Friday, January 11, 2008

Ted C Blind Item

Surprise! Gotcha babes, didn’t I? You probably think this Vice is gonna be about some sexually repressed, hugely successful TV sitcom actor from the '90s who got caught servicing some random model in the walk-in closet of some Hollywood mansion, right? Well, for a rare change, this little walk-in wondering you’re about to experience is not about fellating some random fella, sorry.

Nope, this sordid story’s about something quite grotesque and hideous. Have you eaten yet? No? Then please, close this item, go get sustenance, wait at least 20 minutes (maybe 30) and then, only then, give things another try.

Ya see, Ellen DeGeneres’ canine catastrophe is chopped liver compared to today’s Blind job. First off, our source is one of the myriad personal employees reporting to one Slurpa Pop-Off, the bitch who serviced that dude in the bathroom of that Sunset Strip eatery, if you remember, and we’re sure you do.

Now, many times our lady of the Slurpa has brought a brand-new pooch home as a new pet, which she fawns all over until it dawns on the dummy she’s now in charge of a living, breathing animal—and not a stuffed Pound Puppy. And, gosh, responsibility is not our go-to girl’s strong suit. Therefore, upon leaving her house, she often locks these pups in one of her many closets, supposedly to prevent them from making messies all over her expensive pad.

But, uh, sometimes SPO would be gone for hours...days...weeks...and not tell anybody about the dog in its wardrobe dungeon. The animal’s existence would simply slip from her mind! Oh, doesn’t that happen to everybody? While cleaning the house, Pop-Off’s staff have—reportedly more than once—opened a closet to discover a tiny, dead dog.

Beyond hideous. I swear, I may have to out this bitch. But Pop-Off’s employees just may have beaten moi to the punch, as animal services have been alerted.

And just why the hell is this woman still allowed to purchase pooches? Please neuter and spay your pets, otherwise their offspring might one day meet their maker in Slurpa’s closet captivity.

57 comments:

Cho said...

Paris

La RoRoe said...

It's either Paris or Britney.

tigereye said...

stupid b*!#$
that is just ridiculous and unnecessary. I hope somebody does out her.

jax said...

slurpa (frappaccino)
pop (music)
off (her meds)

p m said...

it's gotta be paris.

i don't know about this one though... how often does she leave her dogs at home? they are always with her. also, i've heard before about her staff being peeved because they had to watch over her pets so much.

parissucksliterally said...

PARIS.
Definitely that stupid whore PARIS.

He's better out her. This bitch needs to PAY for her inexcusable disgusting behavior.

Irishstayc said...

not that we need them bit the "and it aint's" are Tara Reid, Katie Holmes and Whitney from the Hills. I seem to remember that slurpa was Paris but this disgusting story could very well be about either her or Britney. BUT I really think Paris and i just can't believe it i am sooooo upset over this - i wish he would out her! Stupid B*tch

wtf said...

I'm going with Paris but I doubt Shitney treats hers any better.

Leorising said...

I don't believe anything that Ted aka Bruce Bibby publishes. His time has long past him by

nursekelly said...

Paris, the valtrex taking skank. I bet that's what happened to tinkerbell.......

Dijea said...

The only name that came to mind was Paris.

Leorising said...

That's such bullshit because the police would of been called and animal protection to remove the animal

Kristen S. said...
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Kristen S. said...

If I find out this is true and I ever meet that stupid whore Paris, I will knock all her fucking teeth out. You can quote me.

Leorising said...

Ted's a complete liar. When have ANY of his blind items have ever shown to be true?

parissucksliterally said...

leorising, I call bullshit on your "bullshit".
People want to keep their JOBS, and may not get hired again anywhere else if they rat out an employer.....word spreads.....

pisly said...

I say it's Britney Spears. The "And it aints" all have 3 syllables (Katie Holmes, Tara Reid, Whitney Port).

(Yes, I do believe *most* of Ted's made up names are syllable-related.)

jax said...

im still going with Britney on this and
JR Rotem and Lilo for yesterdays BI.

Twisted Sister said...

