Friday, September 25, 2009

Your Turn

Over the past few weeks I have received lots of requests to have another anonymous week on Your Turn. People want to share things but want a place to do it where they can't be identified. So, since it has been awhile and there are lots of new readers since the last time, go ahead and reveal a secret you have not shared before or something else you would like to get off your chest or just vent about whatever you want. It is your forum so have at it. I will leave the anonymous feature on for a couple of days to let everyone have a chance.


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Anonymous said...

It drives me insane that my boss is the biggest bully on the planet, and she never, ever washes her hands after using the bathroom. I mean, never ever ever ever ever ever ever.

And, when she brings cakes, breads,pastries to share with people, she uses her entire hands to handle them.

She's so judgmental, and yet no one ever jugdges her about this. I can't wait for the day for karma to get her.

Anonymous said...

Some days, I cannot figure out. Do I stay with him or do I divorce him. I now completely understand the phrase "there's a thin line between love and hate". I want another child, and he won't let me have one...the catch....I can't bear children, I have to adopt. He's got me over a barrel.

Anonymous said...

I work with a prominent city councilman who is notorious for whacking off in the men's room during the day.

Ah, gotta love politics.

merrick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

my husband abuses pills, beer and me. In that order. I hate him for what he has done to me and my girls, but I hate myself more for still being with him. One day, I will wake up and leave. I know it. I feel it. I just need that day to come.

Jamie's Girl said...

Wow, Anon at 12:43. I'm sorry. I hope that it is soon because of the damage your daughters can undergo. I'm so, so sorry.

Anonymous said...

My husband takes advantage of my promise to 'never talk adversely to my husband'. I only made the promise to myself, but it is very clear, he knows I have never and will never raise my voice. It also means he walks all over me. I won't change anything. I'll always be like this. I just wish he would stop walking all over me because of it.

Anonymous said...

Anon 12:43

You are just as abusive as he is for keeping those girls in such a horrid and volitile place.

This isn't about you. You're an adult and can handle your shit. They are young and defenseless. LEAVE TODAY.

They deserve & need better.

Anonymous said...

I live on the north side of Chicago where there is an incredible mix of ethnicities and even native dress. Yes, I've seen burkas in Dominicks (grocery store).

For the most part I love it and see it as part of the urban diversity.

BUT. There is a mosque two blocks from my home. I walk my dog by there most days. All I ever see are men going in there. Coming and going, day and night. They all wear their native dress. And there are never, ever, ever any women coming or going. What's up with that?

My secret shame is that I secretly think of them as a bunch of sexist pigs. Where are the women? I seethe with negativity as I go past...which is pretty fucking unenlightened of me, I know.

Anonymous said...

I knew my father OD'd on pills. I found the bottle, I read his note. He was still alive. I let him die. It was better for everyone. My mom and I are the only ones who know he committed suicide. My siblings think he had a heart attack. I think because of this - I don't feel. I think my heart is hard. We went through a lot before he died. I'm scared to become a parent because I have no emotional attachment to any human - including my husband and my family. If I were to lose everyone - I think I'd be fine. That scares me more than anything.

Anonymous said...

oh, follow up on my 12:51 post: I say "hi" these men as I walk by, and they will never ever acknowledge me or say hi back. Wtf? I'm a woman. With a dog. I suppose they think both women and dogs are dirty.

Then I feel guilty for thinking that.

Anonymous said...

My recreational drug habit has become a problem. I can recognize that and admit it. I want to get help, but I am too chickenshit and ashamed to ask anyone for help. So I keep using every day, and loathing myself for being such a weak person.

I am an addict, and this terrifies me. How the hell did this happen to me?

Anonymous said...

I've only been kissed once, when I was 15. That was 21 years ago. I think I'm going to die a virgin.

Anonymous said...

I will add on to the mosque entry: Their women have to go out in their GARB in 100 degree heat, they have to wear it in the swimming pools to - the men on the other hand - get to wear WHATEVER they want......get out of my country if you can't dress properly.

Anonymous said...

@ Anon 12:51-
I live in a diverse apartment complex and there is a large Indian community that lives there. I am also a single female with a dog. Every day the men go to work and the women stay home with the children. The women will say hi to me and smile - only if I say hi first.
If I say hi to the men, they glare at me (and my dog) and say nothing.
I think similar thoughts as you and I am ashamed of myself for doing so.
Just wanted to let you know you arent the only one!

Anonymous said...

12:43, what 12:49 said!
You HAVE to leave! NOW! It's only a matter of time before his abuse turns onto your kids. Stop thinking this can't happen. He's already abusing you. What are you waiting for, one of your kids to sprout a black eye?

Anonymous said...

I am married - happily - to a man since a few years back, but right now, I have a massive crush on a woman. Not like "OMG, I'd totally do Angelina Jolie" kind of poser-bi way, but a full on "this is the hottest dyke I have ever met and I haven't wanted to make out with someone this badly in years" - kind of crush.

And it's not even a big deal. I feel pretty good about it. I love my husband. It just turned out that I can be attracted to women also. Which I kind of knew, it just hadn't happened quite to this extent before.

She is in a committed relationship by the way and also doesn't live in the same country as me, so let's just call it a "brief mental fling". *L*

Anonymous said...

I've been married for 12 years. I haven't has sex since 2001.

Anonymous said...

@ Anon 12:43
I pray that you gain the courage to leave your abusive husband. I was in an abusive relationship and finally left after 7 years. I understand your pain and the difficulty of leaving him. You can do it; I know you can.

@ Anon 12:49
While Anon 12:43's children and HERSELF deserve better, you are not in her shoes. If you have never been in an abusive relationship, you have no idea how hard it is to get out. Comments and ignorance from people like you only make it harder. Your comment is similar to the verbal and emotional abuse Anon 12:43 suffers every day.

Anonymous said...

12:55, you're on the right track. Step one is admitting it to yourself. You can beat this. Others have before you, and you can too!
What's more, you're not alone. Talk to your friends, the real ones. I swear, they'll be supportive. If they aren't, then you'll know they weren't your real friends in the first place. Good luck to you!

trogdor said...

I'm a councilman and I can't stop masturbating in the bathroom. I want to stop, but I love politics.

=) ======|)~
help me!

@12:43 - That one day is everyday. It's going to be up to you to leave. Or don't ever leave and have your kids hate you for the rest of their lives for not doing so. Or end up getting killed because eventually he'll start abusing you, the kids, beer and pills in, that order. Violence for the violent always escalates. Always. It's nature.

@12:31 - Divorce him. If you have to question it, I guess you made up your mind already then, huh?

@12:46 - come to my house for a weekend. I'll teach you how to yell. But it'll be eloquent. Yelling eloquently. It IS possible!

@12:52 - HOLYMOLY! I..uh... well..hmmm...give me some more time.

Anonymous said...

I am 12:43 ..and while it may seem to some that I am abusive also, I am not. Although he has physically abused me,never in the presence of my girls he has never once, touched a hair on either of his daughters heads.
If that had happened, I wouldnt be writing this, but rather, I would be in prison for murder, because that is exactly what I would do to him should he touch my girls. The harm that he is doing to them is their having to witness his verbal abuse toward me. Believe me, I know this is not good for them, but those of us who are in or were in this type of situation know its not always easy to remove yourself. And when the addict is good, he is really good, and when he is bad, he is really bad.

Anonymous said...

@ Anon 1:01, Welcome to the club!

Anonymous said...

I consider myself pretty intellectual but my secret shame is that I read blogs such as this one. I may be addicted to them.
My complaint is: I wish all bloggers would NEVER write another word about Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. They are both too fucked up for words and the fact that they get press irregardless is disgusting. I wish more 'blind item kindnesses' were written about, but openly. We need to hear more good news. And I wish more blind items were revealed.

Oh, and I wish you women with asshole, abusive husbands would leave them. Just leave. Life CANNOT be HARDER without them!

Anonymous said...

@Anon 12:52 - I, too, have a hard heart (as you called it). I could easily do without my husband, mother and the rest of my family. I have not seen my father in years by my choice.

I, however, do have two children. I was hesitant to have kids. Could I really love? Everything was different when my first was born. It was my first true attachment to another human. They are truely the only two people I would risk my life and die for.

Anonymous said...

Thank you 1:02 .. I wasnt going to post today and I am glad that I did. This CDAN community has never let me down.

Anonymous said...

My husband is the love of my life and an amazing lover, but even with all that, sex just isn't that important to me. I only do it to keep him happy....I couldn't care less if I never got it again.

Anonymous said...

I live in Toronto, Canada. It is one of the most ethnically diverse cities in the world. It is my home town...most people here were born somewhere else and moved here. I have many of the same feelings as the poster regarding the Muslim men and their treatment of women. It actually makes me sick.

I am also suspicious of them. My best friend has many Muslim men at his work place and all they do all day is watch Al Jazeera, pray and bash Obama and the US. If you don't like western culture why come over here in the first place?

Anonymous said...

@ Anon 12:57

You're not alone. I'm 28 year old virgin and terrified of making any kind of serious commitment, much less falling in love. I've got serious body image issues and I am wondering if I will ever really accept my myself, never mind wondering if any guy will ever accept me for who I am.

Guys compliment me all the time and are constantly hitting on me but I can never accept their compliments and feel beautiful. All I think is, 'Yeah right, you say that now, but you'll bolt as soon as you see me naked.'

I'm terrified that I'm gonna die without ever falling in love.

Anonymous said...

To 12:43; here is the national domestic violence abuse hotline number 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) (totally confidential). Funny how everyone tells you to get out; but they don't have a suggestion as to how to make this happen. I hope you call this number. Perhaps the professionals can assist you in your decision to save your life and your children's. I wish you peace.

Anonymous said...

I never learned to ride a bicycle.

Anonymous said...

I am married to a very successfull political man. I have everything I ever wanted. Recently found out he sleeps with men. This will destroy his career if it came out. Im afraid of losing everything if I leave him. I dont want too go back too the projects.

Anonymous said...

@ Anon 12:51 re Muslims:

Why are you feeling ashamed at your thoughts? This is Muslim culture. This is what they do to women. You are lucky in that you are getting to see it first-hand. Read the Koran if you want to know what Muslims really think about women. If it feels weird and strange to you... it's because it is. Muslim thinking is based on medieval thoughts and practices. It's really quite sick when you get down to it. Burkas? WTH? I'm amazed that there are as many Muslims as there are here in the US. Imagine if we went to their countries and tried to live as Westerners? It would be an absolute outrage and you'd find yourself imprisoned or worse. More likely, much worse.

Don't feel ashamed. Be glad you're getting to see Muslim culture for what it is -- incredibly sick.

