Friday, December 18, 2009

Ted C Blind Item

No wonder so many gay men are gossip columnists: All these supposedly "straight" stars are constantly cruising us (and our friends) for sex!

And the latest celeb to daringly do so is one of the biggest, hunkiest vampire sensations out there right now. So much so, even I was shocked when a bud of mine, who gets off hunting around Griffith Park—a notorious area of L.A. where homosexual sex in the woods is rampant and a constant annoyance to the police—enjoyed what you're about to read.

Nelly Fang is as hot as he is adored by his millions of fans. His smoldering looks are talked about just as much as (if not more so than) his red-hot acting talents.

Nelly simply smolders onscreen, what with his trance-like gaze and lithe, mildly muscled bod, which he keeps in shape by jogging through Griffith Park, wearing shorts but no...

...underwear, oh my!

I wonder if that's because Nelly likes to be extra-free to whip it out, just in case he needs to take a whiz? Nah.

More likely, that lack of clothing constraint is due entirely to Nelly's penchant for stopping a guy who catches his fancy on the trail so he can lure his conquest to a hidden path and then have hot, hot, hot sex under the sun! Something Fang's now done with my friend not once, but twice!

Love it! And people say Tiger's a slut! So glad Woods isn't the only celeb who's being supernaughty these days, what a relief.

"He's a real talker, too," adds Nelly's lucky path partner. "He kept saying, 'Yeah, do it, yeah, you like that, don't you, yeah, you like my ass?' "

Oh my. If only Nelly's gazillions of girlie worshippers could hear him talk. They'd either try to convert him or tell him to start talking dirty to them—or they'd stop being his fan—or both.

By the way, I'm sure if you've made it this far, you'll want to know the rest of the dirty deets, which are: Yes, Nelly's endowed (longer than wider, to be precise), and yes, he's a very neat boy down there.

"Very groomed," was how Mr. Fang's private parts were further described to me. Or to be even more precise (and gay): "Manscaped."

Hmmm. How very interesting, as this body-maintenance routine doesn't match the sometimes slightly grungy image Nelly likes to show off to the very unknowing public.

And It Ain't: Kellan Lutz, Brad Pitt, Ryan Kwanten

72 comments:

figgy said...

Jeez, why does he come right out and say "AND HIS INITIALS ARE R.P."

Christine said...

It's too obviously RP. Which makes me think it's fake. Blah. Yawn.

Sporky said...

Please let it be Rob and not Alexander Skarsgard.

Funny story: a couple of years ago my husband and I went to Griffith Park during a weekday to take a nice walk. We parked the car at a little side lot and noticed a lot of cars parked there too, and then we noticed one guy sitting in each car. Then we looked around and noticed guys sitting by themselves here and there. We didn't think that much of it until we walked by a porta-potty and two guys came out of it together! One was in running gear and took off running as soon as he got out. He was wearing a wedding ring, too. My husband immediately said, let's get out of here!! LOL!

whole_lotto _luv said...

Wow, I'm surprised Ted is risking his Twilight fan base like this. Anything for the hits, I guess.

chihuahuense said...

Is it possible for a penis to actually be wider than it is long? Doesn't seem conducive to the lovemaking.

Also, since it is so obvious, I'm thinking of how the "nots" fit: first one kind of the same, played a vampire, third?

Norseman said...

Ian Somerhalder? His including Ryan Kwanten from a TV show makes me wonder...

f said...

This has got to be Robert Pattison! Everything is spot on! Maybe that is why Kristen Stewart seems genuinly annoyed about all the questions about them.

justpeachy130 said...

A penis that is wider than it is long is commonly called a choad.

Sporky, I can't think of any less sexy place to fuck than a porta-potty. Those things stink something fierce.

Ed said...

I was thinking Ian Somehalder also.

f said...

Ian Somerhalder (sp?)isn't really grungy, is he?

Guttersnipey said...

"A penis that is wider than it is long is commonly called a choad."

THANK YOU FOR KNOWING THE CORRECT DEFINITION! I'm not being facetious! I CANNOT tell you how many arguments I've gotten into with people who claim that the 'taint is actually called the choadal region. It's NOT. A choad is a penis shaped like a tuna can.

Anyway.

Oh, and this is probably supposed to be ASkars, but Ted is FULL OF FUCKING BULLSHIT, so this is probably completely fake.

What, Ted? Did Alexander rebuff you at some party? Seriously, why DO you still have an entertainment blog? Boooooooooring.

chihuahuense said...

lol@choad and tuna can

Learn something new every day

Funny Girl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
warmislandsun said...

OK, the choad thing sounds totally gross...and this is such a blatant BI that I have to think it is born of the imagination.

Lisa (not original) said...

"gazillions of girlie worshippers"

Why didn't Ted just post a picture of that grubby, scrawny thing?

