Your Turn
Are you the black sheep of your family? Were you the favorite child?
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97 comments:
I'm still the outcast. The only college graduate with a full-time job and manage to live on my own successfully. Also being a liberal, vegetarian atheist helps.
Yes and yes. Oddly enough.
Black as black can be. And damn proud of it!!! I love being a non-conformist. LOVE IT
In terms of my extended family... my mom was the only super smart/successful one out of her 4 other siblings. She moved away, got married and had me and my brother. Both of us are the black sheep when we're all together, because we are sarcastic and have dark, dry humor and think for ourselves. Also, we both have dark brown hair while everyone else is blonde/red. So, yea, black sheep.
I'm the favorite and the only girl (between two boys). I have some strong competition from the Yellow Lab that my parents got a few years ago as a puppy, but when my dad gets sentimental he assures me that I'm still on top of the list.
(I feel bad for my brothers...when the dog arrived, they moved down to the third and fourth spots).
Being the straight child with a gay mom and brother. But i think I may have been the favorite when I was younger, alas the tables have turned.
The only one, so the favorite one. :)
yep, 41 and unmarried, with a tattoo and used to be pierced. AND I live 3000 miles away from everyone.
Oh, I'm the black sheep, no question.
Because in a family of serial cheaters and divorcees, wife beaters, shady business dealers, and other not so shining examples of humanity, the fact that I'm an openly gay witch trumps all that.
Black sheep by far. My mother always had something against me as a child -- and it's not in my head; my whole family laughs about it. (We get along fine now)
I went to college, and then took off across the country for a while. Because I didn't stay home, I was written out of family events. People will die and they forget to tell me.
I'm the oddball - single, childless, tattooed, eccentric, creative, bipolar, deaf, recovering alcoholic (I could go on and on) - but very well-loved for it. They wouldn't have me any other way, except happier since depression is also a recurring theme. :)
I love my family.
Oh, and I love that the black sheep seem to congregate here. Hello fellow black sheepers!
@Carolyn - I guess I'm the black sheep on CDAN because I was neither the favorite nor the black sheep.
I'm soo the black sheep. You'd think being the only girl annnd the youngest I'd be the favorite. So not even close. My mother adores her precious sons and my father openly states he does not care for me. It used to bother me but I'm over it.
I'm an only child but have a huge problem with my parents perceived authority, so that's kept holidays and life decisions interesting for them. Also the reason I'm actively trying for child #2- so their father and I can pick one over the other depending on the circumstances that suit us. My husband is the youngest of 4 but their black sheep typifies the stereotype and I just can't stand him, but it's family and it means everything in the long run.
Black sheep - Yes, but I think it's what my parents love most about me.
Favourite - No, my parents don't play favourites. It's their finest quality. They love me and my 2 brothers equally, there has never been any doubt in our minds.
We're very lucky that way, because you see some horror stories.
My fiancees parents for example are so obvious in their blatant favouritism of his sister that it makes me sick. Ugh..
I <3 my CDaN family. :)
I'm in self-imposed exile, so if I wasn't the black sheep before, I'm sure as hell one now. And loving it!
Neither, really, tho I was the black sheep for a short spell.
Yup, @Vicki, agreed!
Baaaa...I was the black sheep growing up. I don't know why, just fit that way. My brother and sister were goody two shoes, and I just happened to enjoy normal teenage things like parties, boys, and mild drugs. By the time I was in college living in an apartment with a meth house above and the rest of my housemates being their biggest purchasers, I decided being the black sheep wasn't so cool. But, I am still the only tattooed of my siblings married to my rocker husband. Not quite the rebel I once was after having my two beautiful daughters. Now I'm the black sheep for not allowing any curse words in my house, much to the dismay of my goody two shoes siblings, lol.
I wouldn't say I was the favorite, more like the preferred child. With an (mostly absent) alcoholic father and a mother with moderate OCD and ever increasing tendencies toward agoraphobia due to control issues, even being the "favorite" didn't really garner much in the way of benefits.
