Friday, January 23, 2009

Your Turn

Worst Date Or First Date? Take your pick, or talk about them both.

Last week brought up so many good memories of the past and good times, that I thought I would go back to the past for this one as well. I am sure it was probably not as exciting as Farmer Ted's, but tell us all about your first date. No, dancing with someone in the gym doesn't count. I want an actual picked up and went somewhere kind of date. I vividly remember asking my first date out. Where it was, what I was thinking and what I said. I remember my first date also of course, but the memory that has stayed brighter was the actual asking out.

As for my worst date ever, I wanted it to be over five seconds after it started, and it wasn't even a blind date. She was just that different or I was sober. I don't know which to this day.

61 comments:

Kat said...

Valentine's Day, 1989. Boyfriend shows up with a sad, wilted red rose about two hours late for our date. We go to the restaurant and I pretend not to be annoyed. While there, I notice the waiters are giving him the thumbs up, and I take it to mean that I'm especially hot. I find out later that it was actually his second date of the evening, that he'd been seeing another girl behind my back and he'd actually taken her to the same restaurant a few hours before. To add insult to serious injury, she had the same first name as me. Oh, and the restaurant was a chain restaurant with paper napkins.

We did not last long after that.

vamp said...

i had a date with a guy who told me the only music he listened to was soundtracks and that he broke up with his girlfriend the day before our date and took my money for the meal and took my leftovers home...

another one was with a guy who told me he chewed tobacco and shoved popcorn in his mouth during a movie....then showed me his butter-covered hand and said,"hey wanna hold hands"...

i probably have more lol...now i have a wonderful boyfriend who treats me like a princess!

Ror said...

I swear all of the following is true-

First 'real date: Double dated with my best friend. We went to the drive in and drank beers and smoked some pot. I was in the back seat with Sandy. Well, I threw up in her popcorn bucket. But I went and cleaned up, and resumed the night.

While leaving the drive in, we got a flat tire, and Joe didn't have a tire jack. So we had to walk forever to call his brother to come and help. (LONG before cell phones people).

Finally got the tire fixed, and they dropped us off at my car which was at the park. We sat while the car warmed up, and started making out. Next thing I know, I ran out of gas! No shit!
We had to walk to a payphone and call her parents. I was supposed to have her home a midnight. It was now 3am. Oooops.

Obviously her parents were pissed off, dropped me off and told me never to call her again. She was grounded for a month. The next day my dad took me down to get my car, and like an idiot I forgot to get the beer cans out. He beat the crap out of me. Good times.

BTW-we did end up dating until I joined the Marines.

Yeah, that was a good night. Puked, flat tire, and ran out of gas. Trifecta!

Sylvia said...

Well my first date was my neighbor who I had a crush for a while. He took me out on my 18th birthday. I thought it was going to be just me and him turns out he brought his brother with us. He took me to a night club I was not a good dancer but I did what I thought was ok dancing lol. After that he took his brother to a chicken place to eat while we parked at a DQ. I had my first kiss, didn't think it was that hot and was not happy with the kiss. Anyway he never called me for another date. He married this girl I couldn't stand and now he is Most Wanted (no joke) LOL.

Lisa said...

Though I'd had a couple of boyfriends, we'd never actually gone out to fit Enty's criteria. But, I had a crush on a guy since junior high who finally asked me out in high school. Getting ready, being a highly sensitive girl, I BEGGED my mom not to embarrass me by telling him it was my first date ever ('cause, yeah, my mom was like that!) So he picks me up, as we are getting into the car...she waits until the last minute to yell from the front door ".....blah, blah, blah, because it's her first date EVER!"
He looked at me funny and questioned me about that the whole way to the movies. I couldn't even enjoy it because I was so humiliated. Thanks mom.

Harriet Hellfire said...

I went on a couple of dates with this guy when I was in college in San Francisco. He was a bit older than me and had a stable job, nice car, was making some money. Not what I was used to but kinda nice, nonetheless. One afternoon he picked me up in his car and we went on a road trip down scenic highway 101. Absolutely beautiful. We went to some restaurant in the national park (?) that had a patio that overlooked the pacific ocean and we watched the sunset. A perfecly romantic date. Except for one little thing; me. On the way down we stopped at his family's cabin where we smoked a bowl of some REALLY strong weed. I have never been a very good stoner; although I enjoy it from time to time, it also makes me completely antisocial. When I get very stoned, I can't speak. He didn't know that, nor did I warn him. I have all the answers in my head but I don't actually say anything. So, poor guy did 100% of the talking the whole evening while I just sat there quietly, probably with really red eyes, waiting for more food. Poor guy. Interestingly enough, he still wanted to see me after that. We went out a few times after but it didn't really go anywhere. Nowadays, if pot is to be had, I usually warn people that don't know me that I will either laugh until I cry, or become completely silent. So they know what to expect.

Harriet Hellfire said...

Lisa, I can't WAIT to have kids so I can embarrass them in front of their dates!! *LOL*

*girl said...

Worst date: I had just come out of a really long term relationship and this was my first date being back in the game. Let’s call him Mike. We had been talking a lot via phone as I lived in Toronto, he in Calgary. When I came to Calgary for christmas vacation he took me out. Told me he was on call during dinner and couldn’t drink, but ordered us a bottle of wine and me a martini. After dinner Mike asked me if I wanted to come watch a movie at his house and as I was pretty tipsy, I said sure - could use some making out. Got to his place and he told me to open a bottle of wine and he’d set up the movie.

Wine and glasses in hand I go from the kitchen to the living room and there he is. On the tv was girl-on-girl porn and he’s sitting on the couch with his pants unzipped and his junk in his hand. And then he said, and I quote, “you want to jump on?”

After I dropped the bottle of wine on the floor and asking him to put it away, I asked him to take me home immediately and he said no.

Calgary is also very, very difficult to get a cab so I had to stand outside in the freezing cold for half an hour, waiting for my girl friend to come pick me up.

Ror said...

*girl-
you mean women DON'T like that?!?

