Friday, March 04, 2011

Ted C Blind Item

The secret is that Crotch Uh-Lastic is the real badass in the bedroom. Charlie Sheen wishes he had the originality, hotness and stamina this guy has—no three-minute sex for our handsome Crotch!

But there remains a problem with Crotchy, and it isn't that he's not getting enough sleep or that he picked up some muscle dude who didn't exactly sign a confidentiality agreement.

It's something far more serious:

Friends to Crotch really think he might be losing his mind.

Sleep deprivation, for instance, can't suddenly lead to screwing women when you've shown no inclination toward doing so in the past. Uh-Lastic's pals were totally going "WTF, dude?" when they found out Crotch had done it with a chick recently. Really, that is so Toothy Tile and completely beneath Crotch's strong convictions to never live his life for the public. (He's insisted this to friends many times.)

Maybe he was just curious?

Bat-s--t bonkers and totally out of his gourd, is more like it. Crotch's friends are truly worried that their talented bud is less and less himself these days. Angry. Sullen. More tired than ever. Not even fun to be around when he gets high, which is a lot—more so than usual, lately, too.

Now he's having sex with a woman, whereas he's only had sex with guys in the past, and chewing out his friends, too.

"He's totally lost it," as one of Mr. Uh-Lastic's amigos put it.

Or is he just getting worried about that career of his?

Hmmm. We'll have to see about this one.

AND IT AIN'T: Jake Gyllenhaal, Justin Timberlake, Alexander SkarsgÄrd

37 comments:

RocketQueen said...

Is this one supposed to be Chase Crawford? I'm kind of bored of Ted's blinds. Same people over and over, too much closeted gay stuff.

Jen said...

James Franco FTW!!!!

RocketQueen said...

Just went back and yeah, he's the popular guess for this blind. Makes sense.

Tam said...

Franco!

Cheryl said...

I'm on board the James Franco train...first thought that came to mind!

Also because he looked out of it at the Oscars and was traveling between NY/LA for weeks in prep and classes at NYU...maybe he's just jet lagged?

RJ said...

Sounds like the guy is just really unhappy, and maybe doesn't know what he wants sexually. Maybe he thought, "I'm so unhappy. Maybe I'm not gay. Maybe a woman would make me happy." Then when a woman didn't make him happy, his depression worsened, leading to more drug use and irritability with friends. Sounds like he needs to spend less time in bed with any partner, and more time on the couch of a psychiatrist.

MISCH said...

I don't know who it is...but there was a blind about Jeremy Remmer having a wild time with a woman in Paris...I wonder what his live in thinks about that...?

Hilary said...

I am pretty sure James Franco is not gay (or at least he wasn't about 10 years ago). he dated Marla Sokoloff forever and per someone that knows them he A) dumped her for Kirsten Dunst, who ten dumped him for Tobey McGuire and B) she was completely destroyed over it as in when you get dumped by someone you care about not a lost career opportunity. This was around the spiderman time and hey, things can change but I just don't believe he is gay.

Ice Angel said...

So having same sex sex is normal now and having opposite sex sex is crazy? I am confused!!

Nate F. said...

Bradley Cooper?

sunnyside1213 said...

I think this is franco.

amoteafloat said...

Whenever I read Ted's blinds, all I see anymore is something like: "That humpable little gay gayed all over L.gAy! And you wouldn't gay who gayed around Gay the next gay? Gayerella VonGayerton! It was Exile in Gayville!"

That said, Franco, obviously. And I pity the poor girl, if this is even true.

Mango said...

Ted seemed so flamingly appalled in that blind.

If it IS Franco, then we know the woman he's tapping ain't Anne Hathaway.

amoteafloat said...

LOL @ "flamingly appalled" and the hilarious visual of Ted I now have in my head.

RocketQueen said...

lol amoteafloat - I just spit water all over my keyboard at your first comment.

bluebonnetmom said...

All of the comments are making me laugh my butt off. Good ones. I think Franco as well. He appeared almost comatose on the Oscars...Why are all of the hot guys not playing for my team? Sigh.

GladysKravitz said...

lol at amoteafloat. Gaygay lagaga gay!

hunter said...

amoteafloat - hilarious parody of Ted! You should have a website!

Felicite said...

Lol@amoteafloat. So accurate.

Whitney said...

The popular guess on Blind Items Exposed has been Franco for awhile... Chase's blinds are similar, but tend not to mention talent.

J. said...

I posted this on blind items earlier. Hmm, I have a female friend who regularly hooked up with Franco - was in one of his numerous classes in the past year in NY. In fact, he was hooking up with a few different girls. That's not to say this isn't him, but I just know for a fact that he didn't *just* start getting with women, he has been doing so regularly for at least a year and they weren't beards, they were genuinely dating/hooking up.

Jamie's Girl said...

I don't think Franco is gay. I think if he were he would state it.

J. said...

I think so too. Or even if he denied it publicly, I think he would be open about it in his own social circle and from what I've heard it's just not the case.

sunnyside1213 said...

If Franco is hooking up with multiiple women, maybe he isn't gay. Maybe bi?

J. said...

Yeah that seems to make most sense to me since all signs point to this being Franco. If that's the case, I don't really see what's blind-worthy about it...

Mooshki said...

I also find it very hard to believe that Franco wouldn't just come out if he were gay. He isn't exactly afraid of doing his own thing!

Bubbles said...

But why would James Franco be worried about his career? It's not like being nominated for an Oscar is career suicide and he doesn't have tons of roles offered to him.

That's why I don't think it's him. It sounds like someone is in a tailspin and acting out because something has them worried about their career and they're just not themselves because of it.

MadLyb said...

I have no idea who this Crotch-Uh-Lastic person is, and I really don't care. I thought it was Chase Crawford but Franco would make more since, since he gets a lot more publicity than the other guy.

Me said...

wait, justin timberlake is gay? really?

C. Willingham said...

Totally Franco! If you look at Ted's Bitch-Back for the day, he refers to JF as not looking like he'd slept for days at the Oscars. The blind had several references to sleep deprivation.

Doc Cowboy said...

Why is it that bisexuality is more acceptable for women? It just seems to me that with men it always comes down to some fascist idea that you have to be straight or gay, but never bi.

Mary Anne said...

It probably is Franco, but you got to remember everyone is gay to Ted. There are no straight people in Hollyweird with Ted, except David Duchovony. If your straight, than you are an A-hole in Ted's world. At least it had nothing to do with Twilight.

Mooshki said...

No, Me, Justin isn't gay. Ted could have put him in the "ain'ts" for a number of reasons.

Tom said...

I saw James Franco at the Indie Spirit Awards when he walked over to the fans. It was really nice for him to walk over...very few other stars did. But there was something really unusual...he was incredibly sullen, almost clinically depressed looking. Dutifully signed autographs, but none of that characteristic Franco smile, not even a whisper. I know he might have been exhausted from the Oscar rehearsals, but this went beyond that. When I saw how he hosted, I wasn't surprised.

Mr. M said...

I could buy Franco being bi. I was at UCLA when he was there and knew a guy that was his regular fuckbud/bf. So either he's gay and was trying to rid himself of being "gay" or he is in fact bi.

Angel said...

What about Josh Groban? The part of "completely beneath Crotch's strong convictions to never live his life for the public." seems something like jgro would say. Franco is a good guess but I'm having trouble with a few comments on here have him known to be with women years back even.

Brandy said...

Who ever said Justin Timberlake isnt gay are u blind he's flaming all the hissing