Anonymous said...

Thank you 1:15 for that. It's funny you gave me that number, as I called NarAnon today for help. I will call your number too. I know that the time for me to leave is near, its just getting the resources and help to do so. As a working mom, I have more than enough guilt about this. Thank you cyber family, and my own family has no idea this is even going on.

Anonymous said...

I dont want kids. I dont like kids. I find them annoying, loud, obnoxious, and irritating.
When I say that, people always say "How can you not like kids; you dont mean that" or "What is wrong with you? That is just selfish and weird."
Just because I am female does not mean that I have to have children or like children. I like being able to do what I want, when I want and not have a child to worry about.
Worry about yourself and judge your own likes and dislikes and leave mine alone.

Anonymous said...

1.Sometimes I eat too much then purge.

2.I’m jealous of my husband’s weight loss and sometimes deliberately give him a large dinner to sabotage it.

3.Inside, I am a really nasty, snarky person.

4.Sometimes other people’s misery makes me feel good.

5.There are days I look forward to my parent’s deaths so I can be free (and I love my parents dearly)

8.I wish my husband made more money even though he does what he loves.

I feel better now.

Anonymous said...

1:17pm you might want to consider the health risks and cease all physical relations w/ him. I also suggest you get an HIV test. I wonder if men like this; that are so in denial; actually use protection. Probably not.

Anonymous said...

I have never felt worse at this point in my life-ever. I've been very sad but I'm scared to admit what everyone seems to want me to admit-that I am on the verge and need to check into a psychiatric ward. I'm just really tired of pretending like I'm fine, a smile pasted on my face, but I feel so heartbroken by life I don't know if I have it in me anymore. I just don't know what anyone could possibly say or do in these "psych wards" that would really be life-changing. But I can't go on like this. I'm not suicidal, I'm not looking to end my life-I'm just looking for something to hold onto to get me through this. I don't know who to trust with any of this information, as it's been used against me in the past which is why I've just shut up and been dealing with it. I think I'm headed towards a nervous breakdown and I'm terrified that the cracks are showing already. I try very hard to make it seem like everything is fine. But it clearly isn't.

I mess up friendships and relationships with people because I'm so pathetically insecure I do the whole thing where I push people away so they don't know of the darkness that lurks. And consequently, I am very lonely. It's a sh*tty vicious cycle.

Wow...I absolutely did NOT mean to write that much and ramble on-you just caught me on one of those days, enty.

Anonymous said...

I'm 36 and a virgin. I've never been kissed.

Anonymous said...

I have been using heroin every day for 5 years. I am 28 yrs old, have an ivy league education, a professional job, my own place in an expensive city..and I cant stop. I have tried. I have been to rehab twice. Secretly I dont WANT to stop. Its just the money that forces me into bad situations.

Anonymous said...

To Anon 12:43---DO IT GIRL!!!

Be brave, be safe and Jah bless you and your girls. Take care.

Anonymous said...

I'm sick and tired of taking care of people. I'm tired of being the responsible person in my family. Am I supposed to take care of these adults for the rest of my life? I want a family of my own. When do I get to live my life? When is it my turn to be happy? I want a family of my own.

Sometimes I think death is the only way that I'll be free of everyone and everything.

Anonymous said...

I hate my husband's brothers long term girlfriends, and I am really terrified that I will be stuck dealing with their 'mean girl' antics forever.

I also really hate mexican culture and I wonder if it has anything to do with my dislike of them.

My husband agrees with me.

Anonymous said...

Anon 1:01, I feel the same way. I don't want it because I feel taken for granted. Oh, my husband helps with some things... just not nearly enough.

Anonymous said...

1:28pm is me. I meant Anon 1:10!

Anonymous said...

My boss is a complete moron who isn't fit to have the job she has. I am scheming to take her job because I know I could do it 100% better.

I am usually a very open minded person, but I am very against all these people having children out of wedlock. I know its turning me into a racist, too. I live in NYC and I see countless minority teenagers and women with a zillion kids they don't even care about. Why doesn't anyone use a condom?! I could go on and on about this, but our taxes are astronomical here and I'm sick as fuck of paying for them.

My fiance has a small penis. :(

Anonymous said...

I smoke pot every day.

I would never do it again, but many many years ago, I had an abortion. Too many drugs, too immature. I'm the self proclaimed queen of procrastination... it wasn't until my 23rd week. The thing I remember most (well, I remember ALL of it)is me not believing when the nurse actually asked me if I wanted to know the sex.

shew... that was scary. but it's one of those things you just don't share with everyone, you know. Like I said, I would never do it again, ever - but I would also never take away a womans right to choose.

AnonK said...

I'm at the point in my life right now where my health is failing due to overwhelming stress of trying to keep my house and marriage going. My husband works even though he's developed severe pain in his hands and feet. I feel guilty for not being able to contribute more than I can. I was there at his side through his cancer (he's in remission now) and the two instances of health problems he has had since. But every time we start to get to where we have a chance to get out of the hole, he feels as though he isn't able to do his job or that he should have a new one. The stress makes me more crippled than I am already. I do love him and it would break my heart to leave him. It's just getting to close to that point.

Any advice?

Anonymous said...

I love my husband, we are best friends. Our problem is we don't have sex, we kiss each other on the cheek or a quick peek on the lips and that is the extent of our physical relationship. Prior to our marriage we did have sex occasionally, it wasn't fabulous or passionate, as time passed we are no longer physically attracted to each other, but I cannot see myself cheating on him. But I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be in passionate physical relationship.

Anonymous said...

I hate the way I look and have spent most of my life trying to hide.
To cover my tracks I keep a high profile and work hard to be charming and pleasant.
I'm the life of the party on the outsied. On the inside...I'm so terribly sad.

If you meet me here's a secret. I'm not avoiding you because I'm a snob. I'm avoiding you because I don't think I'm worth your time.

Anonymous said...

To the abused wife:

I have ZERO compassion for you. You are stupid and selfish to think that subjecting your children to life with a drug user who treats you like shit won't damage them.

You are putting your addiction to chaos in front of the health and well being of your children.

If I knew who you were, I would call CPS and have your kids removed from the household. Your tolerance of abusive behavior makes you an unfit parent, even more so than your drug abusing husband, because you should know better . You created two human beings, and you are damaging them by neglecting your responsibility to protect them from all types of abuse. Shame on you.

Anonymous said...

I live with guilt every day and have a hardened heart because of this. My brother is extremely mentally ill will not take his medication and is homeless-when he isn't in jail. I don't help him or reach out to him because I am scared of him and I don't want him to know how to reach me or worse, know where I live. My two toddlers don't even know he is. He uses any/all drugs but I have no idea how he gets the money. I read the newspaper daily and am always fearful he is going to hurt someone else-because of his mental illness. Sometimes I wish he wasn't alive so he wouldn't have to live this horrible life. I know that's awful to say but his life has no quality to it and doesn't appear to have any hope. I hold out hope that perhaps a nurse or an inmate or someone will reach him to want to take his medication or do something to help him.

Anonymous said...

I have a growth on my body and I have to go have a biopsy next week. I'm worried about what it will do to my wonderful husband if he hears I have Cancer.

Anonymous said...

I love my kids, but I am not sure I was cut out to be a Mom.

Anonymous said...

I peed in my ex-BF's milk and took his toothbrush and used it to clean the rim of the toilet and then put it back in his Toothbrush holder after he choked me one night. He's since died of a heart attack at 37 years old....he was a waste of life.

Push a woman's long suffering buttons long enough and that's what you'll get.

Anonymous said...

I no longer have contact with my siblings, I have cut all ties to my friends. I lost my job 18 months ago in a public scandal and now on the verge of declaring bankruptcy. I have sent out hundreds of resumes and only landed three interviews. My cat was killed and I have $5.00 to my name - I wish I could commit suicide, but I know what would happen to the people who love me if I did since my father killed himself when I was a teenager. I could not inflict that pain on my children, I am a absolute failure.

Anonymous said...

Mohamad was a child molester -- it is unbelievable how many people have been killed for the sake of that man.

I'm not religious, but I know this (and the entire rest of my family is Muslim, fyi) - God does not want you to cover yourself up. God made our bodies in his own reflection - why should anyone be ashamed of their hair or their arms, or their legs?

The women who say that covering their hair is empowering? They're lying to themselves.

How can you be proud to call yourself by a religion that says its ok for men to take multiple wives, and to have wives as young as 5???

Religion kills.

Anonymous said...

I think my Conservative Republican friends are all hypocrites. I think they spend too much time worrying about how "other" people are living their lives. They constantly talk about being an American, and how we should support America, and they drive foreign cars and wear Italian clothes. I hate how much they love Sarah Palin. I hate how much they think Bush was the greatest President we ever had. I hate how we argue all the time about religion, abortion, gay marriage, the death penalty, etc.
I always end our arguments with a joke that I can't understand why I hang out with them. I really have lost a lot of respect for them. I wish we could have an intelligent conversation, but I don't think they will ever open their narrow minds. I like my liberal and conservative friends, but my conservative friends are driving me crazy...I think they're really ignorant people. I would end the friendship, but I wonder if that means I'm also narrow minded.
I'm just venting.

Anonymous said...

I found gay porn on my father’s computer when I was 10 years old. I know he is gay. I think my mother knows- they are still married. I have never talked to my family about this.

Anonymous said...

Need advice here- I am a teacher and have been at the same school for over 4 years. My reputation with the parents seem excellent, no real issues with them and requests to be in my class are not uncommon. I love my students and really enjoy teaching. My problem is my coworkers. From the moment I stepped into school all but a few have been so nasty that I wondered if I had met there before and there was some reason they instantly hated me. I was working in one grade with very nice teachers so I could push it out of my mind most days, but now I am in a new grade where the teachers dont care if I live or die but go out of their way to talk to the others. Also, they talk about happy hour right in front of me and of course never invite me. It is almost surreal how much I was instantly hated, all I remember is saying helloto people when I first came and introducing myself, apparently I broke some kind of rule. Now I have to be at meetings with people who at best could care less about me or cannot stand me. I know this is no where near as serious as abuse or cancer but I would love some advice.

Anonymous said...

I shopped to the point of putting my family in debt. I'm working on this issue now.

Oh and woman who peed in her boyfriend's milk? You rock.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one here not having sex. I had quite a bit of sex until I was 32, at which point I was just OVER having sex unless I was really in love--or dating someone with whom that was a distinct possibility.

That was 14 years ago, and I've had sex maybe 10 times total since then with just 2 guys. Last time was 4 years ago. I just canNOT risk the emotional involvement anymore unless the guy is crazy about me and vice versa.

