Thursday, March 19, 2009

“she probly [sic] ran into a door and was too embarrassed so blamed it on chris.”

The New York Times have a great article today about how teenage girls are reacting to the Chris Brown story and how many of them will make up any excuse they can to forgive Chris for what he did to Rihanna. It is an incredible article and when you read the quotes from the interviews and Facebook pages, it just blows you away.

In one example, the reporter asked one 9th grade girl who is a Chris Brown fan what she thought when she saw the TMZ photo and she replied, “She probably made him mad for him to react like that. You know, like, bring it on?”

The reporter asked the girls if Chris should get in trouble and they all said no, because Rihanna took him back. Because she took him back and showed the world she forgave him, we get quotes like this from two different 9th graders.

“So he shouldn’t get into trouble if she doesn’t feel that way,” one girl said. “She probably feels bad that it was her fault, so she took him back.”

Her friend nodded. “I don’t think he’ll hit her like that again,” she said.

Rihanna had a chance to show all of these girls that violence is wrong. She didn't. She lost an opportunity that domestic violence rights groups have been waiting on for a long time. She had the opportunity to use the publicity generated by this case and speak out, and instead, we get 9th grade girls who think it was her fault now.

If you want to read the entire article, click here. It will absolutely shock you what teenage girls think about all of this.


littleoleme said...

I dont' want to read the article but just reading the above made me mad as hell and so sad.
I hope to God someone shows this article to her and makes her read it.

Catherine said...

I am with you little.....I am po'ed enough reading Enty's post. I am so going to send my 5 year old daughter to karate and instruct her that if any fool ever tries to do that to her, she needs to just blast him in his buhdoobies!

figgy said...

Wow, this is shocking! I thought perhaps girls of this generation had advanced from those of my generation, but apparently not.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

Not to put too fine a point on it, but pre-teen and teen girls are, for the most part, blithering retarded idiots. Why does this surprise anyone????? You could ask these girls "Would you like Chris Brown to hug you if you had to watch him eviscerate 17 puppies with a dull letter opener right before?" and they'd all answer "OMGOMGOMGOMOGOMGOMG CHRIS BROWN IZ TEH HOTTEZTTTTT!!!111!1111111" then scream for 20 minutes....

But yeah, it's still sad nonetheless.

Jody said...

That just makes me sick that girls will accept that behaviour and make excuses for it. Everyone needs to realize that physical violence in a relationship should not be tolerated from either party. Only Rhianna will be able to stop this cycle for herself. She may of never asked to be a role model but she is and she could set a great example for girls and women everywhere by getting him out of her life.

littleoleme said...

Catherine, if I had a daughter I would do exactly the same thing.

Pookie said...

what are these young girls being taught in their homes and via the media that they think this is ok, and that it's rhianna's fault?!

i'm not saying rhianna should have to carry the torch and be the poster child for abused women, but whether she likes it or not, she sent a message out there, and sadly it's a really bad one.

Vanessa said...

why are people trying to force rihanna to be some kind of PSA speaker.

Why can't she just deal with this situation on her own in private with her friends and family without people condemning her for not doing what they thinks she should do.

I don't get where she has to be a really.

I don't understand why she should be a poster child b/c she was unfornate enough to be placed in a horrible situation.

You guys need to stop throwing stones at her just b/c she choose to make her decision and not be used as a pawn for groups for personal interest.

Is she ignorant for going back yes...but you know what she is human and she isn't the first person nor will she be the last person to be put in this situation or make the same decisions.

Goodgrief said...

Wow, that is scary to think that these girls are making excuses for him. I didn't read the article either. I got enough of what it was about from Enty.

Karmen said...

My jaw dropped when I read this. I knew it was going to happen, but it's still so disheartening.

It drives me nuts when women stay in abusive relations, but I have enough empathy to realize it's tough to leave. What pisses me off is that Rihanna is the in spotlight. She should take her younger fans into consideration. That bitch is a role model. Take some fucking responsibility and do something for your fans. Abuse is never OK.

selenakyle said...