Regular readers of Ted's Blind Vice know that this is the handle he uses for Paris Hilton blinds - so it's definitely her.

jlb said...

I'd say Paris - she seems to never stay home for long periods of time vs Britney who tends to stick close to the gas stations she loves (and not in any way that I think Britney treats anyone or anything better).

GammaGirl said...

Didn't Ted C reveal that Paris was Slurpa Pop Off? If he didn't, I think she's the most popular guess.

This story is SICK. If it's true, I wouldn't have a hard time believing Rick and Kathy threw some money in to "help clean up the mess."

Chatty said...

Ugh, I do believe in past blind vices that Slurpa is Paris. It's horrendous. Those poor dogs.

Dee said...

Twisted is right-if you click the link on Slurpa Pop-Off, there's another blind item about her which definitely refers to Paris, Travis Barker, and Shanna Moakler.

Twisted Sister said...

Thanks for the back up, peeps. And yeah, she should be neutered.

melissa said...

he's done not one other BI on SPO but two. and it has been very obvious he's talking about paris. it's her. this makes me sick.

Melissa said...

What the f*ck is wrong with this woman?! And can you imagine if Ent if right and SPO gets knocked up for publicity? Jesus.

Maybe this is why she had that black eye coming out of Hyde earlier in the week...? Let's hope so!

pisly said...

Ugh. I wasn't thinking. If Ted says "and it ain't" a 3-syllable name, and the clue is a 4-syllable name, then the answer ain't Britney Spears, but Paris Hilton.

Mooshki said...

Jesus. I really, really hope that this story makes it big in the regular gossip press, because that would be the end of her. You don't fuck with American's pets. Waterboard humans as much as you like, but kick a dog and you're the antichrist.

Twisted Sister said...

Do any of you post over there? I stopped posting a long time ago.

selenakyle said...

BWAAAHHAAA! mooshki--too funny! You got that right.
Paris is a dumb cunt. Yes, I used the "c" word--sorry. In this case, it's well-deserved.
A blessing for anyone who treats ANY living thing that poorly: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch.
Feel free to pass that one along, folks!
I've read Ted for a long time but have never posted. I look for his BI guesses over here...

Cali Girl said...

as a dog-owner, this just makes me sick and I hope this person gets outed and arrested. There is little difference between what SPO is doing versus what a Michael Vick did. Both are cruel and inhumane and despicable and both deserve lengthy jail terms for what they have done.

selenakyle said...

Oh, riiiggghhhttt...that many fleas already DO infest her crotch...

bmorelaxer said...

Don't we see Britney buying new dogs all the time, and then we never see them again? Honestly, this person, whomever it might be, is a horrible, disgusting human being who deserves the likes of Michael Vick. I hope Animal Services outs her and I hope she is criminally prosecuted for animal cruelty. This truly makes me SICK SICK SICK.

Janele said...

Selena Kyle - that movie was so underrated, but you're probably a Batman comic fan and not a fan of the movie - anyway, love the name.

Yes, Slurpa is definitely known as Paris. And to the person who asked if Ted's blinds ever turn out to be true, the answer is yes. Do you guys remember, for example, the young druggie starlet who was going downhill after hanging out with Slurpa?? Morgan Mayhem?? The Morgan Mayhem ones all came to fruition months and months after Ted started writing blinds about Lindsay - before most people knew she started on the coke.

junglekitten said...

Doesn't Paris have a "zoo keeper" I can't really see this one as Paris. Brit, yes. Plus she went away w/ that pap!!

shesamazingnyc said...

I think it's Britney. Does Paris do Sunset Strip?

shesamazingnyc said...

I'm sorry, I have to post again and say that I've been thinking about those poor poor dogs. Someone needs to go public with this. This is as bad as Michael Vick's crime. It IS a crime.

Bebedog said...

I seriously hope someone turns her ass in to the police. It is a horrible death for an animal to starve to death. Inhuman and cruel. She needs to die the exact same way. An eye for an eye!

Mooshki said...

Remember when she was in jail, there were reports she was getting sick because she couldn't eat the food? Turns out that was her karma biting her in the butt!

Kory said...

