Thursday, May 01, 2008

Random Photos Part One

I feel like I'm on an 80's red carpet. Steve Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy. Ally Sheedy looks better than she has in a really long time. She might just be glad that someone invited her to something and that there was someone there she knew. The other day when I posted that photo of Holland Taylor, I was wondering to myself what she and other actors her age think of people from The Hills and other reality programs making more in a year than she probably has her entire career, and being more famous. It must suck, and if I were her, I would be vindictive and vengeful and slash all their tires on the way out at night.
I think everyone knows I am a Smashing Pumpkins fan, but Billy Corgan going for the whole Pepe Le Pew look just doesn't really work. I guess it could be a mime. Maybe he was working for tips earlier. If it was a red sweater I would go for gondola worker in Venice.
This is why Random Photos exists. For combinations such as Christine Taylor, Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr.
Looks like Emmanuelle Chriqui listened to me and went back to what makes her spectacular. OK, we all know she didn't listen to me, but I need those small inner victories.
See, when Jack Black gets his wife pregnant, she stops nagging him about his weight for 9 months. The problem is she will lose her after birth, and Jack will probably just get larger and Hawaiian shirts will be the only thing that fits.

I'm not too proud to say it. Jessica Alba looks really good here. Here. Not everywhere or everytime. In fact most of the time she doesn't look that great. But this time, under these circumstances, and in this specific photo she looks good.
Another 80's flashback. No, not Heidi's ass. Was she even popular in the 80's? She would have been 12. Perfect for Roger Clemens but not for most adults. I'm talking about Jordache jeans. I still don't know how anyone even managed to take a full breath in the 80's with the jeans being so tight. We needed the grunge of the 90's just to let our body parts shift back to normal.
Gwyneth Paltrow looks like she is wearing a dyed blue Elvis jumpsuit.
Faran Tahir's suit is making me really dizzy. Look at it long enough and you can see the picture.
Madonna - New York City

After this photo Justin Timberlake and Madonna went out and got drunk. Nothing like getting drunk with a 50 year old mother of 3 who has left her husband and the three kids back at home.
Looks like the hair club for men just found their new spokesperson. Does Jude Law need the work? That is his sister I believe. Maybe he could borrow some of her hair and just glue it on his head in the patchy spots.
Do you think Jennifer Grey still can't sleep at night thinking about that nose job? I would have turned to porn and drink. Oh, wait. I did that and I haven't even had a nose job. Would like one though. I think that a nose job would make people overlook the fact I am 200 pounds overweight and bald.
Jewel - Boston

I just figured that since Sean Combs was at the premiere and he is a celebrity I should throw him up here. I really can't think of anything to say about him other than the fact that maybe the wardrobe department from Saturday Night Fever called and they want their clothes back. Lame, but really I had nothing else to work with there.
Ummm. Black Power?
Pigeon Detectives - London
Yes, it is just for a television show, but does anyone think it is wise to give Naomi Campbell a bat?
Besides Nazanin Boniadi being a great actress and absolutely stunning she also is into more causes than a group of vegans at Berkeley. I'm actually surprised she has time for anything else.
Like I wouldn't include a guy with the name Wass. If you have a crazy name it is one of the best ways to get in Random Photos. That and be someone hot of either sex or making a funny expression or wearing something awful or someone who is easy to pick on, or someone I have a crush on or someone who bought me a drink, or someone who I want to have buy me a drink, or really just about anyone really has a chance. Hell, I'll put all of you in here. That would be a great Random Photos.

Not such a great photo. Of course it could be the fact that 20 years of drinking and partying contributed to that bad photo.
Tracey Ullman everyone. You know she must be kicking herself every night for not getting a piece of that crazy little cartoon she put on her original Fox show. What was the name of that cartoon? Hmmm. Oh yeah, The Simpsons.
The Futureheads - London
I couldn't resist. From L to R. Erin Wasson (who incidentally in 40 photos didn't smile in any of them) Marisa Miller, Heidi Klum, and Mini Anden.


kevin said...

God I fucking hate Madonna.

jenner said...

Wow, Ally Sheedy looks great!

Jack Black's wife looks a) really really uncomfortable being touched, and b) a whole hell of a lot like Lily Allen

Those jeans do NOTHING for Heidi's bum (or lack thereof) She's still insanely hot though. lol

I'm happy Jude Law's going with the baldness rather than fighting it with weaves and spray paint like John Travolta.

"she also is into more causes than a group of vegans at Berkeley."

That is funny. LOL

I can't believe I used to have SUCH A HUGE crush on Vince Vaughn. Damn. :(

surfer said...

God, lots of memories (nightmares?) of those tight jeans (having to lie down on the bed to zip them up, sometimes with the help of pliers!). I thought they were strictly a girl thing; are you fessing up Ent?

Like the adjectives. :)

DNfromMN said...

I love seeing Ally Sheedy and Tracey Ullman in here!

And Wass is kinda hot. He looks like a less drunk version of Ralph Fiennes.

Sylvia said...

can't stand fishy

don't like madonna anymore

Twisted Sister said...

Did anyone see the pic of Madonna grinding against JT while he as up against a wall? Sick. The bitch is so needy it's disgusting. She thinks she's still 20 and hot.

Is the Stiller-Downey pic the answer to a blind?

Speaking of nose jobs - OMG - has anyone watched Ugly Betty? Betty's sister looks nothing like herself since she got a nose job. Right voice, wrong face. Scary.

adrian said...

Gwynnie looks like Claire Danes in that picture.
I still have boxes of 80's jeans--not sure why, I just can't stand the thought of getting rid of them--even if they are all size 4.

kellysirkus said...

so over Madonna!