How about the middle, that's where I am. I was one of the ones expected to do whats right. I hope I have. In my family that means support for gays and you don't hurt Children, Animals and the Elderly.
@ MsCool, happy to have you as the CDAN black sheep! :)
Definitely the black sheep. Refusing to play the drama game makes me persona non grata.
I was adopted, my hag of a (so called) grandmother would introduce me as, "that child her son and his wife were raising"; educated, NOT born again, was successful when I worked, I stepped aside from my career to raise babies; I married well. No one bothered to call me when my adopted mother passed on. I really loved her, too. Oh well, I now have family, my in-laws and my closes friends whom I have had since the age of 4, they too, were adopted.
It's the whole chicken and egg thing with me; am I the black sheep because I was adopted or for not following their dopey religious beliefs?
I put it behind me and I (try) not to look back.
My older sister was the favorite & I was expected to be like her, thankfully I am not. I don't consider myself a black sheep, rather I am just different from my family. We are our own individual people and they have their own lives, as I do mine. I don't consider my biological family, my true family, my true family exists from the people I have allowed in my life.
Black sheep..I grew up in a family of overachievers. We are African Americans but not stereotypical ie everyone gets a college degree and no one does the whole jail thing.
I went to college but didn't finish so i'm considered the dumb one. I make 50,000 a year w/out a degree but that's considered poor in my family.
My mother has recently decided to not be ashamed of me because I don't have a degree, so our relationship has improved.
Baaaaa.
Totally. I even have a t-shirt with a bunch of whilte sheet and one black sheep on it.
I am my mother's only child and I was never good enough for her. She is perfect - gag.
I am - my brothers and sisters hate me, there are seven of us. They are jealous of me because I have a different father and my father was classy and there father was a wife beater alcholic!!! of course I was my mothers favorite!!!
Yes and no.
I'm the only one, so this doesn't apply to me.
black sheep, outcast, rebel and I'm sure at times thought to be a bit on the crazy side. Being older now, most have come to accept the uniqueness that is me.
I'm not the black sheep (I don't think we have one of those in my family) but my decision to move to Canada wasn't exactly popular at the time...*L*
Neither. I "flew under the radar" in a big family (6 kinds). I still treasure my ability to be able to do that ;>
Oops... that is 6 kids LOL
Upon reading the comments I guess I could answer this.
My family and I are really tight and while I've made decisions that my parents aren't exactly happy about, I've never been the black sheep. They love me more than anything except, maybe, each other.
I was the favorite of my mom but when she passed away, I decided I didn't actually like my family (love them, don't like them) so I moved to a galaxy far, far away and only speak to any of them when it's absolutely necessary (which ain't often, trust me)
I'm much happier now, thank you very much :D
Definitely the black sheep & totally OK with that.
I'm the black in the yin and yang.
::::hysterical laughter::::
I'm not the black sheep, but my mom is/was for sure. My brother is 8.5 years younger than I am, so for those first 8 years I was the fave. My bro's been the fave since then. When it comes to our Grama though; I was absolutely her favorite.
I grew up as the favorite, but I was really just compliant and unseen (as a survival mechanism: if they don't see you, they don't put you down). My two older sisters were WILD, difficult kids.
When I turned 18, I did a 180 and black-sheeped myself by moonwalking outta that environment, and haven't spoken to my mother since. I think they think my change was sudden, but I had been waiting for that day!
Yes. No.
Black sheep - my mother and step-dad did not acknowledge me..I have two pictures of them with my younger sisters, I'm not in the photos because I was told to stand off to the side.. My step-dad's sisters would always add "Stuart took her in" as if I was a stray puppy. Therefore I became the black sheep..drinking, doing drugs and running away. They called me a slut and whore and decided gee maybe I'd better become one. Later I was the only one to attend university and my mother once said you think you are smarter than my kids. I gently reminded her I was her daughter. I am estranged from my siblings as they treated me similar to my parents and as an adult I decided the relationships were to stressful to maintain. I love the family I have now, my husband, my daughter and my grandkids..I let them know how much I adore them and the life I now have.
sorry for the mistakes in grammar, just finished my yoga session..a tad mellow.
