Friday, December 05, 2008

A. Reader Takes Issue With The Grammy Nominations


Dear Grammy Pickers,

Hi, me again. I know it's been awhile but you'll happy to know that I've finally recovered from that devastating blow that was the 1990 Grammy's. I've decided to give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that your omission of the ultimate boy band Nelson and their hit "(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection," really was a simple oversight, as you explained. Though I'd be lying if I said I don't feel you are to blame for the band's demise and current popularity on the Royal Caribbean cruise ship circuit. I could continue but my therapist tells me it's better not to dwell on the past.

I woke up this morning with the intent to keep looking forward, continuing to take it a day at a time in hopes of preserving our already fragile relationship. Unfortunately, those dreams were broken faster than a paparazzi camera by Kanye with your announcement of the nominees in this year's Best New Artist Category. Adele? Good choice. Duffy? Love her. But I can only hope it's the fault of one too many egg nogs at the holiday party that somehow allowed the Jonas Brothers onto that list.

The Jonas Brothers. What, is the average age of the group of you that decides on this category age twelve? (Let's hope not or the amount of egg nog you are consuming is a bigger problem than I thought) You explain the qualifications for deciding on the category as this, "For a new artist who releases, during the Eligibility Year, the first recording which establishes the public identity of that artist." Ignoring the fact that this year's release was the THIRD album the JuJu Bes released (the first coming out in 2006, a whopping TWO YEARS before they were nominated as "new" artists), may I ask what it was that convinced you this album was "The One" for the Jingle Bells? Was it the earth shattering lyrics from their digital download hit, "Burnin Up": "I'm slippin into the lava/ And I'ma tryin to keep from goin under/ Baby you turn the temperature hotter/ Cuz I'm burnin up, burnin up for you baby?" Yeah, because nothing rhymes with "lava" like "I'ma!" Or perhaps their brilliant incorporation of modern day technology into the timeless tales of heartache like on "S.O.S": "So this is where the story ends/a conversation on IM." Wow. Just….wow. You're right. Songwriters like Paul McCartney and Eric Clapton could learn a thing or two about staying relevant in today's marketplace from these kids!

I don't think anyone, minus the thirteen year old girl who lives next door to me and probably won't lose her virginity til she's 35, bless her heart, would hold these boys in the same esteem as past category winners such as Bobby Darin, Carly Simon, The Carpenters, and…oh I don't know…THE BEATLES. Come on guys. It was a good one. I'll admit. You had me. Ha Ha. But April Fool's Day isn't for another few months and the only people who could consider this nomination an early Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa gift are going to be forgotten right about……..now. It's not too late to fill that hole in my heart that you left when giving Nelson the shaft. And hey, I hear Royal Caribbean is hiring…..

Still loving Matthew and Gunnar,

A. Reader

13 comments:

Mooshki said...

YES. The Grammys must not be allowed to turn into the MTV Music Awards!!!

A. Reader, you crack me up. :)

canadachick said...

Haha ......that brightened my day !! Never mind that i've never heard of Adele or Duffy....i think i once knew an Adele Duffy....or was that Audrey..no matter ...yes its true i live under a rock...Fraggle Rock

Mooshki said...

CanadaChick, Duffy is Amy Winehouse without the crack.

MontanaMarriott said...

ROFL
Excellent!
lol

KellyLynn said...

canadachick, if you watch TNT or TBS (I think?) Duffy's song Mercy has been the theme music for the preview commercials of Leverage. I wouldn't have heard of her either, if I hadn't heard of Adele, and I wouldn't have heard of Adele if I hadn't run across a commercial for her CD.
Both of these women remind me of Joss Stone or Norah Jones, in that they're using their young-but-worldly, talented voices to revive a more bluesy, more classic, less synthetic sound.
In other words, check them out. I think you'd like them.
As for the Joe Bros, ugh. Are the pickings that slim this year? At least they didn't pick Miley Cyrus for anything, but they should've at least chosen Taylor Swift for an award or two. She's distilled into lyrics the teen experience more distinctly than the Jonai or Miss Cyrus has.

lachickforever said...

Hate to be the stickler here but they do this all the time.

Amy Winehouse won best new artist in 2008 yet her first album "Frank" was released in 2003.

Shelby Lynne won in 2001 and her first studio album was released in 1989!!!!

Harriet Hellfire said...

Oooh, Nelson. That HAIR. I just remember that they got written about in the metal publications I was reading at the time. There was nothing hard rock about them whatsoever, but they had long hair. And guitars.

kari B-rum said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Norah said...

Lovebug and Shelf are the best songs.

I'm not a fan, but my BFF is.

not a famous adrian said...

I don't think their fan base even watches the Grammys--maybe the Kids Choice Awards, but not the Grammys.

Amber said...

Adele is amazing, I was so glad to see her on SNL :)

audieh_1 said...

Duffy reminds me of Lulu...which undoubtedly ages me terribly. I too have been avoiding watching any award shows just because every time I turn one on Kanye, Snoop Dog, Beyonce or Celine Dion seem to pop up. And if it isn't them it is Britney. And now I am going to dig out my Nelson cassette because now I can't get that song out of my head.

shakey said...

It is a crying shame that Adèle has to be up against these goofs. She is an amazing, amazing talent. Check out the songs Chasing Pavements and Hometown Glory. Beautiful voice.