Friday, February 13, 2009

Ted C Blind Item

Schlong Sleaze-Wad has been in the news on and off, and as with most of the tabloid targets—it ain't good. Schlong's a somewhat happily taken hetero (too hetero) dude who just can't keep it in his trousers. Lotsa folks in Tinseltown know it, including Schlong's wife.

And even though notorious Schlongy appears to be residing back on Domesticity Lane, something he's been trying so-so hard to get everybody to believe, we ain't buying it. See, aside from luring at costars or any female with ta-tas on the set, we know S2's past (and present). He likes 'em young. Almost the kind of young that'll legally get ya in trouble, which surely very nearly happened when...

Mr. Sleaze-Wad struck yet again.

Clearly, Schlongy thinks that just because he's famous, endowed and not butt ugly, this means every woman within spitting distance of his constantly semierect package should break down, bow and submit to his every nasty desire.

Like when he just tricked a barely legal babe who works in entertainment, offering to go out to lunch with him so he could further "mentor" her career. Before she knew it, they were sneaking around on the job, making out in every dark corner they could find. But once the quasi-brain-dead babe came to her senses, she realized the man in her arms was (a) married, (b) probably diseased in some sort or another and (c) not at all interested in discussing Rob Pattinson's next career move or Britney's way better extensions.

So she ended the somewhat heated fling, which had, thus far, only included heavy French smooching, serious groping and no mentoring whatsoever, quelle surprise.

Gosh, Professor Prick, how could you let one of your students down so?

And it ain't: Kevin Dillon, Peter Facinelli, Chris Brown

39 comments:

juicy said...

Penn or Duchovny. Too lazy to think of any less obvious ones. Can't correlate the ain'ts either.

Dee said...

Sean Penn

amster said...

My first thought was Duchovny, maybe Charlie Sheen, altho he seems to have cleaned up his act with this wife. But she is pregnant with twins so he probably isn't getting in much quality sex with his wife.What's a poor guy to do?

Lisa said...

My head hurts :-(

Snautrag said...

Not butt ugly does not scream Sean Penn to me...which leads me to my guess Charlie Sheen, but he's kinda butt ugly too.

juicy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Danielle said...

Hey there...long time lurker, first time poster.

I think it's Josh Duhamel

juicy said...

Actually, I think maybe Mark Wahlberg. Did he get married finally to his baby momma?
And we all know how well endowed he is from his old CK underwear ads.

Kevin Dillon for the Entourage connection, and Chris Brown for the musician connection. And forgive me, I don't know off the top of my head who Facinelli is.

Katie said...

Josh Brolin.... clue is Domesticity Lane as in Diane Lane.

Katie said...

i was thinking charlie sheen, bc he definately has not cleaned up his act. but i know that he has been the subject of a different ted blind item and im pretty sure his name was barker kumsalot or something like that.

Green Wave Gal said...

Josh Brolin is a good guess. I don't think it's Duhamel b/c I think he's considered far from 'not butt ugly'.

Brolin had his time in the tabloids back when the domestic violence allegations were around...

Green Wave Gal said...

Josh Brolin is a good guess. I don't think it's Duhamel b/c I think he's considered far from 'not butt ugly'.

Brolin had his time in the tabloids back when the domestic violence allegations were around...

Arkata said...

This sounds like he's trying to make us think it's Tony Parker -- "Domesticity Lane," all the French terms in the blind ...

Danielle said...

Peter Facinellis is married to Jennie Garth (Kelly Taylor on 90210)

Lauren said...

I don't think it's Tony Parker (although a good guess- Domesticity Lane= Desperate Housewives- Wisteria Lane) because he keeps talking about meeting women on sets . . . I like the Josh Brolin guess with Diane Lane for the clue but he's pretty hot, far from 'not butt ugly' . . . I am little stumped. And TC's blinds always just give me a headache.

David D. said...