I am the favorite sheep because I am my mothers only child.
My husband and I are the black sheep of his family because he married me, a Mexican American (how dare he), he actively smokes pot, we don't go to church, and *gasp* we let our toddler grow his hair out. Very conservative Mexican family.
That's years worth of therapy to put in a few paragraphs!!!
I was the favorite as a child and then became a slightly grey sheep as a teen when I decided to pursue my dreams in entertainment rather than go to law school because, according to my family, if you're smart and get good grades there's no reason to be involved in this racket. However, I'd rather be happy doing what I love than have a steady paycheck living a zombie life like so many others that never even tried.
not the favorite, not even remotely favorite. I've always been the oddball red-headed stepchild of the family (figuratively and literally-I'm strawberry blonde with blue eyes in a family of six dark haired and dark eyed siblings), if it weren't for the family resemblance I'd swear I was switched at birth. Most of my life I had hoped it was so ;)
Great question, I have a weird answer. As said before, my mother committed suicide when I was 8 my brother was 4. My father didn't know what to do with two kids. He would not let us go to our mother's people because they blamed him for her death.
My father pounded into my head that my brother was the favorite of our mother, that I was not wanted. I got the verbal public humiliation gig, my brother got the physical abuse gig.
I would say we were both invisible sheep.
Neither of us ever had a conversation with our father until we were adults. We simply did as we were told, you did not want to know what *or else* was.
Favored Child, Black Sheep, and proud of it - 40 some odd years later still prefer "kid's table" to "grump's table" at family gatherings...
No and yes. I grew up believing I was the favorite of many in my family, parents, grandmas, uncles, etc.
I was excommunicated from the fam for a few years due to choices I made for ME and as hard as those years were, in some ways they were the best too.
I wouldn't change a thing.
I am the only. The.favorite one. Also only grandchild. I could do no wrong, was smart, beautiful, important, and.flawless. my cousins on dads side call me cool as hell, funny as shit, and wicked sexy. My mother in law, sister in laws and brother in law treat me like the.shit you scraped off.a shoe since i am pierced, tattoed, a vegatarian, and a bleeding heart liberal who voted for that uppitty n****r. I am also a artist who works with the poor and am wasting my life. Yes, they love.Romey and Trump. And.are one percenters.
I'm definitely the...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNVCQ_QE2-o
I'm the middle child of three sisters. I wouldn't say I'm the black sheep, but I would say I'm the middle child fo sho. In adulthood, I definitely started to feel like an outcast until I got knocked up. My sisters - not my mom - put ALOT of pressure on me to have a baby. And, it would always seem like my sisters could bond over being Moms while I was just the cuckoo aunt.
I was actually a twin, but I'm the only one who made it. So, I think that has affected my Mom's treatment of me throughout my life. I'm definitely a leader, not a follower by any means, and I feel like my sisters - especially my older sister - was always more hung up on being cool and popular. As an adult, it's VERY annoying.
I'm VERY close to my Mom. I talk to her all the time, much more than my sisters do.
Love all of them the same, it's just weird. This is very rambly. Sorry.
Oh, and to elaborate a bit more, I'm Jan Brady, Fredo Corleone, and Robert Barone all rolled up into one.
redronnie...I am so sorry to hear your story. I can totally relate. My mother never wanted any of us, and when she got with my step-father, of course he didn't either. He only validated her dislike of us.
I'm sorry to hear your story, but I know also that walking away IS the best choice for some of us! Good luck to you!
