Friday, April 15, 2011

Ted C Blind Item

We're on a lesbian roll, love it! We've always thought girls know better how to have a really sexy time (guys are just too damn bam-bam-oriented, right?), and Butter Pussy and Cookie Muncher are proving us right.

Take Sheila Horn E., for instance. Now, they just don't come any more gorgeous than the luscious, exotically beautiful Sheila. Ms. Horn E.'s also pretty gifted in her chosen profession. But what Sheila's fans may not know (in fact, we're sure they don't), is that Sheila also has a knack for making other chicks quiver and quake:

But not always for the right reasons!

Just like Butter is wont to do, Sheila lives for taking a chance on gals who may—or may not—be interested in having a good time with her. For the record, most babes say yes to Sheila's advances. Not only is the multi-talent strikingly beautiful, but usually the women are so overwhelmed by Sheila's charm and fame, they pretty much just do whatever the Industry-respected honey asks them to.

Such was not the case in the Hollywood Hills at a recent A-list party, where Sheila—she ironically is in yet another happy "straight" relationship—put the moves on a striking, slender brunette with vibrant green eyes.

Those eyes darted, dug and may well have blurted, I don't care who you are, get the ef off me, bitch, which is precisely what a very shocked Sheila then did.

It was a major set-back for Ms. Horn E., who's always gotten what she wanted in the past—at least, as far as her lesbian love-life goes. Sheila's heterosexual romance history, on the other hand, is an entirely different subject, and one that's been covered to great extremes in the media, which is always so busy singing some poor-me song for the beautiful broad.

Well, if all these ass-kissing reporters knew Sheila loves to get it on with girls (maybe more so than she does with guys?), then maybe they'd a have a different approach next time they file one of their inevitable break-up stories on the star?

Oh, yeah.

AND IT AIN'T: Reese Witherspoon, Blake Lively, Taylor Swift

66 comments:

ms snarky said...

Cameron Diaz, possibly.

I would have said Kate Hudson, except she's preggers.

looserdude said...

Nicole Kidman for Sheila?

RocketQueen said...

I'd say this is Aniston if it weren't for the "exotic" bit, primarily because the news stories match and Aniston hasn't yet had the honour of being the subject of one of Ted's blinds, as he keeps reminding us. So...who is multi-talented and exotic-looking?

By the by, everyone here remember his Cookie Muncher blind? We all thought it was Gisele. He "notted" Gisele recently and the top suspect on that "exposed" website is Cindy Crawford, which actually makes sense if the stories about her and her husband swinging hold any water.

mazemerizing said...

Halle Berry?

Ida Blankenship said...

It's me, you guys. I'M totally Sheila Horn E. I tried to keep my wanton cunnilingual ways a secret from Ted, but lo, he found out. I'm just no match for his supersleuthy homo radar. Alas.

looserdude said...

Ida, you should stick to the Hamm-bone.

ms snarky said...

never mind Cam.

I'm going with Scarlett Johansen

jbdean_79 said...

Hey Snarky, read the Kimora comments, Panda's lookin' fer ya.

Manda_kitty said...

J. Biel for the brunette? Although, she's not A list. Meh. I tried.

ms snarky said...

@jb - thanks, I went over and took a look!

Manda_kitty said...

Oh wait. She's supposedly lesbian too.

RocketQueen said...

@Manda - I think Biel is "Chutney Jones"

RocketQueen said...

I've got it! Rihanna!

MISCH said...

Jessica Biel.......Sheila........

amie said...

Shakira?

ms snarky said...

ScarJo is in a relationship with Sean Penn (ick) and is definitely considered luscious and beautiful, possibly even exotically so. And she fancies herself a singer. And she's blonde, like the Aint's.

I'm still on the ScarJo train.

bluebonnetmom said...

This just screamed Jennifer Aniston to me, too. But, exotically beautiful would be a stretch. Exotic says dark to me as in brunette, so maybe Jessica Biel.

pomme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Baka Neko said...

Could the exotic thing be something just to throw people off?All the people he listed in the it ain't don't seem exotic to me.

amie said...