Sadly, this makes me think Duchovny. Schlong's first name and last name start with the same letter (same with Professor Prick). He's been in the news on and off as a tabloid target. I don't know how endowed Duchovny is but I doubt he's less than average. Also, "probably diseased in some sort or another" sounds like the by-product of sexual compulsion.

Lauren said...

Juicy- Mark Walhberg and Rhea Durham have just now talked publicly that they are thinking about getting married.

Molly said...

the only problem with the duchovny guess is this part

dude who just can't keep it in his trousers. Lotsa folks in Tinseltown know it, including Schlong's wife.


doesn't everyone in hollywood and beyond know about d.d.'s problem?

Danielle said...

Last I heard, Duchovney and Tea were separated. The blind says S2 "appears to be residing back on Domesticity Lane..."

Have he and Tea reconciled?

Princess Buttercup said...

I agree with what you said Molly not to mention this other problem:
"even though notorious Schlongy appears to be residing back on Domesticity Lane, something he's been trying so-so hard to get everybody to believe"

DD and TL are broken up. As far as I know they have not reconciled so he does not fit this one.

Princess Buttercup said...

haha Danielle you and I were thinking exactly the same thing.

amster said...

There were some pics of David and Tea and the kids out getting Starbucks or something a couple of months or so ago. The article said they were working on their marriage. Have not heard if anything has changed.

Cheryl said...

Ted has said that he doesn't use more than one nickname for a person and DD already has one. Can't remember the name but I'll check back.

Cheryl said...

David duchovney is Sylvester Slimeball.

juicy said...

I dunno... I'm convinced that it's Mark Wahlberg. Maybe the wife thing is just a red herring. I mean, they live as man and wife, just without the paperwork.

Audrey said...

At first I thought Sean Penn, but I really like the Charlie Sheen guess because he is definitely into the young ones.

canadachick said...

on the Eonline site.....its called Father knows Breast.....so i'm guessing its someone with kids ? i think its ARNOLD

Joanne said...

Peter Facinelli is in the Twilight movie, and then a Rob Pattinson reference . .

devilboy said...

Definitely Duchovny. Known to be well endowed (red Speedo scene in X-Files). "trying so-so hard to get everybody to "believe"" Believe is part of XFiles tagline. Blind is called Father Knows Breast. On Californication, his daughter calls him "Father" all the time.

B626 said...

Charlie's into Trannies, just ask Denise!
I agree with the Mr. Diane Lane guess.

lorelie8 said...

I think I'm going to go with the usual hetero male blind guess and say Ben Affleck.

Judi said...

I think the Twilight references support the idea that the girl is very young. My vote's for Duchovny, too.

amster said...

So I was wondering if Ted gives new nick names to the celebs that have been revealed. Cheryl is correct that Duchovny was revealed as Sylvester Slimeball. He can hardly keep using that name for him and still keep it a BI. I don't read Ted often enough to know what he does after a reveal. But maybe now his new name is Schlong.

Kelita said...

Read Lainey's blind today about Karma Cuckhold~

shakey said...

Everyone knows Morgan Mayhem is Dina's daughter, and he still uses it.

So we have 2 strong guesses - Josh Brolin and David Duchovny. JB doesn't strike me as being into barely-legals, but you never know in Hollyweird.

Molly said...

no, we only have one strong guess, because cheryl reminded us that david d. is sylvester slimeball when ted writes about him.

Miss X said...

I was thinking Ben Afleck but love the Josh Brolin guess.

I can see a Chris Brown connection (the rumors that Josh is abusive). And Josh and Peter Facinelli both have wives who are actresses.

What's the connection between Josh and Kevin Dillon?

blondegossip said...

tony and eva longoria parker. the hint w/domesticity and the french.

missycaro said...

Tony Parker doesn't have co-stars. He couldn't mentor like that. Brolin doesn't like them young. Diane Lane is older than him. Also this is someone we already know about with yound girls(cheating). We know his past and (present). He likes them young. Alittle too young.