Friday, November 11, 2011

Your Turn

I saw something like this in the news this week and thought it would be an interesting question. Would you marry someone even if you found out you had a terminal disease or your future spouse had a terminal disease? Would it be too much to handle and you would not go through with it?

30 comments:

RenoBlondee said...

I would like to think I would.
I feel like I couldn't say for sure unless it really happened.
I know of people that have broken off w/ their mate because of illness though, and the thought of it makes me mad and sad, but also I can understand too in a way.
Us humans are odd, odd, odd.
Tough one, Enty!

MontanaMarriott said...

I hate to be selfish and I know I am going to get those folks who say, "well you never know, you could walk down the street and get hit by a bus" But after being a caregiver for two sick parents, I would not want to put myself with dealing with a sick spouse/boyfriend. Nor would I want to put them through that, I know I suck, lol

Sylvia said...

lol@MM

I myself do not know the answer to that.

Carrie L. said...

For me, I would go through with it. By accepting my husband's proposal, I did so knowing that I was committing to spending the rest of our lives together, even if that time is short lived. As long as he would still want to spend what was left of his remaining time with me, I would gladly be with him until his end because I love him. I would want to take advantage of every day I could, even if it was filled with doctors, hospitals, pain & every other dreadful thing imaginable when it comes to a terminal illness. I would want to be there for him, and as painful as it would be to eventually lose him, my life would still be better for having him in it while he was here.

That being said, I'm very grateful to have a husband of almost 10 years who is very healthy, and as much as my health sucks, it's not terminal. And I know he would do the same for me, because he proposed & married me knowing that my health was likely to be a bumpy, difficult, long term ride. I couldn't have asked for a more supportive & loving husband.

bluebonnetmom said...

I could not have said it better Carrie L....Marriage is a up and down thing, especially as we all get older. Sometimes you will feel good, sometimes not and vice versa. Just be there for one another and get through it. It is what love is all about.

texgen said...

Of course I would. We're all going to be terminal at some point. It sucks but ain't nobody getting out alive.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

Life is a terminal disease. Of course I would.

Besides, marrying versus what option? Breaking up? That would be ridiculous.

Sue Ellen Mishkey said...

Of course I would. I'd do anything for my fella.

amh.producer said...

My dad had a horrible terminal illness (Huntington's Disease) and it typically strikes in the prime of someone's life. My parents divorced before he developed symptoms so it's a moot point here.

My point is, I've seen many a family break up because of outsider's perceptions of the illness and the amount of care and work (both familial and financial) that's involved with an up 25 year battle of a disease that is physically and emotionally draining and terminal.

I don't know if I could do it and I grew up around my grandpa and dad who had HD and many friends who are symptomatic or even already passed on.

I think it's noble to say yes and probably real for many. I'd like to think I wouldn't be that selfish (*), but I think I would.

(*) not saying it's selfish for someone to evaluate and be realistic with a decision such as this.

penelope said...

My husband and I lived together for 7 years before we got married. Six months later, he passed away from COPD and lung cancer due to smoking :0( . Of course, I knew he was terminal, and we already considered ourselves married. He was in the ICU and was probably feeling pretty insecure and asked me to officially marry him. His family were already in town visiting him (it was touch and go for a while) and we ended up getting married in the hospital while I stood at his bedside in the ICU.

That was 3 years ago, and I tell friends (with a wink and a smile) that if I marry again, he'd better be wealthy and healthy. Of course, you can't necessarily plan who you're going to fall in love with. If the situation ever presents itself again, and if I truly loved him, I would do it all again.

Wil said...

Only marry for love .. regardless of you or your S.O.'s life expectancy. You never know - a miracle might happen and you might end up together for longer than expected and that miracle can turn into a nightmare. Just sayin' ....

sussique said...

I wouldn't marry if I was sick or my partner was. It would be too much. I can't bear that type of burden and would not want to burden someone with my fatal illness. I would not go through with it. That's what Hospice is for. Marriage is about promise and a future together...not impending funerals.

Sherry said...

@amh.producer..I know exactly what you are saying. My very good friends husband had HD and recently committed suicide. He did not want her to have to deal with the oncoming (quickly) issues and it was very difficult. While I know I would do all I could to take care of my husband if he had a terminal disease, HD changes a persons personality drastically. Once sweet guys become very angry and abusive because it messes with the mind horribly. It's very hard to deal with. Very.

mygeorgie said...

Not married, sinner for 20 years & after the last 3 years of serious health issues w/ my honey, I can say I wouldn't *think* of leaving. It also hasn't propelled me to run to the alter either :/

married or not..."thick or thin" right? Well, unless you're John Edwards.

shehla said...

Some people never really live because they are too afraid to die. Death is inevitable. I'd marry if my guy was sick, but only because I loved him!

Selock said...

I would.

In my early twenties I knew a young couple my age who got together despite the young man being very ill with lymphoma. They got engaged and were beautifully romantic and happy together. They weren't able to marry before he passed away, but I considered them lucky anyway.

Me said...

when you are engaged you are so over the moon in love i doubt we'd be able to stop ourselves. having been divorced now i can tell you that if my ex had deen diagnoised i would have left. i basically just needed a push (which i got) there was no love there (or sex or intimacy or partnership, etc).

now would i want my children to go through with it; NO! i would tell them not to waste their life on misery.

any of you follow the blog by the mom of the girl who's fiance was on AI last year? a month before te wedding she was in a horrific accident. she is unable to do anything on her own, but she is still engaged. http://oakforest.patch.com/users/janet-spencer-barnes/blog_posts
its very sad, but as a parent i would not want my child's optons limited because of someone else.

Debs said...

My husband gave me a kidney and says that he would have married me either way...as it was, neither of us knew I was sick when we did marry...33 yrs ago.

ardleigh said...

If I loved the person, I would be there for them.

r said...

Did it. Would do it again.

Netta said...

I'd rather stick a coat hanger in my eye than get married.

However, if I were in a committed and loving relationship, I would stay no matter what, and expect the same from him. But that's *my* decision based on my life experiences, and I would expect those who could not deal with a terminal illness the same way to make the best decision for them, even if it was to walk away.

You don't know. No judging here.

Lelaina Pierce said...

I would still marry, yes.

Renee said...

if I felt that i had love. i'd cherish it for however long i was able. I'd consider myself lucky to have even those few moments together. i"d want to love them till the end of their time.

feraltart said...

I don't know. I stayed when I found out my husband was infertile, didn't even waiver, no thought of leaving. I think it would depend on how long I had been with them. Can't say.

30whatsnext said...

Why not? Is not that I have something better to do.

Mango said...

If I were ill I would marry him If I wanted to secure his inheritance, but otherwise prolly not.

dumdumdummy said...

I think I could if I loved them enough. Love gives you this kind of strength....

c.scrawl said...

I have a terminal condition, and I wouldn't want to wish this misery on anyone. Early dementia, and I don't even want to imagine how terrible it is going to be-- Someone once told me he would stay with me through this, I am still skeptical. I believe love can make one strong, but sometimes even love isn't enough.

mygeorgie said...

c.scrawl: that is a different perspective that most of us have not had to think about. Thank you for that & bless you for sharing so candidly. Prayers to you for love & grace.

amh.producer said...

Sherry, I'm sorry for your friend's loss. HD is truly difficult and has one of the highest suicide rates for that reason.

c.scrawl, I'm sorry you're suffering. Keep know your CDAN family is here for you :-)