"red-hot acting talents"? Not so much, but Ted is nothing if not an ass kisser. He should write for Kneepads.

Funny Girl said...

For some reason, the clues in this blind make me think that Ted's not referring to RP-- I think he would have said that Nelly is THE biggest vampire star right now and I'm not sure that grungy really fits RP. Isn't RP under a different Blind Vice name?

That being said, this would not really surprise me if it did turn out to be RP. I hope its not Alexander Skarsgaard -- he's too beautiful to appear grungy, in my opinion.

What about Jackson Rathbone or Ryan Kwanten from True Blood?

sunnyside1213 said...

This not RP. Ted is always pushing the Robsten train. Alex or Ian.

Sporky said...

justpeachy: I KNOW! We were so grossed out by that, and the fact that the guy who ran out was wearing a wedding ring. I feel sorry for whoever he was going home to.

sunnyside1213 said...

Wait, this does not say tuna can to me. "Yes, Nelly's endowed (longer than wider, to be precise)" What am I missing?

Nicole said...

I honestly can't see RP jogging - I get the impression that he sits around smoking, drinking and playing guitar if he's not doing publicity. Plus, I don't think he could get far enough away from the paps to go jogging in Griffith Park, let alone sneak off for any sort of outdoor sexual encounter.

I'm guessing Ted C. planted as many words in there as he could to make people think it was about Rob, though that's a bit odd since he's said several times that Robsten is the "real deal," etc.

Personally, I think A Skarsgaard and Ian Somerhalder are both a bit grungy - I like them both, and neither gives off a gay vibe, but I'd say the description could fit either one.

Mackenzie said...

It's Alexander Skarsgard. Everything fits. RPatz doesn't jog, lol. Plus, ASkars worked with Kellan Lutz in Generation Kill, he's working with Ryan Kwanten in True Blood, and the only Brad Pitt connection that I can think of is that both Brad and Alex have dated/are dating a woman who strikes many people as freakish (Angie and Evan Rachel Wood, respectively). Alexander is big, hunky, sometimes grungy, and a lot of his fans turned against him when he started dating ERW.

nancer said...

grungy fits RP---he even said he doesn't bathe that often and he looks like he smells bad to me.

i hate ted. i think he's obsessed with hot men who aren't gay and i don't trust him at all not to just make shit up about men he could never get. fuck ted.

angie said...

Based on stuff I've read about Robert Pattison being more European in grooming...I doubt this is him....I don't think the blind is fake, but this 1 would just be too easy based off our 1st assumptions.

Betsy said...

Guttersnipey-- I'm all but crying right now trying to figure out how you have so many conversations that (a) go down that road in the first place and (b) end with an argument about taints vs. choads! Thank you for making my afternoon!

f said...

Ian Somerhalder sure pings my gaydar. Bigtime!

BTW , I watched the "Vampire Diaries" last week, and it is embarassingly badly written.

Tania said...

Mackenzie,
I thought Skarsgard at first, but he's not what I'd call 'mildly muscled', as Ted puts it here. He's pretty well-defined. I dunno if he'd be considered grungy, either - the only pics I've seen of him in public, he looked tidy.
But then, I always suspect Ted of deliberately dropiing confusing clues.... ;-)

I doubt it's Pattinson, he wouldn't risk the paps catching him. Plus, a guy who needs to have his abs sprayed-on for a movie probably doesn't jog much!

fifi said...

Anyone else mildly annoyed by the claim that his female fans wouldn't be able to accept he's gay? In the UK when Stephen Gately and later Will Young came out (or were forced to by tabloids, GRR) very few people actually minded. I'm very sure it's the same for actors and the US, Ted.

Mackenzie said...

Tania,
Alexander has said himself that he has to work out like a maniac to get any kind of muscle because he is very lightly built. I don't take "mildly muscled" to mean "not buff," I take it to mean toned and defined, which is what AS is. Plus, Ted said on Twitter that this BV left him "unrecoverable" and shocked or whatever, and up to now, Ted has been AS's #1 fan.

Quintessential Southerner said...

i, too, wonder is ted will write BIs like this if some hotshot hwood actor rebuffs him.

Kingrey said...

A Ted C blind item that makes sense?! Nah, can't be!

Aleksander Skarsgard FTW!

chihuahuense said...

@sunnyside,

No, he didn't say that this guy has a "choad", but I was saying based on what he said "endowed (longer than wider, to be precise)" then there must be those who are "endowed (wider than longer)" or else he wouldn't have had to specify.

Hence my question.

Still loling @ choad and tuna can BTW

chihuahuense said...

oh, and loling @ Betsy, I literally have tears.

Why is it that everytime I read choad I think "toad". Worst visual ever.

RocketQueen said...

I think this is supposed to be Skaarsgaard. Ted reports too much about how happily in love Pattinson is, and Skaarsgaard is the only other one who fits. Further, he's hinted in the past that Skaarsgaard is NOT going to be settling with a woman anytime soon.