Nope, I refuse to read any such thing.

Sorry, but fuck 'em. Poor little things will get the snot beat outta them and blame themselves.

Help yourself, and try to help others. But sadly there's only so much one can do to help others if they won't listen.

Miranda said...

@Vanessa "I don't get where she has to be a really."

While I get your point, Rihanna is unfortunately a role model to an awful lot of young women. That probably wasn't her intention when she became a singer, but that's the reality of the situation. To continue on a brutally abusive relationship with a man is sending the message that violence against women is OK. I know love makes you do stupid, stupid things but violence is never, ever the solution to anything. When you are in the public eye, I'm sorry, I think you should set a good example.

I wonder why her parents aren't more involved in this. No matter how old I was, if my parents found out my boyfriend beat me to a bloody pulp, I would be put under lock and key and a restraining order would be out on the guy faster than I could blink. Rihanna needs a support system of friends and loved ones who also do not accept violence as an option.

AnnMarie said...

At this stage of the saga, I'm unhappily not surprised. A few weeks ago, I overheard two girls and a guy (teenagers) talking about it, and the girls were defending Chris Brown and saying how Rihanna "looked" like she's crazy. They GUY seemed surprised by their reactions.
One can only hope that they didn't just help him form a lifelong opinion of what is or is not acceptable treatment of a woman.

mygeorgie said...

Karate classes are good as self defence.....eventually. They have to be at least 14-16 to take specific self defence classes, which are totally different than karate.(at least in Calgary) More important, parents need to teach their kid's to respect themselves & others enough to not get into a disrespectful relationship (It always starts off as emotional abuse) They can encounter the same thing from girl friends & buddies. Low self esteem is the starting point. Girls punch too.

DNfromMN said...

Selenakyle said: Sorry, but fuck 'em. Poor little things will get the snot beat outta them and blame themselves.

Which is exactly why the interviewers should have debriefed them after the interview with the statistics on batterers (and how they tend not to change, etc.). Or ask them, so if your boyfriend punched you in the face repeatedly and bit you, would it be your fault?

I can't read the article, I think that Ent's summary is about as much idiocy that I could handle. The cycle of violence needs to be broken, and until people stand up and talk about it it will continue. Rihanna may not have wanted to stand up, and she has the right to choose not to, but I hope she does talk about it someday. (Unfortunately, retrospectively doesn't work as well as when the incident is fresh in peoples' minds.)

selenakyle said...

My Dad's line was "I'll hang him by his balls from a meat hook" or something to that effect.

And I'm telling y'all...the bean counters (probably the same for both) have this thing wrapped up and under control.

Rihanna's probably not allowed to do anything remotely in her own favor here.

parissucksliterally said...

Rhianna disgusts me now.

These girls disgust me even more.

I have been taking Karate for 5 months now, and it is so empowering! It is also a lot of fun, I highly recommend it to all of you women!

not on my dollar said...

Yes it's sad that these teenage girls don't understand the dangers of domestic violence but we have to blame the current standards of our society.

Our society teaches people to lower their standards.

If any of this upsets you then lead by example.

Rihanna will get rid of Chris when she finds true love with someone else.

Until then unfortunately she'll probably continue to see him.

Ice Angel said...

Here is the problem: from numerous reports, Rihanna actually started the violence by hitting Chris. That is unacceptable on any level. No one should be hitting anyone.

Chris is just as guilty because he did not just defend himself, he used his strength as a man to overpower her and beat the crap out of her.

I think that Rihanna is either feeling guilty or pressured into forgiving and forgetting because "she started it."

They both deserve each other. I have no sympathy for a woman that hits a man and then cries foul when hit bad-no excusing the man, of course, but still no sympathy for the woman.

I also have no sympathy for a either of them for stepping back into what is clearly an abusive relationship.

This will not end good.

Harriet Hellfire said...

It make you wonder what really goes on in homes across America and all over the world...what kind of messages parents are sending their kids by their actions. What kind of things these kids see their parents do to each other. It's sickening, really. And I feel sorry for these girls because they don't have self esteem or any sense of self-worth.

