Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Ryan Reynolds Prepares For Ass Kicking


Ever wanted to know what really goes on in a celebrity relationship? Ever want to know who is the ass in the relationship? Did someone cheat on the other? Most of the time unless someone needs some cash, we really don't get the nitty gritty details. This of course doesn't hold true if you are the ex-boyfriend of Alanis Morissette. Alanis' new album is due out in the spring and it promises to be a return to the roots that made her successful. What made her a success was of course trashing the absolute loving crap out of Davie Coulier and that Toronto hockey player. When Alanis had no one to trash he albums ended up at the dollar store quicker than Paris Hilton takes her Valtrex.

If I were Ryan Reynolds, and obviously I am not because if I were, I would be staring at my body in the mirror and not blogging about him, than I would be worried. Ryan my friend. If you even did one thing wrong to Alanis the whole world will know about it. If you cheated on her, hit her, or even cussed at her, you will be vilified. No matter how many hit movies you appear in and no matter how much you display Scarlett to the world, Alanis' songs will be playing over and over and over all over the world and after each song, some wiseass DJ will say something bad about you. In every language and country of the people of the world, everyone will know if Ryan Reynolds was the ass in the relationship or if it was just a relationship that didn't work.

There are some teasing hints from Alanis. "Moratorium," which is "essentially a song about my readiness to stop repeating bad patterns. I've kicked some of those in my life," she said. "We face a large war out there, but (the album) more closely reflects the war in peoples' living rooms... the icy silence at home, versus the big cold war."

Good luck Ryan. You are going to need it.

10 comments:

Brit Brit said...

ok.. on perez hilton there are reporting that jamie lynn is actually preggers by an exec at nick's zoey 101... reminds me of the bling item.. so was it a hlf reveal the other day about her bein preggers and the other half is the actual reveal of the Real dad bein the much older executive

jax said...

ohhh very interesting indeed.

Meh.. Ryan can do no wrong and Alannis is old n tired to me now.

Bryn said...

Just read that myself and remembered the BI I read here.

"October 5, 2007 - #1 I don't even know how you define what list someone is when they are on some ensemble show watched by teens and pre-teens, so go with the above, and make her a female. Make her pregnant which is causing the producers to have a heart attack because they really don't need anymore scandals. But wait, there's more. One of the producers who is old enough to be her grandfather shouldn't be having a heart attack because of shock, because he is the one who knocked her up. New boyfriends are being lined up as we speak."

Wow - you called it Ent!!!

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

I was never an Alanis fan, even when it was unpopular of me to loathe her.

RandomRamblings said...

I don't think Ryan has to worry. Alanis has stated that she embellishes the scenarios in her songs and besides, who is going to listen to her new stuff? She was big in 1995, but hasn't done anything notable in the 2000's. Her career has taken a nose dive.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

Fiona Apple is famous for throwing a few guys under the bus too

parissucksliterally said...

Fiona is a poetic genius. Three albums of solid work. LOVE her.

"Jagged Little Pill" is still one of my favorites of all time, but Alanis has yet to put out anything else that I HAVE to have.

Rhianna said...

Someone's a bit too big for their britches, and has been for a very long time. Time for Alanis to go back to Cuba, smoke some more weed and come back in a decade - then she'll at least be 'retro' cool.

Miss X said...

Am I the only one looking forward to this? I love Ryan but Alanis has put out some good music in the past and it would be nice to see her do it again.

Does this remind anyone else of Corey's relationship with Joe in "Say Anything"? She only wrote good music when they were on the outs.

Alice.W said...

Does anyone else find Ryan weird looking, I think it's his hairline or am I the only one?

Maybe there will be a track about that;)

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