Friday, April 01, 2011

Your Turn

Writing about Prince William earlier and his refusal to wear a wedding band, made me wonder if those of you who are married, have been married, or want to be married at some point would not wear a band. What if your partner did not want to? And have you ever had an affair with someone who said they were not married? Would a band have stopped you?

54 comments:

Sue Ellen Mishkey said...

I just got engaged a couple months ago and I plan on wearing a ring. My boyfriend too. Now, if he had a job where his finger could potentially rip off because of said ring, I wouldn't hold it against him for not wanting to wear one.

tina said...
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RocketQueen said...

I"m not sure I even WANT to get married to my bf, but yeah, I'll probably wear a band if we do. My father never wore a band his whole life, and I never really thought it was odd until this whole Prince William thing came up. My dad worked with his hands a lot, though...to each his or her own!

looserdude said...

A wedding band doesn't mean anything. Some married people cheat. Some unmarried but committed people never cheat. It's not about what's on your finger but what's in your heart. Having said that when I was young I would have had an affair with a married woman but today I wouldn't. Am I better person now? No, just more aware of the consequences.

tina said...
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NotAMeanGirl said...

My husband only wears his ring when going out. He can't wear to to work due to the type of work he does. (If the ring gets caught on some of the equipment he could lose the finger) When we first married it hurt my feelings. I DO understand the need for safety though.

Shelly said...

My husband and I will be married 4 years in 2 weeks and neither of us wears a ring. There was no engagement ring and no ring at the ceremony. I preferred cash - kidding!

linnea said...

Tina, you did what on celebitchy?

Got married and am wearing the ring. But that in itself doesn't mean squat - it was a tradition in his family and I think it is pretty.

I won't cheat on him because I love and respect him, not cause of a ring!

bluebonnetmom said...

My husband has a beautiful 14 kt yellow gold and in layed fire opal wedding band we had custom made in Santa Fe. It no longer fits as he has put on weight. It was pretty fragile anyway, so he could not wear it much. Really does not bother me as much as it use to, he would never cheat on me. First two husbands were cheaters and they wore rings. I agree it is what is in your heart.

Lauren said...

I was married. About the time I stopped wearing my rings was about the same time I realized I was seriously unhappy and wanted out.

pilly said...

Nine years and neither of us wears a ring. My thought is that it's a ring not a chastity belt. If someone is going to sleep with someone else--a ring isn't going to stop them.

Vikingwench said...

When I was a kid it was rare to see a man wear a wedding band. Then when I grew up and joined the service men were discouraged from wearing them for safety reasons. One of our techs did wear one, and his hand caught on a piece of metal when he jumped out of a helicopter after working on it, and it almost ripped his finger off. Besides, who in the world is NOT going to know he's married?

MISCH said...

I don't think a ring stops anyone from cheating....
But personally I like a ring..

Redgie said...

I have a wedding ring but no engagement ring (whats the point?), my husband has no ring, neither does my dad or his dad. A man wearing a ring means nothing- if he wants to cheat, he will cheat. If its about people 'knowing' he is married- he can tell anyone who inquires.

William said...

My husbsnd is a carpenter and does not wear one and i just had 2 babies so ny nails are crap from washong things so i don't either. Ring don't mean a thing!

RubyDust said...

The only ring-accident I've ever heard of was my mother's friend. She jumped off a slide to catch her kid at the bottom, ring was caught though and pulled off her finger.

That said, my husband got a ring when we married and kept it on his directional in his truck. Hmmmm.

I have a nice ring set but rarely wear it anymore.

Either way, it doesn't make one less married, a ring is a symbol but it's not the union. All the cheaters I've known have worn rings. I remember when I was first engaged, proudly wearing my ring. Some guy hit on me; I flashed the ring, and he said, "So what?"

.robert said...

Same here as Vikingwench, saw too many injuries in the military to ever wear any sort of ring.

Maja. With a J. said...

Separated now but I did wear a ring and so did he, but not while he was at work due to the nature of his job. We bought cheapie rings because neither of us really thought that a ring meant something, and I honestly thought I'd lose mine anyway *L*. But I didn't. My parents didn't wear their rings and they had a great marriage.

Would I sleep with a married man? No. Why? because I'm not a complete piece of shit. That's why.

KLM said...

