Charlie Sheen Is Going To Get Away With His Christmas Threats

TMZ is reporting they spoke to producers at Two And A Half Men and that Charlie Sheen is not going to miss any tapings at all during the season. What that means is that he must have come up with a much better plea deal then he got the first time around. Unless he is going to spend some time in jail during one of the off weeks for the show, it looks like he will probably just be put on probation or maybe have to film some kind of anti-violence PSA.

You know, if you think about it, if he films some kind of PSA about domestic violence it will just be one big mockery. Yeah, don't hit anyone, but if you do, all you have to do is drag it out, spend a couple of bucks, be famous and nothing will happen to you.

It is just another example of what money and fame will buy and how there are two different kinds of justice. If you are a woman in Aspen who gets her life threatened by her husband or gets hit, what is she supposed to think is going to happen to the person who hit her? A slap on the wrist? One of the only ways to stop domestic violence is by going after the offenders hard so people who are victims can feel safe and confident something will happen and they don't have to fear reporting the crime.

The New York Times Spent 2,000 Words On Snooki

The New York Times used up 2,000 words of its paper yesterday in an article about Snooki. Yes, it was the style section, but still, 2,000 words about Snooki? I managed to read all the 2,000 words and I have to say I do not know much more about her now then I did before I read it. Oh, except for the fact that the school system she attends obviously allows you to graduate without actually reading anything. Ever. In the article Snooki says she has only read two books in her entire life. Twilight and Dear, John.

Her dad was given about 300 words to describe Snooki and the most he could come up with is that he is not sure why his daughter is so popular and that he asks everyone why they like her.

“When we go to venues, I like to stand out in the crowd,” he said. “She’ll be up there hooting and hollering, and I’ll say to someone, ‘What is it that draws you to my daughter? Be honest.’ Because it’s very hard for me to see what it is. She don’t sing. She don’t dance. I don’t want to say she don’t have talent ...”

I will say it for you. She does not have any talent. But in today's culture you do not have to have any talent to make millions of dollars a year as a celebrity. Not that she is making millions yet, but I bet with all her appearances and salary she is about to cross the million dollar barrier in just over a year of "being known." That is a ton of money for someone to earn who just applied for the job after seeing a Facebook ad about the Jersey Shore auditions and quitting her courses to become a veterinary technician. What exactly is that?

In the article, MTV called her an icon. Umm, yeah. The reporter compared her to Elizabeth Taylor. Umm, yeah. The New York Times and Snooki. Who would have thought that was ever going to happen.

Radar Finds One Last Mel Gibson Rant

I say in the headline that this is one last Mel Gibson rant, but let's face it, he probably talked like this everyday and if you are creative enough you can make a headline and generate a few page hits out of anything. I think we have pretty much determined that Mel Gibson is an awful human being. Having radar remind me everyday of this is not really necessary. Now, if there is something juicy on a tape or Mel insults the Special Olympics or bacon lovers then I want to know about it. This one though is just Mel saying that Oksana should go back to f**king Timothy Dalton (which she should) and that Mel wishes he had never had a child with her. (Hint. It is called birth control.) Oh, and calls her the C word which is nothing new but just reinforces what a tool he is. If you want to listen, click here.

Pigeons Are Not Fans Of Kings Of Leon Music

I will have to go through the Kings Of Leon music catalog to see where they are saying bad things about pigeons. On Friday night, during a concert in St. Louis, the pigeons at Verizon Amphitheatre took out their revenge the best way they know how. Crapping all over the band.

Unlike the two opening acts, Kings Of Leon decided to bail on their fans and pack in. They could not handle the pigeon excrement. They used the excuse that it was annoying and toxic. True and true. However, they had been warned of the pigeon problem well in advance of their show, had watched the opening acts get pummeled, but did nothing about it. Raincoats? Umbrella stands? There are about 20 things I can think of that would have allowed them to continue the show but which they chose not to do. Instead they lasted just three songs and disappointed thousands and thousands of fans. I'm sure Live Nation is also not thrilled either at having to refund money.

The fans were not getting hit at all. The poop is apparently strictly for the performers.

Casey Affleck Sued For Sexual Harassment

On Friday, Casey Affleck was sued by Amanda White for about $2M. The nature of the suit is sexual harassment. Although Casey's attorney said the actor is going to countersue, IO have to say that this complaint is really detailed and, although not as graphic as the David Boreanaz lawsuit, does have some great juicy stuff. Like? Well how about Joaquin Phoenix and Casey Affleck using Amanda's hotel room for having sex with women who were not their wives. Then again, if Casey was having sex with his wife in the hotel room that would have been really awkward considering she is Joaquin's sister.

