Friday, May 02, 2008

I Hate Being A Sheep -- Baa


Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey allegedly got married in the Bahamas. Whoo hoo. I'm thrilled. Honestly, I really don't care. Nick Cannon is the kind of guy who has been trading up one girlfriend after another and he finally got to Mariah. However, if Oprah calls, Mariah will be in the gutter faster than she can say humidifier.

They should both get along great because they only care about themselves and so since they will always be talking about themselves, they won't realize they are bored to death with each other. I can't imagine there will ever be a question uttered by either of them that will require a response from the other. Day and night it will just be one 24 hour monologue punctuated with the odd rhetorical question and a flogging of an assistant.

Separate bedrooms for sure, because Mariah basically sleeps in a shower which cannot be pleasant for anyone but her. I'm just shocked that either one of them could think about someone other than themselves to actually even agree to get married. I know they didn't have to plan anything. Mariah just bellowed and it all got done. Nick would have bellowed, but since he has about 1/1000 of the income Mariah does, no one is going to listen to his bellows.

Nick and Mariah have been dating for about a month. I guess he saw her whenever he didn't have to see Selita Eubanks. Oh, you didn't know he was still seeing Selita Eubanks while dating Mariah? You don't think he's going to stop seeing Selita now that he's married do you?

21 comments:

Cali Girl said...

My favorite quote about this wedding is the one that goes, "They have been smitten with each other for days, weeks," the friend said. "And she's always had a crush on him.". If I married every guy I was smitten with for days, I'd have more ex's than Ent!

jax said...

god i hope this lasts so we won't be subjected to a 'he done me wrong' cd from mooriah.
or any cds for that matter. im convinced shes the go to person for people with no musical taste.

jax said...

ps here's a thought.

last week Mariah got blacklisted by the paps for her diva behavior.
as in no more pictures,no press,no mariah trying to boost record sales.

and voila she gets married 5 days later in order to keep herself in the press and relevant FORCING the paps to change positions.

captivagrl said...

i will be very shocked if this is a "legal" marriage. look for an annulment...........maybe 5 months(unless she needs publicity, than a false preg annoucement)....something here doesn't add up.

Big Sur Expedition 2008! said...

I am curious why you said Nick would continue trading up until he got to Oprah, a black mogul. Seemed a bit racist to me, El.

jax said...

i think El was referring to her money not her colour.

Big Sur Expedition 2008! said...

Riiiiiight.

Trix said...

I love the part about "she always had a crush on him"...how old is Nick Cannon, again?

IndigoBiatch said...

I'll bet this marriage is about as legit as Eddie Murphy's last "sham" marriage.

unicorn jones said...

jax -- you hit this on the head. if anybody thinks this is for real, they need a reality check. you think it's just a coincidence that her album came out a couple weeks ago and now's the time people usually forget who's album just came out?

getting married in the islands...reminds me of another sham just for show marriage (eddie murphey/tracey edmonds)

--uj

unicorn jones said...

indigobiatch -- maybe I should read other comments before I post ;)


--uj

jax said...

big sur- explain how you think thats racist? they are both black and mariah is bi racial.
seriously am i missing something becasue i dont see anything racist about that post. not being nasty..just want your take on it.

would have it been better if he said Bill Gates? fact is Oprah is the only big ticket female moneymaker recognizable for the sake of the joke.

adrian said...

I guess she learned from Ashlee & Pete & their "engagement/pregnancy".
Except that spurt of publicity lasted maybe 48 hours till her CD bombed.

Dee Dee Russell said...

Obviously this is a FAUXMANCE your basic H'wood SHOWMANCE to ensure M continues to break mu$ical record$. Nick was smart to recycle that engagement ring (also he's worth a pretty penny himself!).

RagDoll said...

Added in support of Jax's statement re; big ticket female moneymaker:

Big ticket, SINGLE female moneymaker recognizable for the sake of the joke. Not too many billionairesses without hubbies or kids or family trust lawyers breathing down their necks....

Grace said...

If this marriage is real, he sure did hit the jackpot! Right when her sales of the CD are pouring in -- he'll be entitled to half of every penny she makes on the CD from now on, and anything else she does.

Look at how much Heather Mills got from Paul after only 4 years of marriage -- add a baby and she scored big time.

The maturity level of Mooriah and Nick is pretty low -- yeah; let's see what really happens in a week, a month...

Sylvia said...

Doubt this marriage will last a month. 2 Divas hahaha

GossipTank said...

I noticed that DaBrat was there ;)

Meagan said...

please keep in mind that everything you hear and read is not always correct.

Judi said...

And she didn't get a prenup. Poor Selita - what is SHE doing with this guy? (Supposedly) thrown over for Mariah who's stupid as well as OOgly!

Jerry said...

Getting Mariah is trading up?