Was Foxy Brown Given A Lifeboat?

The hip hop world's version of Lindsay Lohan was at it again this week. Lindsay has a penchant for stealing and Foxy Brown suffers from Naomi Campbell disease. Both are serious afflictions and both have caused each celebrity to serve jail time. Is Foxy Brown even a celebrity still? Anyway, she decided to take some of her dwindling fame and money and go work on a cruise ship. My parents go on a cruise each year. They usually go for two weeks and come back 30 pounds heavier. They seem to like it. I love it because I have the whole house to myself.

Anyway, while on board, Foxy decided she needed a manicure. Well, don't we all. OK, so not me. I love my cuticles the way they are and I am paranoid about getting some kind of disease like Paula Abdul says she got. Foxy made an appointment and when she showed up 3 hours late for said appointment freaked out when they could not fit in her in. She freaked out so much that the people in charge kicked her off the ship. Remember, these people were paying Foxy and she still managed to get kicked off. She was escorted from the ship to a plane and sent back home.

Foxy Brown Drunk And Ejected

I don't know what promoter thought this was a good idea. Running over a list of names to have someone perform at a Fashion Week party, someone came up with the bright idea to hire Foxy Brown to perform. Well, instead of showing up to perform, Foxy showed up to the event about 10 minutes before it was supposed to end, drunk as a skunk and locked herself in a bathroom and refused to come out. No problem. Security managed to get into the bathroom and escorted her right out. She will probably claims she was inevitably delayed, ready to perform and wants her money.

Why Doesn't Foxy Brown Move?

If I been sent to jail for throwing a BlackBerry at someone and was not allowed to interact with that person because of a court order, I think I would do my best to stay away from that person. If that person happened to live in the same building as me, I would probably move. But, Foxy Brown is not me and for that I am grateful every morning. Yesterday Foxy ran into her neighbor outside and said, "B----, what are you looking at? What the f--- are you looking at?"

Then to show everyone just how classy she is, Foxy lifted up her skirt and exposed herself. Well, the other woman called the police, who came and arrested Foxy and charged her with a Class E felony. Of course Foxy's mom blames it all on the neighbor and says the neighbor just wants Foxy's money. Oh, and that Foxy does not listen to her music really really loud just to make her neighbor upset, she does it because Foxy is deaf. Uh huh.

Five People Lose Their Jobs Over Foxy Brown Prison Scandal

A word of advice to future jailers who want to give special treatment to prisoners. If you are going to risk your job doing favors for someone you might want to pick a bigger star and someone who is actually liked. Five prison guards in New York have either quit or been fired for allowing Foxy Brown to conduct a photo shoot in her jail cell to promote her new album. This photo shoot was permitted despite the fact that Foxy Brown was serving a 12 month sentence for violating her probation. She had violated her probation for getting into a fight with two nail salon employees.

Foxy says she was treated like every other prisoner. "It was incarceration, not vacation. I only wore the designer clothing I was allowed to have. There were certain gang colors my sneakers couldn't be... I didn't have any special visitation rights."

Uh huh. And how many other inmates got to wear designer clothes or have photo shoots in their cells? All of this for Foxy Brown? Seriously? What would happen if there was someone actually famous or important locked up there? Room service? Turn down service every night?

$40,000 Is What Lil Kim's Life Is Worth

Although I'm sure my biography would probably bring me an advance sufficient enough to get me a McDonald's kid's meal, it is funny to see how much book publishers think celebrities are worth when it comes to book advances. You always hear about the multi-million dollar advances and the amounts paid for baby pictures to the stars is always crazy.

So, it must come as quite a shock to Lil Kim and Foxy Brown that their lives are worthless in celebrity terms, at least according to book publishers.

Both Kim and Foxy were sued yesterday because Simon & Schuster had given them some money in advance for the to write their biographies. Kim was given $40,000 and Brown was given $75,000. That's it?

To me it seems kind of insulting. Although I'm sure I wouldn't know half the people they would spill about, you would think that their stories would be much more interesting than say what Madonna's brother had to say. I mean both of these women have been in jail multiple times. They have had some crazy ass relationships, and in the case of Foxy Brown appear to actually be crazy.

