Thursday, September 04, 2014

Blind Items Revealed

February 12, 2014

This now frequent visitor to this section had another horrible interaction with a human this week. The B- list mostly movie actress who is hanging on to B by a thread was approached by a fan from behind. I know, I know, I'm not sure how she has fans either. The fan said, "Ms. ______, would you sign this for me." The actress turned around and put a finger in the guy's face and said that he touched her. He didn't. She told him to leave or she would call the police. This wasn't even a guy who knew she was coming. he had a pen and a piece of paper.

Lindsay Lohan

23 comments:

sugarbread maker said...

15 minutes is still ticking yes??

sandybrook said...

I hope he went to the Dr to check for transmutable diseases he may have contacted from touching the skank.

Lady Heisenberg said...

Way to go @seven who identified our recidivist CDaN and general perp right out the gate!

Seven of Eleven said...

Was it Paris Hilton's little brother?

Seven of Eleven said...

:D Love it!

Kno Won Uno said...

Overall, a walking gift to humanity./s

AndrewBW said...

His mistake was waving a pen and paper at her. He'd have done better if he'd waved a hundred dollar bill.

AngelBear said...

I wish she would go away forever, for the betterment of humanity.

Jason Blue Eyes said...

EW! Imagine Lindsay's yellow, chewed-off, nasty finger in your face. *Hurl*

Lady Heisenberg said...

Oh em geeee @jason why did you remind us?!?!

LowKey said...

Leave Lindsay aloooone!!!
*snerk*

Count Jerkula said...

Whenever you approach a Lohan, you have to do it slowly, from the side, and you should do your Lohan call, so they will be put at ease. "I have cocaine, I have cocaine" This will guaranty there will be no conflict, unless you don't have cocaine.

Lady Heisenberg said...

Yay!!!! @lowkey is here!!!

MinPinGirl said...

The chick that runs around showing off her scabs and bruises is screaming that someone "touched" her? If he had thrown her on the ground and kicked her, she would have GLADLY signed his little piece of paper.

NYCBRATGIRL said...

Can she just dissapear already!

Yoj said...

@Count Jerkula
Very true, Count. Stalking the Lohan as you would to hunt it may be non-intrusive but it is potentially dangerous. The approach is nearly always best done diagonally, at an angle.
Avoid prolonged eye contact as this can cause the Lohan to think you want to fight. Smiling will also be interpreted by the Lohan as a sign of aggression.
Softly making your Lohan call, slowly walk to within 10-15 feet of the creature, gently pat the ground and throw a half-gram of cocaine to the side and not directly at the Lohan.
Always allow the Lohan to approach you. Remain motionless as she sniffs you. DO NOT touch the Lohan's face as this will cause her to bite.

Count Jerkula said...

@Yoj: Yeo. If you are too scared to stalk your prey up close, you can use one of these (SFW), but you have to check it often, because you don't want a Lohan to gnaw its leg off and get away.

Yoj said...

@Count Jerkula
After capture, the process of taming can begin. This is the most precarious time, as the Lohan was not bred for domestication. The older the Lohan, the longer this process takes.
When you see your Lohan, tremor and slur your speech. It may feel silly, but this is a sign of non-aggression. Once your Lohan is accustomed to seeing you as a drug source, try sitting down, a safe distance from the coke. If the Lohan trusts you, she may snort in front of you.
Offer a stick, after rubbing your hands all over it to allow your scent to get on it, and rub the Lohan's head with it through the crate. If she doesn't recoil, give her a little stroking upward on the buttocks. The ideal time to do this is while she is doing a line.
Once your Lohan is comfortable with being petted, she is ready to bring indoors.

Bee Haven said...

Ha!@Sandybrook!

Bee Haven said...

Yoj: she's always going to be an outdoor pet. No training her.

Mia T said...

tbh it s not really Lindsay s fault.
i am born the same day as her and i'd react the same way if someone i don't know came to talk to me.
actually i hate strangers talking to me.

bluebonnetmom said...

On what planet is Blohan B List?

Zeeky_Boogy_Doog said...

Planet Enty, the same planet where Farrah Abraham is or was A-list anything.