Hmmmm....I'm starting to see a pattern to my failed 2nd dates now.

LOL

; )

Mooshki said...

Did Farmer Ted's evening really count as a "real" date? :)

Harriet Hellfire said...

*girl, I know it probably wasn't all that funny at the time, but that story totally made my afternoon *LOL*.

Nicole said...

First "real" date (prior to this, I met guys at the movies and didn't tell my parents): I was a freshman; he was a senior and worked at the video store.
I'd had a crush on him forever.
Went in on a Saturday afternoon to get a movie and he said he might call me sometime, and about an hour later he called to see if I wanted to go out. My parents weren't home, but I told him yes anyway, and when my mom walked in the door, I told her I had a date and she couldn't say no because I'd already told him yes. She wasn't thrilled that he was so much older, but since she knew him casually from the video store, she let me go. He took me to El Chico, a chain Mexican place (not many choices in our town), followed by the tiny little airport about 5 miles out of town. I thought that was a strange thing to do, but it turned out to be really romantic. We sat on the hood of his car, talked, made out, and watched for planes taking off and landing (not a lot of that going on, but it was still fun). He never asked me out again, and he moved to England after graduation a few weeks later, but he called me about a year later and asked if we could get together. By then I had a steady boyfriend (who later became my husband), and it was easy to tell him no thanks.

Cheryl said...

First real date was in college and my all girl dorm was having a dance. I invited a guy I thought was cool and deep and he agreed to come. I really liked him and was 17 and very clueless having watched a lot of brat pack movies and did I say clueless? Anyway, when came to my room to get me candles were burning and George Michael was singing Careless Whisper on my turntable. I knew that he was studying Russian so I said in Russian when translates to "you are very pleasing to me." He sat down and told me he couldn't go to the dance with me. He told me that I reminded him of someone special and he showed me a picture of his sister that he kept in his wallet. Embarrassing! But he is a good guy and we remained friends all through college and even for a few years after college. My worst date was with another guy in college who was a Billy Idol wannabe. I sure am glad I'm married and don't date anymore.

twunty mcslore said...

I was 18 and dating a 21 year old that my Dad couldn't stand because he didn't come to the door the first time and instead honked the horn from the driveway. Dad grabbed me and told me that if he really wanted to go out with me he could walk his ass up to the door and meet the 'rents. He wouldn't even look my dad in the eye.
A couple of months later I'm at a party at his frat where I find him in his room with two other girls. He plays it off and leaves to take a shower. I had come with my best friend and went to look for her. His frat brother was trying to rape her, so I pulled the bastard off of her and he goes running off. I'm super pissed by now and find my "boyfriend" to tell him what happened. He's in a towel in the hallway laughing his ass off and calling my friend a whore. I did what came naturally and punched him in the balls. He was drunk and immediately puked all over the floor. We laughed at him, stole some beer and ran to the car. Sayonara Asshole! I could hear the other guys laughing at him as we left and we black-balled their frat so badly that they could hardly get any girls to go to their parties after that.

Audrey said...

Once upon a time (when I was a lass of 21), I met a guy at a club and we hit it off enough that he called the next day to ask if he could make me dinner before taking me to another club (that we both frequented) later that night. He seemed cute and funny, so I said yes.

A couple of hours later, he picks me up and takes me to his house. It is only at this point that I am informed that he still lives with his parents (he was, if I remember correctly, about 25). I'm a bit surprised, but don't feel right in judging him as I am living with my own mother at this point in time. In any case, it makes for an interesting ambience as their dining room and living room flow together and his stepfather is apparently in the middle of a Star Trek marathon. Once I seat myself at the dining table to converse as he cooks, I'm immediately taken aback by the fact that the table is entirely covered in manuals and supplement books for various role-playing games. I have many friends who enjoy them, and have myself in the past, but the sight of a table entirely covered with the books, when he's asked me there for a "date" gave me a bit of pause.

More pause was had when, shortly after he began his work, the phone rang. He picked it up, gave me an "I'll be right back" look, and headed out to the backyard. The backyard where he stayed for the next twenty minutes apparently engaged in a rather intense conversation. He finally returned and set back about making dinner, only to have the situation repeat itself not five minutes later. This, sadly, would not be the last time he disappeared. Final count was five phone calls, none of which took less than fifteen minutes and one of which was over half an hour. To this day, I think the only reason it ever stopped was because his stepfather was so offended by the way his stepson was acting that he dislodged himself from his recliner at one point to tell him that he should be ashamed of himself for treating his guest so rudely and that the phone could wait. He then took the phone back into the living room (and since it didn't ring again, I'm assuming allowed it to go "off the hook").

The dinner he'd invited me over for turned out to be spaghetti with jarred sauce (which would have been perfectly fine if he hadn't been such a jerk, but kind of annoyed me since I essentially waited almost two hours for a ten-minute meal). We ate, we talked, he started acting like a decent guy again and I began to wonder if I was being too hard on him.

I stopped wondering when, immediately after we got into the car to go to the club, he informed me that we had to pick up "Clare".

"Who's Clare?"

"She's my girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. Kind of. It's complicated."

!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah. So, he drove us to this trashy apartment complex and left me in the car for about ten minutes while he retrieves "Clare" - who turned out to be a scrawny, overly-dyed and pierced girl of maybe eighteen. Her first words upon getting to the car? "Get out. Front seat is mine." I looked at Jacob (forever after known as Date From Hell) and he just shrugged his shoulders helplessly. I looked Clare in the eye and said "you disrupted our date, you greatly postponed our dinner, you are tagging along on another part of our date, I really don't think I owe you anything and I'm going to remain exactly where I am" This clearly did not go over well, as she stomped over to Jacob and browbeat him within an inch of his life. Finally, he walked back to the car and begged me to get into the backseat because she was refusing to go if she couldn't be in the front. I gave him a "you've got to be shitting me" look and asked him if that was really such a bad prospect. He whined, begged, and pleaded some more, so I just got bored and moved into the backseat to get the drama over.