No and No
Wow- some rough stories out there....you are all my favorite...all of you
Wow, there are some really messed-up families out there. All of you who commented, congratulations for making it out of these awful environments alive!
I have a weird answer. I've been both. When I was very little (until I was almost 7), I was an only child, desperately wanted after several miscarriages. Spoiled, the center of attention, everything. Then my brother was born and I was old news. My father obviously favored my brother (i.e., he wouldn't pay for me to go to Purdue because it was out of state, but happily paid $40k a year for my brother to attend a private college in Virginia, which he flunked out of after two years), and my mom overindulged him (to a certain extent, that continues to this day). My father and I had a terrible relationship and didn't speak to each other for a very long time before he died. I do not regret this. He was toxic and I needed him out of my life.
While my mom overindulges my brother, I do honestly think she is closer to me. She relies on me much more, tells me everything, says she loves me all of the time, etc. Frankly, I think I'm her favorite. So there we are. I have been both the black sheep and the favorite.
def the black sheep of my family... 5 other siblings its real easy to become the target of the family gossip. im the 2nd youngest. dont not feel good. its not fun.
Geez. I feel like a jerk implying how great my family is after reading some of these comments.
It must be terrible to feel/know you aren't wanted by the very people that brought you here in the first place. That's the way my dad's mom is. Horrible to my dad (and my mom and me) but almost breaks a leg to get to her other kids/grandkids.
She's such an asshole.
And I've never called her grandma. Suck it!
Both. Why?
Just wanted to add that I have always thought the non-favorites were more fun to hang out with anyway, they just have less to lose and fewer people to disappoint
It isn't painfully obvious??
The black sheep
Yeah.... By my age all women from my family were married with kids, including sister and cousins. Now the younger ones are also getting married and here I am. Also I hate being a lawyer and want out and that drives my parents crazy becouse I love showbiz and whant in!!! Also I want to leave home and go on my own what is not allowed couse in my family people only leave home when they get married and I see no husband in the near future and hope there is no mom and dad breathing down my neck as well... Yeah, that sums it up!
Yes, I am the black sheep. I'm the only atheist on my dad's side, the people who know that will no longer speak to me. My mom's side is nicer and more accepting, but I still don't fit in with any of them. I'm pretty sure I'm the favorite grandchild on that side, but gramps would never come out and say that.
@redronnie I gotta say that you are not the black sheep... You were actualy the white sheep in the black sheep family.... I feel bad for your old family as they are very cold and short sighted.
And am glad you finaly have a nice family who you can relate with!! =D
I was-and still am-the only white sheep in a big heard of black sheep. The black sheep being clueless as to just how black they are. They think I'm the one with the problem, like cousin Marilyn in the Munsters.
Reronnie..I cannot imagine how hard that must have been for you.
I was the favored of my mom and I think it was because I was behaved (very shy) and because I was the prettiest. She said I looked like her. (Totally look like my dad.)
As far as whacky and choosing a different path..Black sheep.
I'm the black sheep. Mixed raced parents who passed away when I was 13. Both of their families refuse to have anything to do with me because they consider me the 'other' race.
Yes and yes.
I'm the youngest of 3, with an older brother and sister. While my parents never played favorites and made sure we all knew we were all loved equally, I will say I'm a slight favorite as they spoiled me pretty bad.
I'm an only child. But my father adores me. My mother would probably be considered the black sheep of our family. I had a tumultuous childhood with her but now that I'm grown we get along pretty well. I just take er for what she is and with a grain of salt.
My mother was a wild outcast, and my grandma was way ahead of her time and progressive in her thinking which is wonderful for my late mom, aunt, and myself. However society has created these terms like black sheep which automatically makes people who are non conformist or even worse actually honest about themselves (obviously being sarcastic) feel as if something is wrong with them. I love bad kids and my favorite people are outcasts. On a personal level out of everyone in my inner circle I was the first to drink, try pot, try coke aaand whatever was in my friends parents medicine cabinets. I am an open book about vices which is why when I see someone lindsay lohan I used to be sympathetic... like three years ago I would say that at her age I was wild too yada yada but to be frank now my opinion has switched to rage... cause that girl makes the dumbest mistakes lohan stop giving coke whores a bad name!!!!!
