Friday, March 19, 2010

Ted C Blind Item

Well, we already knew the gays live to push the wild and crazy sex card, what with kinky guys like Nelly Fang and Crotch Uh-Lastic. But who knew the straights were so good at being daring, too? Always thought you folks were a bit more behind-closed-door types. Learn something new every day, huh?

Just like Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off, our newly arrived Blind Vice swingers are learning more lovin'! Ohhh, do tell:

As we told you last, Secretia and Chester are pretending like it's 1969, or something, and attending select Hollywood parties where they throw car keys into bowls and have sex with whichever partyer's keys they pull out.

And you people say us gays are kinky!

Jeez, I like to actually choose a partner before having sex, is that so old-fashioned? Apparently so, according to Secretia and Chester, who have made quite the name for themselves, as most people who attend these catered orgies aren't nearly as famous as is the beautiful couple.

But two things are taking this very sultry sitch to a new level: One, Secretia has started stepping out on her own for private affairs. And even though the twosome has an agreement that this is OK, Secretia's really going a bit overboard (as she's done with many of her previous relationships, monogamy's never really been her thing).

Chester just fools around once in awhile, which is what he'd hoped Secretia would do, as well.

No such luck.

And secondly, Chester and Secretia have been in the rags a bit more than usual lately. Their profile's higher—as are the chances that somebody from one of these Hollywood sex parties is going to blab to the tabloids. Which is usually the case in these types of situations.

Or have they spilled already?

It Ain't: Kobe and Vanessa Bryant, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis

47 comments:

cdanluva said...

I'm sticking with Ben affleck and jennifer garner. especially the part about the woman not being good with monogamy. Didn't jen garner cheat on two other husbands?

Becki said...

I'm sorry but I can't follow Ted's blinds. I can'e keep up with all the cheesey names. Or is it cheesy names?
The computer doesn't like me to use cheesey. That dang red line keeps popping up under cheesey.

Monty said...

haha Becki it's definitely cheesy, doesn't the red line appear under Becki too?

Melissa said...

Cheesy not cheesey.

And I'm really curious on this one. Going to check out the guesses on E!

Audrey said...

Blind Items Exposed says Mariah and Nic

AJ said...

"And secondly, Chester and Secretia have been in the rags a bit more than usual lately. Their profile's higher—......

Or have they spilled already?"


Sandra and Jesse?!

selenakyle said...

Oooooh, AJ--might you be onto something there???

Monty said...

from the previous item back in Feb. "Certainly explains some very tabloid-messy love sitches the two have been caught in, more than once." I can't recall Sandra in any tabloid-messy anything before this one. Everyone was thinking Reynolds/Johansson in the old post.

Jess said...

I'm with the Reynolds/Johansson guess or Demi/Ashton

Cecilia00 said...

I'll go with Bullock and James. The mistress is in a custody suit where alleged that she holds porn photo shoots in her home. That kinda fits

Harriet Hellfire said...

But if Sandra Bullock had been sleeping around as well, why would she leave him? That doesn't make sense.

I always thought Secretia was Sarah Jessica Parker for some reason.

Cecilia00 said...

Perhaps the leaving is a sham? To save face as they inch towards being exposed??

*shrugs*

pomme said...

gwinnie and chris?
Bennifer?
JLo & Skeleton?
Sandy & her Vanilla Gorilla?

Audrey said...

From Blind Items Exposed, Ted has eliminated the following: Charlie Sheen/Brooke Mueller, John Travolta/Kelly Preston, Tiger/Elin Woods, Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes, Tom Brady/Gisele Bundchen, Diane Lane/Josh Brolin, David/Victoria Beckham, Kelly Ripa/Mark Consuelos, Angie Harmon/Jason Sehorn, Ryan Reynolds/Scarlett Johansson, Halle Berry/Gabriel Aubry, Will Smith/Jada Pinkett Smith, Channing Tatum/Jenna Dewan, Rebecca Gayheart/Eric Dane, Natalie Maines/Adrian Pasdar

Audrey said...

Mariah and Nic don't fit COMPLETELY - because they're always high profile, but it is a good guess based on those that have been eliminated.

Chris said...

The first two I thought of were Will and Jada Smith - remember a few months ago Jada was all over the news about the "racy" comments about her love life to some women's magazine?

Nosey Parker said...

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban?

Monty said...

Okay, are the people listed as It Ain't clues? So far, for the ones posted on CDAN, each time one of the couples has twins, one of the couples has a sport guy (Tiger Woods & Kobe Bryant.) Can't figure out the connection between Depp/Paradis (who are not even married) and Travolta/Preston.

I don't know about the other names Audrey put up since I don't read Ted's Blinds anywhere but here.

Michaela said...

Jude & Sienna?

Audrey said...

