Hey Paula
Dear Paula Abdul,
For the past several years the entire world has watched you flounder around like a fish landed in a boat trying to escape back to the water. You probably cannot tell this, but I watched a lot of fishing shows this weekend. For some reason, about once a year my dad gets obsessed with fishing and thinks he is going to go out and start catching dinner every night. So, for a few weeks it is Bass Master this and hooks and lures and what outboard he should be for his not bought boat. So, forgive the fishing analogies. Now where was I?
Oh yeah. Ever since you or your manager decided you were worth a bazillion dollars a year to American Idol and Fox showed you the door, you really have done nothing. Oh sure you sat on the backs of some illegal immigrants in that Sacha Baron Cohen movie and you had some kind of dance show on CBS that lasted about a minute. Coincidentally that is also the amount of time it takes someone to catch a fish on those fishing shows. For some reason when I go fishing though I never catch anything. I think the smell of bacon scares them. Does the smell of bacon travel through the water? How much bacon can one person eat in a lifetime? Have you ever had bacon wrapped fish?
Simon Cowell told Deadline this weekend that he wants you as a judge on X-Factor. He also wants Cheryl Cole and LA Reid. LA will be the easiest because he has more money than just about anyone so he would probably do it for kicks and does not care about the fame or money. Apparently your deal has not been signed yet though Paula and I wonder why. Yes, Simon has asked you to be on the show but it does not mean he will give you what you think you are worth. I want you to think about how happy you were drinking coke and your choice of adult beverage every week on Idol while people talked about you and followed you and made you famous again. Contrast that with the past few years when people just remembered you as that wacky person who falls down a lot.
Sign the deal. Sign anything they put in front of you and say thank you very much. Don't think about it or think something will come along that will be better because there will not be. I am not trying to be harsh, or mean, just real. Take the deal. Take it and smile and put it all in the bank. All of it. This is your last chance.
14 comments:
She'd be a fool not to. Oh, wait.
Mmmmmmm. I dunno about bacon wrapped fish, but bacon wrapped scallops FTW!
Haha @Rose - ITA. Remember who we are talking about here, she is not well known for making sense...
I think she is very sharp, PR wise, even though she did not bank on AI. It's her schtick to play the Ditzy Doll, and she does it well.
I can't wait to see her on X Factor. I've always liked her.
Yes, bacon wrapped scallops - FTW!!
Your Dad should watch River Monsters, Ent. It might make him think twice.
No clue who LA Reid is. Maybe Paula is hesitating to work with Simon again? He'll be her boss ...
on board with the bacon wrapped scallops! yummy
Paula- your being thrown a bone, take it!
I also heard Utada Hikaru was vetted to be a judge. I'd love to see her there...and Paula.
There used to be a restaurant here in Austin that served bacon wrapped shrimp with a chipotle sauce. Sadly now defunct. But still much more interesting than Paula Abdul.
For an older woman I find her sexy. I'd do her.
shakey, you know who LA Reid is, you just don't realize it. He's a music producer and he's the one Pink refers to in that one song when she says 'LA told me you'll be a big star all you have to change is everything you are'. He works out of LA, and I think getting him on X Factor is awesome because he has discovered and developed talent before.
@FS - Interesting! I didn't know that. I thought that line just meant people in L.A. in general. ha!
I wonder if she feels it's a pride issue, since things obviously have not gone the way she wanted after the AI debacle. But she should definitely say YES.
Try as I might, I can't hate her totally. When she's pouring on the charm and saying sweet things to contestants, she's the best. Sign, Paula, sign!
My mom makes bacon wrapped fish fillets stuffed with 3 kinds of cheese in a ¨bed¨ of rice... see now im hungry and i don't even remember what the post was about =p
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