Look, But Don't Touch

To show that I am not beholden to corporate interests, and because I already got the perfume in the mail, I feel safe in telling you this. Mariah Carey can be a bit of bitch at times. I know, I know. Who would ever think that Mariah Carey had it in her to be bitchy? At the launch of her new perfume M, which I have now mentioned more than any other product and for which I didn't get to do anyone up the butt, and certainly didn't get any coke, Mariah met all her fans.

Well, not all her fans. She met as you know the fans who were first in line and who gave her $300 in cash, in small bills and in return, the fan got a photo and an autograph and a telemarketing call later from some woman named MiMi that night asking for more money.

Well when you pay $300 you kind of expect a little something extra if you know what I mean. In Tokyo, all the fans who paid $2500 to meet with Michael Jackson got to have their hair pulled by Michael and also a courtesy grope if you were a young boy.

Well back in New York, fans who were getting their photo taken with Mariah wanted to actually be in the photo. Instead there was some kind of one foot rule. If you came within the one foot line, you were shown the door. No photo for you. One guy actually had the nerve to try and touch Mariah. Well after he was shown the floor by security and Mariah disinfected from her brush with human contact, the offender was shown the door.

The good news was that since her fans couldn't get that close to Mariah they didn't have to smell the perfume known as eau de Mariah.

Spice Girls Almost To The Product Whore Line

The Spice Girls haven't quite reached the doing it up the butt for coke line that Paris Hilton so nobly established as the benchmark for whoredom, but they are getting close. Realizing their window of fame has reopened for just a short time, the Spice Girls have turned their initial limited reunion tour into a mess of endorsements, extra tour dates, a new record, a documentary, and now are willing to hire themselves out to any company who has $2M for each woman. This $2M fee for each is for a 30 second commercial and also buys you 4 hours of the Spice Girls time. A complimentary flash by Victoria is included in the price as well as a running commentary by Mel C on why she isn't a lesbian.

The latest company to fall for the scam is Tesco which is a huge retailer in the UK and is "thrilled" to be working with the Spice Girls. This is of course despite the fact that Victoria Beckham refuses to shop there saying she prefers Marks and Spencer because they give her free stuff. Well, maybe $2M for sitting at a table with a fake smile for a few hours will change her mind.

Reports say the commercial filmed for Tesco sees the recently reunited group in seasonal cheer, gathered around a table laden with Christmas goodies of which non are being eaten. Isn't seasonal cheer a euphemism for smashed off your ass on egg nog?