Plastic Kewgr with claws in kid

now that would be a better caption

Harriet Hellfire said...

You should TOTALLY do a random photos with all of us. WE sned in our pictures (keep in family frienly, people) and you add snark to them! That would be awesome!!!

We all have to pose for the pics though, like we're on the red carpet.

Harriet Hellfire said...

I can type good.

morgen dorffer said...

I am so with you Harriet, but I have to make sure I'm visibly drunk in mine.

And fyi Pete Wentz is black. I don't know why but I feel like I need to inform everyone of this.

PeepStone said...

Gwyneth proves that no matter how much money and make up you have access to, if your soul is black, it becomes visibly apparent one way or another.

califblondy said...

Great idea Harriet. I'd "sned" a pic. I don't have a red carpet though, would faded astro turf do? Maybe my Mother will let me borrow her tiara.

Whatya think, EL??

Jewels said...

Um, El, are you sure that's not just body paint on Heidi? Man, either that, or she had to grease herself before slipping into them. Surfer, we used the same technique, but instead of pliers, we used a fork, them tines are strong! LOL!
Oh, and a better caption for the bottom photo of Heidi might have been: "And here's Heidi, holding up a few 2x4s after returning from a quick trip to Home Depot." Damn! I've seen more meat on a friggin' chicken wing! Oh, and not the drumstick part, the 'wing' part... LOL! Throw that lot a box of crackers!
W.t.F.! Madonna's face is smoother than a baby's ass... That top photo of hers, wow! I must admit thought, I am impressed with her physique. (You should see the 'ordinary' 50 year olds I work with at the gym... LOL! No lean mean muscle machines there!)

And I'm with Harriet! You need to do a Random Photos with snark post of your readers. And Harriet, why stop at the red carpet? Why not stage some 'caught in the act' kinda shots... ;)

Joseph said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jax said...

even better is random anon photos..where we have to guess whos who!

why stop there FFF!!!! LOL.

man its sad when you and a mannequin have the same size legs heidi.

Gwynnie looks pregnant

madonna, spit out your new tunes and stay the eff home. you know with that babay boy you just haddddd to have. you don't need the money, you don't need to tour.

nothing makes me happier than to see Karma take a swipe at Jude's dome.

i can think of amillion unflattering things to diss Pdid about. that douche soul patch is #1

LOL@black power

Erin would like to smile but it hurts when you're emaciated.

Jewels said...

Aw Helz No!
Jax went there!
Are you MAD?


eileen said...

Jude Law has Phil Collin's hair line.

Al said...

Tracey did get a piece of the Simpsons, and still does to this very day. They settled out of court in the early 90s.

surfer said...

oh jax, I love the idea of random anon photos, but FFF? Like jewels said, are you mad???

On second thought, with a little photoshopping...maybe.

surfer said...

umm, jewels, that must have been some heavy-duty fork!

jax said...

i use to use a coat hanger through the tab of the zipper.

god we were dumb.

IndigoBiatch said...

Wow! Another Brat Packer that has aged well. Good for Ally Sheedy!

The twenties prison garb doesn't do a thing for Billy Corgan. Maybe if he had the matching striped hat, along with the ball and chain...forget

Gwyneth DOES look like she's sporting a bump.

Jude Law does look more and more like Phil Collins with each passing year. Is that a British thing? (If I have offended anyone British, or any Phil Collins fans, I sincerely apologize, my tongue was firmly in cheek).

I'm with Ent. I think Sean Combs is famous now just because he is and will forever will be "Puffy". I don't care if he doesn't want to be called that anymore. He owns it.

Black Power? Hahahaha. Plus...I think Billy Corgan found his hat. All he needs is the ball and chain.

Harriet Hellfire said...

Jax, I said keep it family friendly! *LOL*

And Califblonde, if you're gonna "sned" it, it doesn't matter what you stand on!! Heh.

Harriet Hellfire said...

I think I might do like a Miley Cyrus thing where I sort of show half a boob while looking defenseless and horny. Maybe with a finger in my mouth. What do you think? I'm more than twice her age though so it might not have the desired effect. Hm.

Jewels said...

LOL Harriet, I'm thinking someone needs to do one with a bunch of girls hunched over the back of a toilet bowl doing lines.

Surfer, it was a serving fork, them babies are indeed quite strong. LOL! Man, I can't believe we used to wear those, and this was way before jeans had any spandex in them... Um, atomic camel toe anyone?

Indigo,you just totally brought back memories of the Dalton brothers of the Lucky Luke cartoons with that visual, LOL!

califblondy said...

Thanks Harriet! I'll roll out the faded astro turf and ask Queen Mum for the tiara.

Jax, you just had to go FFF didn't ya? You go first.

Hey, who's old enough to remember Ditto jeans? Those were the absolute tightest pair of pants ever. You could not get off the bed after finally pulling up the zipper. I really think those pants caused internal organ damage.

GoGoLola said...

I'm not a Jessica Alba fan, but I have to say it's nice to see a pregnant celebrity who is wearing normal maternity clothes, and looks like a regular pregnant woman. Unlike Nicole Kidman, who still looks like she just actually ate lunch for once.

Jude Law does look like Phil Collins illegitimate son. Proof that there is such thing as karma.

Ugh. Vince Vaughn. He always looks like he just got done following the Supersize Me diet and his internal organs are about to collapse and die.

MadLyb said...

Vince Vaughn used to be so gorgeous. (sigh) I hate to admit it, but Madonna looks fabulous.