Sesame Street Ruined Our Lives

Did you watch Sesame Street as a kid? Me too. If you did, and you have the worst f**king life imaginable you can blame it all on Big Bird and all the other images we were forced to watch.

According to the warning on Volumes 1 and 2, Sesame Street: Old School is adults-only: “These early ‘Sesame Street’ episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.”

How have the needs of the pre-school child changed since I was in pre-school? Are today's children more needy? Less able to handle the horrifying images of Bert and Ernie living together in a basement? I guess it is better for today's toddlers to see Bert and Ernie living in that Upper West Side loft and not wonder how the hell two puppets could afford a place that cost $20,000 a month to buy. That way when mom and dad can't make their mortgage payments, kids are sure to understand.

I like the old episodes. For one reason. Elmo didn't exist. That high, squeaky, makes you want to beat the ever loving crap out of him puppet didn't exist. We had Grover and Oscar and a Cookie Monster who actually ate cookies. He doesn't eat them anymore, or eats them only in moderation after a well balanced meal with napkin and silverware. If you as a kid can't discern the fact that some crazy eyed, blue haired monster may have different rules than a kid, then it is not only Sesame Street you should be skipping. Grover and Oscar were like the puppets no one else wanted. Oscar was a real pain the ass in the old days. Now, he is so hopped up on valium, he only becomes grouchy when he doesn't take his medication. Grover? Grover was and is the bomb. I can't believe I just used the word bomb in a sentence in that context, but he has always been my favorite. Self absorbed for the most part. Insensitive definitely, but in the end, it always works out.

From 1973, here is Grover with Stevie Wonder