This story has ruined my day. I am sick to my stomach about this. I want her accountable to the full extent of the law on this.

jax said...

as much as i deplore Paris i thing she'd have the sense to have people caring for her animals and her dogs. from what i've hear its a virtual zoo in her backyard with all types of animals...

Brit on the other hand cant find 5 mins to have a shower let alone give a shit about some puppies.
bitch don't care about taking proper care of her kids!

jindi said...

i was always under the impression:

Petunia Pickle-Pop = Paris Hilton (the drugged up bulimic with the fast car who puked in a recording studio when she was recording her insipid "album").

and Slurps Pop-off ='s Misha Barton.

ZuZu Petals said...

Okay, if this item is true (and I hope that it isn't) and Ted isn't outing the culprit then he's just as bad as she is in my book. A call to the Humane Society or Peta is all anyone has to do to get this taken care of. I would do it myself if I knew the person's identity.

Peek Freans said...
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Peek Freans said...

leorising, why do you think the police would HAVE (not OF, dahling) been called? A shoebox and a garden spade is all that would be needed for removal of the tiny little carcass.

This sounds like Brit to me, and I don't think she treats her kids much better.

Kara said...

I remember another Slurpa Blind Vice from a year, two years? ago.
About her making out with two different guys just for the photo op to cover who she was really dating. Sure enough, a few days before, pictures of Paris snogging a couple of celebutard-wannabes came out. Then, a couple of weeks later there was some mention of a guy she had been dating for over a month (or something like that).

I've heard before about Paris and how she likes the idea of pets, but really doesn't understand what is required of a pet owner. She has someone that is paid to come over and feed them and clean up the poop.

But, like it says in this BV, sometimes she doesn't even let people know she's purchased a new dog! What then?

Bitch.

I can't wait to see Karma smack her in the face.

Kara said...

Oh, she also lets her dogs run loose. Around the whole jail fiasco, neighbours of hers were pissed with the constant paps around the 'hood and started complaining that they wanted her out. There were complaints of people rescuing her dogs from oncoming traffic and keeping them at their house until she came home.

Trix said...

Thank you Kara, I was just poppin in to say: for those of you who think its Britney, look at the old blinds. Slurpa Pop Off has made an appearance before, and it was undoubtedly Paris.

Trix said...

And for those of you who are so outraged at his not "outing" this person and calling the authorities, as he states in the second to the last paragraph, the employees have beaten him to the punch, as animal services has been called.

Tracee said...

I think its Paris. Remember she got that monkey? And didn't she have ferret or some shite like that? She's just a scrazy as Brit only I think her brain is stuck in 9 year-old girl mode. What a waste!

Alice.W said...

I think Paris fits this one too. To be honest I don't care who it is, my blood's boiling - the authorities should lock whoever it is in a dark cell and throw away the key, it would be no loss to society.

Dr.Jerkberg said...

Judging from the link in the blind, this is Paris 'Fucktard' Hilton. Do we blast the LA SPCA's e-mail with links to this blind?

Filthy waste of skin, air and valtrex.

Majik said...

I'd like to lock Paris' skinny ass in a closet...no food, no water, no sunshine, no place to sleep except in her own filth.

And then beat the snot outta her staff and anyone else who did not have the friggin' DECENCY to let those poor little things out.

heather said...

ted's 'and it's not...' all lead to paris....the hints of 2 reality stars and a short bob haircut. i.e. she's been a reality tv star and she took out her extension and has a short bob

THROW HER BACK IN JAIL FOR ANIMAL CRUELTY!!!!

Hung Wunlo said...

It's definitely Paris (using past blinds all but confirms it), BUT it was very recently pointed out somewhere that Britney's house is spotless except for her bedroom, which is filthy because she doesn't let her staff clean or enter the room at all.

It's Paris, I'm sure, but this information might be useful in the future. I hope not, but both of them are dumb bitches, so you can't rule it out.

gossiphound said...

ted's blinds are always true. at one time i thought slurpa was kirsten dunst, but paris is a good guess too. she does buy a lot of dogs.

MizCaramel said...

this is disgusting! I will have nightmares for weeks because of this, I can't believe people do this!