I am the black sheep BECAUSE I was favored! I don't speak to a good portion of my family. Haven't spoken to my mother's son since I was 17, and he threatened to kill me. He's been in prison so many times that I don't worry about him. My last uncle still keeps in contact with him. My mother lives with me because he threatened to kill her. See mom always wanted a little girl, and she never hid that fact.
AS for my father, I sued him so he stated my DNA test is wrong. Even though it was good enough for the court at being 99.9% accurate and proof he is my father. Not that I would have chosen a clammy Frenchman for a father.
My hubs is also the black sheep too. His younger brother is the favored one. My hubs was divorced his non-Persian wife who they detested and joined a Buddhist monastery. His father is a real piece of work. His mother is manipulative and controlling, but hubs states that's typical of Persian/Iranians.
When I write it out it sounds dreadful, but I actually really enjoy my life.
I've always been told I'm the oddball, weird, and an embarrassment. Why? I'm an intellectual, not a jock, a little quirky, and a risk taker. I got a master's degree, started a successful nonprofit, but sheesh, what a loser according to my family.
Black sheep because I was so straight laced growing up. Definitely not the favourite, that was my younger brother. I am very happy now, my brother is, and has been for a long time, a barely functioning alcoholic. Being favored doesn't always give you life skills.
Wow, the responses to this question makes me feel SO much better. I just attended my Grandma's funeral yesterday where I had to be in the same room with my siblings who have a serious hatred for me. Bullied me for years. I don't know why, I can only speculate. My best guess is I achieved everything they wanted but didn't achieve themselves. I spent 25 years just trying to please them and get them to like me, after that I woke up and realized I didn't need them. It's been a peaceful existence until we're forced to be in a room together like at yesterday's funeral where they chose to focus their bullying on my 6 month old instead of me this time. I was so upset, but bit my tongue and got out of there the moment the funeral ended. I've been so upset since, now these responses have made me feel like I'm not alone and I feel SO much better. Thank you!
here's a good one. My adopted fam, they put me in a rehab for smoking herb once, and on parents day, we had to make a family tree and put a square around those who had a drinking prob and a circle around those with a drug prob. Now both my adopted parents are the babies of extremely large Italian families (9 kids on one side, 7 on the other), with each of those kid's having a minimum of 4 kids, and they even had kids (my adopted parents were the oop's themselves AND adopted my brother and I later in life, so my cousins even had kids my age at this point), BUT apparently, according to them, out of those hundred + people ONLY I had any sort of "problems."
Funny, b/c all the shrinks they ever sent me to said the problem was I was merely smarter then those around me, so, "of course no one understood where I was coming from" (btw, thanks that helped...not). Not that I STILL don't hear how much of an ass I was as a TEENager 20+yrs after the fact. With zero credit to the fact that I've been sober since 1999 and crawled out of the gutter, carving a nice middle class existence out for myself and my kids, all on my own.
Damn them. Kid. THANK the heavens I am not any of them. And that's the truth.
Same goes for all of you fellow black sheep out there. The world would be a total Bore without us. Thanks your lucky stars every night that at least, you are NOT them.
Bless you gals and guys.
Black sheep, but also loved just as my other 3 siblings. I got in trouble all the time as a kid (wild, rebellious, precocious, the whole nine yards) and I haven't changed much at almost 40, I just hide it better lol. My parents learned to accept who I was a long time ago (I really do have the best case scenario there) and the rest of my family considers me acceptable now since I'm relatively successful in a high paying career. I'm so sorry to hear how hard some of you have had it with your families and I'm glad to hear how you've moved past it to create your own happy families.
even worse, my "dad's" been loosing his mind as of late, so now, every once in a while I'll get a random phone call with him telling me how much of a whore and slut I am. And how much money I've made him spend?? (I'm still blamed for what they chose to spend on my boarding school, thnxs). I'm like a gray grandma now, but let's not let go of the past. My god. But the best part is, he does call when he has good days, to say he loves me. No wonder Omama is Nutso.
love you dad ;)
I'm the black sheep and my brother is the favourite. Poor bastard. Be careful for what you wish for...