No sooner had the car started, than she began giving him directions to some nearby church. He followed without any questions (of course), and we eventually found ourselves pulling up to a church parking lot with a lone figure standing in the middle.

Who was this figure?

If you guessed it was anyone but Clare's date, you were wrong.

Yes. His "girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, it's complicated" who'd thrown such a fit about him having a date with someone else, was having him pick up the very guy she'd cheated on him with - and she didn't want to sit next to him. To say the scent of dysfunction was thick in the air would be an understatement.

After what seemed like an eternity (but was really more like five minutes), we arrived at the club and I practically vaulted myself from the car. As I pulled out my wallet at the door, Jacob grabbed my hand and told me he insisted on paying since he'd been planning to anyway and he felt so badly for how everything had gone. I said fine, that I'd consider it asshole tax for the way he'd behaved all evening, and walked away as soon as we were inside. I found a friend, told her the whole sordid story, and arranged a ride home with another friend since my plan at that point was to remain as far the fuck possible from the Trio of Insanity as humanly possible. From this point on, the night was a blast. I hung out with my friends, laughed at the ridiculousness of it all, and danced my butt off - all while pointedly avoiding the Trio.

About two hours or so after arriving, I was sitting at the secondary bar (the one off of the dance area and surrounded by couches and tables) with a friend, laughing about something completely unrelated, when Clare stomped up with a friend of hers, spun around my barstool, stuck her finger in my face, and screamed, "I have two words for you - 'grow the fuck up!'"

After about half a second's incredulity, I took a sip of my drink, shook my head a bit, and said "I have three words for you - 'you failed math'"

Everyone within earshot cracked up, she turned a shade of hot pink matched only by her hair, and stormed away in a fit of expletives.

Jacob was smart enough to leave me alone the rest of the night, but dumb enough to call again. I told him I had a policy of not dating people who brought along spares and hung up without saying anything more.

DNfromMN said...

First Date: I wasn't out yet, and he was an older co-worker. I thought it'd be fun to make a new friend, so we planned to go see a movie. We went to his favorite dive Vietnamese place, waited forever for food talked a lot, missed our movie. So we went back to my place to watch his favorite movie of all time (Local Hero). While sitting on the couch, I got quite the neck rub. At that point, I realized this was a date.

Worst date: I wasn't terribly interested in a guy, nice but he looked like my uncle. I told him so. He said "Is your uncle at least good looking?" Yeah, I guess. "Do you want to make out?" Um. No. I want to go home now. Alone.

jax said...

lol..these are cracking me up.

First date...1987. I was 13 and this kinda nerdy guy asked me to a movie from school. he wore green converse andi liked them so i said yes. i know total shoe whore.

anyway i was too embarassed to tell my mom that is was a date so i had her drop me off in the parking lot alone. she couldn't figure out why i was meeting my freinds seperately..lol.
anyway we watched Dirty Dancing and did NOT have the time of our lives. i don't think we even spoke we were both so shy. my mom picked me up outside the hteatre and saw him with and teased me all the way home. i was mortified.

Worst Date- i agreed to a blind date through a friend and met this guy Asswipe, at the movie theatre.
He informed me straight away that he doesn't like gold diggers so we should do everything 'dutch' until he felt more comfortable paying for me. Fine, but then tried to pass off a buy 1 get 1 free coupon. In other words he's getting in free and i'm paying my own way. i wanted popcorn and he didn't want to wait so i told him to go ahead and get us seats and i'd meet him inside.
the second he was out of my sight i refunded my movie money for a different flick and went and saw that alone. I hope he felt like a tool waiting for The Devil wears Prada to start alone!!!

kelly said...

Worst Date -- I was working at Tim Horton's at the time and really liked one of the customers. I finally worked up the courage to ask him out to a family function and, happily, he said yes. The dinner was fine but my Sister-In-Law and I drank way too much. She fell into the band and I, well never mind I am still horrified thinking about it (22 years ago), anyway he said he wanted to take me home and on the way we got pulled over and he had to take a sobriety test (fail). My mom ended up picking my up and we both avoided each other after that

not on my dollar said...

Worst date - I went out with my forever depressed ex-boyfriend and a week later he killed himself.

Harriet Hellfire said...

"I did what came naturally and punched him in the balls."

Ha!


This is going to go down as one of the best "Your Turns" in history! These stories are fantastic!

not on my dollar said...

Audrey you're a very good storyteller. That was hilarious!

Ehjah said...

worst date ever:
this guy was late picking me up.

when he arrived, his brother was driving, and my guy was in the backseat.

i thought, ok...il go with it.

we were supposed to go to the movies, but we "had" to go to his house and wait while his brother picked up his date...?...of course bro didnt want to have us in the backseat when picking up his date.

so here i am in a micro studio...i could see the backdoor from the front door.

no radio, no tv, no magazines, no type of entertainment, including him, to be found.

after he offers me glass of water followed by more water, my bladder is ready for release so i say, "may i use your restroom."

he says, "sure, but i dont have toilet paper."

me: "ummm, what do you mean, what happens when u gotta GO?"

him: " i take a shower".

me: *blank stare*

him: " u can use this"

AND HANDS ME A F*@%N WHITE ATHLETIC SOX THAT HAD SEEN ITS DAY!!!

ARE U EFFN KIDDING ME??? was what was going thru my mind...

AN ATHLETIC SOCK!!!!????

needless to say i ran out of there...

and that was my worst date ever...

lutefisk said...

Worst date--the summer I graduated high school a friend called & asked if I would do her a favor. There was a guy at work that she liked, & would I double with them & his friend. She neglected to tell me they were both 30 to our 18, & "mine" had a receding hairline.
After dinner & a movie, I was dropped off first. The next morning Debbie's mom called--she hadn't been home, & wanted to know if she was with me. I immediately envisioned her raped & left in the woods. I called the store they worked at, & none of them had shown up for work.
I finally tracked her down--she went home with them for the night.
So not only was the date bad, but I spent an entire Saturday trying to find them, because he mother didn't want to "intrude".

not on my dollar said...

