Hmmmm. Paris Hilton Or Miss USA?

Allegedly Doug Reinhardt is dating Miss USA. I say allegedly because I would have hoped Miss USA as a representative of my country would have had better sense than to actually date one of Paris Hilton's cast offs. And also let us not forget that Miss Hilton has the gift that keeps on giving. Not that she has given it to anyone else, but still, would you want to take that chance?

Also, for some reason some network has decided to give Doug and his family their own reality show. Since we know he is a publicity seeker of epic proportions it does not seem beyond the realm of possibility that he learned a trick or two from Paris, who lets face it has been very good at manipulating the media.

So, for now, until I see it, then I say no. I just don't see it. Nope.

Paris Gets In Shoving Match With Doug - Lies About It Later

I was hoping to avoid this story. I was hoping someone would break into a house or get pulled over for a DUI. Anything but writing about Paris and Doug. Alas, there is not much going on today in the world of gossip that doesn't involve a million breathless reports about New Moon or Robert or Kristen. I can't believe there are two more of these movies to go. I can't handle it.

Anyway, last night the LAPD was called out to their house at 4am because Doug and Paris Hilton were screaming at each other in the driveway and even got into a shoving match because Doug was trying to leave. If I had to see Paris Hilton every night I would want to leave also.

Anyway, the cops came out and reported it as drunk people arguing. They checked Paris over for injuries and left without doing anything.

Well, Paris says it wasn't her that was fighting because she is the kind of person who goes to bed early.

"Doug and I were in bed, sound asleep, when Doug's houseguests from hell got into an argument. We had nothing to do with it. Doug told the LAPD that his guests' fight was over and that we had nothing to do with it."

Paris had no explanation for the neighbors seeing her in the driveway or the fact that the LAPD wanted to check her over for injuries.

Tameka Foster Is Alive - Probably

Tameka Foster is apparently alive. Maybe. Divorce papers were filed in Atlanta this morning, but I don't know who did the filing. In Touch has a report about the filing but doesn't actually say who did it. If it is Tameka then presumably she signed them which would indicate she is alive. Not necessarily alive and well, but alive. I know many of you didn't sleep last night wondering how she was doing. Hopefully this can put your mind to rest and tonight you can just worry yourself to death about how Paris Hilton is managing to cope without her future husband Doug Reinhardt by her side and if she gave Ronaldo the gift that keeps on giving last night when they hooked up after he spent over $20,000 on booze. I'm still not sure that would be enough to keep him from hating himself for eternity when he wakes up next to her. Shudder.

Someone Who Hates Paris Hilton More Than Me

I didn't think it was possible to find someone in this world who hate Paris Hilton more than me. I didn't think it was possible that some other person would find the lowest form of life on earth even lower than I, but it turns out there is such a person, and he is rich. Apparently filthy stinking rich. The fact that Paris hasn't tried to seduce him with her wonky eyed Valtrex shuffle is baffling.

Anyway, the hero to which I am referring lives on the same street as Paris, but not for long if he has his way. It seems that Paris and her fame whore boyfriend Doug Reinhardt decided to move in together. They left the dogs back at Paris' old place or wherever she dropped them along the way. They currently pay $22,000 a month for their place. I'm guessing Dougie boy contributes about $500 plus some gas money now and then for his share. Anyway, our hero offered Paris and Doug's landlord an extra $5,000 a month above the rent if the landlord would kick them out. Yep. Our hero was willing to spend $27,000 a month just to not live on the same street as Paris. People don't make that it in a year and this guy was willing to pay it every month just to not have a neighbor. If I am the landlord I am jumping all over that. Rent money with no tenants to complain and you know that when the landlord gets the house back it is going to need a thorough cleaning. You know like the kind you would give if Pete Doherty came and spent the weekend at your house. Like Haz-Mat cleaning.

No word on whether our hero was successful, but with that kind of money I am sure he will make Paris' life torture. I'm wondering if he needs volunteer helpers or a son.

Oh, and to show you that Doug is only in this for the fame. And when I say in this I mean sacrificing his peen for the entire rest of his life for these 15 minutes. Anyway, Doug was confronted by the neighbor, and according to TMZ, Doug told the neighbor to get used to it because Doug and Paris were public figures and that's what you need to expect. Ummm, yeah.

Are All Her Other Dogs Dead? An Open Letter To Doug Reinhardt

Dear Doug,

I know that reading may not be your strong suit, and so if you need someone to help you with the big words, I'm sure you and Paris can sound them out together. I don't mean to be rude, but you not being able to read is the only reasonable assumption a person can make when they see what you got your girlfriend Paris Hilton for her birthday.

Paris told the world that you got her a baby teacup Pomeranian for her birthday. Umm, Doug. Paris has at last count about 42 dogs who after making an initial appearance are never seen from or heard from again. I'm sure when you have been over to her place, you may have noticed the odd smell emanating from her home. You probably thought it was some kind of herpes medication that smells really bad. My guess is that it is the remains of long forgotten dogs and the wasting flesh of old boyfriends from whom Paris has ripped out their souls.

I will say that you and Paris make a nice match and totally deserve each other. She is using you and you are using her so at least you have that in common. I'm glad Amanda Bynes discovered what a tool you were so quickly into your relationship. Her acting career may be in the tank, but at least she still has enough self respect to kick you to the curb. Oh, I'm sure you thought you would play that relationship out and get the publicity and attention you crave so desperately, but all you got was negativity.

Now of course you think you have stumbled upon a goldmine because of all the publicity Paris gets. Have you noticed that it isn't very good publicity? Have you noticed that people laugh at you and mock you? Have you noticed that people try and keep a safe, non disease catching 3 feet away from you at all times now? Have you seen the dog you got her since the day you gave it to her? Have you seen your soul lately? How about your doctor?



EL

Would You Sleep With Paris Hilton To Stay Relevant?

Honestly I had never heard of Doug Reinhardt before he started dating Amanda Bynes. As you know I don't watch The Hills and so am clueless as to any cast member other than what I see in the tabloids. I do know that I don't like any of them except for that personal trainer guy on the show. I mean how could you not like him. Anyway, Amanda Bynes allegedly broke up with Doug because he was only into her for the fame that she brought him when they would go out together and the possibility of getting some work because of his association with her.

He didn't sound very nice, even at that point. He sounded even worse when he started dating women the same day he and Amanda broke up. Guess things weren't that heavy on his part. Well, now E! is reporting that Paris Hilton flew to Tokyo and because she couldn't take her dog, she decided to take Doug. Oh, and by dog I didn't mean Brandon Davis. Although, if you thought that, you are ok to do so.

Anyway, how bad does this guy want to stay relevant that he is basically being used by Paris? Who on earth wants to be considered a boy toy of Paris Hilton? She is the one who is usually looking for the rich guys, and not the one who has the toy. Plus, now everyone might know your name and know your face, but they are also going to want you to go to the free clinic before they sleep with you. Is trying to extend your 15 minutes that important? I just wish all of these people would just go away.