Your Turn
How many months of dating is required before you would consider something to be a relationship?
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73 comments:
A month.
My husband and I got married 6 months after we met and we've been marred 25 YRS.
Depends. My fiance and I were offical in under a month, but we were seeing each other almost every day. I've casually dated guys twice that long and never felt like it was a relationship.
From what I remember oh so long ago, I'd say a month of seeing each other and technically it's a relationship.
But hell, it's all labeling.
Months? Plural? I think if you've been seeing someone regularly for A month you're in enough of a relationship that you should probably keep your pecker in your pants. But then again, serial monogamy is kinda my thing.
Mr. B & I met online, he was in Florida, I was in Atlanta. The first time he came to visit, we realized we were in a relationship. Got married about 18 months later. Sometimes it happens immediately, sometimes you can date and date the same person and you NEVER have a relationship that's meaningful.
Whenever you have that conversation.
And it would also depend on how you and your partner (or partners if poly is your thing) define "relationship".
It varies wildy. For some people, it's a relationship from day one. For others, you can be "dating" someone for over a year and it still not be a relationship
Maybe Enty is wondering how long he should wait before making it Facebook official with Jennifer Gimenez.
My boyfriend and I decided we were serious after a month. He knew we were serious after 1 week...he kept saying, when it's been a month, we're changing our status on FB together.
Then my friend Nancy and her boyfriend met a month before I met mine. It's been 4 months, and he says they're dating, but not serious yet. He said it's too soon.
I guess it's all relative, but in my opinion, when a guy and girl are crazy about each other...it's a no brainer. You're just automatically exclusive. A guy that doesn't want to be exculsive with a girl within the first few months, is just not that into her...and vice versa.
What's this relationship thing you speak of?
3-4 months. takes me a while to open up and be comfortable around that special someone.
Six months, I guess. Dating ain't really my thing. I would say you just know but sometimes one person just knows and the other thinks it is just casual dating.
If you're doing ok after about 2 months, I say it's safe to say you're dating.
When it feels right. Mr Pugstermom and i were serious in 2 weeks, engaged in less than a year.
5000.
I just found out that a friend who started dating her guy around Thanksgiving is getting married at the end of August! Sometimes you just know.
I was engaged at 10 months and by the time we get married, we'll have been together 21 months. Not too crazy. My parents dated six weeks before they got married.
It depends but I'd say around a month. That's how it was with all of my relationships
It's not a timeline, it's a feeling in the heart. Could be one night or one year
Haha @Lucas.
Mr asked me to marry him six weeks after we met and we've been going strong ever since. ITA, Pugster, when it feels right.
Three dates. I don't give anyone any more time than that unless I'm into him. If I'm not into him, I see no reason to lead him on--not to mention it is a waste of time on my part; and if I'm into him, why date other people and waste theirs? I'm kind of a simpleton, I guess. You're really either in or you're out.
This reminds me of a really good joke.
What does a lesbian bring on her second date?
A moving van.
I felt like I was in a "relationship" with the Opster about a month into it which was only 4 dates. Then we got engage and married 7 years later and now we're coming up on the 10th year of marriage. It gets better every day.
I guess I'm old fashioned but I don't consider it a relationship unless you make it official.
@Sherry -
the companion joke:
What do lesbians do on their first date?
Pick china and curtains.
2 months unless otherwise agreed earlier by both.
Probably four or five for me.
Hey, OT - what is Enty's email? I got a bounce from entylawyer@gmail.com
It's a relationship once you decide to be exclusive. That can be anything from a few weeks to several months. In my case, my fiancée and I didn't have a relationship the first time we dated -- 6 dates about 5 years ago -- but we're in one this time around after just a few weeks.
@Sherry and @Merlin D. Bear, I don't get the lesbian jokes. Fill me in?
@Izzie it's entlawyer90210@yahoo.com
1/30th of a month.
Mr Green Mountain and I got engaged after dating for 4 months. 3 1/2 years of marriage later, we are still extraordinarily happy.
When you know, you know. Mr. F knew after our first date, but I think I knew maybe after the first two weeks. 22 years later, it's all still shiny and new for us. We hit da jackpot in the love lottery for sure.
Pft. Nonsense. It's not a relationship till at least 12 months of dating. :)
We dated for a month, decided we like each other enough to stop seeing other people. Then one day, three months later we were in the grocery store he leaned over and said I love you so much, marry me, I looked at him said I love you too we need french bread..two old people who love each other..