Ehjah - Uuugggghhhh! TMI but it was funny.

nancer said...

a co-worker fixed me up with her brother. said he'd be perfect for me. i opened the door and thought nobody was there. that's how short he was. he had a huge nose and wore thick glasses. he had a crewcut and was wearing a suit and tie. i thought "wow, she must hate me."
we got in his car---or rather his MOM'S car---he was 27 and living with mom. he started telling me about his recent break up and said the worst part was his ex stole all his sinatra tapes. i knew i was in trouble.
he took me to a restaurant and i started feeling panicky. he was acting like we had a connection and i'd barely said a word to him.
i excused myself to go to the bathroom, there was a pay phone outside it and i called a friend and said 'get me outta here.' i left through the kitchen after about 10 minutes and met my friend down the street.
this jerk actually CALLED me the very next day and said "so.....what happened to you last night?" i was so shocked, i said "oh, i wasn't feeling well. sorry."
he said "no problem. what are you doing saturday night?"
i hung up on him. he called me all day and i didn't pick up. i guess he got the message.

Audrey said...

not my dollar - thanks! It's sad how that night was soooooo awful that even ten years later, I can even remember what everyone involved was wearing. ;D

Head Beezy In Charge said...

Worst Date/First Date (with this guy) - Maybe I'm being mean here. I used to date a relatively famous DJ (and I mean DJ-100 DJ, European variety and not a Samantha Ronson variety, someone who makes his living gigging every night and has no natural circadian rhythm...so he's extremely famous in the DJ world for sure but not gossip blog fodder) Anyway although we'd met before, this was basically our first date. It happened on the night he was to play a big San Fran club. My friend and I met his hyperallergic bandmate, himself, and their manager for some sushi. Halfway into the dinner the mate popped out for a cigarette and came in followed by five or six groupies who had recognized him on the street. It was nice to take a break from being nervous but camera flashes + plastic tits in your man's face for two hours = not exactly the 'right foot' to start off ESPECIALLY because of how visibly agitated he was. FOLLOWING that, went to his gig and then left early, at which point he informed me that he would kiss me "But I've a nasty cold sore right now..." and insisting on flying my friend and I down to LA for the next night's gig. The night ended with standing at the United Airlines gate in SFO terminal at five AM realizing I'd left my entire purse (including ID) on the floor of the taxi I'd hired from the city. Needless to say I had to call him and tell him i'd missed the flight, and the taxi ride home was triple-digits.

Not the best examples of humanity there, but I did get my purse back!

Cuddlebutt said...

My worst date was when I was 18. I met this guy who would not leave me alone. I finally broke down and went out with him. The guy had bought a jeep one month previously that had a lift kit. He ended up turning a corner too fast and flipping it. The jeep rolled on top of me and broke my arm. After I was able to extricate myself from the jeep he kept hovering over me and touching me. I was so fed up with him that I ran across the street and nearly fainted in the opposite ditch. He then bent over me with his face next to mine asking if I was okay. The whole while my head was pinned to the ground with his hand on my hair. The paramedics came and were about to transport me when the dumbass faints and is put into my ambulance. We had about a one to two hour transport to an appropriate facility for me to have surgery. The guy kept reaching over and putting his hand on my fracture. The paramedic at one point leans over me and screams "You're grabbing her broken arm fool!" The paramedic then puts him on a spinal board and C-collar and tapes him where he is immobile. I was in the hospital 3 days and the guy never calls to check on me. The day I return home he calls and asks me out again!!! My mother asked for photos of the wrecked jeep for our attorney and the guys sends photos of not only the jeep, but also of himself posing in a mirror! He said he thought I would want them! Oh, yeah, the guy was 25. He said he liked 18 year olds because girls his age have let their bodies go. He was such a winner. There is more but this has gone on long enough.

Damned Fallacy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CampbellLB said...

I was 16 and my first "boyfriend" took me....to church. and I am in no way religious. The most boring experience of my life.

Damned Fallacy said...

After my now ex-husband and I had separated, I dipped my toe into the shark pool of online dating. There were some gems. Guy One wanted me to read his novel about a thousand ways to torture women ("Based on all the things I thought up when my wife left me!") and Guy Two was just divorced...oops, I mean separated ... oops, I mean getting ready to separate...and so on.

Guy Three took the cake though. I already had kind of an 'off' feeling about him, so we met for lunch at a busy fast-food restaurant. I got there early and ordered my own lunch so there wasn't any 'paying' issue. As soon as I saw him, I knew that, much like Paris Hilton's high school transcripts, there was a F in chemistry.

He spends the entire lunch talking about some ex-girlfriend and his sexual prowess. I gulped my salad and said I had to leave for an appointment. He offers to walk me to my car. As soon as we get there, I turn around to give him the "Thanks, but no thanks" speech when he grabs me and kisses me. I'm trying to push him away; he's humping my leg like a horny Lab. I know this because I can feel his puny erection through the sweatpants he so classily wore on the date.

Finally, I push back and while I'm staring at him thinking "What is even wrong with you?" he utters the classic line "So, can we have sex in your car? It'll only take five minutes!" (emphasis added for the WTFery of thinking that's a selling point). There is not enough "Hell No!" in the world

*girl said...

I'm glad my story entertained! I know think it's the funniest thing ever, and my friends and I like to hold up various objects and ask each other "so, you want to jump on?" on a regular basis.

IndigoBlue said...

First date - first high school boyfriend took me to The Pasta House Company and then to see "The Princess Bride." It was all very sweet, but it being my first date I was so nervous during the movie I didn't really pay much attention. Came out of there thinking it was the dumbest movies ever. I learned better the next time I saw it. The only bad part of the date was it was about this time of year in Illinois and we leave the movie theater and he starts to drive me home and pulls into a local park. I'm thinking he wants to make out. He says, "Look! Swings!" and I realize he's serious. I think he had some romantic slo-mo thing going on in his head but it was like 10 below. I declined. I think it hurt his feelings a little bit.