If Chris Brown had gone just a little bit further in his abuse, he could have killed Rihanna. Would these girls think he should be exempt from the law and go free because it was her fault???

And DaveR, you're kind of right...a lot of teenage girls are raging morons and hearing them talk sometimes just makes you wonder how they have been able to survive past the age of 9, being that fucking dumb.

I'm sure I was no star myself at the age of 14. But this really takes the cake.

lutefisk said...

I just have to add that there are quite a few sensible teenage girls that think he is a an ass, & should be in jail.
Not all are blithering idiots.

Mooshki said...

Ice Angel, has anyone actually confirmed that she hit him? The only think I've heard confirmed was that she grabbed his cell phone and threw it out of the car.

captivagrl said...

In the cycle of DV the beatings and other humiliations escalate. Unless both parties are serious about therapy the relationship is doomed.

Lisa said...

It's sad that the girls don't have enough respect for themselves to see how wrong this is. My girl was so enraged about the whole situation that she delted both of them from her mp3 player. Considering it's attached to her head at all times, that's a huge leap.

selenakyle said...

I agree with all the points made here. It's ALL bad.

Kids these days are apparently IMMUNE to violence.

And we thought we had violent influences growing up watching The Roadrunner...

It does start at home, or wherever the kid is "watched" during the day, night or whatever.

Growing up I NEVER saw either side of any couple in our family or even neighbors display violence towards each other, although I remember very early hearing my parents talk about a couple of drunk neighbors going at it.

And of course my Mom would have a royal yelling fit anytime shit didn't suit her....but I figured ALL Moms went off every now and then.

God, how lucky I was! I'm just a bitch now instead of an abuser!

selenakyle said...

..or "abusee"...

Jeannies Bottle said...

It doesn't surprise me at all. Rihanna herself is making excuses and she is well past 9th grade.

jax said...


She IS a role model and spokesperson...for Revlon. You take the cash, you do the job.
You're selling a product based on your public image. You tarnish the image, you lose that endorsement.
this is why celebs get paid so much, they are held to a different standard.

i can't even read about those dumb twat tweeners, somewhere in their life they were taught this is ok and i think it was wayyy before Rhianna. she just solidified it for them.

bits of moxy said...

Coming from a verbally abusive relationship. I left with the clothes on my back and nothing else the night when the arguement escalated and I wanted to hit the man - I couldn't take the verbals anymore. Even if she did hit him first - she is old enough to know when one needs to walk a way. Far a way.

BlahFrickinBlah said...

The rule in my house was the only thing worse than hitting a woman was molesting a child. It wasn't really taught to us, it was just common sense. Yeah, if someone hits you, you have the right to self defense. Reasonable self defense. You can't slap someone and then have the other person shoot them. That's just common sense. Well, for most people.

I was abused in a relationship. When it happened, I went to my family for help. We were all raised by the same parents (who were deceased by the time this happened). I was met with the attitude, "you got yourself in it, get yourself out." (BTW, I still don't speak with one of my brothers over this--11 yrs and counting)Financially, I was fucked and I was pregnant. Everyone always say that they would help someone in this type of situation but that is not always reality. Even programs run by the community can always help people in these situations. There are so many women and not enough funds. I screamed for help many times when he was kicking my ass. My neighbor told me later that she just thought we were fighting and it wasn't that serious. I wanted to kick her ass when she said that. She knew I had a baby. I went to this asshole's parents and family. Please help me. "What do you want us to do?" was what I was met with.

On Christmas day, he got drunk at his mother's and started his shit. I walked out with my kids and got into the car. He came out screaming that he was going to kill me and started kicking my car. His mother came over to me and said, "Just take him home and he'll sober up. Just don't make him madder and it will be ok." I looked at her and said, "He's your kid, deal with him. Merry Christmas."