So many stories on here are so heartbreaking. I know it sounds like all of you have found the strength to overcome these obstacles in your family, but it is beyond words that so many of you have experienced such awfulness at the hands of your own people. I feel like a spoiled brat now when reflecting on my upbringing.
My sisters and I are all so different that it's hard to say who would be what. I think it can change day to day and how clean I leave the house.
Well apparently I've found my tribe here...hahahahaha
I was the child of 2 major black sheep. But I was never one myself....most family members just loved me.....I find many of them loathsome....oh the irony!!
I am definitely the black sheep. Everyone is super successful. My dad doesn't comprehend why I care more about happiness than money.
He thought I'd be an engineer.
I have a 5 year old sister. I've known my stepmom my whole life. She loves me, but as a stepchild.
My mom made things very hard on me and my dad an stepmom growing up. I was battled over constantly. And when I was with either family I was always expected to be happy and perfect.
I still deal with abandonment and perfectionism issues. Even if my dad says he's proud of me and loves me - I never feel good enough.
My dad had grab plans for his gifted child. I don't feel like I've measured up to his standards - because how I measure success in life is way different than how he does.
But I wonder if I had followed his and my stepmoms path for me if I'd be 'happier.' I don't think I would.
A hug would be nice every once in awhile.
Neither. I guess.
I've been the black ever since I can remember, always into music my mother didn't approve of, hanging out with people my mother hated, involved with the local punk rock scene, an anarchist and feminist.
I'm 31 and even now my mother breaks down in tears whenever I get a new tattoo.
that's so funny!i just told my friend today, i am black sheep....the oldest, and definitely-to my parents- a disappointment. but i love life and the no pressure mindset
Hi Redronnie. Thank you so much for sharing. That must have been so awful for you. At such a young age. Am so happy to hear of your very happy ending. All my best.
It is so sad to hear all the heart breaking stories. All my life - I have always thought that all parents love their children equally and unconditionally. After having 3 children and went through all the ups and downs of life with them, my belief above was affirmed as I love all my kids. No matter what issues or struggles they have. Am the youngest girl from a family of 6. My parents have been nothing but loving and supportive and always worry about our well beings - even though we all have done well. We don't really have any black sheep in my family. One of my oldest nephew is gay and struggled a lot when he first came out in a devoted catholic family. We love him and heart broken with his struggle. I try to help as much as I can so he know he is loved by us all.
My in law is another matter. We always got along. I always treated them well and showered them with expensive jewelry and fancy cars. I always treated them with respect and love - so have my chidren.
But soon after my husband died v young and very suddenly from an accident. They turned on us in the most horrendous manner. A total betrayal. My husband was the breadwinner and he made A LOT of money. So now- my chidren suddenly found themselves fatherless and loss their paternal grandparents as well. We haven't talked to them in almost a year. And oh - we were so close. So - I guess, They are the black sheeps or whichever the worst animal there is. It hurts lots as I write this.
But thanks Enty for giving us a forum to share here.
I am
I'm one of four daughters. I am the black sheep. So much so that my mother gave me up to the state when I was 14. I will never forgive her. Ever.
black sheep
Was definitely the black sheep when I was younger b/c I was the problem child. I turned out ok. I think my parents (and others) are shocked. I still feel like I have very little in common w/ the majority of my family. I used to swear I was adopted.
I used to wish for having a "normal" family but after reading these comments, I see how very few and far in between they really are.
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