Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Lainey Blind Item

It’s easy but it’s not hard
Caution right off the top – if you’re the prudey type, some details here are not for you. Click away or hold your peace. Don’t be emailing me with a lewd complaint since you were given ample warning.

Celebrities are surrounded all the time by beautiful women. Especially him. He boasts an impressive track record, minus one infection, and so you would think, for a regular, non famous girl, even a really, really beautiful non famous girl, it would be an insurmountable obstacle to catch his eye…right?

Not so.

But just because it’s easy to attract him doesn’t mean it’s easy to … pleasure him. Turns out his libido doesn’t quite match up to the legend. And his prowess isn’t exactly the smoothest either. SO disappointing.

She and her girlfriends found him at a club in Vegas recently. Danced in front of his booth and eventually caught his eye. He sent over the bodyguard, they were invited to join, and soon everyone ended up in his suite, even though he’s supposed to have a sexy steady. On this night however he was playing single.

First he asked his evening’s target to give him a massage. She obliged. Eventually they ended up alone in his room. Making out turned to sex. He used a condom and went through the conventional motions. Highly unimaginative and even a little… gross?

Apparently our superstar superstud releases the most unpleasant sound effects. Grunts and groans and straight up no rhythm pounding, making it clear that without a cinematographer and a world class director, he isn’t exactly the undercover loverboy we all believed he was.

Like, no moves whatsoever.

Needless to say, his lame technique wasn’t getting him anywhere, so in relief he asked her to fondle his boys instead. By boys I mean balls. A gorgeous, willing girl in his bed, game for anything… and in the end he could only finish in his own hand in front of her.

Too much champagne, I guess. But still… dude… if this is how you stray, you might need to work on your alcohol to erection ratio. This kind of thing is an embarrassment.

59 comments:

Unknown said...

First name that came to mind was Justin Timberlake.

Not sure why - just did.

Anonymous said...

I love Lainey's blinds, she always gives up the goods.

Anonymous said...

I thought of George, but he doesn't currently have a steady girl, does he?

mooshki said...

I could so see this being Timberlake.

Unknown said...

Leo

JW said...

At ACG blind items, they have it as Leo.

Unknown said...

Leo's not really renowned for being a great lover - or is he?

Melissa said...

Wouldn't "infection" in Laineyspeak refer to Paris? I guess it could refer to Britney, too, though. Hmm.

lawyagirl said...

My guess in Leonardo DiCaprio. Wasn't he just in Vegas with his p*ssy posse, Adam Levine & Kevin Connolly?

He's always been with beautiful model types (Gisele, his "sexy steady" Bar Rafaeli). Works with world class directors. It just sort of seems to fit.

Melissa said...

Apparently somewhere in the past that he'd like to forget, Leo did Paris. Eww!

Uber*nought said...

It would fit if Leo were straight.

It would fit if George were straight.

Unfortunately the only place it fits is in Lainey's fantasy world.

The. End.

Molly said...

what is the 'minus one infection' with leo?

nunaurbiz said...

Can't be Justin T, methinks, because it says "without a cinematographer and a world-class director" which to me means an actor (even tho JT has acted, that's not his bread n butter).

Leo's single now, too, so it can't be him (and I don't buy that he's gay). Same with my man George.

I'm greatly relieved to know that my other main man, Gerry Butler, doesn't have a "sexy steady" and doesn't drink champagne :-D

Of course, I have no clue who this is.....I'm thinking......

mooshki said...

Leo was out with Bar again a few days ago, I think they're supposed to be back together.

kimi said...

I think George is bisexual but I don't see that with Leo at all. Uber, why would you say that?

Angie said...

I was thinking either Gerard Butler (though it makes me sad) or Colin Farrell. Hasn't Coliin Farrell hooked up with Britney and Parasite?

ElsieFire said...

Well, Leo did Paris back in 2000 according to who dated who, but another possibility might be Colin Farrell??

My money is on Leo though, just thinking the Titanic scene...pretty cinematic.

PunkiMeowMeow said...

I don't think Gisele would've stayed with Leo as long as she did if he sucked in the sack.

I think Colin Farrell is a better guess.

jax said...

Angie, Gerard was my first guess too. and he hooked up with Cheryl Burke so...buthe kinda gives me gay vibe too...not sure. plus he doesnt have a sexy steady.

leo is a great guess.

ms_wonderland said...

The director and cinematographer could be for music vids. How about Diddy?

notachance said...

IDK, I never think about Leo and steamy sex scenes. He just doesn't have any sex appeal for me.

amazonblue said...

My vote is Leo.

Minus one infection is Lainey speak for Ebola - Paris' nickname.

Leo has done two pictures with Scorsese, Gangs of New York and Best Picture The Departed.

Somewhere Gisele said she only rated him a "4" in bed. She must have stuck with him for the publicity.

Damned Fallacy said...

When I read this over on Lainey's site, I took "infection" to mean "Ebola" - Lainey's 'affectionate' nickname for Paris. Of course, "guys who have been with Paris Hilton" is a pretty damn big list, so that doesn't exactly limit it.

CDAN Mod said...

leo is a switch hitter.

Molly said...

amazonblue and damned fallacy - thanks. i don't read lainey, so i didn't get it.

lutefisk said...

amazonblue--I also read where Gisele said he was not very good in bed.
I don't think Leo is gay, but I find it hard to believe his relationship with Bar is real.
I think it was a set up to give her some quick fame, & make him look occupied.

Unknown said...

I was thinking Colin Farrell while reading this. He is suppose to be a great lover,and in his sex tape seemed as though he had no technique.

I thought Leo D was a known bisexual?

d said...

Wasn't Giselle the answer to a blind where the woman was more interested in coke than sex? Or was that Jennifer Aniston more interested in pot than sex...

