And They Said It Without Laughing

Do you remember Beanie Babies? I remember them. I have nightmares about them. Back in the day, my mother thought they were the cutest things ever and started collecting them. And then she decided she liked them a little bit more so collected some more. Started buying and selling them online. She started making my dad go on McDonald's runs across the city to get all the special edition ones. Most people mow the lawn and do other errands on the weekend. Not my dad. Nope. 10 hours a day of McDonald's duty. That was of course after he had spent three hours driving from swap meet to flea market to garage sales. Our house was a Beanie Baby. It was one big, fat, Beanie Baby.

At that time I was not forced to live in the basement, and actually had my own place. I'm glad, because at the time there was no room in the basement to walk or to move. Each baby was wrapped in some kind of indestructible plastic and had those little plastic tags over the Ty heart. Those dolls were given more love and attention and care than my mom gave me. I think that's why I drink. Anyway, one day I came by and they were gone. None in sight. Turns out they could see the bottom coming and cashed out. They bought a new minivan because the old one had been driven so much during the Beanie Baby patrols they had worn it out.

So, I bring all of this up because I thought the company was gone, but it turns out they are still very much alive and have decided to produce "Sweet Sasha" and "Marvelous Malia" dolls. Although the dolls share the names of the first daughters and bear a strong resemblance to the pair, the company says it is all just a big coincidence. Seriously, that is their story and they are sticking to it. They claim they came up with the names just because "they are beautiful names." Uh huh.

"There's nothing on the dolls that refers to the Obama girls. It would not be fair to say they are exact replications of these girls. They are not."

Uh huh.

If you like the dolls you better snap them up quickly because they will not be on the market long. Despite what Ty says, there is no way any court is going to buy the argument that Ty is not trying to make money off the image of the two girls. You can't do that. It would be the same thing if McDonald's started using photos of Taylor Momsen and said, "don't turn into this girl. Eat a burger." They would be making money off her image without paying her.

So, go snap them up wherever you can find them because they will certainly be changing the names and likenesses soon and so the originals will probably be worth some money. Just don't tell my mom. Please.