I usually wear both my engagement ring wedding band. Sometimes I wear only my wedding band and less frequently I wear nothing. My husband of 7 years sometimes wears his ring and sometimes doesn't. His family is Dutch (via the islands) - his father and sister don't wear rings. I don't care either way - like others have said - a ring isn't going to prevent someone from cheating. It certainly doesn't hurt my feelings if he doesn't wear it.

As for sleeping with someone married if I were single... I don't think I would. It's hard to say because I haven't been single since college but I doubt I would. I think it's pretty gross. I mean maybe if they were separated or something, but still, that just screams future drama to me. Nah, I think I would stay away from someone married.

Mooshki said...

I can't stand to wear rings - they get caught on stuff and I lose them. If I got married, I'd have a simple, thin band, and I'd have it sized a little too small so I could never take it off and lose it. I think engagement rings are like Valentine's Day - the pressure to make them "special" is out of control. My friend's dad married a woman who told him she wouldn't say "yes" unless he got at least a 3 carat ring. Why would you marry someone who gave you an ultimatum like that? I just don't get it.

KLM said...

Oh - not that this was part of the question, but I did have a pretty serious ring accident happen once! About four years ago I had just finished my Advanced Open Water off of the coast of Tobago. I met up with my husband and a bunch of our friends who were all vacationing together and we went out on this party boat. We stopped at a place to see Rays and when I was getting off the boat, I thought I'd be fancy did the SCUBA entry by rolling off backwards into the water. Umm, it didn't work out so well for me. My wedding band got stuck to a metal object on the boat and I almost sleeved my finger. It hurt so badly but the hospital was closed. I had to wait all night and the next morning go to the hospital (which, as an aside, was totally 100% free - very foreign to us Americans)... They tied some "Wonder of the World" twigs to it and told me it would heal. Fast forward to my return to the USA - I broke it. My original wedding band actually only fits now when I am having a skinny day or if it is really cold out. Sorry, longer than I planned on blathering on.

selenakyle said...

Hubby doesn't wear one and I don't care one way or the other. I knew he wouldn't before we got married. I bought him a cheap titanium ring online that we used for the ceremony. Heck, I don't even know where it is. Prolly thrown in the back of a junk drawer or something...

But we work together from home and are up in each other's grill 24/7 and he can't keep his paws off me... so I ain't 'plainin' 'bout no ring!

selenakyle said...

Oh yeah, my Dad worked around machinery so he could only wear the ring to church, which was a nice gesture to my Mom :) Now retired, he can (and does) wear it all the time.

(Hubby, now...he's just obstinate and hates any jewelry of any kind).

Kelly said...

I didn't want to get married, and I didn't want to wear a ring. I don't think it's important to feeling married, but when I do go out without a ring, I feel like something's missing. It's probably just a habit.

My husband, on the other hand, stopped wearing his ring (made from a cheap metal that turned black and discolored his finger) a few months after we got married. He still mentions getting a new one, but has other priorities for our meager earnings.

That said, I did have an affair several years ago with a truck driver who never wore a ring and failed to mention he had a wife back in Memphis. Of course, I found out about his wife when she called during one of my visits to his hotel room. I left after that.

The funny thing is that it wasn't the fact that he lied to his wife that bothered me. It was that he lied to me. After having the benefit of many more failed relationships to knock the trusting nature out of me, I realize I should have backed out of that situation much earlier than that.

xoApril said...

If my boyfriend refuses to wear a ring whatsoever when we plan to marry, the wedding is off. I plan to wear mine and I expect the same. I know he would never cheat, but I enjoy the tradition of it.

L said...

I wear my wedding band but not my engagement ring -- after having babies, the diamond gets in the way, can scratch the baby, etc.. My husband wore his up until his workplace outlawed all jewelry due to safety risks, except for medic-alert stuff. I jokingly told him he should have it engraved with "allergic to divorce" and see what they'd say. :) Seriously, it doesn't bother me. Fidelity is in the heart and the mind, not the finger.

Would I cheat with a married (or unmarried) man? No. Aside from the fact that I love my husband, I wouldn't betray his trust like that, and I wouldn't risk everything we've spent 20 years building for a short-term thrill.

Pookie said...

i love rings. actually, i love jewelry, period. as for wedding bands. yes. always.

that is all.

Julie said...

With my first husband, he wore his ring and still cheated, my second husband, didn't wear a ring unless we were going out due to his job. Now divorced, I miss wearing my rings because I never took them off, but wearing a ring, not wearing a ring doesn't stop anyone from cheating.

Ice Angel said...