I wonder if I'll ever have sex again. nay, I wonder if any man will ever love me/me him?

Anonymous said...

I love the city in which I live, but I'm desperately trying to move my husband and I to another state because he is such a mama's boy and wants to spend every weekend visiting his parents. I have had it up to here with him. I've tried talking with him but he doesn't get it. So I told him I want to move back to where I grew up. So far he's buying it. I really really hope we go through with it. I can't take his putting his family before me anymore and I think moving him far away from them will help a lot.

I think black people are the slowest people on the planet. Pick up the pace when you walk! I don't even care if that makes me a racist; its the truth.

I also do not like children.

Anonymous said...

My husband has multiple on-line affairs (and probably some real life affairs). He won't have sex with me but tells me he doesn't want a divorce. He is a selfish bastard and as soon as finish my masters degree I am leaving him.

Anonymous said...

Why am I leaving the United States? Do I really believe that more success awaits me elsewhere or do I just want to start over because I detest the way Americans are so prudish, judgemental and close minded which isn't an easy thing when you're a post-op transsexual woman living stealth.

I have friends that I went to college who know about me, but for the most part my new friends know nothing of my past and while some people I'd like to tell, it's a shame that I have to worry about who I can trust. And let's not get started on dating guys. Being tallish (5'8, not 6'2) and having a nice body gets me lots of male attention and I always said I wanted to be open and honest with any man that I might fall in love with or who may love me. But what if they tell everyone and it gets back to my job and my job decides they suddenly don't need me or they've had to make budget cuts. People fail to realize that just because you may have been born with a birth defect (yeah I said it) means you don't have to work and pay rent and buy food. And to think I'm the one my other TS girlfriends envy because I have the degrees, the great jobs, travel the world and meet amazing people. But would it all come crumbling down if I just said "what the hell" and told people about my history?

What if I get to Europe and can't find a job? Everyone says, you're gorgeous, someone will hire you in no time and you're so smart. But what if I have to go back to working in a topless club to make ends meet.

Whatever happen, this much I know. When I meet a guy who's interested in me, I'm not going to wait until I'm super into him to tell him about my past. That only leads to the illusion of a broken heart because if you wait until you decide that you like the person to tell them, although you're emotionally invested enough to be hurt if they reject you, it's really not about loving them but a lot of girls magnify their feelings once they're rejected thinking he's the one that got away. It seems more and more I understand my girlfriends who marry and never tell their husbands or live with the boyfriends with them being none the wiser. But I swear, I want honesty and want the person to know and accept me for who I am today and not care about my past. I want love and kids, regardless of how we have them. I have great lessons to teach a child and so much love to share!

They don't really prepare you for all of these feelings before you have surgery.

Anonymous said...

Teacher @'s bizarre, but sometimes that happens. It's happening to me too at my current job.

What I think is that if you piss off the WRONG person, she might work very hard to turn others against you, and it can work. Even among adults. My advice: wait it out. Things change, people come and go, and you will eventually triumph and be seen a good and likeable person. (and that's what I tell myself too)

Anonymous said...

@1:21pm I don't want kids either. I am 38yo married, and have stopped socializing completely because I can't take the questions. I want to tell people "I don't want to have children because I am afraid they will grow up to be SO RUDE as to think it is OK to quiz a casual acquaintance as to their reproductive plans".

I don't like life much. I think the world is basically a bad place. How could I, in good conscience, purposely subject another being to this? Much less someone I would love profoundly. It seems cruel to me.

In a sense, I think it is selfish TO have children. Sure - they add to YOUR life, they make YOU complete, YOU won't die alone. But at the cost of subjecting THEM to this world? Not a choice I can live with.

I've never shared these thoughts with anyone but DH.

Anonymous said...

I self-sabotage at every attempt I make =(

Anonymous said...

Hey, Anon 153:

Don't apologize about venting about your problems. To you they are important. I say that even though I'm the Anon above with the (possible) Cancer.

Anonymous said...

My spouse is lousy at sex. I cheated. I didn't enjoy it. I regret it. I can't say anything about it.

Anonymous said...

1:59...maybe it's worth it to be totally honest about it. The more people who are open about it, the less "strange" it becomes.

You might also consider living somewhere in the US where being transexual/transgendered is well-accepted. I used to live in Berkeley, and there were several M2F transexuals I knew, and it was just not a big deal.

Anonymous said...

I've been with my current boyfriend for 1 year and a half. We live together. But I think about my ex every day (who left me because I started doing coke to lose weight) and know that if he took me back, I'd leave my current bf in a heartbeat. I'm afraid I'll never have that kind of love again and I feel like a terrible person.

Anonymous said...

Anon 1:39, shame on you. I hope you see the cruelty of your words soon in your own life.

To the abused women, my heart goes out to you. My husband verbally abused me for years, and I never left. It was never physical but I often wished he would hit me, just once, because then I could leave.

I insisted we get counseling and, surprisingly, our marriage has improved drastically. It surprises even me that I love him and that he is now kind and loving and supportive of me.

However, I have never been so low as I was when it was bad with him. And I think if I had left, I would have been just fine.

Anonymous said...

anon 1:59 ... just curious ... men can't tell that your vagina isn't authentic??

Anonymous said...

1:50, I agree with you.

I'm an atheist, and that's no secret, everyone who knows me knows that. I'm also a capital-S Skeptic and analytical by nature. I was raised Christian but after years of analyzing it, realized it made no fucking sense whatsoever. Nor did any other religion.

So the secret is that I really look down on religious believers. I think they're refusing to examine the facts of their religions at best, and just idiot sheep at worst.

Anonymous said...

I have crippling social anxiety and therefore have not made a single friend in 5 years.

I'm afraid that being the strange, quiet, seemingly stuck-up girl in my college classes is going to keep me from getting any good recommendations from my professors, and therefore hinder my chances of getting into Grad school.

And that's pretty much the only thing I have to look forward to.

Anonymous said...

Anon 1:21 - I don't like kids, either. Don't want 'em. Don't want to be around 'em. I occasionally get told "it's different when it's your own. I have a reply.

"If that was true, we wouldn't have a Children's Aid society, would we?"

That usually shuts them up nicely.

Anonymous said...

1:50, thinking of suicide...I've been there and had those feelings. I'm writing as someone who has been through that and come out the other side.

Here's what helps me to remember: as long as you are alive, you can change your situation.

Financial problems are not nearly as important as health and love.

Can you choose one thing and try to change it? Is there one person to whom you can cling for support?

Please hang in there. A person is only a "failure" if they spend their lives really trying to hurt others. You're not doing that--in fact you don't want to hurt your kids.

Anonymous said...

LOL, to just curious. it's authentic, I just wasn't born with it. And since every womans body is different it's not like anything would raise a red flag. Incidentally, my gynecologist says if he didn't know my past, he'd never know in a million years by looking at it and I've been examined by other medical professionals who I didn't tell and they never had a second thought about my being born female.

And also, you might not know this, but there is a condition where females are born with an indentation instead of a vagina and have to have part of their colon used to construct their vagina, labia etc.....

And to the other commenter, I've lived in NY, LA I just feel like the American view is such a hateful one. An example, I've always made my decisions out of fear of what if people find out. When I was in my early 20s, I worked at a magazine in Manhattan. We were doing a photo shoot and when I arrived, the make up artist asked if i was the model. I said no, the editorial asst. and he suggested he do my make up and take pics because I'd get tons of work. This was before my surgery so maybe that's why I didn't pursue it but all I could think about was the national scandal over a person(me) just trying to pursue a dream and live a happy live would cause. The NY Post, The Daily News, the tabloids. And let's no go into dating someone well known and knowing an association with you has the potential to ruin someone's career.

Now that's a lot to handle!

Anonymous said...

Just curious here again - how do you orgasm?

Anonymous said...

To Anon 1:51
Your father might be bisexual. I've found gay porn belonging to my husband, but I've also found straight porn and most importantly, he is very interested in having sex with me. So I think my husband is bisexual but living life as a straight man. Of course, I'm not happy about this and he doesn't know that I know about his "secret." We've been married for 38 years. He treats me and our adult son very well. But I'd leave him if I didn't need his income and health insurance. I have several chronic health problems including MS and diabetes.

P.S. Another reason that I don't think he is gay is that he cheated on me 17 years ago with a seriously ugly woman.

Anonymous said...

I'm the luckiest bitch alive.

I know it.

It's easy to tell someone else to get out of an abusive situation. It usually can't happen over night, but I hope those who truly want out, get out and start a new, happy life. Unfortunately, leaving the bum doesn't always get rid of him.

An old beau who I thought never cared recently told me he's always loved me and always will. I'm finding it hard to stay away from him, but I've been in a committed relationship for years and I don't want to hurt anyone, yet somehow I don't feel guilty that I'm cheating.

Life is short, I'm going to play it for as long as I can.

Anonymous said...

To the Anon up top with the FILTHY PIG for a boss:

Next time she offers food to you with her unwashed hands, smile, grab your tummy, and say,

"No e-coli for me, but thanks anyway!"

Asuming her mentality is operating at a higher level than her hygiene, she may get the message. Otherwise, I'd recommend disposable gloves (for you) for officerwear.

Anonymous said...

Chalk me up as another who can go without sex. I do enjoy it, and my husband is an incredible lover - but it's not my first priority. Or my tenth. Or anywhere in my top 50...

Anonymous said...

I was once in a Muslim country and me and my colleague (female) were doing a tour of a small city. There was a mosque and our guide told us we could go further into it but we'd have to put on the big black heavy cloak and we could only go so far in. It was at least 50 degrees Celsius with the humidy and what also pissed us off was the dog wandering about the mosque. I couldn't go further than a certain point but the dog could. Fuck that, we didn't go in.

Anonymous said...

To the Anon with the masturbating colleague:

Why do you care what other people do in the (supposed) privacy of a bathroom stall?

After all, the distinctive sound and accompanying odor of someone taking a shit is just as obvious. Does that offend you, as well?

Anonymous said...

My MIL is seriously one of the dumbest people in the world.

I am way too hard on myself.

I wish I could be sexier w/my hubby, but it feels awkward doing it doggy style with the man who at times lays on the couch with his hand down his pants or argues with me over what to have for dinner.

Anonymous said...

2:10, go speak to your professors during office hours. I was kind of shy, but I always worked hard in my classes and forged relationships with professors that way. Are there any student clubs you could join? You should be able to make an appointment with your school's counseling center to help you get through your anxiety problems.

Also, nothing on the internet is truly anonymous, people. Be careful of what you type here.

Anonymous said...