Shmooey said...

"I CANNOT tell you how many arguments I've gotten into with people who claim that the 'taint is actually called the choadal region. It's NOT. A choad is a penis shaped like a tuna can."

I don't know what any of this means, but I was going to have tuna salad for dinner, and now I'm not... *eek*

Shmooey said...

And I'll say this about the blind: usually they are impenetrable (to me) and more often than not downright unreadable.

This one could be read with one eye closed and mind on the tuna can, and it's still obvious who this is about.

Which doesn't make it in the littlest bit true.

Amit! said...

Ian Somerhalder wouldn't surprise me in the slightest.

Sylvia said...

I was thinking that guy that plays the wolf (Taylor) the one that is supposedly dating Taylor Swift. He is buffed up and PR looks scrawny to me.

altar boy said...

Jackson Rathbone

Anonymous said...

Bela Legosi

Brainy Pirate said...

Christopher Lee
David Boreanaz
James Marsters
Josh Hartnett
Dominic Purcell
Richard Roxburgh
Patrick Bergin
Gerard Butler
Peter Fonda
Gary Oldman

am I warm???

littlemanwhatnow said...

Ian Somerhalder or peter...jackson is good i don't think r patts

Ells said...

It seems pretty obvious that he's talking about Alexander Skarsgard, but I refuse to believe it.

amanda rae said...

fifi-

Yeah, that's stupid. If a celeb I liked came out, I'd still like them. I wouldn't want to have sex with them any more, but I'd still like them!

And I'll guess RPatz because I have no idea who the other people being guessed are.

silenttype said...

I would pay for this site if he would ban Ted C items. Friggin painful

selenakyle said...

I'm gettin' preeeeettttty dang sick of the vampire shit these days.

Lisa (original) said...

Does anyone else think that Ian Somerhalder resembles a very young Rob Lowe? I was glued to the spot when I first laid eyes on him.

Yes the show (Vampire Diaries)is badly written, but I watch just to look at him specifically. :D

Jamie's Girl said...

I think it is Somerhalder too. He's very grungy looking with his 5 day old beard, but he is gorgeous. Not muscular either.

Anonymous said...

He's already said Ian S is straight. Alexander FTW!

Kiradris said...

I would 100% say Ian Sommerhalder, but he has never appeared to be the grungy type (not by R Patz standards anyway). So my vote is for Alexander, especially since True Blood has more fans and Vampire Diaries I don't think is popular enough to make Ian have legions of female fans.

Anonymous said...

ugh this sounds too much like Alexander Skarsgard...which makes me want to weep a little bit. Such a fine specimen of man!

Jaiden_S said...

I think Rob Patz is Nevis Devine, so this can't be him. I do like the Ian S guess.

Anonymous said...

Somerhalder was in plenty of things prior to Vampire Diaries, so he still could have "legions" of fans despite Vampire Diaries not being such a hit.

However much Alex Skarsgard does or doesn't work out, I can't see him ever being accurately described as "mildly muscular"...dude was fit in Generation Kill and I believe he got that job at the last minute, so it's not like he could've buffed up specifically for that role. I think I remember in the interviews part JP Ransone giving him crap for having that body w/o being a workout fiend. Also in the scenes in True Blood with him in a wifebeater..."mildly muscular" just couldn't apply. He put on a ton of muscle for his role in Straw Dogs so he's even less "leanly built" than he was before.

I think Alex would be the more obvious guess aside from the above which is why I'm going with Ian Somerhalder.

Caroline said...

I just looked up this Ian person and he is very hot. Alexandar Skafjskfklajfklad, not so much.

Janet said...

About Ian Sommerhalder.... Wasn't Ian Sommerhalder the answer to a blind about a guy sleeping with some girl he shouldn't have, and getting fired from Lost as a result? If that blind was correct, than I wouldn't think Sommerhalder is the down-low guy in this blind.

About Robert Pattinson.... definately a guy who likes to sound grungy. There's rumours that he isn't a fan of showering right? lol. I don't see him as the athletic jogger type though. (and yes, I do think he's cute so it would be nice for him to be straight... most of my celeb crushes aren't)

I don't think Vampire Diaries has anyone who's a big enough star really. I don't know what to guess.

Size Queen said...

When Ted is referring to Nelly's gear being (longer than wider, to be precise), he is just referring to the fact that when a dude is packing heat, he may be blessed with either a longer than average member or wider than average member. Both wider AND longer would be ideal, natch, but as we all know...that rarely happens. But when it does? Katie bar the door!

Anonymous said...

Alex does not jog in short shorts, he wears pants all the time. A true fan knows that. Also Alex being 6'5 kinda hard nto miss. He is private , I just don't see anything that fits or describes Alex in this Blind item.

