44 Years Old And Doing Crack

How many people do you know that are 44 and doing crack? Yeah, that's because there aren't many 44 year old people doing crack. Oh sure, they are doing coke and other drugs, but crack and meth, and those highly addictive, quick hit drugs are for the young. If you are doing them at 44, then you are really messed up.

I wasn't surprised Tatum O'Neal was busted for coke, but I was surprised she was busted for crack. It isn't like she has never done crack before, or heroin or a variety of other drugs. I mean she is a mother after all and needed to set a good example by extensively trying all the drugs that her children may someday come in contact with. Of course, the fact that she was doing this long before she even had kids just shows that she wanted to be a really good parent.

Most parents at 730pm on a Sunday evening are sitting on the couch with their significant other, looking at some television, wishing their kids would shut the hell up so they could enjoy the last few hours of their weekend. Most parents are not rushing around a park in New York scrambling to find the best deal on some crack. Oh, sure they might be smoking a joint or four, or coasting on that two bottle of wine at dinner buzz, but digging out the crack pipe from the junk drawer is probably not on the list.

Again, that is what makes Tatum special. I love the celebrities who share all their get clean stories as Tatum did last year on her book tour. I'm sure a statement will come out that says this was a one time slip and that she is suffering stress about something that you know she doesn't give a s**t about.

The good thing is it will allow us to drag out all the really bad father stories with Melanie Griffith. I love those stories. I would probably also do crack each and every day if I had to relive what happened in my mind each day.

You Think Signing Up For A Personality Test Is Bad

Ever signed up for one of those free personality screenings that are a CO$ front? Remember how if you gave them your phone number they called you 12 times a day for six years and through three telephone number changes and five different moves?

Well, what the hell do you think happens if you actually accept an invited to Tom Cruise's house for dinner and a cocktail? 250 guests are about to find out. Tom and Katie had a party this weekend to christen their remodeled home and I am scared for each and every person that entered that house. Except of course for those who are already in.

Where did the valets come from who parked the cars? Did they happen to take a look see while they were parking the cars? Perhaps someone forgot something that would be a bit embarrassing. Many of the 250 guests included Scientology muckety-mucks. Umm, do you suppose they had an ear or two open as to what was being discussed? Free drinks anyone? More? More? It's ok, we'll get someone to drive you home.

I get freaked out and I wasn't even there. Do you honestly believe deep in your intellect that all this was about just dinner and drinks and friends? No recruiting? Please. CO$ just lost their richest member and have taken hit after hit lately. This was their chance. Expect the phone calls.

Will You Say You Are Gay For $2M?

The NY Post is reporting that Lindsay Lohan has turned down $1M from OK! Magazine to come out in the pages of their magazine. Now we all know that Lindsay is not exactly flush with cash, and so that $1M must be mighty tempting. She got offered $75,000 for her last film and after commissions and taxes would have left her about $35,000. At that rate she would need to do about 30 films to reap that $1M that OK! is offering just to have her confirm what everyone is already thinking.

So, why do you think Lindsay would turn them down? More money? Not gay? It is an interesting question because there are a great many people who already assume she is gay and so getting $1M would be kind of nice. What if she isn't gay? Since so many people think she is, is she just holding out for more money? If people can fake being straight, then why not fake being gay? If someone offered you several million dollars to come out in a national magazine even if you weren't gay, would you do it?

I know that if someone offered Michael Lohan $2M to come out and say he was gay, he would be sprinting for his Cher costume and extensions, and first in line on the Rosie cruise.