralph Lauren orgasms all day long.

So, would you like to know if you are breaking the law? Well, if you are 40 years old an a woman your waist can not be any larger than 35.4 inches and if you are a man it is 33.5 inches. So, by my calculations I am about 20 inches over that magical number. In the article I read they don't mention guidelines for younger people so presumably they can be as fat as they want until they reach a certain age.

One woman highlighted in the story was so scared about the 4 pounds she gained last year that in the week prior to her exam she only ate vegetable soup and exercised for 30 minutes a day. Presumably she burned off those 4.5 pounds and probably binged like crazy the day after her exam.

Way Too Much Information From Jane Fonda

I am never big on the whole celebrities sharing with me their sex lives. Oh sure, if they have a sex tape I will probably watch, because, hey, I'm a guy and I feel like it is umm research for the site. But, I have never subscribed to the Jada Pinkett Smith school of wanting to know everytime and how a celebrity is screwing their partner. Save it for them or for your kids when they have pissed you off and you want to make them squeamish.

In a recent interview talking about how she feels at 71, Jane Fonda had this to say. "I owe 30 per cent (of my good looks) to genes, 30 per cent to good sex, 30 per cent because of sports and healthy lifestyle and for the remaining 10 per cent, I have to thank my plastic surgeon."

OK, so to me that was already too much sex talk because now I have Jane Fonda in my head and it isn't a pretty sight. It gets worse however. She really, really wants you to know she is having sex.

"I'm 71, but I'm happier, the sex is better and I understand life better. I don't want to be young again."

I'm happy she is having sex. I really am and I think that is great and wonderful and I am glad she is living her life. I just don't want to know about it or hear about it or think about it.

Mel Gibson Missed The Birth Of His Baby

Maybe this was said before and I just didn't pay attention to it. I am sorry if it has been written everywhere, but honestly I just didn't get all that fired up about the whole Mel Gibson being a dad for the 8th time.

His girlfriend Oksana gave an interview to Hello UK and described how she went into labor alone and that Mel wasn't there for the birth of their baby Sugar Tits Gibson Grigorieva because he was in New York filming. Nothing wrong with that. The baby was born a month early so they say and Mel was across the country and it takes a good five hours to get across the country.

"She was almost a month early. I was at home and then I got rushed to hospital, and then eight hours later, I could look at her beautiful face. It was fairly straightforward, as births go. It happened very quickly.
"He (Gibson) came a few hours later because he had to fly from New York... He is ecstatic. He is in love with her already. He's very hands-on. He has been very doting and nurturing."

So, this is the part that I don't really understand. She was at home and goes into labor. Presumably she calls Mel. He having more money than anyone then does what? Goes to work for a few hours and then decides to get on a plane? She was in labor for 8 hours and then Mel still didn't show up for a few hours after that? No private plane? Did he fly on US Airways so he could connect in Vegas and spend a couple of hours playing slots in the airport?

I'm sure I am making something out of nothing, but hey, there isn't much to talk about today and whenever I can take a jab at Mel I am going to do it.

Jennifer Lopez Blocks "Sex Tape"

Jennifer Lopez's attorneys won a battle to stop the release of her so called sex tape. I say so called because what was reported yesterday isn't exactly the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Yesterday I spoke to someone who has actually seen the footage. I don't know if they saw all 11 hours worth, but if it is anything like the "sex" portion it would be the most boring footage of all-time. Apparently the sex part is nothing more than Jennifer standing in front of a mirror on her wedding night standing in a bra and panties while she assumes various poses and positions. Think Paris Hilton sex tape without the nudity and the horrible night vision.

The last thing I want to see is Jennifer Lopez admiring herself in a mirror. Well, unless it is shortened to about a minute and played with some really cheesy music and interspersed with some of her most awful bombs of movies. Then, it might be kind of funny.