Friday, July 11, 2008

Ted C. Blind Item

Oh, this is a cruel town, and I can be an equally snitty columnist, sorry. You try growing up a fruit in Texas and get back to me. Until then, let’s dish up Pickled Fickle, shall we? See, Mr. F’s not in a great way these days. Career ain’t what it used to be, and his bedroom notches certainly aren’t what they used to tally up to, either. And take it from moi, all this mattress and life sadness has nothin’ to do with P.F.’s split with his honey recently. Ol’ P-man was certainly stepping out on his lady long before their recent bust up, I assure you. But like a lot of closeted stars in this town, P.F.got used to having it his way—meaning the gal and all the guys he wanted. Until...gravity and genes set in. And I’m not only talkin’ getting old here, hons, I’m talking the whole he-bang, as in the ever-awful three W’s: weight, wrinkles and wondering (as in what went wrong).

P.F.’s got those so big time right now—in fact, he’s very nearly delirious with the three W’s. He actually said to a pal whose shoulder he was crying on not long ago, “Maybe I should just go back to hooking.” Oh, darlin’. I dare say you’re in the category now where you have to dole out the green, babycakes. You been smokin’ somethin’ you picked up below the border? Damn, Sweets. Look in the friggin’ mirror.

60 comments:

Coco said...

George Clooney? Although his career seems to be going pretty well.

scooter34 said...

Eddie Murphy.

littlemanwhatnow said...

brian austin green?

lyz said...

weight and wrinkles...gravity....

I'm trying to think of someone older who has put on weight...who recently broke up with someone...

Christella M said...

Robin Williams recently had a split from his wife due to infidelity, and he hasn't been doing much acting lately, either. Could be him?

sandman said...

Mike Meyers

kris said...

Mike Meyes is an ain't along with Russel Simmons and David Duchovny.
I'm hoping it's not Owen Wilson - i don't think he's gained much weight though...

Craig said...

Brendan Frasier.

Clooney is still looking hot, Ted said it wasn't Mike Meyers, and Robin Williams has been looking haggard for a LONG time.

This is so clearly Frasier.

shazzzba said...

BUT BRENDAN FRASIER HAS 2 FILMS OPENING THIS MONTH.....TRUE HE LOOKS AWFUL....BUT HE'S WORKING....

Craig said...

Frasier has two CRAPPY films opening...he went from Gods and Monsters and critical acclaim to crap like The Mummy and all. His career ain't what is used to be.

Ted didn't say the guy in question wasn't working...

Damned said...

I think there's a lot of people of both genders who would pay money for a shot at Clooney. *raises hand*

I'm going with the Owen Wilson guess.

Rebecca said...

val kilmer. Has he broken up with anyone lately?

Carmen said...

I love the Frasier guess Craig...how he went from the bod in George of the jungle to what he is now...sigh.

Ed said...

Brendan Frasier was a good guess.

What about Tom Cruise?

unicorn jones said...

I was thinking val kilmer, too


---uj

svd said...

rebecca and unicorn beat me to it. this has got to be val kilmer. hands down.
have a good weekend lovies.

Lisa said...

Did Luke Wilson just break up with a girlfriend? He's been looking chunky, and his career hasn't lived up to its earlier promise. And he's from Texas. Could "growing up a fruit in Texas" be a hint?

too said...

I'm thinking Brendan Frasier. He fits the bill and Enty posted a pic of him the toher day with a snarly comment about how lousy he looked.

JM said...

Val Kilmer is another "what happened to him" guys. I'm not a Val Kilmer fan, but how could he end up big as a house when he's been immortalized with less than 1% body fat in Top Gun's lockerroom?

The trailer for the Mummy 3 movie looks good. Too bad Rachel Weisz isn't coming back. BF is gaining weight and losing hair. A trip to Hair Club is in order.

Mooshki said...

It ain't Owen or Luke. They'd never need to hook. Also they can get all the pussy/dick they can eat no matter how pudgy/wrinkly they get.

I think "genes" may be a clue - a Hollywood child?

sandman said...

Corey Haim? nah he probably came to terms with his has-beness long ago.

adrian said...

Brendan Frasier is actually doing godd with 2 summer movies--has to be someone who is at a stand still.

Sara said...

I'm boarding the Val Kilmer train. (Hop on, there's room for y'all.) Doesn't he seem like the kind of guy who in his younger days could have done some 'hooking'?

Dee Dee Russell said...

Val! Miss Fiddy Cent recently gifted him a vintage car worth goo-gobs of ca$h due to their 'brotherhood' -snicker!

sandman said...

he did gay it up in tombstone.
i'm onboard.

BinkyM said...

Folks, Brendan Fraser (note the spelling of his last name) was born in Indiana and raised there and in Ottawa, Detroit, Seattle, London, and Rome. Val Kilmer was born and raised in LA. Note that neither of them is from Texas. (It's called Google; learn to use it!)

Owen Wilson's from Texas, though he's currently filming two high-profile movies. Can't really see him hooking, as he's so homely, he'd simply never make any money at it.

