Friday, June 06, 2008

Ted C Blind Item

Pork-Me Pop-Off, a veritable newbie to the barracuda-infested world of boldface names and gossip slinging, is poised to overtake his more famous sibling, Slurpa, an expert at infamy and clandestine canoodling. Only Pork-Me doesn’t really realize the dubious media powers he holds, how na├»ve...how very sweet!

See, Pork-Me, has had his troubles, too, just like Slurpa. He loves to be bad and lives to be loved, having never really been truly adored. And of course, it’s P.M.’s bad-boy ways that have begun to scratch and gnaw at Ms. Pop-Off’s notoriety, which she holds dearer than anyone or anything. This is not a joke in the least.

But Slurpa has just laughed laughed laughed at her sibling’s arguably pathetic attempts at upstaging her in the real-life episodes of Offspring Gone Wild, T-town’s regular chronicling of who’s acting up the best (and the most expensively). I’ll tell ya this much, though: She ain't gonna be chuckling much longer, as her current, rather tentative hold on the grizzly goss zeitgeist is about to change drastically, once it's revealed Pork-Me’s gal dumped him because she’s sick of him using her to hide something.

Like the fact that he’s gay.

24 comments:

Moosefan said...

Does Ted ever reveal his BI's? Just curious.
Sounds to me like maybe:
Nick/Brooke Hogan
One of the Kardahians-there is a brother right?
Of course the always outstand gene pool known as the Hiltons-retch...

Jen said...

Slurpa is Paris- thsts been established...and its about her brother Baron (Barren!)

DNfromMN said...

and Barron Hilton totally sets of everyone's gaydar despite his frat boy ways.

IndigoBlue said...

Okay, so a female who's famous for acting up has a brother who is hot on her heels and has been trying to steal her wild child thunder. Loves the ladies, and lots of them. However, his most recent girlfriend dumped him because he's really gay. Right?

And it talks about the family being in T-Town or Tinsletown, so that has to be west coast. Rule out the Hogans. Didn't the Parisite brother just get popped for DUI? But she seems to be latching on to the homebody role with that other Madden douche....other than that, don't have a clue.

d said...

thought slurpa was paris, which would make PM Barron

GammaGirl said...

I have to agree with dnfrommn, Baron has always set off my Gaydar too.

He's named "Baron" for chrissakes!

RagDoll said...

Paris/Baron

I would say Julianne Hough and her obnoxious horse's ass of a brother, but they're not famous enough.

littleoleme said...

Ouch. My eyes & head. Damn Ted's "writing".

Kristen S. said...

I had to read that damned thing 3 times before I understood one word of it...and I went to college! ;)

califblondy said...

Ted has had a few reveals, but he's too afraid of being sued, or so he says. Ent, maybe you could rep him? Do it pro bono if Ted promises to clean-up his idiotic writing style.

I thought Paris was Slurpa too, so it must be that homely brother of her's.

vamp said...

i think ive heard barron hilton is gay or at least bi...i remember seeing something about him making out with boys in the hamptons that were spilling the beans...it was right after his dui

Sweater said...

He missed his chance for anyone to have respect for him.
That being: Hauling ass clad only in a diaper once he learned how to stand on both legs.

KS said...

paris/barron

Sara said...

Slurpa is basically confirmed to be Paris. So this is Barron. No need for other guesses, mkay?

I don't usually criticize Ted or his writing style, but this time a simple, "Barron Hilton is gay" would've done just fine, huh?

Sara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alan said...

i've obvi spent too much time on these blogs when i can actually understand and follow ted's ramblings

Brenda22 said...

I also thought it'd been established that Slurpa Pop-Off was Paris. But what about the reality show Ted alludes to?

Not considering the name, I think it sounds more like Kim and Robert Kardashian. She's a famewhore, he was starting to get attention on the show for his relationship with one of the Cheetah Girls. Plus their family is tight with that Girls Gone Wild jackass. But he hasn't really gotten in trouble, has he?

Brenda22 said...

And Ted does do reveals, but only the ones he can't get sued for (like the one about the actress on a popular show where the crew had to struggle to get her from flattering angles so she didn't looks so deathly skinny...he revealed it as Terri Hatcher)

Sexecution said...

Last summer Barron Hilton was caught getting a blowjob by a guy at a party in the Hamptons. It was the talk of the town for most of the summer and made it into numerous blogs. Poor old Ted, he's reduced to using stories from a year ago. Sad.

boobsu said...

Brenda... Paris was on the Simple Life

adrian said...

I refuse to ever stay in a Hilton & have my hard earned money going to support any of these miscreants.

Sara said...

"miscreants" funny.

beyondseattle said...

big deal, so barron is gay, yawn. all i care about is when paris will just go away.

Peek Freans said...

beyondseattle, I am so impressed that you can yawn and type at the same time. What kind of snappy comments will you make when you are truly interested in a story? I can hardly wait to see!!