Really don't think it's Biel b/c it says "pretty gifted in her chosen profession." Not trying to be snarky, it's just the truth.

Amy said...

Penelope Cruz?

caralw said...

Jennifer Lopez

pomme said...

Drew Barrymore? she's blond like the "ain't" girls,she acts,she directs,she's charming,she's famous
but she's known as bisexual woman

lisap515 said...

LMAO @ Ida. You're on a roll today.

Audrey said...

Penelope Cruz fits the bill. There's a rumor she's gay, too.

Danielle said...

My first thought was Eva Longoria for exotic but then again I wasnt really able to soak up the whole blind since it gives me a headache.

Nate F. said...

Shakira?

But I'm praying it's Mila Kunis. I know - Outlandish as f-ck. but a guy can dream.

Nate F. said...

MEGAN FOX!

Nate F. said...

Ooooohhh...BEYONCE!

Stacey said...

I'm going with Alicia Keys. The "exotic", "singing" and "multi-talented" (she's acted in a few movies)descriptions are dead give aways.

alp102000 said...

Padma Lakshmi?

RocketQueen said...

@Baka - sometimes the "aint's" have a connection to the answer. If Blake Lively were sniffing on Jake, I'd be even more certain of my Rihanna guess :)

Remember this is someone who is multi-talented, so likely actress AND singer.

RenoBlondee said...

Rihanna or Scarlett

RJ said...

A multi-talent means someone who acts and maybe produces, writes, or directs, too. Or maybe an actress/singer. Does Aniston have a production company? I know that Reese W., one of the ain'ts is a successful producer. Drew Barrymore also has a successful production company and she's directed some movies, too. I don't really find Barrymore "strikingly beautiful". She is really pretty, but not a striking beautiful. I do think Aniston is beautiful, but hardly exotic. I don't really find ScarJo exotic either, not do I consider her multi-talented, unless you count her music career, which consisted of one or two albums which met with zero success. I think the exotic part must be a red herring, since none of the ain'ts are in any way exotic.

sunnyside1213 said...

I think it was Halle and the girl with the green eyes is Kristen Stewart.

izz said...

I'd have said Beyonce but the reference to break ups makes me thing Rihanna seems more likely

Angie said...

love the Rhianna guess...her romances have been covered to extremes I'd say.

crila16 said...

I'm assuming it's someone who acts and sings, with the line "which is always so busy singing some poor-me song for the beautiful broad."

I don't even have a guess...but it can't be Jessica. She's not that gifted in any field.

I don't think the girl she hit on at the A list party was a celeb. It was probably just some dime a dozen model. I honestly can't think of anyone besides Angelina who is absolutely gorgeous.

john said...

I think Rocket Queen got it. Ri Ri ftw!

Wendell said...

How about Salma Hayek-Pilnault (luscious, exotic, married to Francois-Henri Pinault after a tumultuos relationship with him, including a broken engagement. She's an actor/producer. And for the other woman, Olivia Wilde (gorgeous, slender, and green eyes).

Wendell said...

Yikes, sorry about the typos above. Responding while doing my nails while trying to get out of my office for the day1

Laura said...

Halle Berry fits perfectly, especially with the poor-me thing, and ass-kissing reporters filing inevitable break-up stories. However, she isn't multi-talented. Where's Himmmm?

Miss(pdx) said...

I like the ScarJo guess but she doesn't exactly get the 'poor me' coverage in the media..I am leaning toward RQ's RiRi guess..that fits it for me

Lora said...

Halle Berry has won a bunch of awards (Oscar, Golden Globe, Emmy, etc.), she is a model/spokeswoman (Revlon currently) and she has done some movie production. Would that be considered "multi-talented?" She did a tribute to Lena Horne at this year's Academy Awards ... Ted's Ms. Horn (E) reference makes you wonder if that's a clue.

UnicornsRReal said...

I'll second Selma Hayak. She comes across as super spunky and confident.

JJ said...

What about Christina A? She was my first thought.

Laura said...

Lora - good connection with the Lena Horn(e) reference!