I'm thinking that the reference to "south of the border" might be a clue. Should we be looking for someone with a Hispanic flavor?

*Miss_P* said...

Was the Texas thing not just Ted talking about himself?

Amy said...

I could have sworn that there was a blind (maybe even on this site) that talked about someone looking bad and being a hooker before they started... and it was Brendan Frasier. Not saying they are the same but there are certainly similarities.

Denis said...

Yes, "miss_P" you are right. So binkym should take a chill pill next time before throwing attitude.

RagDoll said...

Sara--

Is the seat next to you on the Val Kilmer Express taken?

Mooshki said...

"Can't really see him hooking, as he's so homely, he'd simply never make any money at it."

I beg to differ. :)

Grace said...

Ragdoll, save me a seat -- I'm right behind you!

kris said...

wow binkym...having a bad day? Ted is the fruit from TX...as for Owen being homely...all in the eye of the beholder my dear...

BinkyM said...

kris: re: "Ted is the fruit from TX": Oh. Given the comment about something having been "picked up below the border," it led me to believe "Pickled Fickle" is the Texan. Well, damn! (Though I don't suppose PF CAN'T be a Texan, either.)

Brendan Fraser's still married (though separated); I've seen no news of a girlfriend, broken-up with or otherwise.

All I can find about a potential girlfriend for Val Kilmer is that he supposedly stole Chad Lowe's girlfriend Kim Painter, but I can't find anything saying that he DID or that they broke up, so I can' see how he fits the part about the "recent bust-up," either.

Ms. said...

Val Kilmer is fairly gross - body & spirit. He was total shit to a lot of people when he was riding high in his career... The clues kinda point to Owen, but I just can't fathom it. Or, at least, I don't want to.

kris said...

binky - I can see the confusion. We all know Ted isn't the clearest of writers...

I'm leaning towards to Kilmer now. he's pretty gross right now...but yeah, I don't see any break ups recently..

I find it hard to believe it's Owen but anything goes in Hollywierd...

Willow said...

I don't know .. that Eddie Murphy guess makes a lot of sense if you remember him in the 80s. He could screw anyone he wanted back in the day .. girls and boys. And his career was enviable. And now .. not so much.

Hum .. but I truly am not sure. But - hey - at least no one has said Ben Affleck yet. ; )

Ernestine said...

It's TOTALLY the Encino Man, you guys. No question. Ted also likes to match things syllabically: Bren-dan Fra-sier = Fick-led Pick-le.

It doesn't mean this blind is CORRECT, mind you...

michael strangeways said...

Frasier is only 40 and doesn't look that bad and his career is fine, for the time being. And I doubt he ever hooked.

Kilmer is almost 50 and looks awful so he's more likely.

nichole said...

I'm liking Eddie Murphy for this one. And, along Ernestine's line of thinking his name has the right number of syllables.

Brendan Fraser has a pretty good franchise with the Mummy, so I don't think he's hurting in the career department, at least from a box office perspective. Eddie's films have all tanked lately and he's had 3 pretty major bust-ups with his wife and girlfriends in the past 18 months.

adrian said...

Eddie Murphy wouldn't have been hooking. He came from a middle class family, & was about 19 when he started SNL, & took off from there.
I don't think he was hooking in his early teens, & no reason to do it after, because he was instantly successful & very recognizable.

rufusjonz said...

what about a couple of the guys from friends, their looks are fading quick and weight is a prob

matthew perry
matt leblanc

val kilmer def put on weight too

captivagrl said...

Matt LeBlanc

BinkyM said...

I have an idea: Jude Law. His once-promising career is in the toilet after a (very long) string of crap movies, and he just recently broke up with Kimberly Stewart, incurring her father's wrath. His looks are gone (they started going with his hair, and kept right on going), and he's no longer showing up on any "sexiest" or "hottest" lists. Given his reputation, I wouldn't be surprised at all if someone told me he'd been a hooker.

Comments?

PS to rufusjonz: I was toying with the same two "Friends" actors, too, until I remembered that Jude Law broke up with that airhead just in the past week.

The Dude Abides said...

Who's Brendan Frasier? I don't think it's him, whoever he is. It might be Brendan Fraser, though.

;-)

Moonmaid said...

Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise!

Gained weight a while back and hasn't been able to shake it.

Getting a bit older in the face.

Wondering what went wrong: he is now box office poison.

In the beginning of his career, when he was a lot less guarded with the press, talked about how he made friends with the hookers who used to frequent the west side of Manhattan near the Lincoln Tunnel. Believe me, no one hung out there back then unless they were hooking themselves.

BinkyM said...

moonmaid, Tom Cruise didn't recently break up with his girlfriend.

BinkyM said...

Doh! Never mind my Jude Law suggestion; not only is he not overweight right now, but he's looking downright anorexic these days, so he doesn't fit the blind.

Judi said...

What about the Hoff? His breakup wasn't exactly recent but the rest fits. Although he has more $ than G*d. Nevermind.
I think Fraser's too young. Hopping on the Kilmer train.

