Thursday, December 22, 2011

Lets Talk Dating & Dumping


I read an article in The NY Post this morning about Paula Zahn's ex husband, Richard Cohen, who she left after 20 years of marriage to marry a billionaire. Anyway, Richard has been dating people he finds on a website and has been accused by former Miss USA Julie Hayek (above)and interior designer Nanjoo Joung of being a dater and dumper. My question is how does one become a dater and dumper. He went out with Joung for a couple of months and dumped her for Julie Hayek who he dated for almost two months too before he left her. I guess my question is whether it is wrong to date someone for two months and then dump them? If you date someone for two months are you supposed to be with them forever? Is that some magic cutoff point? Are you supposed to figure out you don't like someone after a few dates? What do you consider dating and dumping? I would understand if these were one night sexual stands and he never returned their calls after, but two months of dating seems like someone, whether male or female trying to see if things will work.

27 comments:

Ms Cool said...

Isn't this more commonly referred to as a womanizer?

MISCH said...

Beats me, two months is a small investment but he must be looking for something or not looking for something...is there a point when he decides the woman is too serious or is he not looking for more than a piece of arm candy ?

Privacy said...

I guess I'd have to know how many times they went out on a date during the 2 months Was it just a couple times a month? Or was it 4 times a week and she had her toothbrush at his place?

EmEyeKay said...

Agree w/Privacy. Two months could have been a lot of time spent together, it also could have been just a few dates. Still - if you know the person isn't right, why stick around? For the most part I've known right away that the person is someone I'm going to hang out with, and by the time two months went by we were a couple. If I only saw them once a week, it may take two months to know for sure that they're not for me.

Enty asked "what do you consider dating and dumping?" but I'm trying to figure out what constitutes "dumping". What's the difference between dumping and breaking up with someone? Is dumping when one person is unhappy that the breakup is occuring?

Jessica said...

I think this is generally something women make up to feel better about themselves. Like, "Oh he didn't dump me because there is anything wrong with me! He dumped me because he is a serial dumper!"
I would rather be dumped after two months, then after a year or more.

surfer said...

This sounds like sour grapes to me.

I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, sometimes after getting to know someone, you realize that they're not the person for you. Isn't it better to end it sooner rather than later? Also, as people get more comfortable with each other, you often discover things - be it habits or behaviors that you didn't see at the beginning, and realize that's not what you want or like.

Seachica said...

According to the article, the website is match.com

So...here we have a single guy. He's dating women he finds on a dating website. First date, he tells them they are the one. He dates them for 2 months; figures out they aren't the one. He stops calling.

Doesn't sound out of the ordinary to me. OK, so dude can be a bit smoother (seriously...if a guy tells me on date #1 that I'm the one, I am most likely going to run far, far away. Only because this guy has tons of $$ is he getting date #2 from these women).

Ladies (and men)....dating is a system designed to fail many times and only succeed once. Odds are, you will go through alot of wrong guys before you get to the right one. If a guy dates you and decides not to call, he's decided you're not the right one for him. No biggie.

__-__=__ said...

Sounds like a narcissist to me. Only sees people as objects. Takes what he wants and then moves on to different prey without regard for anyone's feelings. Lies about what the relationship is about from beginning to end. If he had moved on like a normal person these ladies wouldn't be saying this. A normal person states some business and moves on. They don't lie about the relationship and then up and disappear. This is happening more and more in society and plenty of women are wondering what is happening. The occurrence of this behavior in men is about 7x the rate of occurrence in women. In conclusion, let me say F these loosers. Those ladies are being way too nice to term this guy a dater and dumper. He is a brain damaged narcissist, if not a full blown corporate-type psychopath.

From Cleckley's Mask of Sanity:
Women might learn in time not
to sacrifice so readily their fortunes, their life plans, their grief, and their energy in indefatigable and fruitless struggles to support and nurse and pamper maturity into husbands and lovers whose profound deficit makes such maturity (by such means)
impossible.

Seachica said...

One other question....why didn't I meet any real estate moguls on match.com? All I met were middle class accountants, college professors and project managers.

Oh, and to add to my dating rant. Unless you've specifically said that you're exclusive, don't get upset when you learn that he's dating other people. That's the nature of *dating*. You should be dating other people too.

chopchop said...

Better than a serial marry-er, right JLo?

Patty said...

Why is this news? I'm sure this happens hundreds of time a day in cities across the country.

Anonymous said...

People will say anything to get attention and a microphone near their mouths. Sorry you didn't bag the rich guy, ladies.

figgy said...

@Seachica, haha, my thoughts exactly! Tho when I was on match.com, I would have LOVED to have met some college professors. I kept meeting low level computer support guys and the like. Definitely no real estate moguls...but then again, I'm not a past Miss USA either. ;-P

To me this is just called "dating." Maybe he was a weasel and cut them off without so much as an explanatory "this doesn't feel like something permanent" phone call.