Transexual at 2:16, I think you're overestimating the negativity you'd get in response to your "secret" if it got out. If that's why you're not sharing, then you might want to reconsider.

On the other hand, if you just don't feel like talking about it to anyone but a boyfriend, it is your body and your business. Your body didn't match your sense of gender and now it does, that's all.

Anonymous said...

To Anon 2:18, this is 1:51. Thank you - you may be very right. I know this is a common 'secret' in many families.

Anonymous said...

I have two boyfriends,they found out about one other, Im still seeing both of them and they dont know.They both have qualities in each other I would love to find in one person which makes it hard for me to choose.

Anonymous said...

I secretly envy women who are married to rich or wealthy men. Here I am single and financially 'struggling'.

To the poster married to the politician on the DL, get tested and start siphoning some money into an account, so you can make your 'exit' in style. I also would not have sex with him anymore.

Anonymous said...

I don't feel like I'm a human being. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like. I spend most of my time alone, which I like, and when I go out into public, I feel like an impostor or an actor impersonating a human. It used to bother me, but when I got older I saw how many problems humans have so now I don't worry about it.

Anonymous said...

I wish I had the gall to be a vigilante and kill every pedophile, sexual predator and physically abusive male on the planet. But then I would fear hell in the afterlife.

Anonymous said...

In high school, we were egging the house of another student. We heard a cat meow. I threw an egg in it's general direction (in the dark - I couldn't see it.) SPLAT-MEOWWWW. Somehow, I hit it. I feel guilty to this day (20+yrs later). When I look back on my life, I think it is the most deliberately awful, sinful thing I've ever done. I love animals.

Sure, I hurt other people all the time. I hate people.

Anonymous said...

After nearly a decade of doing some "outcalls", mostly "incalls", as a "provider" (sensual masseuse- a.k.a. prostitute), I've recently retired and will be taking the LSAT tomorrow. Yes, this hooker is looking forward to logical and argumentative orgasms.

Anonymous said...

I moved across the country after I graduated college. I was completely alone and, I guess, just young and stupid.

I met a man who made me smile, nothing earth shattering, but a new friend in a big city. I worked with him. He had kids and lived with a lady (no ring) and said that they only lived in the same house for the kids. She had her boyfriends, he had his girlfriends. I fell for it and slept with him a few times and some co-workers knew about it. I found out he was not married, but he might as well have been and his long term partner was not out "doing her own thing." He was cheating on her with me.

Then I met his brother. Sparks instantly. He is amazing. I told him before anything progress about the fact that I had slept with his brother before. He is compassionate and understood. We are now married.

I harbor incredible guilt everytime I see my sister-in-law. I slept with her partner and she has no idea. If I had put two and two together, I would've never done anything with him, because I think cheaters are scum.

How can I get over this or can I?

Anonymous said...

Monday is my favorite night of the week. Intervention is on A&E. I've found it's more fun to watch with a little buzz from a couple of prescription pain killers. Irony much?

Anonymous said...

Woohoo—now your prostitution will be legal—Yippee!

Anonymous said...

Yeah--Intervention and Hoarders. Must See TV, and I always watch with a beer or cocktail because I enjoy the irony, too.

Anonymous said...

I'm attractive, smart, and on the outside I have the perfect life. But, inside I'm lonely and sad, and don't know what I'm doing here. My father died this year, and we never had a close relationship. I resented how removed he was from my family and emotionally cut him off. I was a bitch to him. And, now I'm filled with regret.

I have never been in a good relationship with a man, in fact my relationships have all ended badly, and have been few and far in between. Every man has emotionally bruised me in one way or another.

All of my friends are in relationships, and have moved away, and I'm left alone. I'm afraid that I'll be successful and miserable and that I'll never have a family of my own. I'm scared that I'll never experience wouldn't know any of this by looking or talking to me.

Anonymous said...

1/2 sister - actress

long lost daughter (lls) not famous artist/musician but really a stay home mom

Douchy mcdouche bag father (DMB) actor

1/2 sister grew up with DMB all her life. She really is as wonderful as you rave about. LLS meets DMB for the first time after high school, everything is great and seems peachy keene - loves 1/2 sister step mom and dad seems excited for the chance at redemption.

A year later during college summer break (jr college) LLS gets a chance to spend time with DMB while he is doing a play in oregon LLS goes along as his assistant. Everything is okay - DMB makes her a little uncomfortable while working with little comments but the big comment on the way home is "Your so sexy, if you weren't my daughter I'd fuck you right here in the car".

I guess it's a good thing they weren't both on heroine.

Anonymous said...

Better delete the DMB story too many hints too easy

Anonymous said...

I am living with a disease with very few treatments and no cure. It is only a matter of time before it destroys the rest of my organs.

I have periods of cognitive impairment-cannot remember my own address/phone number or anything else. All doctors confirm it is the autoimmune disease. I am scared I will be a burden to my family, more so than I am right now.

I see no real reason to exist. Why should I be here if I am going to be a drain on my family? What purpose do I serve? Is it fair for me to take up my family's time and money or cause them more worries? Logistically it doesn't make sense to me.

I want to know why I should extend my life? My family said they want me to be around, but I am scared they will begin to resent me.

So I continue taking my meds and treatment, hoping that I will find a reason to live.

Sorry for being depressing...I just needed to vent.

Allie said...

I don't care about being anonymous. Thank you so much to everyone. The wives, the haters at the jobs, the moms, the addicts, the loners, the no-sexers, the beautiful woman who had "the procedure", and the rest. Thank you because I feel a hell of a lot less alone today and I needed it. My husband and kids would thank you too... Sometimes life looks so incredibly bleak and dark and it helps to know you are not the only one.

Anonymous said...

I've been dating a jerk for 5 years and can't end it. I'm scared to be alone, I've gained about 30 pounds in the last year and don't feel attractive, sometimes I drink a lot by myself at home on a week night. Sometimes I eat a lot and purge. And all of my friends are getting married or have serious boyfriends. I am so lonely.

That felt great.

Anonymous said...

I'm falling in love with one of my best friends, even though I know she will break my heart.

Anonymous said...

Anon 256

You do serve a purpose. If there is any reason to the Universe, we're all on a journey and interconnected. You're supplying the souls around you with something that is necessary. And, of course, they're supplying you. No religion: I just feel it in my bones.

Anonymous said...

2:56- guess I am not all that bright 'cuz I don't get it?

Anonymous said...

@ 122 with the depression.

I feel your pain, I've had the same problem for 20 years. It made me take psych in undergrad in hopes of figuring it out. I went to a very good college and when I finally had the courage to talk about it with some of my professors, the reaction was always the same... Always "you are the last person I would have ever expected to feel like that! But you're so happy!"

tons of recommendations, tons of talking, ten plus years later... Still here, still the same way... Every day, a little worse.

"Functional depression." Horrible emptiness.

At this point I have hope I can snap out of it, but at the same time, after this long I don't think I'd recognize myself if I did. Sucks!

Another secret... I found out my dad has two other kids (a before my parents were married) and he's been cheating on my mom for the past 30 years... Do I tell her? I think she should know but I don't want her to hate me (and not believe me)...and then still stay with him!!!

Anonymous said...

1) I had sex with a woman last November (I'm female), and I now can barely tolerate the touch of a man. The sex with her wasn't good at all, and now I wonder if I've turned completely asexual.

2) I'm dating someone because he's good looking, stable and has his own money, not because I like him.

3) I really have no intention of ever having any children. I just turned 36 and can't wait until I hit the 4-0 when people will stop asking and start assuming I can't because I'm too old.

4) I'm having a gastric bypass in the next 3 months. I haven't told anyone in my family because they're not supportive. The last time I was open about a new diet, I got about pounds of chocolate bars for my birthday. I've always been the fattest one and the want me to continue to be.

5) I make a lot of money. I don't share this information because I don't want people to take advantage of me.

6) Making a lot of money doesn't make me happy, but it sure as hell makes me look better (hair appointments, manicures, pedicures, facials).

Anonymous said...

1:39 PM - Trying to Hide...I am 32 years old and I could have written this myself. I wish things were different for the both of us. I don't know how I got this way or how to fix it.

1:39 PM - Hateful person who responded to the woman who is being just gave her more abuse. Congratulations, does it make you feel better?

Anonymous said...

Yeah--Intervention and Hoarders. Must See TV, and I always watch with a beer or cocktail because I enjoy the irony, too.

And sometimes I eat when I watch The Biggest Loser and I feel sooo naughty.

notvotingforsuckno said...

I have terrible digestive problems. Although I was dx'ed with Crohn's ages ago, that is not apparently what is causing my current problems.
I have very few things I can eat: no meat of any kind (even soy faux meat), and low residue (fiber). One of the few things I CAN eat is Panera creamy tomato soup. But I had to do without it for three months because it isn't available in the summer. When I wrote to the company, they said, they rotate soups because they want to use the freshest ingredients possible. BUT I grow tomatoes. They are freshest in summer! And I got an underripe tomato on my Mediterranean Veggie sandwich today! They did say they would take it under advisement. So, if you are so iclined, please help me out by visiting and click on "Contact us". Simply write "Have creamy tomato soup year-round." I would be eternally grateful!

Anonymous said...

Anyone have a clue as to the blind at 2:51?

Anonymous said...

6) Making a lot of money doesn't make me happy, but it sure as hell makes me look better (hair appointments, manicures, pedicures, facials).

I bet.


Have you all hard eletroshock therapy. I know of an elderly woman who has to get it every so often and she likes the outcome.

Anonymous said...

I recently slept with a very famous musician after seeing his band play. It was awesome, even though I felt like shit afterward because it's pretty well known that he's got a fiance. But damn if it wasn't worth it- I'd do it again.

Anonymous said...

@Transgender- I think you need to realize that more people are accepting than you give them credit for. Lady Gaga is a #1 selling artist, she's a hermaphrodite? I think that's the word, yea there are people who will judge but many more people will accept you. The biggest problem you will face, as does Lady Gaga is curiosity. Since not many people are hugely open about those kinda things, many people don't have an extensive knowledge. Peoples curiosity can be rude, as asking about your vajayjay and orgasms is kinda rude.. and you can always come up with a nice sassy reply to them =)

As for how she orgasms, I assume the same way the rest of us women do. Sex is 1/4 physical, 3/4 mental.

Anonymous said...

My dad used to physically assault my sister and I. Never with a closed fist, but that doesn't excuse it. I had major back surgery as a teen, and he'd still lay into me, despite my screams of pain. I took up target shooting - and the night he found out I owned a rifle was the last night he beat either me or my sister. 20 years on, the abuse is verbal, and he'll call me psycho for owning guns. But he's never touched a family member again.

