Friday, October 12, 2007

Ted C Blind Item

Corny Beefy is actually such a swell guy, we kinda hate to write up this little Blind baby—but hell, we got mouths to feed, right? I mean, that mutt Margo is getting to be a demanding little gourmet bitch!

Quite unlike aw-shucks C.B., although, we must admit, Corny-doll certainly looks like he's been hittin' a lotta food bowls lately, gourmet or otherwise. Was that snitty of us to say? Well, it's kind of an important deet, actually, as Mr. B used to be such the doable little hon. 'Course, he still is (more so when he's filming), in between fat phases. Aren't we all allowed one?

Tattletale truth be told, I think Mr. Beefy's reoccurring poundage is due to an emotional sitch, as is often the case with altering bod phases. See, C.B. was married a few years ago, got the missus preggers, but—how can we put this?—something's been missing in Beefy's life ever since he chose the white-picket-fence route. Could that something be an object shaped more like a salami, less a Hot Pocket? Boy-on-boy bingo!

“He now regrets not coming out, as he sees more and more people doing it,” fessed a close amiga to Corny-babe. “His wife doesn't know. Hardly anyone knows.” (But some sure do!)

Yes, as is so often the case when we embark on the Blind Vice alleyway, we are discussing yet another closeted fake-hetero homo movie star. How utterly surprising.

Too sad, really, as not only is Corny sweet as his (in-shape) tits, he's also a most politically aware, very astute guy. So, why give in to this ersatz way of life?

“He thought he could wish it away,” adds the loose-lipped bosom buddy. Hmmm. Is that what he was hoping for when he was a hooker, before he became famous? Or was it just a successful career he wanted back then? We wonder.

Can't have everything, Corny!

35 comments:

kevin said...

I am not so good at these, but why am I thinking Val Kilmer?

kevin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeff said...

Why is it that, after reading one of Ted's BIs, I feel the need to take a shower?

Nancy said...

John Travolta would be way too obvious, but the "corny" fits with Hairspray but Kelly MUST know.

How about Matt Leblanc... I heard he was gay back when he did the Alain Morrisette video -before friends?

whimsicalrationale said...

I'm thinking Ben Affleck. He is kind of a corny guy, and has had his "fat" phases. It said he was married a few years ago (it didn't say that he got divorced), it said he got the missus pregnant (little Violet) and chose the white picket fence route (total family guy now)...It also said he is politically aware (didn't he help Gore out during the 2000 elections?)

JustinD said...

I would have loved this to be Leo, but I don't know how much red herrings (like being married) Ted C (bless him!) usually puts into his BIs.

Kilmer's been divorced for almost a decade. I wonder if it's Affleck though.

Nancy said...

The guy used to sell his ass though. Somehow i don't think Ben was ever at that point...

kharding said...

That is def Tobey Maguire

lainiekazan said...

But McGuire's just lost a lot of weight, hasn't he?

Nancy said...

Tobey (and Leo) were child actors. I don't think they would have to prostitute themselves.

Toni said...

I am going with Kevin Costner. Don't know why....it just feels right.

kari said...

It says he was "married a few years ago" and is STILL married, because he says that "his wife doesn't know". Matt LeBlanc is divorced. Toby Maguire just got married a few months ago. John Travolta has been married for years. So . . . who got married a few years ago?

Barb said...

Richard Gere

KELEIGH said...

Ben Affleck is a great guess

Janele said...

Damon got married a few years ago, is aw shucks, wife is a little mutt-looking, got her pregnant b4 marriage, lots of BV's about him wanting to have time away from her and regretting the marriage

Amy said...

Damon almost fits, but he hasn't really ever battled his weight, so I don't think it's him.

jax said...

It sounds like the guy is chubby NOW and we all know Ben needs a sandwich.

DNfromMN said...

Too obvious to be James Marsden (played Corny Collins)? Married since 7/2000, 2 kids. Don't know if he's chubby now, tends to stay out of the spotlight.

