Friday, December 11, 2009

Ted C Blind Item

Something our dear, closeted Toothy Tile most certainly does not share with his also-in-the-closet brethren like Lloyd Boy-Toyed, Crotch Uh-Lastic and Jackie Bouffant is a virtual cornucopia of straight buds.

I don't mean the pretend kind, but the ones you never see Toothy photographed with. Yeah, you heard me right: These are heterosexual bros with whom Toothy loves to shoot the shit, have a few brews, talk about the broads, all that 100-percent-cotton American man stuff Toothy just can't seem to let go from his, like, totally gay life.

OK, it's cool, I have tons (maybe a few) gay friends who are completely into the SUVs/watching sports/unshowered thing, maybe it's not so completely weird that Toothy's wired that way a little, too?

But what's wacko is when these boy-buds o' Toothy's start, shockingly...

...coming to the put-upon pooftah's defense! At parties! At bars! At ball games! At beach barbecues! It's getting friggin' hi-larious!

And no, these dudes who actually do know Toothy rather well are not defending Mr. Tile's very publicized fauxmance and whether or not it's legitimate, hardly.

Nope, instead, they're busy saying, as of late, that Toothy and his man are doin' just fine, thank you, and further more, "They're the real thing." These het amigos like to tell this to anybody who starts talking crap about their good friend.

Backstabbing gossip gets these hetero friends of Toothy's so very riled up, they've lately been stating how "in love" Mr. and Mr. Toothy Tile happen to be right now. So there!

Wow. With friends like that, who needs gossip columns? But ain't it nice to now how truly true-blue Toothy is?

I knew it all along, didn't you?

I mean, come on, I would never have given a hateful scum-schmuck such press. Toothy's cool. Just currently a bit lost.

And It Ain't: James Marsden, Kellan Lutz, Javier Bardem

22 comments:

sunnyside1213 said...

I read yesterday that Toothy (aka Jake G.) is going to propose to Reesey at Christmas. There is supposedly a ring under the tree.

Lila said...

I stopped reading Ted's crap a while ago and now I remember why. Reading this chit makes me cranky; seriously.

NotSoAnonMom said...

And it is: Jake G., Jake G., Jake G.

Sylvia said...

In that movie Prince of Persia Jake looks gay.

Icecat said...

Meh.. Another Toothy Tile that hurts my head to read.

whole_lotto _luv said...

Ted has no one else to write about? Sad. Because TT as a blind item is boring, just as Jake G as a celebrity is boring.

Alice D Millionaire said...

Sunnyside that cracks me up. Like the ring is just hanging out there under the tree all wrapped up. I am trying to imagine if it were actually true and reese was all like "Jakey I KNOW what is in that box...it is all over the tabs."

What are we actually supposed to be guessing in Ted's blind? Who TT is or who his buds are? So stupid.

Tizzy said...

Zzzz. Except for the "It Ain'ts"...I love James Marsden. So funny.

jbdean_79 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RocketQueen said...

I normally like Ted's blinds, but this one was weak. We all already know Toothy is Jake, give us something new already!

pomme said...

yes,Toothy T isn't Jake G! isn't he, Reese! :B

Hello it's me... said...

I absoultey hate Ted C and his dumb blinds.

he gives gay people everywhere a bad rap.

By the way Ted: Just as not all gay men are queens and not all lesbians are butch...not all straight men are into SUVs/Sports/ and not showering.

But I suppose it's easier if we're to assume Ted C loves wine coolers, show tunes, and lots and lots of penis. How stereotypical, no?

empyrios said...

what whole_lotto_luv said...

to quote Homer J. Simpson: BOH-RING.

Cheryl said...

What's your point Ted? Are we supposed to picture McConnaghey and Lance Armstrong telling all the dudes at the bar about Toothy and Grey Goose while Reese sits in the car?

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

I want to redo my bathroom in toothy tile.

Tenley said...

I can actually follow Ted's garbled nonsense, and I'm telling you, this time his first paragraph really is all mucked up and doesn't make any sense or follow the following paragraphs' logic even in Ted-speak.

Anonymous said...

You don't make any fucking sense. Learn to read, write and think in English, please.

Funny Girl said...

OK. We get it. Jake G is TT.

I can't stand Ted C's too long, too complicated and non-clever blinds.

Tammy said...

Yawn, Ted is a one-trick pony.

Judi said...

LOL, DaveR! Nice that TT's het friends defend him. Moving on.

Jamie's Girl said...

Are we sure Toothy is not Tobey Maguire?

bionic bunny! said...

still not 100% on the jake bus, i just can't help it.
daveR, you are just brilliant!!