Anonymous said...

303-Thank you

304-You know what-I don't get it either and that's okay.

Charlie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I love my husband. However, the night we met I also met his cousin. I've messed around with his cousin occasionally over the 10 years of our relationship/marriage. No sex. The cousin is not married but is in a very long term relationship with kids. The family is VERY close - my husband and his cousin are like brothers and we see each other at every holiday or family occasion. The cousin was the best man at our wedding.

I feel horribly guilty afterward and I always tell myself "NEVER AGAIN". But then it happens again. I have a "thing" for the cousin that I can't shake. The cousin and I have NEVER spoken about it, it's just something we do.

I am a selfish bitch and I don't deserve the incredible sex and love and devotion that I receive from my husband on a daily basis.

trogdor said...

"Sure I hurt people all the time. I hate people." HAHAHHA!!!

That's a winner right there, folks! Game over. Put down your controllers. Turn the TV off. That Anon won it.

I love you guys. You guys are awesome. So glad I donated to this site when I had the chance. No book or movie out there can be as real as this is right now.

My life sucks, too. My sis, TKO, could probably write an essay in here detailing just my failures. But I'm not ready to call a WAAHHmbulance just yet.

Just be courageous. Amazing things happen when you can find the courage. Can't be afraid of what lies on the other side when you get the courage to break through. Chances are, you'll need courage to break through again at another time. When you do it once or twice, you get used to it. And the most amazing thing is, things don't suck anymore. At least for a little while. If you get down, you just have to ask yourself, if I have the courage and do it, will it be better for me? Throw religion, friends, family and all that garbage out the window. You should do things for yourself, first and foremost, 'cause it's you that you have to life with. Bad things happen. Bad things abound cause evil is easier. Good is always difficult, which is why so few do it. Good and evil are related though. It's natural. There is a reason a rose has thorns, you know?. Only you can decide who you want to be. Find the courage, though. It makes it easier. Especially when dealing with other people that decide they need to get in your business. TKO. You readin' this, buddy?! =)

The sex stuff blows my mind. I suppose it's understandable that people wouldn't enjoy sex. Asexuality does exist. But, I just gotta think you haven't been hit right if you don't like sex. Has to be! Sex cures all. Well, sometimes it can make you die and die pretty fast, but if you're doin' it right it doesn't have to be a gamble.

And to the virgins. Don't sweat it. At some point, if you feel really compelled to, you'll get laid, your libido will get a hold of you and won't let go. Just make sure you answer when it calls. And practice safe sex, please!

The one who hasn't been kissed - get drunk tonight. Grab a guy, or girl, and just kiss them. You'll love it! That is boderline whore-ish, but everyone has a little whore inside them. Mine is actually waiting for me to log off and go get ready for the city tonight. Stupid whore. No I take that back. I love you, little whore. You make my life soooo much fun!

Anonymous said...

I interned at an elementary school and the teacher I worked under was the biggest bitch I ever met. I learned firsthand that some women are drawn to teaching bc that gossipy, clubby atmosphere can be manipulated quite easily and power-mad, petty women get high on it.

Change schools if this really bothers you. Life is too short to be shunned but people who play mindgames like that.

Anonymous said...

I have very little faith in mankind, all the greed and corruption in the world makes me wish there was a worldwide human plague that would cleanse the earth of it's most intelligent, yet destructive creatures and give the earth a chance for survival.

Anonymous said...

I am very happily married, but recently a male friend of mine not so happily married has become infatuated with me.
I am so flattered, I have been encouraging the attention, but would never take it anywhere besides a friendship. I know it is wrong, but it is also fun.

Anonymous said...

It is humbling to read other people's problems because it certainly puts most of mine into perspective.

I hope the biopsy comes back clear.

To the abused, I hope you come to realize that there is help out there; PLENTY of people are lined up to guide you to a better life, all you have to do is reach out. Your children need you to.

To the transgender, I think you're very brave and for your sake I hope you find a place you feel comfortable. We all have felt at times that a clean slate is in order.

To the lady who egged the cat...I'm sure the cat forgave you. He probably even ate the egg.

To everyone else, big hugs.

Counseling is available to those of you with issues you feel are holding you back. Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how easy it is to let go of some of your baggage, once you become convinced how much easier it is to walk without the load.

Stephen said...

Excellent advice trogdor.

For those suffering with regrets.. Use it constructively, let it build your character rather than tear you down. At some point in your life, a situation will arise where you can apply what you've learned from your regrets and make your part of the world a better place.

trogdor said...

2:56 - AutoImmune Deficiency = AIDS

I hope you're still in HIV phase and not full blown, but that is not too bad either. There has been an encouraging sign from the American-French clinical test in the last test batch. It's all over the news. 64% percent remission on 15,000 tested in Thailand. Look into it, it might give you some encouraging news.

RocketQueen said...

I love you all, except the meanies. One of those Anon confessions was mine, and I agree with the poster that said these have all made me feel a little less lonely. Non-religious blessings to all. xo

Anonymous said...

I'm anorexic.

It started because the woman who gave birth to me is a drug addict, and my siblings and I lived with her several times throughout my life until age 16. Every time it ended the same way, we'd watch her spiral into her cocaine alcohol drug den bar hopping armed robbery hole. You may ask how is it that a woman can have custody of 4 kids, 3 of which have serious health problems and require intensive care (because of use while she was pregnant is my bet)? The system bends over backwards to give the guilty 'their rights' while no one remembers the 4 innocent children in the middle. You might ask why didn't my father take us and leave? My mother accused him of abuse, THAT NEVER HAPPENED. My Father always felt like all of it was his fault, and that he was guilty of not trying harder. They were together for 12 years and in that time spent 100k of my grandmothers money on her drugs. My grandma is in such debt that she can't even afford things like new socks when she gets holes in them, and she has health problems and doesn't need that stress obviously, since the switch to digital started she went to get cable, and found out that she owed 600$ to TWC for past service, but she's never had cable until this last year.. my mother.

My brother is autistic. I cried the first time I listened to him read something. My sister has bad kidney problems and I've seen her in and out of the hospital since she was born because of them, it broke my heart when I was 10 and she knew how to unplug and IV and how to get around with it to the bathroom when she was 4 years old. My other sister who is my irish twin, has bad mental problems. bipolar was one 'experts' opinion. the first time she tried to kill herself was when she was 5 years old. the only reason she's still alive is because of the time she was sent away to live in a home. And then we come to the spring of 04 when we finally got to leave for good, how did we manage that you ask? She was sentenced to prison for 5 years. She gets out in a month and a half and I'm scared for my young sister and brother because they don't realize all that she's done to destroy their lives. Why am I scared? Because my younger brother is only half, and he lives with his step father who still loves my mom, and my sister with the kidney problems is likely not my fathers daughter. I've heard my mom admit this to my father. I hope my sister decides against contact with her, as I've done for 5 years now, even cutting off contact with parts of my family, including my mothers parents who I love and miss, but have given her any contact info I've given them, and I end up with mail and calls from prison.

How is this all the cause? Because this and all the other things that happened that I could write several books with, I had no control over. But I can control what I eat, or don't eat. I have some control over my disease. I don't let myself become too sick. I take vitamins and stay hydrated, and it's been better in recent years, but I've never been able to just come out and say, I'm anorexic.. I always say it's my food problem, and my family just accept that. I think they kinda accept that it's my way of dealing with everything, but they don't deal with it on a daily basis as I moved away over 2 years ago.

I'm 112lbs atm, I've consciously gained those 2 lbs in the last year, which is a victory for me. I guess the reason that I haven't become those people you see in TV programs is that I will never let it control me, I can't control having money problems, or that woman who hit my car, but I can always control my 'food problem'

Anonymous said...

My Dad died 18 months ago. He was mentally and emotionally abusive to our family. I cut off all contact with him and my family about 5 years ago. I was so glad to hear he died. I don't wake up screaming at him anymore. it's like I'm free. and hell no I didn't go to the funeral. he taunted our family one Christmas with his loaded gun. I hope he's in Hell rotting. I don't feel bad about it at all.

Anonymous said...

This is a wonderful post.
It really does show you how human we all are.
There isn't a single post that I can't relate to on some level.

For everyone struggling right now, remember that time passes - it keeps moving.
In my darkest hours, I was able to change my trajectory by "acting" the way I wanted to feel. I want to be happy and loved, so I approach others with happiness and love. You do not have to be over the top - just you, happier. You may not feel it inside for a while, but gradually it will no longer be a mask.
Just my 2cents

Anonymous said...

To ANON teacher: You must realize that teachers are the rudest, meanest people on earth. They are also backbiters and petty and JEALOUS of youth and any teacher that is successful with students. Hey, I know. I have been a teacher for 25 years.

Anonymous said...

4:14 - I tried that. It's now become a mask I can't take off and now I don't even know who I am anymore. If someone asks me, "what do you want?" I have no friggin idea, from what clothes I like, what TV show I want to watch, what do I want for dinner. No one knows me, I don't even know me. I'm so secretive even about stupid shit because it's real but I don't want anyone else to find out.

Anonymous said...

To Just Curious- I've orgasmed alone on rare ocassion but usually I orgasm in the company of a very skilled lover!

2:30- Thanks so much for the kind words

and to everyone else, thanks for your supportiveness.

I would sum my difficulty in discussing my situation like this and hope you will understand what I'm trying to convey:

I'm TS by default because I wasn't born a female but am one today. The way I see it, it was a bridge I crossed to get where I needed to be, but once I've reached the destination, I don't feel the journey matters. In a nutshell, I'm a successful, attractive, smart, likeable, curious, woman trying to contribute to society and the world. At which point I became one is of very little significance. What matters is that I am one so I just consider myself a female and nothing else although I know the conversation should come up when I'm dealing with a potential partner.

And Trogdor, they said Auto Immune Disease, not deficiency. That could be a myriad of things but it's not AIDS or HIV. Muscular schlerosis is an example of auto immune disease.

Anonymous said...

ENT: Which client account(s) are you billing for the hours you spend blogging rather than "lawyering?"

Anonymous said...

while my husbands parents were sick and close to death, all i could think was "hurry up and die, we need the money."

Anonymous said...

Oh and the term is intersexed, not hermaphrodite and Lady Gaga is most definitely not one. People aren't born with two sets of genitalia, that's a porn creation and myth. If you ever noticed in the marketing of those films, it was always some sexy blonde with a vagina and penis. You never saw a muscular male with a vagina and a penis, so that was a total marketing ploy.

What Lady Gaga is is a flagrant publicity whore and general all around asshole attempting to stay relevant! But I digress.