But if they are ONLY willing to date super-wealthy men, they're leaving out a bunch of potentially very nice middle-class guys.

figgy said...

...but just thinking...do people like this really need match.com?? I thought the insanely wealthy and gorgeous had their own networks and they'd meet each other that way.

Seachica said...

@figgy...watch what you ask for. The college prof I'm thinking of in particular had a framed photo of his dog with Obama (photoshopped) on his living room mantle - just one of many signs of his odd obsession.

Ah, I kinda miss the crazy dating stories!

Seachica said...

@figgy (LOL...I think we're made for each other. Want to go out for two months, break up, and tell stories about it forever? :)

I assumed so too. But I have a friend who makes very high six figures on wall street, who is on one of the big dating sites. He is occasionally set up by some of his friends, but seems to do most of his dating online. Unfortunately, they are almost all women who work for non-profits, who want him to take them on lavish vacations and get upset because he doesn't spend enough money. So maybe in NYC, the standards for online dating are different?

Sherry said...

@Seachica: Ladies (and men)....dating is a system designed to fail many times and only succeed once.

That is a truth for the ages. You should write a book because clearly a lot of people totally need some guidance on dating.

Dishtlk said...

I'm with those who don't understand why this is news... He's a quasi-celeb at best and people break up. It happens. If he did just cut off contact with out an explanation, it sucks, but it also shows you their true character and why would you want to pursue anytng with that guy anyway... Oh right, the almighty dollar.
I felt faced with the love or "security" decision, I chose love and everyday I'm happy I made that choice. K, well most days :)

Lori said...

totally normal...

@ __-__=__ : sorry, but I'm going to strongly disagree. It's totally possible that he is a narcissist, but dating someone for a couple of months and then dating another person for a couple of months isn't indicative of someone who "Only sees people as objects. Takes what he wants and then moves on to different prey without regard for anyone's feelings". It would be much easier to believe that if he were having one night stands or week long affairs. A couple of months is more indicative of someone trying to get to know another person. As for men lying about the type of relationship that they are in/ leading women on, I would say that both sexes are guilty of this and there is nothing to suggest that he did this with the women being discusses. In my experience, often when someone says that the person they are dating led them to believe that there is more to the relationship than there is, it is more a case of a person misreading signs and/or a case of wishful thinking. For instance, I have heard women who have slept with men and then had them disappear say that the man was scared of his feelings because he obviuously loved her since he "made love" to her rather than just had sex. I have a friend who was "dating" a guy that disappeared for weeks at a time, didnt call/return calls/texts and she insisted that he was just busy but they were definitely dating. She had started constantly calling/texting the guy after the first night they met and his first disappearance was about a week into knowing her. He thought they were just hanging out, but she was telling everyone that he was her boyfriend and tweeting about how in love they were.

As for Cleckley's Mask of Sanity, you know the men being discussed in the book are suffering from anti-social personality disorder, right? The women discussed are not dealing with "normal" men, which is why they are wasting their time and efforts. It is also quite dated (originally written inn the 40's) and lists homosexuality as a pathology that could be helped with a lobotomy.

Bit dams said...

when you date smeone and its casual, it can be for a year and you don't feel dumped when it ends. but if you have someone hanging on your every word, introducing you to their friends, planning things and asking you to join them weeks in advance, and then you are suddenly not dating; that is when you feel dumped. you have to be careful and make sure the people you are dating don't get their feelings hurt, because then they can go psycho!

Worstcompanytoworkfor said...

These women need to grow up.

Upside Downunder said...

The dude stayed married for twenty years and his wife dumped him. Now he starts dating and seems to be sincere. Hard to say he is just using them when he sticks with it for a couple of months. So dumped by his wife and accused by a woman now, if he didn't have issues with women before he might be considering it...

zeldafitzgerald said...

what do you call a female version of a womaniser? a maniser? doesn't have the same ring to it

Seachica said...

@zelda - usually they get called a slut. Double standard.

Bitca said...

Women should not hope for too much if a man's starting to date again after being dumped by his wife. What he's doing is healthy & normal. Meeting new women, having fun, salving a crushed ego--and being very cautious about serious involvements.

No sin in dating someone a month or two, then realizing--yes; you like her, enjoy her company, looks, etc, but it's not happening--so do the Speech, & let her go before she's really hurt.

Rejection always hurts, but it's kind of inevitable during the dating process. He could well be messing up somewhere--but can't tell from an anecdote like this.

Henriette said...

Don't dating and dumping go hand-in-hand? Not all relationships are going to lead to..whatever is next.

weezy said...

Um, this is called dating. BTW, I don't think Zahn actually married the guy she left her husband for (anyone?)

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