Thursday, May 12, 2011

Sex Is Now Illegal In Florida

For those of you who live in Florida and are planning on having sex in October, you will have broken the law. Congratulations, your I'm Just Like Lindsay Lohan card will be in the mail shortly thereafter. Apparently when the Florida legislature decided to spend a lot of valuable time drafting and passing a no bestiality law because people were taking liberties with the Florida wildlife, they wrote the law in such a way that humans having sex with other humans is now illegal too. The fact that it has taken several efforts to get a bestiality prohibition passed shows that the legislators were probably more concerned with getting one last shot at the cute sheep down the road then the language of their bill.

An act relating to sexual activities involving animals; creating s. 828.126, F.S.; providing definitions; prohibiting knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal; prohibiting specified related activities; providing penalties; providing that the act does not apply to certain husbandry, conformation judging, and veterinary practices; providing an effective date.

Last I checked, humans are animals.


Michael said...

What kind of lawyer are you? The law definitely makes a distinction from animals and humans.

heatherhug said...

I'm pretty sure the statute defines animals to not include humans. Come on, Enty. You're supposed to be a lawyer.

In fact, it's defined as "every living dumb creature."

RocketQueen said...

Let's get back to the real issue - the fact that bestiality is still legal in many states and countries. Somehow raping an animal escaped being defined as cruelty to animals/abuse.

Pookie said...

you're stretching and you know it, but i still love you.

.robert said...

Yeah, Persons and Animals are differentiated in FL law. Still funny though, I wonder if the animal cruelty penalties were too soft so as to cause the new law.

This really is one goofy messed-up place and the retiree voters ensure it stays that way.

Sylvia said...

They should have that law to all States.

Sue Ellen Mishkey said...

Jesus...I'll just leave it at that.

Whitney said...

Well done, Enty. Except that the full text of the statue defines persons and animals as two separate things.


MCH said...

Good ole Florida...can't wait to send this to my Orlando friends. :)
There was a dude from SC that kept getting arrested for breaking into some lady's barn and having sex with her horse. :-/

Why is it so difficult to get this law worded properly???

A few years a local rescue group was trying to get our county to pass a law forbidding raising dogs for human consumption. There were several families caught doing this. I found out about one of them and turned their asses in.

Humans can be SUCH bastards.

RocketQueen said...

^^nice, MCH! I reported two of my boyfriend's best friends for poaching bears last summer after they bragged to me they were going to do it. They came home empty-handed, lucky for them.

Whitney said...

Except that as far as the state codes go, I believe they have separate sections that distinguish the difference between humans and animals for the verbage of the laws.

It was already debunked by a lot of legal blogs. Sorry enty.

jonathan ohrt said...

That makes little sense. I was hoping for an entertaining read.


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