Basil said...

Xtina certainly fits, and there have been rumours about her liking the ladies as the cause for her divorce. But the paps haven't really been giving her the "poor me" coverage. But I will go with her for this guess because I can't think of anyone else.

Lauren said...

For some reason when I read this, the first name to come to mind was Dita von Teese. Known for her "talents" as a burlesque dance, singer, and has acted on tv. Not sure if she is considered "industry-respected," but she did get a lot of mileage and sympathy after the Marily Manson divorce when he cheated on her with Evan Rachel Wood.

Jaiden_S said...

The three ain'ts all have long blonde hair. Two of the three can sing. All are fairly young. All have high name recognition. One has a grammy and one an oscar. I say it's a blonde singer/actress. Who fits the bill?

Doug Kenney said...

CAN YOU SAY JENNIFER ANNISTON FOR THE WIN?

Amy said...

Halle Berry fits and Ted favors using the same number of syllables in the names he gives. But Jennifer Aniston was my first thought -- is she happily in a relationship right now, though? The exotic part doesn't throw me -- she's Greek and in the early days that was a bigger part of her P.R. about her luscious curvy bod pre-starvation (and pre-bleaching herself into oblivion).

Megan Fox came to mind as the woman to decline the advances.

ea73 said...

Renee Zellwegger sings and dances as well as acts...but is she in any way, shape, or form "exotic???"

Mango said...

Alicia Keys. She hooks up with t hat dirt bag Swizz to have the baby she craves and surprises no one when they break up. Icing on the cake: Her baby is the best beard of all.

Terri said...

Sheila is an aussie term for girl.
Reese and Taylor are from Nashville.
Blake and Taylor are very tall.
All Three are blonde.
The media feels she was slighted in the divorce...

I'm going with Nicole Kidman.

Cheryl H said...

EXOTIC. Exotic means not native, non blonde, non white, non American lineage. Aniston and Scar Jo are out, Kidman is out. Halle Berry, Padma Lakshmi, Penelope Cruz, dark eyed, dark haired beauties.

GIFTED. That means she is viewed as extremely talented. So, that eliminates Blake Lively, or anyone from the Cast of Gossip Girl. I think, when they say A list, they mean film. So eliminate all TV.

I think the Halle, Penelope guesses are much closer. But, when they statement about what this person does is so vague: "considered gifted in her chosen profession" means it's not necessarily an actor.

the camel said...

Anne Hathaway

looserdude said...

The folks at AGC are saying:

Shelia: Amanda Seyfried
brunette with green eyes: Mila Kunis

Wow! Imagining that is frying my circuits.

looserdude said...

Oops! Forget about Mila for the brunette so AGC is wrong about at least that.
Ted sez: the brunette is not a star. Just a very good-looking civilian who wasn't at all amused by the massively famous Sheila's touchy-feely come-on.

Bubbles said...

What are all of these "Whoa is me" stories the tabloids write about Beyonce and Alicia Keys relationships? I don't recall seeing any such stories. Xtina A is hardly exotic and Cheryl H does exotic mean all of those things together, because the use of the word exotic is used for people in the states but in other countries you use it for "things" and never for people. Halle Berry is American so would that rule her out? I assume one can be born in the states and still considered exotic since this blind is obviously talking about the US.

luuuu24 said...

@Chery H: In what world is Penelope cruz not white?

Kathryn said...

@ J J ~Christina A, did do a spanish album. I think it is her.

james said...

I agree with Lauren. Dita Von Teese.

Gabby said...

There's no way this can be Christina Aguilera. Sheila Horn E's fans supposedly DON'T know about her lesbian tendencies, whereas Xtina has been the subject of lesbian rumors for a while now. She was the most likely candidate for the girl Samantha Ronson was with that got Lindsay Lohan really angry!

Liz said...

I like the Mila Kunis guesses.

I know it's not likely but other than Aniston, I think Sandra Bullock gets a ton of poor me press.

anna said...

alicia keyes who made the advances singer (melanie fiona)as the turned down such advanes,because of her live-in boyfriend adam rodriquez.