I would love to read about what the hell they had to do or who they had to do to get their records made. I don't care if I don't know who the hell they are talking about as long as it's good. If I were them and got that chump change I wouldn't bother writing the damn book either. To me its saying, hey if I was some white chick celebrity who gave birth to the 600th celebrity kid I would be worth $1M, but because I'm going to tell you about the four guys who made me blow them in the recording studio to get a good song then you just aren't going to pay. Personally I've seen enough baby photos. Let me hear about Kim and her take on the East Coast/West Coast rap wars and who the hell she thinks killed Tupac.

$40,000? That's like Foxy Brown's legal bills for a week.

At this point I think the whole world is tired of the same kind of gossip and I want to hear some really good juice. If Karrine Steffans can keep me interested with her book, then I know both of these would even be better. So, instead of suing the women, promise them even more money if they do come through and write the books and give me some damn dirt.

Good Morning Australia

While you were sleeping, Jessica Alba decided to let Cash Warren back into her pants and pocketbook. He must be really persuasive. Maybe he should start a cult.

While you were sleeping you missed out on Foxy Brown being sentenced to at least two weeks in jail for violating the terms of her probation. Seems Foxy has a bit of a temper problem when it comes to electronics and a wee bit of a problem being truthful to cops and registering her vehicles. It hasn't kept her from getting knocked up by some unknown guy and she even says she's getting married. That is one brave guy. Not brave, like a guy playing in the AFL and getting kicked in the nuts and continuing to play. Well, actually he probably is that brave because you have to know he's going to get kicked in the balls almost everyday and being married to Foxy is almost like a permanent kick in the balls.

Jenna Jameson, who is trying to become the first disappearing porn-star talked about her retirement from porn and also her breast reduction surgery. She claims she got the breasts removed because it was being true to herself. I think she got them removed because she realized there aren't too many 50 pound people with D cup breasts and they were so heavy in relation to the rest of her body they threatened to always topple her. She may have also had them removed because she had become more plastic than human. Kind of like a real life Barbie doll, but with some kind of weight loss problem and she hasn't been recalled for lead paint.

Beyonce decided to show the world that she's proud of her breasts by exposing them for all the world to see. To actually see her breasts, you are going to need some time and some very good eyesight, but if you concentrate, you can see them flopping around like a dying fish in a boat. If you could see anything I guess it would be NSFW but your boss would have to have absolutely incredible eyesight to even get a hint of nipple.

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty got back together again. Don't be surprised. Most super models do have a thing for former male prostitutes who are, needle tracked, broke, homeless, cheating on you all the time, incoherent, living off your money, hated by all your friends and family and may cause you to lose your child. I'm sure they will be one big, happy, substance abusing family. Oh yes I said family. Seems Kate wants to have Pete's children. I'm sure there won't be any complications with his kids and they should all be healthy drug users when they get older.

Scarlet Johannson wants to adopt. Well she needs to fill that new house she just bought with something. That's a big place for one person and her 400 pound stalker/lawyer/website author. Hopefully she didn't ask Woody Allen for any adoption advice or then she might just adopt some 18 year old boy who likes to call her mama and paints her toe nails.

Is 24 popular in Australia? I have no idea, but anyway, Janeane Garofalo, not to be confused with James Gandolfini even though they have similar looks is set to be in the new season of 24. I actually like Jeneane Garofalo and it's not just because she's getting it on with Henry Rollins or that she made a movie with Denis Leary which I actually thought was funny. I love her because of Larry. Larry Sanders that is. Anyone on that show is gold baby. Gold.

Did you hear that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes sleep in separate bedrooms? Well, it's true, at least according to Star Magazine. I know that probably doesn't come as too big of a shock if you really stop and think about it. What comes as a shock to me though is that Katie decorated her room in pastels with lots of stuffed animals and a miniature horse carousel which she rides when she's sad. I wonder how many engines have been burned out on that thing. You can read the whole story if you scroll down to earlier today.