Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Hef Is A Two Second Guy


I am sure that way back in the day, Hugh Hefner lasted a good 30 to 45 seconds when he was having sex, but father time, and a need for that afternoon pudding have combined to reduce Hef's staying power to about two seconds. It is also the amount of time he can stay awake so it works out well. Crystal Harris was on Howard Stern yesterday morning to throw Hef further under a bus and to push the driver out of the way so she could go back and forth over him for a bit.


In addition to saying that Hef lasts two seconds, she also says they only ever had sex once and that Crystal never saw him naked because Hef does not take his clothes off. Despite agreeing to marry him, Crystal says she was never turned on by Hef. I guess this is why Crystal decided to not get married. She probably figured there would be no other women who could take her place and she would be the one who was supposed to have sex with him every night.

30 comments:

bits of moxy said...

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

Jackie said...

Hate her and her obvious attention-getting BS! Not that I like Hef mind you. She obviously knew what she was getting into, though.

MISCH said...

Gross

Rose said...

That's twice as long as I assumed. If they only had sex once, why did she think they would have to have sex every night when married? Doesn't everyone know you have less sex?

B. Profane said...

What's creepier than Hef is the procession of plasticized bints he finds to pose as his "lovers." Is there a factory in New Jersey cranking out these Stepford bimbos?

bluebonnetmom said...

You have almost got to feel sorry for Hef. This completely destroys his Playboy Image, though not surprising at all. I bet she signed some non-disclosure docs at some point, so I smell a lawsuit.

RocketQueen said...

No wonder the ladies don't mind trading their dignity for fame and a place to stay. Having to fuck Hef is like having to brush your teeth, cept it doesn't take as long.

Nice "marriage" you had planned there, Crystal. Ugh, I can't stand any of these people involved in Hef and his life. The whole thing is beyond a joke.

Sue Ellen Mishkey said...

The man is old as shit. Give him a break.

jax said...

i want this old bag of c-ck dust and his whores to go away NOW.

selenakyle said...

And this dumb cunt's fifteen minutes are just.....about.....OVAH!

califblondy said...

I don't feel sorry for Hef and I seriously doubt that he's hurt by any of this.

Cecilia00 said...

califblondy - agree.

They both knew exactly what they were getting into

She wanted the money, he wanted a young thing showpiece.

If the deal went bad - oh well.

Maybe she'll learn not to be so attention/money grubbing next time and he'll stop being so shallow and ego driven as to need a 25 year old at his age

There are no victims here, only pathetic losers.

__-__=__ said...

Ummm, he's 85! 85! She lacks tact, to say the least. And she's not doing herself any favors telling these tales. Hef is probably the most famous psychotically manipulative person on the planet but he's not hiding anything. It's all out there. And through all of this, I feel bad for Holly. If only he had married Holly then none of this would have happened, including Cris Angel - who truly disgusts me. Maybe more than Mayer.

B626 said...

has Holly tweeted anything on the subject? Could Get velly intellesting!

PM said...

__-__=__ and Calif
Yeah, that pretty much covers it.

Does she think she's shocking anyone with this shit? He's 85, no one on earth imagines he's great in bed or that you really loved each other. But if she's trying to convince us that she's a really ugly person deep inside, then she's doing a great job.

ChasingHeaven said...

I adore Hef. He was way ahead of his time in the things he did for imoroving race relations and even helping out women's rights believe it or not. I get so irritated by these bimbos don't even grasp all the things he's accomplished in his life. This girl is extra maddening to me.

mikey said...

B. Profane wrote: What's creepier than Hef is the procession of plasticized bints he finds to pose as his "lovers." Is there a factory in New Jersey cranking out these Stepford bimbos?

Yes, there is. I can give you directions. Exit 81 off the parkway. Say hi to my sister when you get there.

nataliesinger said...

She chose to stay and play along and now she's out there using her own dancing with the shriveled prune doings to garner publicity. I prefer my trash have some class and she has none.

Robert said...

So at 85, Hef is a two-pump chump. No big whoop.
@PM: Her ugly is not just deep inside, but right there for all to see, literally. And what the FUCK is she wearing? My mom had a muumuu with that same pattern.

Putuhepa said...

I thought Hef, the girlfriends and a chosen few had sex twice a week. Hef just laid down and the girls took rides. No condoms, just baby oil, the main girl was the last. At least those are the rumours...

RocketQueen said...

lol mikey!

Tempestuous Grape said...

He's a two-pump chump and she's a two-bit whore, who cares?

SusanB said...

I agree - they both knew what they were getting into and what they wanted from the relationship. In fact, I think it was planned this way all along - the broken engagement included. It's the most publicity he's had in years.

Jeri said...

I bet all the millionaire men are gonna be fighting over her now.

She's so charming.

ardleigh said...

Cue the music...

NOW I ain't saying she's a gold digger...

Jasmine said...

When I see Hugh Hefner with his 'girlfriends' that he's been parading around since before I was born, I tend to roll my eyes and assume its all for show.

When I get actual confirmation that this man is having sex with little insecure fucked up young girls who are often no older than early 20s (that means born in the 90's people!) I have a real big fucking problem with that.

I cannot believe everyone condones and more, gives accolades to Hefner for banging girls that are young enough to be his GREAT grandchildren. It sickens me and I will ALWAYS be on the side of the women in this situation.
Unfortunatly for me, that leaves me on team Crystal, and that doesnt seem like the best team to be on. But I will damn sure not claim to have any understanding or sympathy for fucking hugh hefner, ultimate pervert.

Kim said...

Regardless of what anyone thinks of Hef-and I admit to a certain level of admiration, he was so far ahead of his time socially, and not one of those women is being exploited, they use him and Playboy as a springboard-THIS girl does not have one iota of class in any cell of her body.

Ida Blankenship said...

EXACTLY WHAT JASMINE SAID.

And LOL at the notion that he was a pioneer in advancing women's rights and social equality. Are you fucking kidding me?!

I don't give a shit if this man is an octogenarian. He still pursues women who are old enough to be his great-grandaughters, which I find creepy beyond belief.

Sarah MacManus said...

At 85, I'm kind of surprised he can bang at all. You know?

Lelaina Pierce said...

Hef might be a dirty old man but these girls know what they are getting themselves into (and are old enough to know the difference) when they move in the Mansion, work w/ Playboy so I have no sympathy for them either.