I finally knew I was receiving a settlement which would make it possible for me to financially get away from the prick. Great timing too. He started to fuck up again and I had his ass arrested (again). He violated probation this time so they sent him to jail. I am certain that this had more to do with the relationship that I made with his probation officer and not the law. Smartest thing I ever did. I hurried up and moved while he was locked up. He has never seen our kid again to this day. We dropped off the face of the earth for 3 yrs. I could tell you tons of stories where the system failed me and my kid in this situation.

I had a neighbor (many years before this happened) who had her ex attack her at her apartment. (they were divorced). I called the cops. After they took his ass away, I went over to her apt and apologized about getting into her business but it scared me and I knew she had a kid over there. She started to cry. "I've lived here for 4 yrs now and no one has ever bothered to call the cops for me. Thank you. I'm glad you got into my business."

While society has come a long way in dealing with domestic violence, it has a long way to go. These girl's attitudes state that loud and clear. It's not just these kids, there are a lot of adults out there that have fucked up thinking too. A lot more than people realize.

Sorry for the long post but this shit pisses me off. Rihanna, you got the money and the support. Run like hell.

Norah said...

AS A TEENAGE GIRL i do understand the reasoning of these girls but we're teenagers we don't understand fully whats going on and how to react because most of us love chris brown and most of us hate rihanna.

i'm 17 so i do know what's right from wrong and i can say that chris shouldn't have hit her but i do think she started it and i think they are both to blame

she's a spokesperson for COVER GIRL and when shopping i don't notice who is selling this shit i just notice "how totally cute this color of lipgloss is" cover girl is aiming for young people to buy it and i know of the commercials but it doesn't make me want to buy the product but the actual make up does.

plus covergirl ain't nothing to sephora.

no we aren't immune to violence but because of video games, movies and on occasion, rappers glorifying violence it doesn't really impact us until we are in the situation.

and no not all teenage girls are morons and idiots, listen to the fucking teen guys and you'll hear real idiots. basing our intelligence on how we speak or act is stupid and stereotypical.

and yes i did decide to ignore grammar.

Heather said...

I was in a restaurant with my kids yesterday and a Chris Brown song came on over the restaurant speakers. My 14 year old daughter walked over to a server and said "you should take that song off, he punched his girlfriend in the face, he's not a good person to be playing his music here." Grammar excused, I was SO proud of her!

Vanessa said...

She is a spokesmodel for makeup to... sell makeup and that is it. She signed up to make money if she wasn't going to make money then I am pretty sure she wouldn't have signed the contract.

What does selling makeup have to do with physical or sexual abuse.

I don't understand why people are forcing this on her when it is quite obvious that she hasn't even come to terms with the incident yet.

I mean it was only a month ago that she got beaten now everyone wants her to go on a press tour to talk about how everything is all good and that she is kicking month and she is supposed to be a cheerleader and so on.

Everyone is talking about little girls and teen girls.

Well, what about the boys.

I just don't get this society fascination where if a female automatically become a star she is some kind of role model but you never hear of anyone talking about well he is such a bad role model for young men.

I mean...this whole thing is all about Rihanna.

What about Chris Brown...why isn't anyone saying he is such a bad role model for men and thus I hate his guts.

Why is everyone here is putting all the pressure on Rhianna...pretty much blaming the victim and acting like she is in total control of everything.

It's like she can't even make a mistake/poor decision without someone saying that they despise her, that she is a poor model, and that she deserves the next beating.

She is literally getting more scorn than Chris Brown and people are shocked and amazed about what the girls in the article are saying.

Blame the victim, make the victim feel guilty for making a poor decision, and try to force them to do something that you think that they should do...don't pretend to be shocked that most teens think Rihanna deserved it.

DNfromMN said...

heather - sounds like you're raising your kids right.

bits of moxy said...

Vanessa - I agree with you to an extent. I think most of us are pissed that Chris is walking around as if this hadn't happened. I think instead of focusing on him - "we're" trying to focus on the one who could provide the change - feeling Chris is already damaged goods.

parissucksliterally said...

No one is blaming her for being the victim. It is HER CHOICE to take him back, and that is what we are disgusted by.