Scary but true: My husband tells me he never got hit on when he was out at bars without me....UNTIL we got married and he started wearing his wedding band!!!

Miss X said...

As a single girl, I think it's false advertising when men don't wear wedding rings.

valerie said...

Exactly what Miss X says. If I see a man at work or at a bar without a ring on, I assume that means he's single and approachable. It's the first thing I look for when I see a guy that I am interested in, and if there's a wedding ring, then I stay away. For that reason alone, I expect my future husband to wear a wedding ring. If he's in a situation where wearing it will cause him danger, then I am fine with him taking it off. But wearing a wedding ring is non-negotiable for me.

I have never and would never knowingly go on a date or sleep with a married man. However, I have been on dates with *alot* of men who said they were single but turned out to be married. My favorite story is when they say they are "separated" - ladies, if a guy says he is separated, then separate yourself from the guy. There's a good chance that his wife doesn't consider him "separated".

Terri said...

We only had wedding bands at our wedding. I got a diamond about a year later and wore for for a long time but when I became a massage therapist I stopped wearing them.

and hubby wore his a long time but haed to take it off for some reason and could not get it back over his knuckle.

mngddess said...

I personally think a man wearing wearing a wedding ring is very sexy. It's a sign of commitment. Does it stop people from cheating? Hell, no. I got my husband a claddah ring, and he stopped wearing it after a month. I didn't tell him but I was devastated. We had a roller coaster marriage, and we will be getting a divorce when my daughter graduates. It's best for all.

Goodgrief said...

I wear a ring and so does my husband. I was never into casual sex with men I hardly knew, so I never had a situation where I found out later he was married. I would not knowingly be with a married man. I was at a bar once with friends and saw some dude take off his ring and stick it in his pocket. He proceeded to hit on several women. I asked him if he had a wife because his ring finger looked like it recenty had a ring on it. He did acknowledge he was married and just looking for a hookup. I told him I am glad he wasn't my husband. I did see him leave with someone later.

Melanie said...

I wear both my engagement and wedding bands all the time, unless I work with large animals (I'm a veterinarian). I really don't fancy losing them while doing a rectal on a cow! My husband only takes his off when he plays with his band because it gets in the way of his drumsticks. I love that he wears it all the time, I really like the symbolism of the rings.

I would never have an affair because I love my husband too much. That said, I find women who hit on married men just vile and disgusting. Like Ice Angel's husband, mine gets hit on more with the wedding ring. Some women just seem to love a man who's willing to commit, even if he's already committed to someone else!

TONIc said...

My husband and I both wear one, but I don't think either of us would care if we didn't.

lanasyogamama said...

I'm with Pookie, I love jewelery, love my engagement ring and wedding ring, but like I said in the other thread, my hubby lost his snowblowing and we never replaced it.

lollydarling said...

I wear one, so he wears one. Simple, straightforward, equal. I don't know why everyone doesn't do the same (machinery-operating, etc, an obvious exception for either party).

kelly said...

My husband's wedding band became too tight for him to wear(I think our house shrinks things like clothes because they will all of a sudden be too tight) and he didn't wear one for quite a few years. I bought him a new band for our 25th and he wears it all the time. I didn't think it bothered me that he wasn't wearing one until now because I see it there and am happy he has it on.

flwrgurl said...

let me clear my throat. First of all I agree with a few readers before me. A man will cheat with or without a wedding band. I have a friend who cheats on his wife. He takes off the ring when he's with his lover and once he's gone. The ring goes back on.
As for having an affair.....Men/Women who often cheat is due to not being happy at home or bored. Turn purple and say that its not' true but it is or they are just plain sick.
As a single female an affair sounds fun at first especially for the adrenaline rush. However it will get old and whether or not he's happy at home. He is still getting his cake and eating it too.

Wendell said...

True story: my husband lost his ring and one day a few weeks later told me he was getting a tattoo (his first) later that day (so I wouldn't freak out). He got a tattoo of two intertwined circles on his inside left wrist so he'd never lose his ring again.

BTW, before I got married I used to wear an engagement ring to keep from being hit on. It didn't seem to make any difference, even if I waved my damn hand in front of the guy. My darling husband said guys don't look for the ring, they're just looking to get laid. Boy, was he right.

Anotheramy said...

I dated a guy once who told me he and his wife had split up 3 months before. He was very honest and upfront about still being in regular contact with his wife because of his son. Had he been wearing a ring it wouldn't have made any difference. He wasn't but I am pretty sure he was really still with his wife. Good thing we only dated for a few weeks.

