Friday, June 10, 2011

Ted C Blind Item

Shafterella Shoshstein and Cruella St. Shackles really should make a movie together. After all, these two mega-manipulators are made for each other!

A new version of Thelma & Louise, maybe? Nah, a remake of Black Swan would be better, with Shafterella playing the crafty Natalie Portman part, and Cruella going for Winona Ryder's tragic, aging diva character.

But, dolls, we are way off topic here, which is to report that real-life power manipulator Shafterella has been corralling her friends to...

Do her dirty work for her.

Now, it's no surprise that Ms. S.—whose multi-talents apparently extend behind the camera, as well—has been demanding that those who are employed by her do her nasty bidding for years. This is pretty much legend. Whether it's been dropping friends, movies or lunch dates, those not-nice tasks have always been left to those on Shafterella's payroll—all so Shafty can plead innocence if ever confronted and proclaim, "Why I had no idea they did that..."

But S2's gotten so used to the Teflon way of life, she's now started to get her friends—as well as her man—in on the act, having them send messages of preachy recrimination to those who displease Shafterella (trust us, the list is looong).

Hmmm. Is this the reason Shafty's coterie of BFFs is not quite what it once was? And is that the reason Ms. Shoshstein's been putting a few too many away lately? Oh my, the nasty domino gossip effect just keeps going on and on—it's all too yummy for words!

Just don't let Shafty catch you talking about any of this, or she'll send one of her humorless and unattractive mouthpieces (whether paid or not, Shafty always makes it a point to surround herself with less pretty people, always has) to tear you a new a-hole!

Bitch knows the right devil messenger service to use!

AND IT AIN'T: Nicole Kidman, Cindy Crawford, Christina Aguilera

27 comments:

Erbo said...

First! Damn. It is so fucking hard at times to read anything Ted writes. He's NOT that clever.

Robert said...

Rocket Queen?

Manda_kitty said...

I'm tired of Ted C.

kris said...

Why do people continue to read Ted C just to complain about him? Isn't life too short?

Nosey Parker said...

Reese Witherspoon

RenoBlondee said...

This is supposed to be Reese Witherspoon.

I don't quite buy all of his trash talk about her though. I think he's got an agenda when it comes to Reese and Nicole Kidman, because I have never heard anyone say bad things about these women!
Quite the contrary, I've heard NICE things about them from first hand experience.
Anyone here have any inside info or know these women? I'd love to hear more nice things about them!

pwner said...

perhaps Angelina for the one that has talents behind the camera?

Ida Blankenship said...

So...Reese Witherspoon pays her employees to do all her dirty work?

Escalando!!

MISCH said...

You can't look at a pretty face and assume they're pretty on the inside....
Also once an actress hits a certain level staying there can't be easy...that said it could be any of them.

Billy Baloney said...

Jennifer Hopez popped right into my mind.

MCH said...

I don't see why this particular behavior needs to be a blind item. It's bitchy behavior but hardly newsworthy.

But it's not a blind about a closeted actor so three cheers for that.

KLM said...

I'm with Kris - I don't understand why people read Ted C blinds if they find them so annoying. Anyway, I also thought of Angelina when I saw the whole "behind the camera" thing... However, I don't think she's known for having too many girlfriends, is she? I can maybe see one of them being Reece, but Angelina and Reece also aren't that far apart in age (being that Angelina only ages one year for every two human years - we used to be the same age but now I am somehow 3 years older than her).

crila16 said...

Regular Ted readers know that Reese is Shafterella and Cruella is Nicole Kidman.

Megley said...

It's Reese. And Ted writes like he speaks. Listen to a Truth, Lies, and Ted to catch the rhythm.

Daveb said...

Cox and Aniston

RocketQueen said...

Yes Robert?

Agree this is supposed to be Reese. Is Ted implying she's gaining weight? Where??

Talk about most boring blind ever. I used to really like Ted, but he's really grasping at "scandalous" behaviour now. Ordering people around, being gay and ditching a date to play basketball are hardly Vice-worthy.

JasonBlueEyes said...

Sharon Stone.

tipsytess13 said...

Jennifer Aniston...

surfer said...

I was thinking Madonna, but I will defer to those who are pretty sure this is Reese.

Robert said...

@RQ: Sorry, I forgot you changed your avatar!

SnowCherries said...

Yeah, I think this has been pretty much confirmed (in the little gossip world that is) as Reese. Past columns about her have pointed to her relationship with Jakey G/Toothy. If all the blinds about her are actually true, she sure seems to not be as nice as she comes across.

Mango said...

Gwyneth Paltrow. Over the years she has dropped former BFF's Winona Ryder and Madonna. Imaging having big enough balls to piss off Madonna! THAT is how arrogant Goop is.

Mango said...

Gwyneth Paltrow. Over the years she has dropped former BFF's Winona Ryder and Madonna. Imaging having big enough balls to piss off Madonna! THAT is how arrogant Goop is.

lovemystyle24 said...

this is kim kardashian all the way...and the star that was her friend is Paris Hilton...

The Wilhites said...

I am with most of you.. I cant stand to read Ted C's blind items. Just reading the first part has given me a headache and now I could care less... Aye Aye Aye..
And I don't believe that this is Reese. I refuse to believe it.

Char said...

Shafterella is well known to be Reese. And you guys must be reading different gossip blogs than me because I have NEVER heard anything about Reese being nice, only about her being a grade A manipulative and controlling b!tch.

Jeri said...

Never heard the bitch part but Reese calls her company Grade A Productions (or something like that).

She's always admitted to being anal, but not in those words.