She IS a role model for young girls whether she likes it or not.

Mooshki said...

"What does selling makeup have to do with physical or sexual abuse."

Every time I see one of her commercials, I think "yeah, she probably needs a lot of makeup to cover the bruises." I really doubt that's the message Cover Girl is trying to send.

My friend's dad is a car fanatic, but since he's also a politician, he can only buy American-made cars. There are some things that just go along with the job of being in a public position, and being held to a higher ethical standard is one of them.

Harriet Hellfire said...

Norah - I fully agree with you. Teenage boys are MUCH worse. And, also, smelly.

audieh_1 said...

"AS A TEENAGE GIRL i do understand the reasoning of these girls but we're teenagers we don't understand fully whats going on and how to react because most of us love chris brown and most of us hate rihanna..."as Norah has pointed out in the above quote--that says it all. It's ok for Chris to go balistic on Rihanna cause all her friends hate her.

I still think Rihanna may have been coerced into the whole reunion thing in Miami to save Chris Brown's career. She has become quite visible the past week or so going out at night without him, so maybe reports of their being back together aren't necessarily true.

not on my dollar said...

blahfrickinblah, thanks for your post.

As a former Domestic Violence Advocate, first I'm sorry that you had so much trouble getting the help you needed before.

Second I'm glad you were fortunate enough to get out of the abusive relationship. I also want to commend you for reaching out to your neighbor.

Your story gives DVAs the strength to keep fighting the good fight. :)

You are right not every victim has the resources to help them get out of the abusive relationship. However when the help is there I'm really frustrated when they choose not to embrace it.

I'm still hoping to find out the facts of Rihanna's mental state at this point in time.

And last I'm hoping and praying she has a safe, healthy recovery.

Mexi said...

I think it all has to do with what these kids are taught at home. I don't hide news from my 6 year old boy and when he saw the picture of Rihanna he asked what happened to her. I told him that her boyfriend beat her up and he asked me if he was in jail. I told him no, that he paid money and got out. He then said to me that he didn't think that was very fair. If his 6 year old mind can comprehend that, what the hell is wrong with these damn teenagers????

jax said...

Mexi, i guess these little girls with big attitudes need to learn the lesson the hard way.

Mexi said...

I can guarantee my son won't be one of the ones that teaches them that lesson...I'll be the one to call the cops lol. His father put me through that hell and the main reason I left was so that my son wouldn't grow up thinking that abuse is ok. Sooner or later, people are going to realize that violence is NEVER ok.

missyg said...

The negative lesson of Rhianna seemingly getting back and 'forgiving' Chris Brown is the saddest part. I can't believe she's foolish enough to do it. As for those teens, they just don't grasp the reality of abuse. They think what happened was a lovers tiff, as opposed to the beat down that it was. Very different!

stiffkittens said...

she probly ran into a door and was too embarrassed so blamed it on chris.

Humanity is fucked.

Arachne said...

i was in an abusive relationship from ages 16 to 19 with someone who could, in hindsight, charitably be called a sociopath. he was my first boyfriend. i didn't know any better. he only hit me when he was drunk (which was a lot) but i felt it was my fault (he told me it was my fault!) because i brought it on. not ONCE did i see it as abuse. i thought it was totally, utterly normal.

it was only long after we finally split up (after a night where, outside a nightclub, he grabbed my arms so hard he left purple bruises in the shape of fingers, and shook and slammed me against my car -- and THREE PEOPLE WATCHED AND DID NOTHING ... that was the night i finally came to my senses) and i went back and reread the diaries and journals that i used to keep during that time, that i realised what he had done to me. the physical abuse goes away, but the mental and emotional scarring has stayed with me, 17 years later. i'm still incapable of getting into a relationship because of it (and other stuff, but mostly because of it).

anyway, the point is, having been a teenage girl in an abusive relationship, it's amazing what you don't understand because you simply don't have the maturity to. as a 36-year-old woman, i'm horrified and sickened and wish i could go back in time and ask myself what the hell i was doing, but at that time, i used all the same reasonings and excuses the girls in this article did. (it was chilling to read, actually, because it was just SO familiar, like deja vu.) a lot of it goes with self-esteem, which is something you can't really teach, unfortunately (it was part of my problem and i've had issues with it my entire life). most of all, it makes me sad that in all this time since i was young, we haven't seemed to make much progress in terms of educating these young women that they need a zero tolerance approach to abuse.

ardleigh said...