Worst date: I was about 25 and went on one of the two blind dates I've ever been on. For safety reasons, we met at the restaurant. He was late. Very. When he finally showed up, he looked like a 25 year old version of Napolean Dynamite. Red fro (and I don't hate on the ginges, I am one, but I hate on white boy fros), what looked like military issue coke bottle glasses (only no way this scrawny dude ever served), and your typical nerd uniform. I thought maybe he's a great conversationalist and I won't judge too hastily. Then he opened his mouth. He had a mouth full of braces, the silver ones, the kinds with rubber bands. That have to be removed before eating. And he did, right there at the table. Then proceeded to tell me that he lived at home with his parents and had never been on his own. He was like 25 or 26. And he planned on living with them until he married. Yeah. Shortest dinner ever. He asked me to go to a movie after and I declined. Never heard from him again.

Ehjah said...

@ not on my dollar;
yes TMI, my bad...at least u can sympathize. ;)
my friends were laughing 4 days!!!

amster said...

My worst date was a guy I had given my phone number to at a bar the week before. When he came to pick me up, he was not at all what I remembered. I guess he looked better when I was drunk off my ass.Needles to say I couldn't wait till it was over.

Reese said...

Worst date: I was in graduate school and met this guy on campus. He was good looking, seemed really nice; was finishing up a Ph.D. in microbiology. He asked me out and I said yes. He took me out for a drink and all of a sudden he couldn't look at me at all. He kept looking away while carrying on a very stilted conversation. Then he said something like "I guess I should show you this" and handed me several pages of yellow pad with messy handwriting. He told me he had planned to leave it on the windshield of my car. I read it and it was a letter to me (this was written before he had met me) telling me that his name was Steve and he was a grad student, blah blah blah, and that he had seen me in January (this was in May) and he had become fixated on me and had been following me around Harvard/Cambridge since January, watching me. He had wanted to ask me out but was too shy to introduce himself, and he had his address and phone number on the letter in case I was intrigued by it and wanted to call him (that never would have happened!). I was seriously creeped out by this. He admitted that he knew where I lived, who my friends were, what my schedule was, etc. I got up and left and told him in no uncertain terms I didn't want to see or hear from him again. He proceeded to spend the next few weeks calling me daily and turning up everywhere I went. He even followed me around when I was out on dates with other guys (the Harvard/Cambridge police were spectacularly unhelpful in this matter). He had gotten a job as a cancer researcher at The National Institutes of Health in D.C. so he left town shortly thereafter. I always wondered if he was doing the same thing to some other woman/women in D.C.

Ehjah said...

reese - that is super creepy!!! can u say stalker...the weirdos....smh.

sunnyside1213 said...

Worst date - my sorority sister set me up with her boy friend's best friend to go to a dance. I opened the door and Jack the living beanstock was standing there. He was 6'9". I am 5'1". I was stunned, to say the least.I was looking at his belt buckle. I didn't really care that he was badly dressed and not much to look at. My girlfreinds always teased me that I dated really homely men. Then he spoke and it just went down hill from there. He was arrogant, boring, mean spirited, and an all around creep. I couldn't wait to get away from him and I refused to dance with him. I mean, really. How would that have worked? On Monday said sorority sister asked me what I thought. Duh.

Best Date - My last date with my high school sweetheart on the night of graduation. My best friends and I organized a dance and had Art and Aaron Neville play. It was New Orleans in the 60's and they were the hot high school dance band. Oh, and drinking at 18 was legal in LA back then. We got wasted and danced all night long.It was much better than the prom. If only I had known, I would never see any of those people again.

not on my dollar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
not on my dollar said...

Reese, that is scary. Thank God he moved away. I've had my share of stalkers, they have to be confronted right away and if you don't it turns into a nightmare. It's also true that the police will not help because "no crime" has been committed.

Cooper's Mom said...

These are too fucking funny guys!! Audrey, i just died laughing at yours!

Ok, my first proper date was when i was 16 and we had met at a Halloween party. I was dressed as a witch and for the life of me i can't remember what he was dressed as. But he asked me out and a week later we went on our date. He was really sweet but sooo nervous, we went and watched the Excorsist (sp???) at the cinema. He'd seen in a couple weeks before and was banging on and on how scared he was throughout. Well, i'm a sucker for horror films so i was excited. unfortunately i found it hilarious (as did alot of other people) and proceeded to cackle my way through it. He was quite taken aback by my response and in parts i swear he was trying hard not to wimper... i felt bad for him so i kept my giggling to a minimum. After, we went for pizza, and try as i might there was just no spark (well not from me anyway) but being naiive and 16 (umm, i was no Miley Cyrus when i was 16)i thought i'd carry on with the date. So we go back to his place (he was my age and his mum had conveniently retired to her bedroom) we sat on the sofa and he leans in for the inevitable kiss... it was soooo bad, it's def my worst ever kiss. ALL tongue and teeth gnashing and just all round grossness. Anyway he proceeds to put his hand on my boob, and i can tell he's getting REALLY excited and all of a sudden he jumps up and shouts "be right back!" and dives into the bathroom where he's there for the longest time ever.... i was just so embarrassed by the whole thing, i so wanted to leave. Eventually he emerges and tries to act all normal but we're both dying to get away from each other and FINALLY i get my mum to pick me up... it was just not that great. But, we had mutual friends so we saw each other again and he asked me out again and this time i politely said no thanks :)

NYC2008 said...

First Date: College. I was not allowed to date in High School!

Worst Date: My date spilled red wine all over my lap. He knocked it over by accident. I said, "It's only the first date & you got me wet!" Snort-HarHar...OK. I thought it was funny, but I think he thought I was loopy. Whatever. He was so boring. I don't care how good looking a guy is if there is NO PERSONALITY OR SENSE OF HUMOR. I'm out of there.

Mooshki said...

NYC, if he didn't take an opening like that, he must've been asexual as well. :)

rosie said...