Thanks Merlin. Karen, the joke is that lesbians jump very quickly into relationships, hence the search for China on the first date and the moving van on the second. Ask a lesbian! They can confirm it.
@Karen - they are poking fun at the more-true-than-not fact that lesbians move faster in relationships than straight couples do. I can't disagree too much considering me and my girlfriend of 7 months are ready for the next step. :^}
Lol, I confirmed it below!
Relationship? What's that?
P.S. - I know I'm super-annoying with my true luv 4ever shit, but I don't ever get to Braggy Smurf it up IRL or on Facebook, so please give me a tiny bit of leeway, OK? 40-something broads who talk about how much they love their husbands don't get too much play when half of the couples they know are getting divorced - it doesn't really come across very well :-(.
You all are brave souls. I have serious commitment issues, I just can't label things. Anytime a guy tries to get me to define things, I split.
@Frufra, not annoying at all! Mr and I have been together for 21 years and we, too, hit the jackpot. It hasn't always been sunshine and roses but every hill we climb together has made us that much stronger.
Our best "couple" friends divorced a couple of years ago (she jokes that she got to keep us in the divorce, haha - she's still my BF).
RCB, I hope when Mr. Right comes along, you won't be able to help yourself and commit already. I was a complete trainwreck when Mr. F and I started dating. I have no idea how he saw past my issues (literally had just had a nervous breakdown!) and fell in love with me, but it happened! I'm holding out hope for you, sweetie (if you want me to - if you're cool with single life, I won't be pushy :-) .
@Izzie - thanks for that! I agree, it hasn't always been easy (by a long shot!), but I can't imaging going through it with anyone else.
I was pretty stunned a few years ago when people we'd know forever started splitting up. Sadly, I'm a bit jaded now, but in my heart I still love love!
when it feels right. For both of you, of course. : )
That's great Fru, wave your heart flag
@Frufra - totally understand. This isn't my 1st marriage, but it's nice to know it's going to be my last. 8 years now and it's wonderful for both of us. But almost everyone we know has been divorced at one time or another.
Frufra- thank you for the kind words! You seem to have found a wonderful man and I hope one day I find one too (and stop being so stubborn) now that my best friend is 'nearly engaged' and all my other friends are married or parents, I feel the urge to settle down.
I did agree to a date with this guy that my bestie has been bugging me about going out with for months. Who knows what will come out it. I will try to be less terrified of commitment, I will try really hard!
The lesbian thing is SO true. My GF and I "dated" probably 2-3 months before moving in together. I don't know, maybe longer. That was 22 yrs ago and we are still together.
My first date with my now wife was on a Sunday. Monday morning I told my best friend I hade met the woman I was going to marry. That was 21 years ago and we have been married 19. Btw, her cat knew before me, when I came to pick her up her cat was super friendly to me. I found out later I was the only guy the cat had ever liked!
When you both understand what companionship, trust, and humor mean. Compassion with wisdom is a requirement as is....financial transparency,if you decide to co habitate.
When he tells me I'm his girlfriend. Until then, I do not presume.
@Upside Downunder - your story reminds me of an interview I read years ago - it was a interview of a police officer about the most original excuses he had ever heard for speeding. He told the story of pulling over a young man in his mid 20s around 2 in the morning doing something like 70 in a 55 zone. When he stopped the guy, the guy immediately admitted being at fault but said he couldn't help it - he had just gone on his 1st date with the woman he realized he was going to marry someday and he was so happy he just couldn't stop. The police officer said it was so obvious the guy was telling the truth it gave him chills. He couldn't give the guy a ticket, just sent him on his way warning him to slow down so he'd live till the 2nd date.
I always wondered if that guy's life worked out the way he hoped.
3-4 months.
Heheheh, great stories from UD and SusanB.
Others, too, I'm sure; I'm just behind. ;-)
Frufra - not annoying at all. You and Mr. F go with your hot and heavy selves. I think it's great to hear about relationships that work.
Mr. Livia and I have been together 20 years - and we're not yet 40. It really was a love at first sight thing, and we knew right away we would end up together, but we dated for several years before getting married (17 years and counting). It hasn't been all rainbows and unicorns, but it's been amazing on the whole, and we're still hot for each other.
I love hearing about happy relationships, and sometimes it takes awhile for people to find each other, or a few tries to "get it right."