Anonymous said...

To the people who are suspicious of the men-only mosques: I think Muslim men and women cannot worship together; they have to worship separately. I think it's the same in Orthodox Judaism. But I could be wrong.

As for Muslim men not being friendly to women: I once attended an information meeting for scholarships that were to be given to exceptional students (I wasn't exceptional, but I was curious about what constitutes one). It was headed by a I*rabbi* and the award was non-denominational. I was the first one in and stuck out my hand to shake his hand. He didn't take it. I don't know if it's because I was female and his religion forbade it or not. I just knew that fundamental religious sects and me will never mix.

My point is that I've been suspicious of any Fundamentalist members of any religion (Judaism, Muslim, Latter Day Saints), and I don't think that what people say about the mosques are unique to Islam.

That being said, I hate Scientologists with a passion.

Anonymous said...

My sincere wish for each and every one of you is that you are able to find a sanctuary for your bruised souls. My dirty secret is that I'm kinda jealous of all the opportunities for personal growth that I just read in this thread. Sick? Peace darlings

Anonymous said...

I call in to work all the time using my FMLA because I hate my job (FMLA due to a work related accident that was ruled their fault due to negligence; as a result I had to have a difficult knee surgery, long and painful recovery with months of physical therapy and I now am pretty much addicted to the prescription painkillers I've been prescribed for the last two years, and I had to step down to a different, lower-paying position due to it. Yeah, I'm resentful of my job) because I'd rather stay at home all day in my underwear smoking pot, popping Vicodin like I was House M.D., and playing World of Warcraft.

Before my accident, I never did drugs, rarely ever drank (a glass of champagne on New Year's, a margarita maybe once a month), and I never called in to work. I did everything by the book, was always doing things for everyone but myself, and a general total goody two-shoes. Now I just don't give a shit anymore. Some mornings I wake up and just. don't. care. I'm not proud of any of that, it's just how one incident has made me do a 180 from who I used to be.

Anonymous said...

Anon@4:29PM: Happy funerals are the best!

Anonymous said...

I wonder who would actually come to my funeral if I died, or who would show up and visit me in the hospital after a carcrash or if I was diagnosed with some horrible, fatal disease.

I sometimes contemplate jumping in front of traffic just to find out, but I have a depressing feeling that no one would care.

Anonymous said...

Any loose cash stashed around the house, 4:38?

If so, LaToya would probably pay you a visit.

Anonymous said...

I'm a young 68 years old. I've never had a life of my own. I am an only child who always did what my parents told me. I don't think he ever realized it, but my father taught me to put others ahead of myself because I wasn't as worthy as they were. It wasn't until I was around 50 that I realized that my opinions and needs and desires were just as valid as anyone else's. They weren't the most demonstrative parents in the world and I think I married at 19 because I craved affection. When I married it was a time when the feminist revolution hadn't begun yet, so I was a submissive wife. We were happy, I thought, raising five great kids until he had a midlife crisis and walked out just when I turned 40 and left me to finish raising the kids. Just as they were becoming adults, Dad passed away and Mom had no idea how to take care of herself and hated living alone. To this day she cannot understand why my two daughters prefer living in their own places instead of together. So,for almost 15 years Mom and I and one of my sons have lived together and parts of it have been a real pain. I've helped Mom through a hip replacement, a broken wrist, broken ribs and other stuff with no complaint. I'm not crazy about being a nursemaid, but it's not that big a problem. Most of the time she's a pleasant companion and occasionally has us in stitches with comments and stories of when she was young. The part that drives me crazy is she is very nosy and has no sense of privacy. Recently I've had a few minor medical issues, and she begrudges me the fact that I want to go to the doctor by myself and don't tell her every detail of my visits. I have a prescription to get filled, but if I go out of the house without her, she wants to know where I am going and why. She would want to know what the prescription is for, etc. If I even hint that something is none of her business, she is insulted beyond words.If she is out of the room when I have breakfast or lunch, she wants to know what I ate. I could go on and on. To her, I took my father's place and we should be joined at the hip. I thought we would just be adults living together, but in her mind, we should be Siamese twins. Now an old friend - male - could be reentering the picture and this could be a real hassle. Mom is 93 years old and I know that she probably doesn't have too much time left, and I know how lucky I am for having my mother with me so long, but am I a bad person for envying my daughters the freedom to come and go as they please with no one around who feels they have a right to question and comment on every detail of their life? I keep feeling that by the time that happens for me,I'll be too old and have too little time to enjoy it.

Anonymous said...

The miscreant who has been anonymously farting over the public address system at the *********** oil refinery outside Lake Charles, Lousiana, pretty much continuously since May 1998?

That would be me.

Anonymous said...

I'm annoyed by all the ignorant posts on here towards other minorities.
How dare you think that if we are not like you than we as women must be living in a home as slaves to our husbands.
How dare you assume that your life is the life that everyone in the world would want.
Everyone is different. Every culture is different.
People are different.
Travel! See the World! Learn a little about the world. There is more to life than your backyard.

Anonymous said...

To the person with social anxiety: Have you tried a medication like Paxil? I bet you'd feel so much better and calmer, and being anxiety-free would allow you to reach out to others.

Wishing you the best.

Anonymous said...

Anon: 1:19 PM

Hates: gay people, minorities, non-christians
Likes: only speaks english, republican, pro-life, wonders why people in other countries don't speak english

Anonymous said...

I think I'm mentally ill. I just feel so sad all the time. I pretend to be happy. I'm horribly in debt. No one knows how bad it is. I love my bf of 10 years and would love to marry and have babies with him. But I won't and can't because he doesn't know any of this. He thinks I'm just moody but does not know how so terribly sad and insecure I am. He does not know about my debt. I'm afraid that if he knew he would run in the other direction. I don't know what to do.

Anonymous said...

To Anon 12:57 pm:

I'm 24 years old, never been kissed, never been on a date, never had a boyfriend or relationship, and yes, still a virgin. You are not alone. Everyone keeps telling me I have to get out there to get a boyfried, but the thing is I weigh 245 pounds at 5'4, I am not comfortable at this weight, but I don't have the discipline to stop eating what I like. Plus, I've been verbally abused and critized about my weight from my dad, (who by the way, my mom thinks has an eating disorder- binge eater- and he's 64 yrs. old) all my life and I still live with my parents. Thank you for listening. Have a good day.

Anonymous said...

4:47 please take the opportunity for love. It doesn't strike often and I'm sure your mom would want you to have it and would be horrified if she knew her behavior was holding you back. My mom can be smothery as well but usually she backs off when I tell her the price of an answer is a one-way ticket to a nursing home, when the time comes. I laugh, she laughs, and I retain my privacy.

You sound like a lovely woman. Bless you for all you've done for your family.

Mooshki said...

"you are the last person I would have ever expected to feel like that! But you're so happy!"

Oh man, I can't tell you how many times I've heard that. It's kind of encouraging - it makes me think that all the apparently happy people around me are probably just as fucked up as I am on the inside. :)

Anonymous said...

I live with a great man, a great boyfriend. I'm conflicted about marriage but I'm getting increasingly resentful that he's not proposed -- though I don't know if I should ever marry, and certainly could propose to him. It makes me sad because I just feel frozen and - and this is the thing - I just never want to have sex him. Ever. He notices, obviously. I don't know how to fix that or if it's fixable. He loves me. Some days I don't know if I have that depth of feeling for him. I'm over 30, under 40, and know I have to make some decisions but can't seem to.

I've told him and shown him evidence that a colleague at work (married, 4 kids) has an apparent attraction to me, which is awkward yet flattering but not reciprocated. I don't know why I did that beyond "see, others want me." So pointless and sad.

I haven't told him that I am desperately sexually attracted to a different colleague (married, 2 kids) and would start an affair with this guy had he shown or if he shows any interest. This guy is sort of wild in his manner of speech, but I believe, deeply faithful to his wife. As he should be. But we may have more contact in the near future, and I have tried to think of ways to make an affair happen - I'm only interested in sex with him. I've posted in Craigslist "Missed Connections" and set up a dummy email account tied to it. The object of my desire has never responded -- I've done 2 postings. I'm obsessed.

It's just pathetic.

Anonymous said...

Anon 2:43

I did the same thing many years ago.

You will love law school!

bionic bunny! said...

to anon that was thinking about the psych hospital:
honey, you may not need the hospital. really.
i remember thinking at one point that was my only option.
my shrink told me that wasn't where i wanted to be. please talk to your doctor. they are not there to judge you, if you feel they are, change doctors. most primaries can prescribe psychotropics now.
if you don't have the proper kind of medical care, then please, please, have a friend, or even do it yourself, you CAN call a 5150 if you feel you might possibly harm yourself (it doesn't need to be suicidal. any kind of harm counts) or anyone else.
go to a neighbor. hell, get ahold of one of us-- email enty, we won't blab, and we will help if we can.
please take care of yourself.

and, wbotw or ror, whichever of you blasted the abused woman, go fuck yourself. we all know your style.

B626 said...

A man who broke into a lady's apartment and raped her 2 times and then forced her to give him a B.J. the whole time wearing a Walmart bag on his sex starved thingy because she had no condom. What a DNA preventitive genius.The lurid details of the trial are in our local paper and I would KILL(slowly) this piece of work if I saw his worthless ass on the street!

Anonymous said...

I called out of work all last week and said I had the flu because I can't deal with the low-paying gig and my boss. Even though this is just a day job while I finish grad school pre-req's, I resent that my time is so lowly valued despite my ivy league education. Snobby/snotty, no?

I have a terribly runny nose that is the result of many years of cocaine (clean now) and I always blame it on allergies. I hate the feeling of having to blow my nose when people are all around me, it's embaressing. No one would ever know though that I was a hard core addict for several years in my early 20s - I project squeaky-clean girl from New England now.

I met my ex bf of 5 years on the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist while I was in rehab. We were engaged but I broke it off partially because the idealist in me thought I shouldn't meet my husband on CL.

Oh so much more I could share...

Anonymous said...

I've never wanted to get married or have kids. I love men (and sex) and have had some good relationships, but guys always want me to marry them, live in the suburbs and have kids. I tell them I'd rather shoot myself in the head. Living alone is the greatest thing on earth as far as I am concerned; I'm extremely independent and love only answering to myself. Children get on my nerves at the speed of light; I don't find them (most of them) to be cute, charming, enchanting, and I've never, ever wanted one. If I had to choose between being totally and entirely alone for the rest of my life or married with kids, alone would win in a microsecond.

And yes, all of the imbecilic comments from people like "Why don't you like children? Were you abused or something? You were a child once." WTF do people use for brains??