Virgo74 said...

I am thinking Tobey Mcguire, but I had answered a blind item from last week as the one actor that folks thought was gay!!!

I am not sure about this one at all!

Rebecca said...

ENT said- "Tobey Maguire and Kevin Connolly. Tobey actually looks really happy in his new role as dad and has lost some serious weight."

sounds like tobey

kelsey said...

LOL jeff. I get a migraine trying to dissect ted c's BI's.

GammaGirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GammaGirl said...

At first i thought it as Tobey Maguire because he tends to gain weight in-between Spider-Man installments but he married his baby Mama in January.

I have never seen a pic of James Mardsen fat, but the timeline works.

I think the best bet is Matt Leblanc. His weight gain has been brought up numerous times on this site.

ajurk said...

2nd on the shower comment. ted c is beginning to make me think that all men have gay tendensies. i swear, everytime i watch tv i think, are they secretly gay too? damn u ted c, damn u.

Kelli said...

the matt leblanc answer fits- except for the part of being 'most politically aware'. Does anyone know if he is?

DisorderlyMan69 said...

This is Michael Douglas.

fester said...

The NOTs are Ben Stiller, Matthew Fox & Will Smith. None of the NOTTED guys have ever had chubby phases, so I wonder if they're clues (since they wouldn't be guesses)? Might be a stretch but MATT damon is BF with BEN affleck, and the two had their breakthrough with good WILL hunting.

Of course, that works equally well for either Affleck or Damon. And both tend to puff up between gigs. Matt has more of a rep as a "nice guy." Slightly problematic that neither are puffed up at the moment, but then Ted's BI's usually have a red herring. And actually, while Matt gets a little doughy in the off-season, he's never been what you'd call fat. And hard to imagine an A-lister like Matt actually considering coming out based on "he sees more and more people doing it." Would Matt Damon really consider Lance Bass or TR Knight a peer? Not really the same sphere. OK, so probs not an A-list.

Brendan Fraser? A tubby hubby and more likely to relate to a Lance or a TR. From IMDb: "Has developed a reputation for being extremely approachable and friendly to fans who meet him on the streets." Had his 3rd kid last year.

deusxmacxdeux said...

i've read here for quite some time, but never posted before, so i thought ... well, i'd come out of lurkdom to venture: what about matthew broderick? *waves shyly* he fits the rather wide profile. and the phrase, "mr. b used to be such the doable little hon" ... bueller? bueller? bueller?

Jessica G. said...

It's Christian Bale. Ted often uses the same initials (Corny Beef = Christian Bale). Christian is known for roles that require drastic physical transformations (American Psycho, The Machinist, and most recently 3:10 to Yuma).

He's married and had a child a few years ago.

Too bad- he's one of my favorites, but it explains why he takes his acting so seriously, almost to the point of causing himself harm.

raise high the roofbeams said...

totally agree with christian bale. my first thought.

Twisted Sister said...

Boy, I've been reading Ted for years and can tell you that he does NOT use the same initials. Examples:

Bulbous Seymour - Matthew McConaughey
Toothy Tile - Jake Gyllenhaal
Day Old Dumbo - Scott Baio
Princess Gold-Zinger - Kate Hudson
Harkness Hose - Dax Shepard
Whore-tense Past-tense - Kirsten Dunst
Brood-Zilla Clump-Butt - Jo Frost
Wendell Waxer - Jesse Metcalfe

This also dispels the bullshit that he always uses the same number of syllables for his fake names as exist in the real names.

Sorry folks - just not true!

captivagrl said...

i like the christian bale guess too.

Dschingis said...

i dont agree with bale. he is a child actor too, like leo and tobey. plus the weight reference is not about what you did for a specific role, like bale, hanks and many more did. It referes to the problem that he simply gains weight and gets fat if he doesnt do something about that.

affleck fits it way better. but again, who knows?

redgurl72 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
redgurl72 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.