Jennifer said...

My husband wore his ring for the first two weeks we were married. Then, he took it off. He HATES jewelry, has always hated it, will always hate it. At least he made an attempt. I was angry and hurt at first, but we've been married for 16 years, and it isn't an issue. (I have never taken my wedding band off.)

Henriette said...

This is going to sound funny, but my husband has three rings! I always thought it was sad that the guy did not get an engagement ring, so when I lived in Asia, I had a ring set made for whoever I ended up marrying. This was back in 1993. The rings interlock and are really cool. I did not meet my husband until I was 38, so I had those rings for a while. He thought it was sweet, but they did not fit him so he wears them around his neck on a chain. I got him a platinum band for everyday use.

No, it would not bother me if my husband did not want to wear a ring, but I'm glad that he does.

Pimptastic River said...

I wear mine all the time and even forget to take it off when I should (ex. the pool.) My hubby takes his off often for work or work out reasons. I have no problem with him taking it off but it would hurt my feelings if he never had it on.
It's not about commitment - I know my husband wouldn't cheat - he has no game anyway - lol. For me - when I see it - it's like a secret "I love You" message that everyone can see.

Katja said...

DH has his ring on, but I am getting the early cradled RA arthiris hands which really sucks..

Pessoa com problemas said...

I will probably get married and most likely none of us will wear a ring. My husband is a police officer and we both find it very dangerous for him to wear one. I really don't care. If I like the jewelry aspect of it I'll consider wearing it but otherwise it's just as well... we've been together for 12 years, living under the same roof for 4. A ring will make no difference.

ChasingHeaven said...

My husband won't wear his wedding band and I'm really hurt by it. I don't think a ring has anything to do with whether or not someone will cheat, I just feel like by not wearing it he's not acknowledging me or our marriage in public and it hurts. I completely agree with Miss X and Valerie. As a result, I stopped wearing my engagement/wedding band when my husband wouldn't wear his and he didn't like it AT ALL because it gives others the impression that I'm single and approachable. Go figure. With the exception of safety issues, I think people that don't wear them like to see who they can still attract. I've also worked with a lot of women who unrealistically consider men that don't wear their ring as a sign of trouble or less commitment to their marriage.

shakey said...

mnggoddess, we have clodaghs, too! My husband has safety issues with rings as well. I can't wear mine anymore because my finger is too fat. In the beginning, I would wear mine all the time and he would wear his on the weekends. Then it got down to whenever we went out somewhere. He is hurt that I don't/can't wear mine anymore because once every few years he brings it up. I have it on a gold chain with a locket he gave me. I forget to put that on quite often.

If I could wear it, I would. Every day. I agree with Pimptastic River - it is a secret "I love you".

Me said...

everyone will know who prince-e-poo is, and that he's married. so for him i don't think it matters.

when a married person stops wearing their ring i think it propably signals a change in the relationship.

i wore a ring until i realized my marriage was over. then i found an excuse not to wear it. not even sure i knew how "big" that moment was. after a year and a half, i STILL have the indents from the ring on my finger. and douche bag soon to be ex is still wearing his ring. (hello, move along now).

K said...

DH and I have worn our rings 24/7 since our wedding day 21 years ago. The only time they've come off is when we re-exchanged rings during our 20th anniversary renewal.

Rings don't keep a person from cheating. Commitment keeps a person from cheating.

Tiny Tots Horsemanship said...

I only wear any kind of ring when I am dressing up to go somewhere with my husband. I train horses, clean stalls, and generally am a dirty mess all day every day, and a ring is just not practical attire. My husband wears his ring 24/7 no matter what he is doing: showering, playing sports, sleeping, whatever. That's why we got him a titanium ring!! No damage!

MCH said...

I'm not a huge fan of rings b/c I hate my hands, BUT the ring thing is a bigger deal to my husband, so I try and make him happy. :) I wear my wedding band (it's my mom's) and my engagement ring together.

I don't see an issue if someone preferred to not wear one. And I certainly don't believe it stops anyone from cheating.

zelda said...

my husband doesn't wear a ring, he claims it interferes with his guitar playing - his father, also a guitar player, wears one on his right hand. i couldn't care less, he wears no jewellery at all. i have many different rings, nothing is an official engagement/wedding ring. i still wear the first ring he ever gave me, which probably cost him about $50, every day.