Amanda is not an extra. She is a producer who has worked on many movies. She was supposed to get paid $50K to work on the Joaquin Phoenix documentary. She never got paid, but she did get propositioned by Casey Affleck on an almost daily basis, could not sleep in her hotel room one night because of the aforementioned sex, witnessed a party with 35 hookers and transvestites. Umm, what else? Oh, she got her arm grabbed by Casey when he got made she would not sleep with him and angry text messages. Oh, Casey ordered a crew member to show his penis to Amanda even though she did not want to see it. I believe this woman. I believed the woman last week with David Boreanaz too. I bet Casey had a great weekend with his wife and kids huh?

If you want to read even more, click here.

Lindsay Lohan In Jail - Blah Blah Blah

Go to any tabloid website right now and I bet you can find either a Lindsay Lohan and the inmates are not getting along story or you will find one that says Lindsay Lohan has made lots of friends in jail. If you are more interested in her living conditions, you can find a tabloid that says Lindsay cries herself to sleep every night and has had nothing to drink except dirty water out of her cell sink to other articles that say she gets special privileges, has her own television and that everyone does favors for her.

You know what all this tells me? Prisoners who probably have never seen Lindsay in jail are being released and then selling their stories. Guards are selling stories. Anyone and everyone is trying to make a buck selling Lindsay stories. It is like its very own market.

I think we all knew it would be like this. I also think we all know that when she gets out this week that it is going to be way worse. You do realize there will probably be live news feeds on CNN and MSNBC and FOX when she is released. Why? So they can follow her to a rehab facility. Oh, and how much do you want to bet, tabloid reporters have already been admitted to several rehab facilities this week. Oh, they have. It is very hard to get in after a celebrity, but if you get in before you are golden.

Paris Hilton Is Trash & A Racist - Gets Paid For It

For the past several weeks I have followed Paris Hilton across the globe. Not literally. Long airplane rides and my body do not mix. Oh, and the airline food does not help much either.

It has been easy to follow her exploits because she has been posting Twitter photos of herself almost everyday. There was the pile of luggage when she left behind America for what I hope would be the last time. You might be asking yourself how is she paying for all of this? Well, she isn't. She is getting paid by some Malaysian businessmen to be their "party companion" for a month. They are paying her an obscene amount of money to flirt with them pose naked on their yacht, sit in their laps and from the looks of the pictures today, show how she and Jesse James could have a contest for world's biggest douchebag racist.

Paris Hilton, who has thrown out the N word many times, was caught by a pap giving the Hitler salute and even adding a little Hitler mustache. As much of an idiot as she is, I'm surprised she knows Hitler had a mustache. She probably has a poster of him above her bed.Today, Paris says she was dancing and just scratching her upper lip. Yeah, and she told Larry King she has never done drugs. You know what? The world needs to come down on her like the did Jesse James. I don't care what she is doing with the guys on the boat. If she wants to earn money being their lap dog and spraying $500 bottles of champagne all over herself while she is on a raft in the ocean, I don't care.

What I do care about are all the products she sells. The perfumes, the ugly ass things she calls shoes and whatever else she makes from the general public. Each one of those companies that distributes that stuff should shut her down and cut off her source of other income. Make her just be a lap dog. It is what she deserves. She is an evil racist. This is not the first time, but it should be the last.

Ted C Blind Item

While Cruella was busy buying herself new boobs, two things happened: 1) She knew she'd never have to worry about the bill, and, 2) she knew it would help her in her life-long mission numero uno: to stay vital, sexy and—most importantly—ahead of the game in the press.

See, media coverage is so important to Cruella, she'll do anything to be portrayed as the sympathetic sexy muffin she most certainly ain't.

She's even stooped low enough to...

Barter her own children!

Yep, absolute fact: Cruella's offspring have not only complained that they will "go to the press" if they get used for any more press (mainly photo ops), but, the mom who makes Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest look like June Friggin' Cleaver also trades information on her kiddies out to journalists, just so they'll write nicer, more wholesome copy about her.

I'm sorry, but, maybe we could give a little breather to the outrage we all feel towards gay actors who intentionally lie about their sexuality, in order to get ahead. 'Cause whoring out your children (ya know, involving others in your hunger for stardom who arguably have no choice in the matter) is just as bad, if not far worse.

Oh, and if you're wondering why one of the many men in Cruella's storied life doesn't swoop in and do something about how she uses her kiddos like magazine-copy currency, well, let's say the one who's best able to (as he's got the deepest pockets and the most fame) is already pretty legally encumbered, and busy, as it is.

Getting those Titanic-sized monthly checks to Cruella is pretty much a Herculean effort in itself, you know. And, girlfriends, does she ever cash them—can't wait to see what St. Shackles' next set of knockers look like!

And It Ain't: Tatum O'Neal, Jada Pinkett Smith, Melanie Griffith