Heather your daughter rocks! Give her a hug (for us) and tell her she should feel proud of herself for taking a stand.

Every parent( moms AND dads) of those girls in the article should be shown this is their childs mind frame. My father (God Bless Him) had passed by the time I was 18 but would always tell me if a man degrades you with words( ie you're ...fat,ugly,stupid) or by hitting you he is NOT much of a man and you should leave because it won't get better.

Sometimes I think girls need a parent or someone to come along and explain why a beatdown is in no way shape or form acceptable.
That they have more worth then to be a punching bag for an asshole who had a bad day.( Sorry rant ended I'll go back to lurking)

c17 said...

1) Teenage girls are young & stupid.

2) So is Rihanna for not stepping up and putting an end to this. But "youth" is a time of learning & NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO THEIR ELDERS (and most of the time, their own experiences)!

Which is why "youth is wasted on the young". She'll regret this in a year or a few.

Jungle007 said...

As i revealed a few weeks ago in a cb/rihanna post, I have been the victim of abuse in more than one relationship.

What I haven't revealed is that I have also been the abuser. (collective gasp!!) I used to hit my boyfriends when I was a wee little thing of about 16. I would slap, punch and kick my boyfriends. One time I tousled my cat's hair and threw him in my bf's face. Another time I flicked a lit cigarette at another boyfriend a year or so later.

I was a scrappy little bitch. I had never been hit by a man and didn't believe I ever would be because i was "so tough". I HONESTLY believed that I could hold my own. All 115 lbs of me. :P

I also could be heard telling my friends (both male and female) that some girls just deserved to get hit. i felt that it was a two-way street, because I was dealing more damage than I had ever recieved.

I grew up. I have a daughter and have done everything in my power to ensure that she doesn't have the same ideals I had at that age. I don't want her to grow up thinking that being an evil bully equals female empowerment.

I guess all I'm saying is that I can't critisize these young girls for being so jaded, i was there once too. i learned the hard way, and unfortunately sometimes that's the only way we learn.

Cindy said...

Thank God I instilled a sense of decency in my two girls, ages 15 and 18. Both of them thought Chris Brown hung the moon, and were big fans of Rhianna too. However, when this news story broke, both of them, and their friends vowed that if he was found guilty, or the evidence pointed to his guilt that they would all boycott his music, concerts, etc. I spoke to both of them about this situation because I worked in a battered women's shelter. They don't understand why Rhianna went back to him and I don't either. I agree with Enty when he says this will probably end in her death. Sad and definately preventable.

Ms.Leigh said...

i am so livid with this article- because it's true. this whole situation's effed up and while i have great sympathy for rihanna and what she's been through, it is her fault that it's playing out the way it is in kids heads. she could have been an icon, setting a positive example for young women everywhere, that it's ok to leave an abusive guy. instead she teached them to stay out of fear and let them believe they wont be harmed again. now these children she could be teaching, believe that she started it and deserved it and everything's cupcakes and rainbows now that she's back together with the creep. thank goodness for the legal system to hold people accountable and engaged in situations like this.

i want to see chris get raked over the coals and i don't want rihanna getting off lightly either. she didn't cause it, or deserve it... but something should be said for how poorly she continues to handle it.

oprah, we need you!!

Jungle007 said...

Enty, is it true the two are now on a "break"? Please find out if there's any truth to the rumors!!

Enquiring minds.....

pomme said...

never hit weaker people than you! never hit child or woman!

hikerhead said...

where are Rihanna and CB's "mentors" in all this? why do they bring to mind that 70's song "for the love of money"?