Brainy said...

Michael Buble.

mulder said...

I'm on board with Matt LeBlanc. But I can't figure out the significance of the And It Ain'ts....

Mike Myers/Russell Simmons/David Duchovny

What's the connection?

BinkyM said...

mulder: David Duchovny? He's an "ain't"? But of course he's an ain't! There's been no news of him breaking up with Tea Leoni! That makes no sense at all!

The only connection I can find between the other two is that Simmons is big into self-help and yoga, and Myers's last crap movie was about a self-help guru who did yoga, and both have been on Howard Stern.

Russell Simmons has more money than God, and won't have to turn to whoring EVER, that's for sure!

So far as I can tell, Matt LeBlanc is still with his girlfriend, Andrea Anders, so he doesn't fit the "recent bust-up" part of the blind.

Mia said...

kilmer is a whale lately

BinkyM said...

Agreed! Vall Kilmer has looked gross for a loooong time. So who's he broken up with recently? Everyone keeps floating his name without revealing who the recent ex is. Let's hear how he fits the blind!

Calliope10 said...

This is OWEN WILSON. Think about it - Ted's apologetic tone at the start of post - "it's a cruel town"; "sorry" - That's kind of a lighter touch for Ted because he's acknowledging Owen's recent "troubles". Then - "recent bust up" - which kind of applies there were other breakups with the same person (Kate Hudson). PF was "certainly stepping" out on her before the breakup - most definitely. "wondering where it all went wrong?" - a potentially brilliant career and a Oscar-nominated writer to "Drillbit Taylor"? Then no new projects scheduled after "Marley & Me" and "Night at the Museum 2"? And the appearance stuff - Owen'll be forty this year. He's put on some weight since getting off the smack. Wrinkles? His face is full of them, especially crow's feet. Check out online pics from "Marley & Me." He's actually been wearing heavy makeup in his films since "Wedding Crashers" and has recently taking to wearing face makeup when NOT on set. Plus, there's been published reports of him being shot down romantically lately both in NYC and Miami ("bedroom notches certainly aren't want they used to tally to")? There have been gay rumours about him around, particularly during his college days and Owen's just odd and uninhibited enough to have dabbled in prostitution (with men or women) once or twice. He DOES enjoy butt-licking and threesomes. I wouldn't put getting paid for wacky sexual stuff past him. The clincher is "smoking somethin' you picked up below the border". While it could be a reference to Owen's home state of Texas and its proximity to Mexico, it's almost certainly referring to Owen and Woody H.'s trip to PERU this past December. Even the name - Pickled (Owen's been seen getting his drink on in Miami and NYC and pretty recently at that) Finkle (he loves Kate, he can't live without her, he's going to change for her; she comes back and he goes right back to womanizing, boozing and doing God knows what else). Definitely Owen Wilson!

BinkyM said...

You had me convinced, calliope10, until I went looking for the "Marley & Me" photos. I see no weight gain anywhere, and I've looked at a couple dozen photos now. Sure, he otherwise looks as atrocious as ever, but I can't find even a paunch. Got an URL we can peep? Otherwise, you've done a great job hitting all the hints, unlike a lot of the goofballs who throw out random names without bothering to put any thought into whether they match up with ANY of the clues!

Calliope10 said...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1007069/Just-good-friends-Owen-Wilson-Jennifer-Aniston-cuddle--break-filming.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-528501/Jennifer-Aniston-brings-smile-Owen-Wilsons-face.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-531768/Flirty-Jennifer-Aniston-Owen-Wilson-spark-rumours-romance.html

These are from when he FIRST arrived in Miami (start of shooting). I think he looks a little paunchy in these pics, even the hint of some mboobs!

I think what happened was that he was clean for about six months and gained some weight then started up again with the pressure of work (maybe not smack but something) and started to lose weight.

He's NOT chunky now. x17 has video of him of Paris about a week ago and he's pretty thin - like scary last summer thin.

BinkyM said...

calliope10, I'd seen those photos in my searches and not thought they were anything out of the ordinary. I'm thinking we're looking for genuine baggage here, ie, John Travolta (or the oft-mentoned Val Kilmer, who, while he looks like a Macy's parade balloon, doesn't otherwise fit the blind). I'll grant you, though, that you otherwise have provided the best guess yet given the clues!

Calliope10 said...

Okay-dokey! Thanks for the back and forth - I love blind items. It's just frustrating that you never receive verification for your guesses although I suppose that's just the nature of the beast! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!!

bionic bunny! said...

without any reasearch, and hating to say it, but both the wil!!son boys most DEFINITELY have a texas accent.
i can't pin-point it like i used to, there's a lot of southern twang there, but i think its texas.
and then there's the quaid brothers, although i doubt those, too. dennis is still smokin' hot, but randy's having a lot of trouble.

i can't guess these things!!
but i've never spotted an ounce of texas in frasier, cruise, clooney,,, what about mconaughy? naw, he still looks good.
i like randy quaid. sorta.