Audrey, your story is hysterical!!! Had me spitting rum out of my nose! My worst date ever was in college. There was an Army base not far from our campus and most of the girls in my dorm had run through most of the guys in the barracks over the course of our sophomore year. Two of my “friends” were going on a double date with their soldiers du jour and decided they felt sorry for me because I was single and – in their estimation – lonely. So they pushed and pushed to let one of their guys set me up with someone they knew from the base so we could all go on a triple. After hours of torture I finally relented – after all, it’s only one night, right? How bad could it be? Well, I tend to gravitate towards the deep, intellectual, artistic type. Their interpretation of my type was “weird.” So they told the guys – “Yeah, she likes weirdos. Fix her up with a weirdo.” I knew I was in trouble when they arrived in a souped-up Camaro and all six of us had to squeeze into it like we were wearing it. Then they introduce me to Jonathan, who was so small I could have picked him up and carried him around on my hip. He had a cast running the full length of his arm and he didn’t shut up from the word go. We go to dinner at some chain restaurant and I refuse to say a word the whole time, which only gives Jonathan more time to run his fucking trap and which ultimately results in a fantastic headache. When the tab arrives, I think I’m home free – that I’ll be back in my dorm room with a beer and some ibuprofen in no time and this will all be a distant memory. No such luck because the two couples decide to get a cheap-ass, dirty motel room. I spent the remainder of the night locked in the bathroom so I didn’t have to see my friends having sex; all while Jonathan was camped out on the other side of the door trying to explain the mechanics of building an atom bomb. The night finally ended when Jonathan threw up and ruined everyone’s fun…

svd said...

worst date: the date that never happened. i was supposed to have a blind date on a saturday with someone i had "met" on match. the night before that, i went to a party with my girlfriends and happened to run into the guy i was supposed to go on a date with the next day. he turned out to be a massive jerk and we actually got into a semi-fight during the party (i NEVER fight with people). at some point during the party i said to him "i think we can both agree that tomorrow isn't going to happen." he agreed.

Cooper's Mom said...

This is just cracking me up silly! My best date has to be the very first date with my now-hubby; it was so great and spontaneous, and hell we both got to have sex so i think it was a top date for both of us, even if we hadnt married and had 2kids :)

awww, fun times!

KellyLynn said...

Wow, y'all have some great stories.

My first date happened when I was 18. My neighbor fixed me up on a blind date with her cousin, a redneck type of guy, not unlike the brother on My Name Is Earl.
My neighbor, her boyfriend, her cousin and I all went bowling. I was a horrible bowler at the time, and also terribly shy, so I don't remember too much about what we talked about or what I did. I only remember wanting it to be over with really quickly. I turned him down when he asked me out again.
I can't decide which date was my worst from these two:
1. Around 8 years ago, I tried out Internet dating. Most of the dates had gone well, except for the first one. The guy turned out to be an ex-boyfriend of my boss and the nephew of one of my coworkers. I incorrectly assumed the mutual associations meant he would be a "safe" first date (as in, a guy who wasn't just looking for sex), but I was wrong. We didn't even get out of the house before he tried making moves on me. I was disgusted and left.
2. Another guy I met online, but not via a dating site. We had chatted several times and seemed to have a lot of things in common, so I agreed to meet him in Chicago for dinner. It was snowing pretty hard, and he only took public transportation, so we spent most of the time trudging through dirty, slushy snow to get to the restaurant, which, for some reason, was closed. After much more trudging through snow and public transportation, we ended up at a restaurant not far from Navy Pier. A few drinks later, and I was having one of the worst voluntary sexual encounters of my life in a hotel room near there. We did stay in contact and intended to have a do-over first date, but I ended up meeting the man who is now my husband soon after that.

Reese said...

This wasn't my worst date by any means, but there was an occasion when I was about 18 and home from college on break when I accepted a date with a stunningly good looking male model who was about my age. He took me to the bar in El Encanto, a very elegant hotel in Santa Barbara. We had just been seated at a table against a wall (I was seated at the wall) that gave us a lot of privacy when he excused himself. I thought he was going to the bathroom, but he came back very quickly, all smiles and pleasant chit-chat. Very shortly thereafter, a waitress came over and said "the staff thinks you are such an attractive couple that we want you to have some champagne on the house" and delivers a very nice bottle in a winebucket. No IDs were asked for (we didn't look 21). A few minutes later she came back over with complimentary appetizers. We never actually ordered anything, but food kept coming all night, all courtesy of the management. I thought this was weird, but the guy was pretty successful and I thought maybe the waitress was being nice (Santa Barbara is full of bona fide celebrities, but this guy was a teenaged model). The guy was really nice and very pleasant to talk with and didn't seem fazed that all of this was going on.

When we finally left and got in the car I said something about how weird it was the way we were treated. The guy said "Well, something happened that I told the bar manager about, and they were compensating for that." Explain, please! He said that as soon as I sat down in my chair a "huge, I mean really huge; the biggest cockroach I've ever seen, came out of the wall right behind your head. I was afraid it might get into your hair or something." Apparently the roach was right near me all night long.

I had to give the guy credit for handling the situation really well. I ended up dating him all through Christmas break.

Miss X said...

Best Date: Dinner, then a double feature at the drive in (don't get too excited, we sat outside with our friends) followed by dessert and a trip to Walmart. We just clicked. It was great. The relationship didn't last, but we were college freshmen.

Worst Date: First date. He managed to work in telling me what he wanted to name his first son. Not only did it seem odd but it's a name I would never, ever, name a kid (the name has a bad association for me). Who talks about baby names on a first date? It made me feel like he just saw me as a uterus.

Majik said...

First:

Winter, 1984--I'm 14 and the guy I've had a crush on asks me to a movie. We go to an early showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the local repertory cinema. I had never even heard of RHPS before this, let alone knew what to expect!!

We sat there, completely still, staring directly at the screen, oblivious to the shouts, the newspapers, the flying toast...but somewhere after the horrible disembowlment of Eddie and the orgy in the pool, we started holding hands--our thumbs locked in a sensual wrestling match...lol. Cheesy.

