**Updated** Tyler Atkins Thinks Paris Is Amazing--See What He Calls Her When He Is Filling His First Valtrex Prescription

Yes, you know when someone is in it for the publicity when they start yammering away to anyone who will listen. In this case, Tyler couldn't find anyone who wanted to listen so he called up a gossip website in Australia and begged them to write about his relationship with Paris. They cared so much they wrote about 100 words.

I really don't care except this has got to be the slowest news day in a very long time and it is Friday and I don't want to write about Lindsay because there are literally 100 stories about her turning herself in and that she lost that movie. I actually think losing the movie was a good thing because if you are in a movie with Shirley MacLaine, then it is going to bomb. Lindsay bombs movies without any extra help. She needs to go suck up to Will Ferrell and beg to be in his next movie so at least she can say she has been in one hit in the last five years. With all that being said, I am beginning to get on the Lindsay bandwagon. I think she had a messed up childhood with terrible parents who are doing an even worse job with the younger kids. You and I know that if we had the same chances to do the things she has done we would probably do them.

Yes, Lindsay might still be drinking and partying but at least she is likable. One meeting is not enough to form a lifetime impression but at least I can see in her what a casting agent or director sees. I've met Paris more than once and have always disliked her and everyone who has known her for longer than a week also dislikes her. Her sister is the only person who hangs out with her longer than a month except for guys who want to f**k her.

So back to Tyler and Paris. You know the thing that amazes me about Paris is that she was at an event for BPM Magazine last night and the people from Ford Motors wanted her to pose with their latest hybrid. Companies are still paying her to promote their products so someone, somewhere is saying that she has an impact on what you and I buy. Ford wants a jail serving, herpes carrying, porn movie making, colored contacts wearing, Joe Francis (ex-convict) blowing, Suge Knight (ex-convict) grinding, lap dancing, fake smiling, pot smoking, no talent, Larry King lying, fake hair wearing, N-word slinging, taking it in the butt for coke-whoring, wonky eyed, fake bible reading, heir dating, Greasy bear friend having, Britney crotch baring, bad music creatin, Scott Storch doin, (shudder) name droppin, drunk drivin, small dog havin, in and out burger eatin, ho for a mother havin, size 12 wearin, Hybrid ridin, bad neighbor bein, fug sister havin, racial slangin, taco bell eatin, simple life havin, valtrex takin, leopard wearin, man hands person who was jailed for DRIVING on a suspended license schlepping their cars. I think Robert Blake is probably looking for work, why don't you call him next.

Why the hell would I want to buy something Paris Hilton promotes? Does Ford really believe that young women or men are going to rush out and buy the new Ford Escape Hybrid because Paris Hilton is posing with one? The only way that would happen is if she got in the back and demonstrated how she manages to have sex easily and comfortably in its roomy interior and how there are places for toys, cameras, and condoms in easily accessible locations. THEN, a guy might buy one. Might.

That Didn't Take Long

Its 5am in Sydney and I already got an e-mail from one of my favorite readers there who says she and Tyler Atkins are really good friends. She's going to call him. Let's see if he talks to her and what he has to say. Maybe he wants to rethink that "amazing" comment. Sleeping with Paris is a 30 second fling (30 seconds is average right?) Herpes is forever.

Morning Links

Gwyneth, Angelina and Brad are just asking for trouble.

Next thing you know she will be asking if you want fries with your Big Mac.

Didn't the one legged gold digger and the aging rock star already come to a deal like 200 times?

You too can end up with manure all over your driveway. All you have to do is piss off the wrong people and not pay your bills.

Paris is out of Victoria's league and Victoria let her know it. Later today I will show you how she is trying to get into that league though so to speak.

Mary Kate Olsen wanted to do that guy Tyler Atkins. You know Tyler, he is the one bragging that he actually was with Paris Hilton. Brag all you want Tyler, but now you just put up a big red stoplight to getting any more action. By the way, when you click, there are some Mary Kate photos from her new spread in You magazine.

If you want to read the NYT review of the new Harry Potter book, click here. From what I understand it does not give away the big secret, BUT, it has some spoilers and brought down the wrath of JK Rowling since the book was reviewed early. Basically she said America sucked and the UK was cool because we broke the embargo. She even compared it to the Boston Tea Party. Ummm. that might be going a little far, but we get the point.