Michael Bay Does An Ashlee Simpson - Minus The Farmer Dance

Michael Bay gave a performance yesterday worthy of some of the finest acting in his movies. Yeah, there is no acting in his movies and Michael Bay can't think on his feet and bailed on the people that were giving him a huge paycheck.

Megan Fox Is Not Nice

Below is a letter put on Michael Bay's website about Megan Fox from some of the crew of Transformers. There hasn't been a denial or any kind of spin from Megan's people, so we will just assume it is true. The letter is long, but it is lots of fun. I guess Megan should have kept her mouth quiet about the crew. Somehow I don't think the Nelson writing this letter is the Simpson's Nelson, but all I want to do when I see that name is scream out, "Ha-ha."


Nelson here…

I received this letter from crew members who’ve worked with Michael on Transformers. Below is their response to Megan Fox’s recent comments in which she hurled insults at Michael Bay.

******

Nelson,

This is an open letter to all Michael Bay fans. We are three crew members that have worked with Michael for the past ten years. Last week we read the terrible article with inflammatory, truly trashing quotes by the Ms. Fox about Michael Bay. This letter is to set a few things straight.

Yes, Megan has great eyes, a tight stomach we spray with glycerin, and an awful silly Marilyn Monroe tattoo plastered on her arm that we cover up to keep the moms happy.

Michael found this shy, inexperienced girl, plucked her out of total obscurity thus giving her the biggest shot of any young actresses’ life. He told everyone around to just trust him on his choice. He granted her the starring role in Transformers, a franchise that forever changed her life; she became one of the most googled and oogled women on earth. She was famous! She was the next Angelina Jolie, hooray! Wait a minute, two of us worked with Angelina – second thought – she’s no Angelina. You see, Angelia is a professional.

We know this quite intimately because we’ve had the tedious experience of working with the dumb-as-a-rock Megan Fox on both Transformers movies. We’ve spent a total of 12 months on set making these two movies.

We are in different departments; we can’t give our names because sadly doing so in Hollywood could lead to being banished from future Paramount work. One of us touches Megan’s panties, the other has the often shitty job of pulling Ms. Sour pants out of her trailer, while another is near the Panaflex camera that helps to memorialize the valley girl on film.

Megan has the press fooled. When we read those magazines we wish we worked with that woman. Megan knows how to work her smile for the press. Those writers should try being on set for two movies, sadly she never smiles. The cast, crew and director make Transformers a really fun and energetic set. We’ve traveled around the world together, so we have never understood why Megan was always such – the grump of the set?

When facing the press, Megan is the queen of talking trailer trash and posing like a porn star. And yes we’ve had the unbearable time of watching her try to act on set, and yes, it’s very cringe-able. So maybe, being a porn star in the future might be a good career option. But make-up beware, she has a paragraph tattooed to her backside (probably due her rotten childhood) easily another 45 minutes in the chair!

So when the three of us caught wind of Ms Fox, pontificating yet again in some publication (like she actually has something interesting to say) blabbing her trash mouth about a director whom we three have grown to really like. She compared working with Michael, to “working with Hitler”. We actually don’t think she knows who Hitler is by the way. But we wondered how she doesn’t realize what a disgusting, fully uneducated comment this was? Well, here let’s get some facts straight.

Say what you want about Michael – yes at times he can be hard, but he’s also fun, and he challenges everyone for a reason – he simply wants people to bring their ‘A’ game. He comes very prepared, knows exactly what he wants, involves the crew and expects everyone to follow through with his or her best, and that includes the actors. He’s one of the hardest working directors out there.

He gets the best from his crews, many of whom have worked with him for 15 years. And yes, he’s loyal, one of the few directors we’ve encountered who lowered his fee by millions to keep Transformers in the United States and California, so he could work with his own crew.

Megan says that Transformers was an unsafe set? Come on Megan, we know it is a bit more strenuous then the playground at the trailer park, but you don’t insult one of the very best stunt and physical effects teams in the business! Not one person got hurt!

And who is the real Megan Fox? She is very different than the academy nominee and winning actors we’ve all worked around. She’s as about ungracious a person as you can ever fathom. She shows little interest in the crew members around her. We work to make her look good in every way, but she’s absolutely never appreciative of anyone’s hard work. Never a thank you. All the crewmembers have stopped saying hi to Ms. Princess because she never says hello back. It gets tiring. Many think she just really hates the process of being an actress.