Anonymous said...

I have an aunt that was really sick and I didn't really care which is horrible and I wanted her to be the one that died than my other aunt. Please God forgive me. I am a big girl and very attractive and I seem to only lately to attract the married or attached guys. I never understand how bigger and uglier women can get a man so easily when I know I have a great personality. I also get tired of people saying I'm not black or I am a black white girl just because of the things I like and dislike.

Anonymous said...

@4:53pm from 1:19pm:

You're pretty far off, asshat.

Actually, I do not hate gay people. I don't support gay marriage, but I don't hate gay people. At all.

I live in a city in the US that has one of the highest minority populations. And I love it.

I don't hate non-Christians. I hate any religion that subjugates people, in particular women. I really hate religions that promote violence towards women when they don't behave like the beaten down dogs that the men in that society want them to be. Watch a few stonings on YouTube. Many of them are very recent. Perhaps you'll get an idea of what I mean then.

I speak, read and write French fluently. I used to live there. When I lived there, no one, and I do mean no one, ever guessed I was American. My spouse is French. I also speak some German and Italian.

I have traveled the world and I have never, not once, asked or expected anyone in another country to speak my language.

YOU, on the other hand, sound like a presumptuous, judgmental, mislead leftie who believes everything and anything that someone else tries to shove down your throat.

Learn to think for yourself before you die.

Anonymous said...

Anon @4:50

Miscreant- that was YOU?? I kind of suspected - based on the staining. What have you been eating? Maybe you should see a Doctor.

Anonymous said...

@4:50 PM

You're annoyed because it's the TRUTH staring you in the face.

I have lived among Muslims. I know what they are like. And I did not like what I saw.

Muslims will never earn respect from the rest of the world until they stop acting like barbarians.

Different does not necessarily mean good or right. Get over it.

0 said...

I secretly wish that my brother would die. He's suffering through a terminal illness for which all treatments have been unresponsive. He is conscious maybe two or three hours a day, though much of it is hazed lucidity due to all the medications and IV's. Each day for him is just a slow babystep toward the inevitable. I can't stand to see him like this, and every day that his life is prolonged just seems so cruel to me. I just want him to be released from his pain and at peace. It will absolutely break my heart when he does pass (we have been best friends our entire lives, he's my only big brother and I've looked up to him so much) but constantly seeing him waste away is the worst form of torture- not just for him, but for our family as well- that I can imagine.

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

I can't stand people of my ethnic background. I cringe when I hear the accent. I get impatient with them and am just generally rude around them.

Anonymous said...

2:49 PM "Woohoo—now your prostitution will be legal—Yippee!"

I don't need to go to law school to make it legal. Woohoo-now, I just give it up for free-Yippee!

Anonymous said...

I am a 35 year old mom of 3 very young children, one of whom has special needs.
Recently, through mutual friends, I met a guy that I'm really attracted to, and the best part is that he and my kids absolutely adore one another.
The big thing....well, at least to other people is the age difference. He's 19.

Anonymous said...

i have been engaged three times and i KNEW i would never go any further with the plan i don't know why i do it , i just do , i have lived with all of them and i just get bored after a while start fighting and then leave , this last time was different tough i got pregnant and i told him , i got so cold feet i couldn't go trough anymore so i faked a miscarriage , i promise this is the last time i get in a commitment but somehow it just happens , i don't ever wanna get married because i don't see myself as a soccer mom i think i would kill myself , i just can go live the rest of my life in such a monotonous way it kills me , i hate it , funny because i know is most women biggest dream .

Anonymous said...

I asked for this Post Secrets time again myself. I just think that some of you say things outloud here that you need to say. Maybe if one person is encouraged, to: Go to school, a psychiatrist, a medical doctor, or a date, then it has helped. I was a virgin too, until the age of 35. You just don't care until you meet the right person. Then when you do, it will be awesome.

Anonymous said...

I also wanted to note that although I love people of all races, there are lots of people of different races I hate, including my own. Why? Because they are whiney crybabies. I can't stand it. Suck it up. My family is the backbone of America, welders, bricklayers, electricians, etc. Work and shut up!

Anonymous said...

100% of Muslim people treat women like dogs. Muhammed mandates it. They are "OWNED". Now why would some idiot on here post that the Muslim religion is ok and we need to be tolerant. They are Barbaric.

Lauren said...

To 455, you can do it! If you need help, I am here! I have battled a lot of my own weight and insecurity issues, and I lend you 100% of my help and encouragement.

Anonymous said...

I feel like some of you all are peeping into my life. I feel like you are telling my life in your words.

I feel like a worthless, ugly, fat, big gap in my teeth, social hermit. I feel like I can't do anything right. I want to find love, I want to let my guard down sometimes.

I envy rich people because I am financially unstable.

I envy those that have great sex lives.

I DO NOT envy those with kids. I do not hate kids but I damn sure DO NOT want any.

Anonymous said...

Something that only my close family knows is that I have a breast implant. Yes, just one.

I spent all of my teenage years with a foam cup and then eventually a breast prosthesis in a bra for one of my breasts. The difference was very major, over two cup sizes.

I couldn't wear bathing suits or go braless EVER and pretty bras/tank tops were out of my reach. I would never let a guy get too close to them for fear they would discover my secret. I stayed a virgin for a long time.

Finally, after I was "done growing," I had one breast implant put in and the other lifted to match. It was a long and painful recovery process. I am still shy about guys seeing them and I lie about how I got the scars that are still visible.

Now, I wear low-cut tops and push-up bras and debate with people if someone's breasts are real or fake. I am terrified that someone is going to feel mine or hug me and know that one is fake.

Ironically enough, I make fun of women that get them for cosmetic reasons and judge them for wasting their money on something so obviously fake.

Anonymous said...

I can't stand Republicans and their faux God-fearing ways, while their politicans are caught in sex scandal after sex scandal.

I hate how they are so stupid (stupider than Patricia Heaton, who is not smarter than a 5th grader) and believe that Bush is the greatest president.

They are sheep.

I also hate the Democrats around me and their save-the-planet, apologist ways. Take a shower, stop buying overpriced organic food, and don't tell me that I can't wear my leather shoes or eat meat.

Anonymous said...

The first and only time I had sex was at 22 with my roommate. The "relationship" I had with him was so depressing that I haven't approached any men since. I am now almost 30.

Anonymous said...

i love this blog, but i have to say Mooshki and Jax types often ruin the comments section for me.

i deal with know-it-all, ass kissing shitheads all day.

i don't wanna have to endure them here.

seems if anyone has a comment, idea or general pondering of anything that doesn't fit into THEIR thought patterns, the shit flies your way and that's just wrong.

everyone's different and will have different opinions.

it's a blog...about mostly people in the entertainment business. get a grip ladies and GET A FUCKIN LIFE.

now THAT felt good bitches!

Anonymous said...

No matter where I'm at or who I'm with, I never feel like I really fit in. I'm always the akward wallflower. It's very uncomfortable.

I've tried medication. It helps to a certain extent but the feeling like an outsider part never goes away.

I feel great sadness or numbness, almost no other emotions.

Anonymous said...

get a grip ladies and GET A FUCKIN LIFE. now THAT felt good bitches!

So, what about the male posters?

Anonymous said...

I hate my job in a germy, low-income hospital in a germy, low-income city full of whiny, self-entitled, selfish hypocritical racist people. I regret ever coming back here. I stay because I am stuck. I want to go back home. I am depressed and fat and sad and broke and broken. I miss my daughter who chooses to live with her drug addict father instead of the mother that loves her. I can't even call her anymore because her voice kills me. I hate having to be the sounding board for my mother and sister's rants against each other. I once felt so close to God and Jesus but now it feels like my arms aren't long enough to reach to Heaven anymore, and if they were, my hands are simply too dirty to touch something so beautiful. I am surrounded by people that don't understand me and don't care to understand me. Honestly, I mostly just want to die, but I have a baby and who would take care of her?

Wow this sucks. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

My husband is in the military and we have been married for 4 years with a child. I found out he had cheated on me while in the desert for a year. He says it was just an emotional thing but i having a feeling it was also physical. It took awhile to get over it and i said i forgave him. But in fact i dont and i constantly think about and worry whenever he leaves for an extended period of time. I have also thought about cheating too but I would never do it, due to the fact that if i did, i wouldnt have the "i am better than you" to hang over his head. I get extremely jealous whenever he starts hanging out with girls. which sucks because he works with quite a few of them and i am torn between being nice to them and hating them too. I dont know what to do and i struggle with this all the time.

Anonymous said...

I hate it when people equate Muslim with people from the Indian subcontinent. There are millions of people that aren't Muslim and have a heritage that is completely different. Personally, I was raised Catholic, and Catholicism has been in that part of the world for thousands of years, but that means jack shit when someone makes ridiculous assumptions about people they KNOW or expects a mini history lesson of the Islamic world. It's one thing being a religious minority in a country of a billion people, it's worse when "Christians" in America divide themselves by race and act as if the only true believers are white. I just can't stand people sometimes and it's getting worse with time.

Anonymous said...

*to the people with weight probs: whatever. eat what you want (as long as it is in your kitchen with thought..make it!), walk in the morning with music you love and be fresh whole food w/ love from your hands. this has been a prob with me too, so just do it, you can!
* to the people with sex probs: love your body and how it works and dont be afraid to be you in your body! whatevers if you havent had sex/long time.... if you know how you feel than you are more connected to you! as Tim Gunn says, make it work!
* those w/ abusers: f- em' seriously, get Delta Force..enough of the BS you are too good for that..movin' on...(and i have known gets better!) breaks me to know that you cannot do a Delta Force.
*sickeness and people dealing with ill: life is a game, play it, hell i know tough too! been with the dying and it was the most beautiful because b/c i saw what it meant to be only have one go, make it real and make it yours.
* people understanding others: yes i am against the kids-for me- and get mad when women are below in culture...but i have been to some serious islamic/non-US areas and i have always/ALWAYS found people who are just like me: just people who want to help another and live a decent life and are so similar that you are shocked that you didnt grow up together-there is always hope and there are always people that are on the "same boat". i have made friends from enemies and friends from people i never thought i could understand...that is the fabric of the human condition.
*others with "cheat" probs: get to the issue of why you want to and see above.

in life: give it your all and give what you have one go at it, make it gorgeous!

Anonymous said...

The people in my life who claim to be "Christians" are the most clueless, condescending, ill-mannered, gossipy people I've ever met.

If that's what being a "Christian" entails, then I'll pass.

I believe in a higher power, but I'll leave the smarmy smugness on the side.

Anonymous said...

