Worse Than Government Dinosaurs

Tom Cruise, the little general himself is about to sign on the dotted line to play, brace yourself, Hugh Hefner. That's right, the little dwarf who has to use every ounce of his acting skill to act natural around one woman is now going to portray the most heterosexual man the world has ever known.

A friend of Tom's is quoted as saying, "Tom knows of Hugh's colorful past and thinks he would be the perfect person to bring it to the big screen."He also thinks the role would be a challenge for him, and would remind people of his versatility as an actor. At the moment people are concentrating on his personal life, and his marriage to Katie - but he wants to remind them that he can act too."

The role would be a huge challenge for him. First of all he is going to have to actually touch women, and not just with gloves on. Second, he is going to have to kiss them, and finally, I am guessing there might be a nude scene or two. While the ladies in those scenes will no doubt be happy that Tom doesn't rise to the occasion during filming, it may also prove awkward for all of us forced to watch the film.

If Tom Cruise did pull this off, then he would deserve a big six foot Oscar. If he gets a step ladder he can even look at it eye to eye. My guess is that after lots of thoughtful consideration, he will announce that he had been offered the role, but that out of respect for his wife, he just can't do it because she would be too jealous. Uh huh.

Why don't you just have her play Barbi Benton, and then you can turn this into Eyes Wide Shut 2 and force her to get naked while you prance around in a smoking jacket. Maybe Leelee Sobieski could show up for a day or two of filming, because we know how much you love her. She's a little tough with you, but you love her.

Valkyrie Trailer

I know this trailer came out last week, but last night was the first time I got to see it. You know Tom Cruise is trying to be serious when he whispers through the whole movie. He really only has one character that he plays. There is nothing wrong with that as Adam Sandler or Vince Vaughn can tell you. However, the difference is they know they are only playing one character and go with it. Tom Cruise actually believes he is a good actor. He used to be a good actor. Now he is almost a caricature of himself each time. Most people think this movie is going to do awful. I actually think that if you had put someone else into the Tom Cruise role it would do pretty well. The last thing I actually liked Tom Cruise in was his cameo in Austin Powers. Maybe if Valkyrie does really bad he will sign on to do Stroker Ace 2 with Burt Reynolds.