We ended up standing in a doorway at the bus stop downtown, making out while it snowed and letting all but the very last bus go by...majik.

Worst: Prom, 1989, also my 19th birthday. My date had turned 19 two months earlier, but had never before imbibed. I, however, was a seasoned pro. Anyway, he ends up calling me the day of, after I had my hair done, to tell me that he was still going but that he was sick. Um, okay. Thanks for the warning? He shows up late to the pre party so we had to leave right away, drinks an entire mickey of vodka by himself on the ride to the hall (no more than 15 minutes) and spends the rest of the night ignoring me and chasing after some other girl. I even drove him home, but he didn't remember that.

Thanks for ruining prom, Mike Cicci.

Jamie's Girl said...

Worst: 3 guys put their names in a hat and draw one out, and that's who called me for a date...didn't know it until afterwards. I was a piece of A$$ to them. Anyway, they took me to some cheesy mexican restaurant, and then, when I ordered a free-refill coke, the guy got mad because I didn't finish it, and he finished it off for me, saying he was still in a way, paying for it. What a loser. I was embarassed that he picked up my coke and sipped out of my straw.

Wil said...

Damn .. I am apparently getting Alzheimer's because I couldn't remember any best days last week and this week I have no clue what my first date was and I can't remember if any dates that were truly horrible.

Yep .. Alzheimer's .. or things have been so traumatic I have suppressed more than half of my life! Or .. I suppose I have had that boring of a life. Somehow the Alzheimer's or trauma is far more appealing than the boring.

Christina Penn said...

Best First Date: The summer after I graduated from high school I got a job as a waitress at the same restaurant as my best friend. At the time I was working at another restaurant too, and was going out all the time. If I wasn't at work, I was partying.

Anyway, there was a kid, a 16 year-old busboy, who was really a terrible busboy because he spent all his time chatting up the waitresses. Despite the fact that I was really not that into him, he was just 16 years old after all, I agreed to go go out with him on a double date with my BFF and her BF.

From the outset of the evening we had a great time cracking jokes and being generally comfortable with each other. We went to see a movie (How to Be A Player) and after that went to a keg party. I don't like beer, so I was sober, but the busboy got drunk as hell and at some point was like "kiss me" so I did. We ended up basically rolling around making out in the front yard of the house. The busboy told me his parents were away for the weekend and so I called my parents and told them I was staying at my BFF's for the night. At the end of the night when my BFF and her BF stopped at the busboy's house to drop him off, I got out of the car too, and said, "I'm staying here." We ended up fucking all night long, and he made me breakfast in the morning before driving me home.

Epilogue: We are now married and expecting our second child.

Cooper's Mom said...

Christina, what a lovely story!!!

Jerry said...

Worst date: met her on match.com; drove 55 miles to her place; spent five hours of which she talked 4:50. There wasn't a second date.

twunty mcslore said...

I love how so many of us weren't allowed to date in High School. Does that ever happen anymore, outside of the Mormons?

Ehjah said...

@ twunty mcslore
im not mormom, i was raised catholic
i was not allowed to date in high school, and im chicana...my mom was adamant about her children graduating from high school and not be distracted with boys.

Ms. said...

Worst Date...gosh, there's so many. I apologize in advance for my long-ass post.

Bad Date Runner Ups

1) A first (and last) date with a lawyer who asked me to buy porn for him because he was too embarrassed/shy to buy it

2) A first (and last) date with the foreign, suave and gorgeous art dealer who told a "funny" story about an army buddy who was caught fucking a dog. He told the story in such a way that I immediately realized he had personal experience with the subject...


My Worst Date Ever

It was a blind date with a lawyer. I wore a knit dress, high heels, and thought I looked pretty cute. I went to his place for dinner and it started out fairly well even though he wasn't really my type. However, the date rapidly disintegrated after he had ONE glass of wine. Some people just shouldn't drink and this guy definitely fell into that category. Could not hold his liquor whatsoever. He began singing Be Bop a Lula and then kept grabbing my shoulders during the chorus, thrusting me back and forth to the beat of the song while singing in my face.

I was gob smacked by his behaviour and his freakish strength. It took the longest 15 minutes of my life to convince him to let me out of the house. I just wanted to get away from him and didn't want to wait for a taxi so I began walking on a very lonely stretch of road to a bus stop. Guess who decided to be a gentleman and accompany me. He also kept singing that damn song and shaking me during the all-too-frequent chorus. Oh, did I mention he was studying ballet for fitness? So in addition to singing in my face and shaking me back and forth, the jerk began doing these rather athletic pirouettes. Because he'd suddenly do it without warning, 9 times out of 10, he would kick me.

We finally made it to the bus stop and to my immense relief, there were people there. Normal people. Reasonable people. Glorious people. Did the presence of bystanders stop this guy from behaving like an idiot? No, no it didn't. He started singing again, grabbed my shoulders again, and at that moment I saw the bus come around the corner - so I shouted, "Stop it!" With that, he suddenly let me go. Unfortunately, it was during a thrust away from him. I went flying backwards into a very large planter - 15 feet long, 5 feet wide, 3 feet deep.

So I'm laying on my back in the dirt (no plants because it was very early Spring), my calves are resting on the edge of the planter, my feet are kind in the air, and the bus pulls up. A rather full bus. I could see every occupant of that bus staring down at me. I tried to prop myself up, but my arm sank into the dirt, right up to my arm pit. The dirt had been recently rototilled. I screamed out, "Hold the bus, hold the bus, I need to get on that bus, don't let it leave." I kicked off my high heels, pulled my legs into the planter and finally managed to stand up. I clambered out, grabbed my shoes, and ran to the bus in my stocking feet.