Dona said...

This is a sad day for womankind. Why???
I want to not believe it... But a part of me tends to think that it was just too good to be true.
I loved Boone but would cope with it being him much more than AS...
Wentworth Miller was a disappointment but this one just broke my heart. =(

Anonymous said...

Actually I remember pics of Alex from over the summer when he had been jogging during his movie shoot....the shorts he was always in were board-shorts length. I can't imagine him jogging around in short shorts....as tall as he is, he'd be too conspicuous.

telesma said...

Kellan Lutz - younger, built, Twilight connection.
Brad Pitt - older, blond, Interview With A Vampire
Ryan Kwanten - not as young as he looks or the part he plays, athletic build, blond, True Blood connection.

How many guys are there playing vampires and jogging around in shorts? And how many are blond?

Also, the reference to "lithe, mildly muscled". ASkars is tall and definitely what I'd call lithe, and while he's well defined, he's not overly muscled.

I hate to say it, but I think Askars FTW.

Henriette said...

Please let it be Robert Patterson, because I hate this vampire crap.

Anonymous said...

neither robert pattinson nor jackson rathbone is a jogger of ANY sort. i'm crying with tears of laughter just imagining it, it's so ridiculous. (not to mention, as if pattz could escape the paps long enough to go jogging once, let alone on a regular basis.)

i don't think this is askars, either. i mean, i think ted WANTS us to think it's askars, but i just don't see him as gay (and that's not wishful thinking, either, he does nothing for me). he's a very private person, but from all accounts, decidedly heterosexual.

Anonymous said...

In today's tech world . Seriously.... Come on!!!! If this were really true there would have been pics, dates, and times. Please!!!!

shakey said...

I had to google a couple of these people. Didn't realize Jackson Rathbone was the one who made me laugh the most in Twilight. He looked like a stunned owl.

I'm going with him. He's done plenty of tv work, and there's a picture of him on imdb where he's sporting the Johnny Depp look.

spider said...

Mackenzie said...
10:06 AM
---
Skarsgard never dated Evan Rachel Wood despite her attempts to link herself to him. He's said so in numerous interviews and the few times they hung out, his Swedish pals were always there.

He's also not grungy or "mildly" muscled.

It sounds like one of the Vampire Diaries guys.

Hello it's me... said...

Peter Facinelli.

caydian said...

A relative-by-marriage(may he RIP) used to say he could touch all sides of a tuna can and never touch the bottom. Well, HE thought it was funny...

bionic bunny! said...

not that it fits the clues in any way, other than the connection to brad pitt, but, remember, tommy girl was in "interview w/ a vampire", too. :)

Sue said...

I guess peter Facinelli as well. Second guess is Stephen Moyer.
Don't think its A.Skarsgard. Ted gave a bit more info in a twit and said "he doesn't look down shyly" Skarsgard is very tall and looks down a lot. Watch interviews he is always looking down. Teds way of saying it's not Skarsgard. He's not grungy and how could you miss a 6'4 swede jogging through a park in short shorts? People would notice him, so don't think he would chance sex in a park.

Anonymous said...

Cam Gigandet ?

DAYSGONE BY the sideshow mermaid said...

If Alex S. is gay would he not just be out ? His brother is gay, and his whole family if very open art types. I would never see him in the closet, he is just to open about his body. The man has no hang ups being nude or doing a film that portrayed him as a tranny. I think it is Ian, I can see him jogging & being able to stay incognito from the paps...

wazznyt said...

Ted is funny. :) Agreed with above poster. We've all heard Askars frivolous statements about sex, his flirting with anyone including GK boys, and seen his relaxed body language. and I actually just think he's omnisexual. :D beautiful, eh? Or just a bit ahead of us all when it comes to sexuality and insecurities. Wouldn't that just solve everything, including Ted's issues? And perhaps stop the antigay banter everywhere.
Also, he seems to be a guy who have always had a whole bunch of close guy pals around him, and as his surroundings back in sweden are extremely gay-friendly i think he would've noticed himself and come out by now.. But he can be grungy sometimes! I find it hilarious that in crazy jj-site, some people regard him crossing his legs, as gay. :D From an european perspective that is too funny, as all men do that all the time. including a whole lot of other "feminine" traits.. *the horror*

Ana said...

I agree Nicole:
a) Rpatz is too damn lazy to have the habit of jogging.

b) He can´t get to the bathroom without getting harrased by paps or/and fans so no way he could get away with having random hook ups at the park. And he knows he can't get away with it and its not too stupid to risk his image at this point.

c) At least one of this gays would like to brag about the encounter or hate Twihards enough to post a pic/video of him doing it to break the hearts of the teen girls that have crushes on him (I mean adult girls understand that he doesn't need to be straight to get a crush teen are not yet on that page)

So no way is Rob. We would have this info months ago if that were truth, IMO.