It’s only a relationship when you mutually decide to take off “the glove” which means exclusivity (except in Hollyweird where everyone bangs everyone bareback immediately). Even after the exclusivity talk you can’t be 100% sure he’s not sticking it into someone else, but we have to trust someone eventually. Unfortunately, the title of GF or BF doesn’t mean anything. Lots of folks have simultaneous hook-ups who all think they’re the only one because they were given a title.
Yes, relationships require the willingness to be exposed and vulnerable possibly hurt if things go bad. But you are also opening yourself up to the all of the warmth, deliciousness and security of feeling loved-up when it’s GOOD.
Life is incredibly short. The sun will still shine and the Earth will continue to spin if you are embarrassed or get betrayed, there are worse things that could happen to you. The blessing of a good relationship is definitely worth the risk!
The last time I actually dated was in high school. At that time when a guy asked you "to go out", it meant you were his girlfriend. I liked it; it was simple! I have to say, when it came to Mr. Kay we just kind of fell into a relationship. We can never tell the kids how it REALLY went - we had really good sex for a few weeks and decided we'd stick with just each other for as long as it was fun. It was still fun four years later, so we got married. Still fun going on 23 years now. LOL
I think I've got you all beat on the lesbian relationship timeline; My wife and I met as roommates (through classifieds) so we 'moved in together' before we started dating!
Let me tell you, that is one hell of a decision since it pretty much had to be an instant relationship. Casually dating your roommate is not a great idea. We're lucky it worked out. We lived together for a year before anyone made a move. Now we've been together for 4 years and married for 2 of those.
It really just depends on the people and the situation though.
I feel you, @rejectedcarebear...all it took was a nasty divorce to have me running for the hills as soon as I hear 'what are we? Do you consider me your boyfriend?' Aaaarrrggghhhhh...
No specific time length, but when we go out a couple times a week and talk on the phone regularly, it's a relationship. Not necessarily a serious one, not necessarily bf/gf, but it is a relationship.
+1 lol. How is the job hunt coming?
For me and the Beau, I knew after the first date, I was going to be seeing him exclusively. Even broke a couple of planned dates. Six weeks in, I knew if it didn't work out, it would be a while before I would start dating again. I told him that and he said, "Me, too." We've been together 18 months now... and have had a total of five "dates" (dinner, movie, etc). Most of the time, we just like hanging out together - taking walks, watching movies, making dinner, and looking up really weird and obtuse things together on the web - like those you tube videos of monster zit popping...
I am right there with you guys, pogue, Fru and Izzie! Been with Mr. B since I was 19, married for 22 years and I just turned 44. I am always happy for people who have that kind of longevity, and consider myself very, very lucky that we are still having a ball together.
Rej, you are funny and adorable and wise beyond your years! You will find that guy and he will be lucky to have you!
A month sounds about right. Of course, I've never done my "relationships" that way. My friends usually turned into lovers for me. I often joke I slept with my husband on our first date! Which is true, but I had known him for nearly six years.
Dixie, we were posting almost simultaneously but it has more validity coming from you! Thanks for backing that up! Hugs.
Frufra: See my post from earlier. You'll get nothing but applause from me. I seriously believe that because I sowed all those wild oats earlier that I was much better partner material. I don't feel the need to see how green the grass may be elsewhere. (Jeebus, could I throw in another cheesy cliche?):((:
RCB: Girl you r still very young and have plenty of time to enjoy the company of a multitude of dates. Some will fall by the wayside, some will become lovers and some will turn into the best friends you've ever had. Just enjoy your youth and have fun. These memories will sustain you when you're old.
One tip: Seriously! Keep a diary. I know I wished I had.
When you know, you know. Even if you're "not ready for a relationship" and they're the right one, you become ready.
@AuntJess - I'm delaying it as long as possible. Still employed through May and working on starting a business with friends. Also starting classes on April 1st. I'm staying plenty busy and hoping it all works out. We'll see I guess. Thanks for asking :)
Love that y'all are in love...but I'm seriously laughing my ass off at "Braggy Smurf". Totally stealing it.
I've known my love for 5 years. Completely professional relationship. One year ago, we admitted an attraction & discovered an amazing connection. We feel like we have waited our entire lives to find one another. Too bad I would need to quit my job in order to make it public.
depends on if both people agree that they are exclusive and want to be in a relationship with the other person.
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