As I was about to board the bus, the lawyer tried to kiss me goodnight. Seriously. On the bus everyone, including the driver, stared at me in stunned disbelief. Even though the bus was full and people were standing, I suddenly had a double seat to myself. No one would stand near me, let alone sit with me. I put my heels on and tried to pretend everything was normal even though I was absolutely seething. My calves were scraped and bloody, the nylons were shredded, I'm covered in dirt and debris...I sat very still in the misguided belief that movement would attract attention. Therefore if I didn't move, no one would look at me, or at least would stop looking at me.

Then I caught sight of my reflection in the window. I looked worse than I thought. There were a lot of dried leaves, small twigs and little clumps of dirt in my hair and sticking to my knit dress. I could also see that everyone was still staring at me as I tried subtly to remove the contents of the planter from my body.

You know how when you have a really bad day or experience and you suddenly see the humour in the situation at an inopportune time? See where I'm going with this? So in addition to trying to clean up, I suddenly was also trying to stifle giggles. With each passing minute, it became more and more difficult. Soon I was shaking with (almost) silent laughter as bits of dirt fell from my hair…as the seats around me quickly vacated.

Oh yeah, good times.

DNfromMN said...

Ms. I bet that man turned out to be our beloved Enty. :)

palealebrew10 said...

AWESOME "your turn"

Well, I've had a few bad dates, that's for sure.

Example 1:

-Junior year of high school, I go out on a date with this guy who I saw at a party previously. We decided to "hang out" the next weekend. He looked like a hotter version of Michael Cera, longer hair, less pointy nose. Anyway, I meet him at his house, walk over there. I didn't have a car. He didn't either. By the by, we'll call him Dave.

Dave has got the house to himself, and we start to hardcore make-out. Except he was a TERRIBLE kisser. Was slobbering all over my face. Bruised my neck. I hate hickies. And his penis--yeah, it was like a pencil stub. And he wasn't circumsised. He says to me, verbatim, "Yeah I know it's not circumcized."

Me: "Um, okay(the heat is basically nonexistent at this point anyway).

Dave: "I mean, it's never really bothered me. I keep it clean."

Well, the physical part stopped there. I guess he felt kind of bad about it, but then he asks if I want to go get a bite. I really had no appetite at this point, but I said alright. I guess I kind of felt bad about stopping the hookup and he seemed embarrassed. Like a guilt trip.

So we both don't have cars and he says he knows of a good place down the street anyway. We were right across the street from the downtown area, so I thought it might be better than where he ended up taking me.

Jack In The Box. This was his idea of a good place down the street. Off the dead end of the downtown section where all the "cooler" places are.

So now, we're standing in line at Jack In The Box, fresh and unwanted hickies on my neck which I couldn't hide because I brilliantly wore a tanktop and was sporting a shorter haircut. I felt like trash.

Dave points to the menu: "Hey so what do you want?"

Me: "Um, you know what, I'm just going to get a drink."

Now we're at the cash register and he starts ordering like everything off the menu. Large size. And then looks over at me: "And she just wants a drink."

AND THE BEST PART. He takes out his wallet-he has no more than $3.00. I can't remember what the grand total was, but it was a hell of a lot more than $3.00 considering he ordered so much.

Dave: "Hey, um, I kind of spent all of the 40 bucks my mom gave me for the week. I forgot about that-could you cover the rest?"

I'm incredulous. The cashier is even incredulous. I didn't know what else to do, because I was 16 and had no audacity. So I just paid the rest. And we sat in jitb for like 30 minutes as he ate his food I paid for. He didn't even give me the $3.00 because apparently he owed someone or something. Some bs excuse.

Dave randomly starts talking about everything(in retrospect, he might have been on something)-ranging from legalizing prostitution to how everyone should try acid at least once in their lifetime for sake of spiritual experience.

I split after that with something about meeting a friend and he grabs my arm and tries to kiss me with his greasy fish-fry smelling breath and ketchup stained lips(no, I am not joking).

Best date is extremely R-rated and involves getting into a bar with a good friend at 18. Hook up with two gorgeous guys, 22 or 23. We lied about our ages because we didn't know how to broach the fact that we got in by talking up a bouncer. Then went to a hot tub at one of the guy's residential apartment building. And the four of us skinny dipped and drank a ton of beer. My friend and I hooked up with our chosen one in our respective corners of a 4 seater hot tub. Great times.

shakey said...

Ms. made me cry! I wish I had been on that bus.

I've had a few worst dates. All blind dates. Man that had a voice for radio but the look and face of a drowned rat. Another guy who continually shouted, "Tequila makes me horny!" while drinking it, then later on during a conversation about astrology blurted out to everyone "All Virgo women are bitches." Guess which sign I am?

Then there was ... Paul? We'll call him Paul. Blind date. We met at a restaurant. For the next hour and a half he described his perfect wedding. To me. The whole time he's describing who my 5 bridesmaids are going to be and how his best friend is going to be the limo driver and the videographer, he's pawing my arms underneath my blouse. Saying "Oh shakey, shakey, shakey ..." then moving on to more description. He did manage to slip in how he was a freemason, and he had incredible hearing ... he could tell where a sound was coming from behind him - whether it was from the left or the right. That's how incredible his hearing was. Uh, yeah. At one point, I put my hands underneath the table because the pawing was ridiculous. What did he do? Reached over, grabbed my blouse (at the bicep, thank God) and pulled my arm up.

When the bill came, after all his lovely pillow talk, he informed me I could pay my own way. Then he decided to escort me to my car, which was in an underground parking garage. Slung his arm around me and held me tight enough that I couldn't get away without a struggle. When we got to my car, I hopped in, closed the door and started the car. He was still outside the door, and while I was putting my seatbelt on I looked at him as if to say, why are you still here? He opened the door to lecture me that I did "it" all wrong - you shut the door, put the seatbelt on THEN start the car. I snapped at him, "What, are you my father? Even my father wouldn't talk to me that way!" then I slammed the door. He just laughed. He continued to laugh as he walked away. I backed out of my spot really fast and came very close to running him over. Wish I had.

I told this to my husband. Every once in a while he runs his hand underneath my sleeves and says, "Ohhh shakey, shakey, shakey." We laugh hysterically.