I don't trust a single person in this world. No one. My first memories(and I mean FIRST) are of my parents letting me down with their fights over each others' infidelities and as much as I loathe sounding like a martyr, it's scarred me for life. People come and go out of my life, and to me its like-whatever. Of course they'll come and go. I think I have myself convinced that somehow, MAGICALLY, things will just work out and I'll have it all, but realistically that's impossible.

I look for sex and sex only in relationships because I would prefer to be the "kitten" everyone wants to f*ck rather than a solid person one can spend their life with.

I hate, and I mean HATE, myself for this. The conscious part of me does this to avoid hurt, but deep down, I want it all. But I've grown up in a family where that kind of thing just doesn't pan out. I hate myself and I distract myself from this with alcohol(every single night and sometimes during the day) and I just wish I could figure my crap out. The sick part is I secretly like that feeling of being cold and unapproachable.

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with the Anon 10:01pm. I find them intolerable, and Libby's avatar makes me feel physically ill.

Anonymous said...

1:34 p.m., there is a special place in hell for people like you. Procrastinating on returning a video? Acceptable. Procrastinating on an abortion to the point that it is a live fetus? Fuck you.

Anonymous said...

My husband has medical problems that has caused erectile dysfunction and I resent him more and more each day. It has been over 2 years since we had sex. I know it is not his fault and I feel guilty for being so angry with him.

I can't even enjoy it anymore when he tries to satisfy me in other ways. I don't even want him touching me. I've turned to food and now I'm a big fat pig that no one would want. Maybe I did it on purpose so I wouldn't have the opportunity to cheat.

Karma is a bitch. I should not have been such a slut before I was married and shouldn't have slept with married men.

Anonymous said...

To ANON teacher - leave! Life is too short to have to deal with such people at work every day. If you can't leave straight away, give yourself a deadline 'if things are not better by such a date I'm leaving then'. It sounds like you're a good teacher and if you are you'll be a good teacher somewhere else. Now isn't it better to be in another school where you also love your job but have nice colleagues to work with?

But don't leave it too long before you decide to go. I left it 8 years telling myself things would get better but they never did. This summer after all the bullying, threats and collegues sabotaging my teaching (I wasn't the only one they did this to) I burned out. I've been off sick now for 4 months, on medication and seeing a therapist. My brain is scrambled, I can't concentrate enough to read a book and my short term memory has become terrible. Being burned out is absolutely hellish. I now feel so stupid for staying at that place for so long that I ended up like this.

But as soon as I'm healthy again and ready to go back to work I will be leaving. I'm a good teacher (so my students say) and I deserve better. So do you.

Zoe Brain said...

Before anyone thinks that transsexual women are accepted in the USA, please read this reddit thread.

Here, the gal isn't even transsexual, just Intersexed and had surgery to correct "ambiguous genitalia". Yet she's called a "transvestite" by her "victim" who also says:

Imagine how she feels? If she keeps doing this, eventually she will get killed and frankly. I think she'd deserve it. I chose to let her leave. As angry as I was I strongly considered harming her.

and a commenter said:

You have a right to be angry, and you were betrayed. This person was not a woman for all their outward apperance. A bit of surgery, no matter how good the surgeon was don't change the fact that he was born a guy and if his chomosomes were tested they'd be xy. In a way he was lucky, if that had been me he'd most likely been thrown out of my window. I live on the 12th floor.
You can never be female. The best medicine can do is turn you into something resembling a woman. HRT does not change your chromasones(yes,I know it's misspelled:) at all, your still male. The soonwer you come to grips with this reality the better off you will be. A little surgery and a letter from a nutter psycologist won't matter. I work with two transexuals and I still refer to them by thier male names.

when taken to task for that, they said

your assuming of course, that I'd leave any incriminating evidence to be found. Thanks to Forensic files, NCIS, CSI:NY etc I could eliminate all forensic evidence. Your also supposing I'd Leave a body to be found.
As Far as people killed by people like me, judge not you who have yet to walk in that persons footsteps. America is a free country I can express my view/opinion as much as I like. Just as you are free to disagree. I also get to know the person(Female) I sleep with and she knows my viewpoint so if that person is a guy who's had surgery to appear female and don't tell, thay have only theirself to blame. Most guys I know don't like to be taken in by female impersonaters, by not informing a potential sex partner, they are putting themelves in the postion to be beaten and or killed/maimed by the person they decieve and yes it is a deception. Don't like my viewpoint, you have that right, you will never get me to agree with you. Don't forget the Bible says "man shall not sleep with man, for such an act is an abomination". They will answer to the Almighty in the hereafter.

In case you think he has a point about the chromosomes -
A 46,XY mother who developed as a normal woman underwent spontaneous puberty, reached menarche, menstruated regularly, experienced two unassisted pregnancies, and gave birth to a 46,XY daughter with complete gonadal dysgenesis."- J Clin Endocrinol Metab. 2008 Jan;93(1):182-9.

Anonymous said...

I have three adorable children, and I have favorites. There, I said it. I can't seem to get close to my middle child. The kid has so many good qualities, and I feel so detached around them. My other children have a sweetness about them that this one is lacking. I feel so bad about this, and I can't talk to anyone about it.

Anonymous said...

I think bilingual education is stupid -- the ones for Spanish speakers, that is.

Immersion programs for Asian languages are better because the parents and their kids place a high priority on education.

Spanish bilingual programs have not helped their students succeed at all. In fact, many students can't speak English.

I can't stand the minority groups in which both the parents and the kids don't care about education or anything else. They expect everything to be handed to them, instead of working hard for them. The kids make fun of anyone in their group who gets As in school, so these kids out of peer pressure only do enough for a barely passing grade.

Don't tell me it's racism that's holding your kids back in school and in life.

Anonymous said...

I am the anon teacher who posted at 1:53- I am appreciating all the advicem since it is hard to find people to talk to this about- who knew how many teachers lurked on this site? One issue I endless debate on is- since I have all the respect from the students and families, I am afraid to leave because what if I am at a school where teachers AND students/parents are tough? I am so afraid that leaving will make things worse.

Anonymous said...

My ex is a bum. We were married for 20 years and have 2 sons age 17 and 20. He was an addict when I married him and we spent most of our marriage in counseling or 12-step meetings trying to cobble together a working relationship for the sake of the kids. I gained 100 pounds and spent 10 years on anti-depressants. I wanted to leave him for years and finally told him I had had it. He promptly went out and got a girlfriend. Our divorce was viscious. I was scared, angry, and vindictive as fuck. I broke him and spent all our money in the process. Now I am an over-weight, mid-50's single-parent. Losing my hair from stress or menopause, sleeping about 4 hours a night, and racked with guilt and remorse over my behavior. Trying to support 2 angry, heart-broken sons and put them through college. My ex hasn't worked in 2 years, owes me thousands in support and is using meth. He has had his cell phone turned off and his truck reposssed. My kids blame me. I don't know what to do except survive and pray.

Anonymous said...

@ 11:56 -- we're not all like that. it bothers me that many people like to make assumptions about christians as a whole, and it is perfectly acceptable.

that is NOT what being a christian entails.
matthew 7:22 says: Many will say to me on that day "Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name perform many miracles?" Then I will tell them plainly, "Go from me you evildoers, for I never knew you."

Christ does not encourage those behaviors you speak of.

and on another note, mooshki has always seemed good-natured and sweet, especially on some of the other YOur Turn's where she gave me some kind words of encouragement. no hard feelings toward her.

Anonymous said...

i can't figure out if i care too little or too much.

Anonymous said...

My husband hasn't made me orgasm in 13 years. He hasn't given me ONE since we married. I've never told him this. I can make myself orgasm, but it takes me longer than most. I have no sensitivity in my body. I can get a huge cut and not know it until it's scabbed over.

I weight 185 pounds and I'm 5' 6". I'm small boned, so I don't look as big as you would think someone who's 185 should be. I can't stand my big belly, hips, and thighs. I can't lose the weight, even when I eat next to nothing.

Even though I prefer reading books to hanging out with people, I wish I had a friend who I could go places with once in a while. I'm terrible at making friends and keeping them. I feel so socially inept.

dbfreak said...

Ok, this is going to be LONG. First, I'm not posting anonymously because I don't believe in it. I did once during the Your Turn on cheating and my ex-husband hacked my router, found the post and read it to my parents over the phone. Also, it's just my screen name, I don't know anyone else (personally) who posts here and if someone I do know sees it, figures out it's me and judges me, so be it.

2008/2009 has been the worst couple of years of my life. In roughly chronological order, these are the "highlights":

1) My now ex-husband started having non-consensual sex with me while I was sleeping about a year ago. I was raped when I was 16 and passed out, so that brought back the PTSD symptoms I had from the first incident. We tried going to counseling, but he was so defensive about it that all he wanted to talk about was what a shitty wife I was.
2) After the initial sexual issues, he started verbally and emotionally abusing me. For anyone who hasn't experienced verbal/emotional abuse, it isn't usually immediately obvious and sometimes by the time you start feeling like something is terribly wrong, you're fairly brainwashed. This happened in my case. I had to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to get their opinion if they thought I was actually being abused or if I was just being dramatic like my husband was telling me. They were stunned and immediately referred me to a local center for battered women. When I sat down with the intake person, she told me that the possibility of him killing me if I didn't leave was above 50%. So all of you yelling at the abuse victims for not leaving, you clearly don't understand what an abuse victim goes through, and you need to shut the fuck up. By the time I FLED MY OWN HOUSE IN FEAR OF MY LIFE, physical violence was so close I could almost feel it.
3) By late 2008 I had separated from my husband and left our home. He wouldn't move out until our divorce was *very* close to final, so I was essentially homeless (living on friends' couches, motel rooms and temp furnished apartments) for almost 6 months. I still had to pay the mortgage, all utilities and for his food, while I paid for my lodging and food. This was the beginning of my serious financial decline.
4) He finally let me move back into MY house in March, by which time I had a complete nervous breakdown and had to go on Short Term Disability/FMLA for two months.
5) As soon as I moved back into the house, my ex started stalking, harrassing and spying on me. He would also call my parents and tell them things about me that I didn't want them to know.
6) I wanted out of the marriage so badly that I made some serious financial mistakes during my divorce. In my state, each party is responsible for half the marital debt, which was completely on my credit cards. I said I would take 100% responsibility so he wouldn't fight me. I also agreed to pay him monthly support for a year so he wouldn't go after me for more. We don't have kids.
7) I tried to keep things amicable after the divorce, but my ex's behavior was HIGHLY erratic and he admitted to me at one point that he had been doing coke. Finally, a month ago, I had to get a restraining order against him and finally I'm getting some peace on that end.

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