@ Monty - yes, supposedly these are the "It ain'ts" from Ted's column. This one isn't as easy at it looks!

chucky-baby said...

Just to throw out another couple to the list, how about Emily Blunt and John K, don't even want to try and spell his last name. They were the blind about the women receiving visitors at all times with the guy either turning a blind eye or really not caring.

RocketQueen said...

I'm really feeling Eva Longoria and Tony Parker for this one. Like, really. (that's my Miley Cyrus impression)

RJ said...

How about Fergie and Josh? His little escapade with the stripper put them in the tabloids recently. It was hinted at pretty broadly that the stripper had made the whole thing up, but Josh was afraid to make a big deal about it, because there were so many, much bigger skeletons in the closet and he didn't want everything to come tumbling out into the open.

Kathryn said...

Vanessa Hudgens(sp?) and Zac Efron

cayenne said...

Toothy Tile's sis Maggie G. and Peter her hubby.

cayenne said...

Maggie was "The Secretary"

Andy said...

Mariah Carey??? You people really think she'd go to an orgy and let strangers TOUCH her? I'm amazed she lets Nick touch her.

Demi/Ashton gets my vote.

Dee said...

I agree, Rocket Queen-Ted has dropped a lot of hints that the male in the couple is an athlete, so I think Eva and Tony are a great guess.

taco said...

agreed...eva and tony. compare to the "nots"...you have a basketball player in one, you have an american with a french spouse for another, and i can't figure out the connection to brad and angie.

Goodgrief said...

Since Secretia is going a bit "overboard" I will say JLo and Skeletor.

Selock said...

Here's how they were initially described:

"Secretia, an impressively put-together gal of verve, good looks and surprising steeliness, has long gotten it on with tons o' guys, even though the public pretty much doesn't know. And some folks were a bit surprised when she married Chester, an incredibly talented dude who's always so busy keeping his gorgeous face smiling, no one's really stopped to think what a slut he is."

I think that eliminates, for various reasons: Josh & Fergie (love her...but the looks are not her strength), JLo & Skeletor (he is not gorgeous), SJP & Matthew (Ditto). Emily Blunt & JKras (not married yet), Zefron & BB V (not married), Bullock & Jesse James; Gwynnie & Chris (not goreous guys yet again!)

I think the best fit is ScarJo & Ryan Reynolds, but they are eliminated so I will go with.

Demi & Ashton seem to have potential...

mngddess said...

Actually, I'm surprised this hasn't blown up sooner. I mean - if you were at some swingers party and you saw a very well-known couple attend (and participate!), could you keep this to yourself?

Goodgrief said...

I was also thinking Paris and Doug, but if the couple is married then I guess they wouldn't work.

Charlie said...

Betty White and Allen Ludden or Abe Vigoda and Bea Arthur. My last guest would be Phyllis Diller and Jay Leno.

alex said...

what's the link to "blind items exposed?" thanks.

libby said...

mngddess, serious swingers are very, very secretive. Very.

Jamie's Girl said...

How dare anyone slander Bea Arthur's name! Why don't you just throw around Dom Rickle's name!

Jamie's Girl said...

not Affleck.Emily Blunt is not very single-minded either.

Katja said...

@Sealock Interesting choice. There is something with that relationship that is kinky- who in there right mind marries a guy your kid has posters of all over their room?? Who even dates them? SICK!!
She did play GI Jane..
For the Steal hint and all 3 'aint's are super high profile.

an aside- I live 10 nautical miles from a major city in a town of 7k. a friend of my husbands told him a few years ago that he was upset that his wife (of 20 + YEARS/HS gf- 4 kids) told him she didn't want to 'swap' anymore- we (raised in SF/DC) were like -wtf are you talking about! so, not as uncommon a you would think. Strange.

Katja said...

@LIBBY- exactly- sorry but uck~! Why add more drama to your life...?
ps
I just saw Blind Side the one scene where she is talking and he is moving like he is f-inf her. SHUT UP! How can I let my 12 yr old son see this-never!

Caroline said...

Key parties! What the hell? In this day and age. I am such a square.

reticulation said...

What about Emily Blunt and John Krasinski?

UofAZWildkitty said...

Is "overboard" a clue?

Goldie and Kurt?

Ewww.

Tea Lady said...

RocketQueen, I'm jumping on your bandwagon. The descriptions fit, and, just as important (apparently) with Ted blinds - the syllables are the same for both Eva Parker/Secretia Ohio and Tony Parker/Chester Shorts-Off. The and it ain'ts even make sense to me: Bryant is a basketball player & so is Parker, Longoria has been an actress & a model so has Jolie, and Parker is French as is Paradis.

GoddessNow said...

Tony and Eva...sounds like them

Lyla Lou said...

Can it be the Beckhams?

bionic bunny! said...

wildkitty: i thought them too, but they aren't married.