Megan has been late to the sets many times. She goes through the motions that make her exude this sense of misery. We’ve heard the A.D’s piped over the radio that Megan won’t walk from her trailer until John Turturro walks first! John’s done seventy-five movies and she’s made two!

Never expect Megan to attend any of the 15 or so crew parties like all the other actors have. And then there’s the classless night she blew off The Royal Prince of Jordan who made a special dinner for all the actors. She doesn’t know that one of the grips daughters wanted to visit their daddy’s work to meet Megan, but he wouldn’t let them come because he told them “she is not nice.”

The press certainly doesn’t know her most famous line. On our first day in Egypt, the Egyptian government wouldn’t let us shoot because of a permit problem as the actors got ready in make up at the Four Seasons Hotel. Michael tried to make the best of it; he wanted to take the cast and crew on a private tour of the famous Giza pyramids. God hold us witness, Megan said, “I can’t believe Michael is f**king forcing us to go to the f**king pyramids!” I guess this is the “Hitler guy” she is referring to.

So this is the Megan Fox you don’t get to see. Maybe she will learn, but we figure if she can sling insults, then she can take them too. Megan really is a thankless, classless, graceless, and shall we say unfriendly bitch. It’s sad how fame can twist people, and even sadder that young girls look up to her. If only they knew who they’re really looking up to.

But ‘Fame’ is fleeting. We, being behind the scenes, seen em’ come and go. Hopefully Michael will have Megatron squish her character in the first ten minutes of Transformers 3. We can tell you that will make the crew happy!

-Loyal Transformers Crew

Random Photos Part One

Hopefully LC can play nice with Audrina and if not, I know someone she can play nice with or even mean. I can do both. I'm versatile that way.
It's possible that last night every woman in Miami was hit on by these two.
Kind of reminds you of the Britney/K-Fed matching outfits when they got married.
Sienna sporting her new Wonder Woman bracelets.
Bridget is giving birth to a Conehead.

Speaking of Coneheads.
Yes, Carson. That is a woman and she's taking off her clothes. You don't need to run away. Don't be frightened. It's okay.
She looks good. Purse is going to get stolen, but she looks good.
I take back the whole boob job thing with Kate. This is her earlier in the day before the premiere. I think she actually looks better in this than what she wore to the premiere.

Random Photos Part One

The dog is wearing a Chloe Dao original. Yes, the one and only Chloe who won Project Runway. I thought she was doing well the last time we checked on her. I understand there could be lots of money doing designer dog wear, but is that what you really want to do forever or be known for?
From Mr. American Express being photographed in front of a huge MasterCard sign to his previously unknown talent in regards to foot longs, Jerry Seinfeld is not captured at his best moment ever.
Honestly, her horse face doesn't look as bad when she's dressed down like this. Maybe it's the hat. Maybe she should always wear a baseball hat. Designer dress with a Mets cap.
"The dogs name? How the hell should I know? I came to the event and they threw this dog in my arms and said work it."
This photo is from a HAIR cutting contest. It's important to get half naked for a HAIR cutting contest. The shampoo lady is going to love it when I get half naked next time because I want to look like the model in the HAIR cutting contest. It's not even that great of a haircut. She did a nice job on his chest though. No hair to be seen.
He's not looking at her eyes, and he's clearly disappointed that she chose to wear a bra, and a shirt, and a jacket. He finally gets to meet Victoria Beckham and she's got more clothes on here than the last 4 days combined.
Megan Fox poses like she's going to be on the cover of Vogue. It's actually a Transformers press conference in Seoul and the reporters had no idea what she was doing. She actually started walking in front of the stage area like it was a runway show. Well I don't know what you can expect from a woman who says that when she has a "thought she gets it as a tattoo." She has five tattoos so I guess she has had five thoughts in her life. One of her tattoos says "Brian's" and it points right down to her "pie" as she put it.
"I'm in a foreign country now. So maybe my I'm a director and producer line will work."
"I messed up her hair repeatedly and made myself famous in the process. Come to my school and you can also learn to make everyone look like a tranny slut, and have them pay you and take you everywhere while doing it."