Anyway, if it was Giselle, that would explain her tolerance for Leo not being that great in bed.

nunaurbiz said...

jax, just to clear things up, Gerry's NOT gay. He loves loves loves women of all shapes, ages and sizes. Remember the reveals when Enty said how he slips women cards with a 800 number to buy them a nice present just because he appreciates their beauty? Think a gay would do that? Nope, he'd just offer to redecorate and shop WITH her ;-)

emailchallenged said...

crisis angel

BlahFrickinBlah said...

My first thought when I read this over at Lainey's was Leo. It all matches him unfortunately. :( I hope I'm wrong.

FrenchGirl said...

clooney or dicaprio!that's it the question?

Brenda22 said...

I think it's Leo, especially since Lainey mentions that it may be an insurmountable obstacle for a "regaular" girl to catch his eye because of his impressive track record. Leo's track record (supermodels) is pretty impressive. Clooney's (Sara Larson, Lisa Snowden, the French chick, the soap opera chick, teri Hatcher) not so much.

jax said...

"jax, just to clear things up, Gerry's NOT gay. He loves loves loves women of all shapes, ages and sizes."

LOL..ok whatever you say. don't beleive everything you read.

Goodgrief said...

Lainey says it's not Daniel Craig.

Unknown said...

OK, I think this is Leo also. But the rumor is that he's bi. He and Tobey. Wasn't Tobey a rent boy at one time? I've heard that before. And yeah, Tobey's been acting since he was a kid, but he wasn't making anything significant enough where he wouldn't need to supplement his income until possibly "The Ice Storm".

And 'undercover loverboy'.... Leo's very private. We know who he "dates" or who he wants us to think he's dating.

Molly said...

leo and tobey own a place together in vegas, but that's not really that well known, i don't think.

Lucy said...

Um... I've always wanted to do this:

ITS BEN AFFLECK!!!

lutefisk said...

lol Lucia!

We could make it work, except Lainey would NEVER put Jennifer Garner under sexy!

Jaiden_S said...

I was gonna go with Trousersnake, but Leo seems like a better fit.

viking's vault said...

What about Matthew McConohuay (Ok I know its spelled wrong)

Ninabeth84 said...

mark whalberg?

prob leo though.

WineGirl X said...

I think I'll throw out Mario Lopez.

the.princess.leia said...

Just to throw out another name: Ryan Phillipe

-leia

Unknown said...

sound like the last guy I dated - sexy to look at and absolutely hopeless!!

of course he is not famous so not him!

i could see it being leo - don't think he is gay - because i honestly don't think he would care enough to keep it a secret.

ECFan said...

It's Colin Farrell. His technique is on tape...and word has it he doesn't live up to it. There was a girl who sold a story to a British tabloid that had a very similar story - right down to the massage. He's also gotten horizontal with PH...and has the herp as a result. Oh yeah...the kicker -he was snapped Vegas 2 weekends ago. At the Bellagio or the Wynn. I can't remember which one.

ECFan said...

One thing - I'm no Clooney fan, but it's not him. He hasn't been to Vegas "recently". He's been in Italy all summer and then went directly to Puerto Rico where he's now shooting a movie. I just saw pix earlier today of him playing basketball with some of his homies on another site.

jetgirl said...

it says that the subject of this blind is MINUS ONE INFECTION which means the guy didn't sleep with Paris. That should certainly narrow it down!!!!!!

Geebz said...

Colin

BlahFrickinBlah said...

I couldn't see this being Colin F. He seems like he would fuck anything. Just sayin..... ;)

PotPourri said...

"without a cinematographer and a world class director"

This is very clear that it is someone that has been in a gorgeous Brokeback Mountain, Crouching Tiger, Titanic, or some other gorgeous cinematography movie.

Dead Angel said...

Mark Wahlbergh. Sorry ladies, it's marky mark.

Beth said...

Criss Angel was my first thought when reading this, but this is obviously a movie star -- which also makes JT a no.

Leo is my guess. He has a rep for being bad in bed. Also, he seems to be a modelizer, which would give girls the impression that he might be hard to pull.

Colin Farrell is my second choice.

Btw, this person def slept with Paris or someone else infectious. The BI is saying that his record is impressive EXCEPT for that one-off with Paris, Britney or whomever.

I don't think it's Marky Mark. He's supposed to have a sexy steady seems to imply that he may not in fact have one. Regardless of what he does on the side, Wahlburg is still with his baby mama.

sauvage said...

I'll go with the Mark Wahlberg-guess. The clues sound very "Boogie Nights", don't they?

canadachick said...

Leo was the first one to softly pop to mind

Miriam said...

So far,Lainey has eliminated RDJ and Daniel Craig.

Three sisters said...

Wait, has Mark Walberg slept with Paris? And hes engaged to a model, but hes Roman Catholic, and Roman Catholic people don't sleep around on their sexy steadys. Plus, they've had three kids together....I don't think he has any problems getting it up.

slappywhyte said...

hmmm ... so he had normal mediocre sex with a stranger, made some grunts, and finished himself off ... likely when drunk

and that is so weird and abnormal?

so if someone is a movie star, that means they should be a superstud to every skank that ends up in their bed?

this doesnt surprise me at all, i would think the guys who have tons of women basically just do whatever they want ... kind of like super-beautiful women often have the rep for just lying there like dead fish ..

or am i just taking this one personally haha?

Col said...

I'm going with Leo or Farrell.

If Clooney already had a steady wouldn't we know about it?

I doubt it's Gerard Butler, because if he went to Vegas recently, I'm sure we would of seen footage of it on the Discovery Channel. Poor guy can't seem to scratch his arse without it being documented.

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